Women going through ultrasounds alone.

[BigOlButt]

I think my views on this are quite biased as I have been here so many times but AIBU to think it's wrong that so many women are having to hear the devastating news that they have lost their baby at an ultrasound scan, alone.

I have had a large number of miscarriages, most of them were missed and only discovered at scan stage. I honestly would have been in pieces if I were to receive that news on my own.

I am currently pregnant and this time things have actually worked out which is great but I can't help but feel so sad about this.

I had a test done at around 12 weeks which was done alongside a scan and I was allowed my partner there as the test can be uncomfortable and you're allowed a support person for that. However he's not been allowed in for any routine scans (which is fine as baby has been okay but I can't imagine if it hadn't have been), plenty of people who get bad news at scan stage also need support, why is one allowed and another not?

It also seems like a kick in the teeth that people are allowed to go and get drunk in a pub, we're being actively encouraged to go out to restaurants etc... But this is still happening.

I get it, it's a hospital setting. But it just feels so harsh when you see what is opening up elsewhere.

I can see both sides.

I’m 37 weeks pregnant and I’ve had a rough time. I’m in every few days for scans to check on placenta, growth scan etc.

In my case this is my third so I would’ve been on my own for them all anyway - there’s no way we could have got other childcare all those times and Christ, I’d never bring children with us.

I know it’s really hard for some women at the moment, but it’s just how it is.

I had my first scan before lockdown and the waiting rooms were carnage. The amount of women that seemed to bring their entire families with them to appointments - husbands, young children what looked like parents. The waiting areas were full to bursting.

I really do think they should implement a one person only accompanying policy when things are ‘back to normal’. It’s far better now that pregnant women can get a seat and don’t have children running into them all the time and treating it like a playground - that’s stressful in itself when things aren’t going well.

And I’ve had pat miscarriages where I’ve found out alone, had to go for treatment alone. It’s sad but just a part of life sometimes.

Women are never alone though are they.

My OH never attended any of my scans.

All the staff were fantastic, helpful, informative, supportive.

How does a woman scan herself alone?

I agree that we shouldn't be going into ultrasounds alone. I don't see why me and my partner couldn't wait outside in our car and be called for our appointment, we're from the same household?

Yes everyone has a choice whether they go out to a bar or out for food but ofcourse the majority are going to go. The government have gave the go ahead for this so why can't they review for atleast one supporting person at hospital appointments/procedures.

I don't think it's right that all these people going to hospitals for appointments etc are on their own either frightened for a procedure or potentially receiving bad news on their own.

I am fighting for my partner to be there from when I go into hospital to have my baby not just when I am in labour- I had a still birth last year and there is noway I am doing this without him there from the start.

@speakout why are you trying to be funny when you know fine well women can't scan themselves on their own... yes we know there are people there for support in a hospital..... but it's clearly not the same as a loved one supporting you, especially when going in for something that gives you major anxiety or worst case scenario getting told devastating news.

I agree that we shouldn't be going into ultrasounds alone

Why not though?

Ultrasound has become quite a recreational activity. Private scans, 3d scans, sexing scans.
Most of the "add ons" - including having a partner present is a luxury, not a medical necessity.
I had a breast lump scare last year, involving a day of tests at hospital. I had ultrasound, mammogram, blood tests- OH came with me but was not allowed into watch the procedures.

It is best to remember that prenatal ultrasound examinations are done for medical reasons. Unless there are special circumstances having OH along is a luxury- not a right.

@speakout I didn't say it was a luxury, this is my point of view whether it ends up changing or not I'm just having my say... this stems from my anxiety of having a loss and a still birth in the last two years and having major anxiety of stepping into an ultrasound room alone. All I have known since being pregnant is that your allowed a partner I wasn't around 'back in the day' when women went alone.

In our department we call the partner in if there is bad news. So they can be there to support. But yes as a sonographer I think it is about time partners were allowed back.

Also I think more people are getting unnecessary private scans because their partners aren’t allowed in. A few private companies have been quite unscrupulous throughout lockdown and haven’t exactly been looking after their staff.

AlviesMam

If a routine pregnancy ultrasound gives such severe anxiety then certainly there needs exeptions made for this.
But women going in for ultrasound for breast lumps have to usually endure this without a companion- and I would suggest this is a far more anxiety inducing scenario.
A 12 week scan is usually for dating purposes. Many abnormalities except for the most severe- and rare can't be determined at that point.

@speakout I agree and I did say in my previous comment that atleast one support partner should be allowed for all appointments and scans and I've been there aswell for a breast lump when I had to be alone, it's not nice, and yes I do remember my Mum not being able to attend that procedure with me and having to wait in the waiting room, jt was a horrendous time. My experience with fertility and pregnancy scans has given me severe health anxiety and slight depression but there are people who are strong and can get on with these situations alone and there's people like me who worry about absolutely everything who need that little bit of support as a scan room for me is a major trigger. Luckily through lock down I have gotten through these scans alone and managed my anxiety but it was hard, the only thing that is bothering me is if for some reason I have to be induced and my husband can't be there until I'm in active labour, that's a major trigger as I had a still birth last year and know I won't be able to do this alone.
I guess we all have different points of view we wouldn't be human if we didn't but I stand strongly with this subject

My partner didnt attend all my scans due to work. I dont think that's unusual, so many women would normally be alone anyway. Towards the end of one of my pregnancies, I had scans every week. I managed fine.

Totally agree OP, I have just had an ectopic pregnancy and endured 3 scans alone, sobbing whilst being scanned. Twice being told no baby and finally the third time being told I was bleeding internally and needed to get to theatre to have the baby, which they’d now located, removed. I have never felt so alone.

Everyone saying they managed fine without partners attending ultrasounds...I'm assuming things went fine for you!

Fair enough have your point a view but I'm sure if you had an experience of a miss carriage or previous losses then your mindset would be a lot different!

i don’t think that 10min window before god forbid having to tell you partner any bad news makes much of a difference

This is such an insensitive thing to say. I went in alone and was rushed to theatre. I was told I’d miscarried, discovered I was still pregnant, