Women going through ultrasounds alone.

[BigOlButt]

I think my views on this are quite biased as I have been here so many times but AIBU to think it's wrong that so many women are having to hear the devastating news that they have lost their baby at an ultrasound scan, alone.

I have had a large number of miscarriages, most of them were missed and only discovered at scan stage. I honestly would have been in pieces if I were to receive that news on my own.

I am currently pregnant and this time things have actually worked out which is great but I can't help but feel so sad about this.

I had a test done at around 12 weeks which was done alongside a scan and I was allowed my partner there as the test can be uncomfortable and you're allowed a support person for that. However he's not been allowed in for any routine scans (which is fine as baby has been okay but I can't imagine if it hadn't have been), plenty of people who get bad news at scan stage also need support, why is one allowed and another not?

It also seems like a kick in the teeth that people are allowed to go and get drunk in a pub, we're being actively encouraged to go out to restaurants etc... But this is still happening.

I get it, it's a hospital setting. But it just feels so harsh when you see what is opening up elsewhere.

I am also aware there are lots of unfair things going on at the moment, this one is just quite close to my heart.

I agree, it's not just scans. So far in the last month I've had my 6 weeks post natal check and a physio appointment over the phone. Considering I can go and stand in a bar with these people it seems ridiculous that we can't get proper care now!

I've had to go through an incredibly brutal biopsy, scans, tests and finally a cancer diagnosis alone. I will also have to go in for an operation alone soon too.

Its not particularly pleasant, but it really needs to happen, the support is there afterwards and it helps protect us and others.

The difference between hospitals and bars is that we have the choice whether to go out, medical procedures aren't a choice.

In all honesty I'm just grateful the NHS is still running, even though it's not ideal.

I guess I just can't marry up in my head why he was allowed in to support me because a test I was having may be a bit uncomfortable (which I am grateful for) but if I found out my baby had died inside me, he wouldn't have been allowed in to support me through that.

I'm not trying to NHS bash, they have been so good with me in the past, I'm so incredibly grateful to the things they have done for me.

This just feels a bit wrong to me.

As you say, pubs and bars are a choice. Medical issues are not.

I agree and I think this issue also extends to many other treatments. There are people getting terminal diagnoses alone, going through inductions alone, facing procedures alone, facing delays to extremely important treatment, being denied a face to face appointment with a doctor when it's really needed because they are being told to keep it over the phone as much as possible. It all seems very unfair that those restrictions are deemed still be needed but I can go out drinking in pubs in Camden town with my mates or go for dinner with 5 other people at a table.

It's quite clear IMO that the things that bring in revenue have been prioritised over the welfare of actual human beings.

It's quite clear IMO that the things that bring in revenue have been prioritised over the welfare of actual human beings

Absolutely agree.

I know I think it’s ridiculous. My Nan has to go for an MRI next week and she’s so anxious about it. She’d feel so much better if someone could go in with her. As it is I can see her getting there and refusing to have it done as she’s that nervous about it. Whoever would have gone in with her will be driving her there anyway so might as well go in!
I think everyone should be allowed one chaperone/support for any appointment.

My hospital is allowing partners to 12 and 20 week scans and fetal medicine appointments. I think they're allowed to epu as well. I think that's a good compromise.

However I'm still seeing a lot of people on FB angry that their partners can't come to routine appointments. The thing is, it's hard enough to distance at all in the waiting room when it's just the women. Adding partners wouldn't just increase the risk because there would be more people (presumably the risk of that is low as most women will live with their partners and so if one is infected the other is likely to be too), but because it would be so much more crowded.

We have two relatives who have recently been diagnosed with cancer, neither prognosis is great and I suspect one is near the end. They've both had appointments alone, stays in hospital alone or with minimal visits. It's hard on everyone engaged with the health service, not just maternity services.

It would be wonderful if these restrictions could be lifted, but we do need to protect hospitals as they are the last place we as a society want covid to be spreading.

A pub isn't likely to be full of medically vulnerable/ill people. A hospital is, hence limiting foot traffic. Doubling the number of people entering the hospital doubles the likelihood of someone with covid coming in, and who may also pass it on to however many vulnerable/poorly/pregnant people who are in the hospital, plus the staff.

They don't have the room. The waiting areas are all socially distanced. In the ones I have been in they previously had maybe 20-30 seats, they now have 4. More people is also much more risk.

Getting bad news alone sucks, but you can have someone waiting outside and be with them within minutes.

It isn't ideal, nothing is at the moment, but we all have to make some sacrifices unfortunately. We really do need to protect hospital staff and vulnerable patients as much as we can.

I understand both points of view.

I understand the NHS because it doubles (if not more as people often brought other children etc especially to scans before) the amount of people who attend which in theory could significantly increase the risk. A lot of hospitals still have a couple of covid patients or at the very least have people who are more likely to catch and be ill with covid as they have other health issues. In theory in a bar if people follow the rules they should be asymptomatic and also distancing (obviously I am aware this doesn’t always happen!). For the most part a routine scan goes fine and they don’t ‘need’ someone else.

But I completely understand your POV OP. To be fair a good friend had a MMC during lockdown and as soon as it was discovered her husband was allowed in (masked up obviously) from the car park and was there for the discussion after. But he could easily have been at home if he hadn’t driven my friend and she would have had to go through it completely alone. It’s a lovely moment for both parents and it’s so crap and sad that partners can’t be there and I agree it’s so much harder if they aren’t. I know around here a lot of places are starting to let partners in now for scans so perhaps it’s getting better.

@SqidgeBum

I agree and I think this issue also extends to many other treatments. There are people getting terminal diagnoses alone, going through inductions alone, facing procedures alone, facing delays to extremely important treatment, being denied a face to face appointment with a doctor when it's really needed because they are being told to keep it over the phone as much as possible. It all seems very unfair that those restrictions are deemed still be needed but I can go out drinking in pubs in Camden town with my mates or go for dinner with 5 other people at a table.

It's quite clear IMO that the things that bring in revenue have been prioritised over the welfare of actual human beings.

I agree about revenue being prioritised. Has been so harsh for me as a single mum with all the baby and toddler groups cancelled and no community centres or anywhere I could take her to socialise and be sane and yet pubs are open when people could easily sit in a park and drink with friends. I can't take my child into a pub. I've tried taking her to the park to socialise but people don't really want to talk when I try and make conversation. I also called the leisure centre who are open and they said no children allowed in. Nothing is fair or thought about consciously in this situation but when has anything ever been?

*sorry I meant a lovely moment to attend a scan all being well obviously not if it’s sad news. Sorry if that sounded wrong.

I completely agree with you - to me it's very wrong we have opened pubs, restaurants for sit-in meals, gyms etc but still we can't get proper medical treatment and have support if needed.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I'm so sorry about all the babies you lost. It's a difficult one. I've had 2 missed miscarriages myself and I can't imagine having to go through that without dh there. Also I had an abnormality discovered at my 20 week scan with dc4 and I needed dh there for that too. I'm desperate for the nhs to get back to normal as I am 2 months into a 6 month wait for a hearing test for my 7 year old.

It's not fair, none of this is fair and I'm so sorry. I think it's a case of pubs etc being open too soon rather than the nhs being too cautious though.

I had a threatened miscarriage at 8 weeks, the following week i had to go back and i had a songrapher who was a bit cold and said "i see you have come to check if fetus is viable" I would have hated to have not had my partner with me for that.

I've had 5 miscarriages and 2 ectopics- all bar one I've found out alone as DH had to work or look after DD - he was obviously there for the ectopic surgeries as I was blue lit in an ambulance - I'm now 12 weeks with twins - all scans done alone. To be honest I've found an inner strength over the years and as nice as it would be sometimes for DH to hold my hand or be part of the scans at the end of the day if there was a problem I'd be going through it physically alone. And having been through it so many times sometimes it's just easier not to have people with you so I can concentrate on myself

I have to say I've been enjoying the waiting rooms without partners - hospitals are busy enough as it is without largely bored partners lolling all over the seats

Last year I arrived at my 12 week scan all happy and excited and left a couple of hours later in absolute devastation having been referred to the foetal medicine team and been given probable bad news (later confirmed and I had a TFMR). It was absolutely awful and the thought of the poor women going through it alone now - along with MMC and the like - is terrible.

I don’t actually think this is that unreasonable - and I’m currently pregnant and have had my scans etc by myself. Peoples partners can wait outside, I don’t think that 10min window before god forbid having to tell you partner any bad news makes much of a difference.
Most people seemingly want their partners there so they can witness the baby etc- which I get but the whole point of scans is a medical procedure for mother and baby, all covid has done is re- enforce this.
Now cancer treatments etc are entirely different and I would be for this going back to pre covid ASAP

@MrsSpookyM

A pub isn't likely to be full of medically vulnerable/ill people. A hospital is, hence limiting foot traffic. Doubling the number of people entering the hospital doubles the likelihood of someone with covid coming in, and who may also pass it on to however many vulnerable/poorly/pregnant people who are in the hospital, plus the staff.

This ^

Pregnancy is a choice. We just happen to be very lucky to live in a country that allows free healthcare for that choice which is funded by revenue that pubs, gyms, restaurants etc create.

Private scans allow partners so there is always that option.

In my trust partners aren't even allowed in the waiting room. My friend's baby had died at 20 weeks, just prior to her scan. She had to go through the scan alone and was told the news alone. It's barbaric.

It's horrendous, I had bad news during my scan, the family room was busy so I couldn't even process it in a quiet space, I had no support and the sonographer had no bedside manner. The experience was one of the worst things I have had to deal with. My partner wasn't even allowed in the building, not even the cafe. Also having the discussion with the nurse of the next steps, even though the nurse was lovely the decisions I had to make alone, no discussion with my partner was also horrendous. I completely understand and follow all of the Covid rules but I think this and the severe restrictions on visitors to hospitals is so damaging.

I dunno OP.
I’m sorry you’ve had Bad news at scans, deeply sorry for anyone that’s had bad news at scans, but taking your partner to all your scans is a first baby thing. By the second baby you need someone to look after your first, or your partner needs to save up all their employers good will for looking after the first around the birth.

Some women don’t have partners and raise their children alone. They manage quite well.

I’d rather the scanning staff were kept as safe as possible and if that means partners have to wait outside that seems fair enough.

I’m afraid the economy argument still stands. Without people having jobs the NHS will be even more stuffed.

I wouldn’t be surprised if mothers to be are issued with DIY birth kits in the not too distant future and asked to only phone a midwife if labour has lasted 48 hours.

I don’t think that 10min window before god forbid having to tell you partner any bad news makes much of a difference

It isn't just 10 minutes. You usually have to go into a separate room and wait for another sonographer to come and do another scan to confirm what the first one found. Then you are taken to another department where I have often had to wait up over an hour to be seen by a nurse/doctor to go over my options I.e. medical management, surgical removal etc... It isn't as straight forward as get bad news, walk outside to your partner.

At least it never has been when I've had one.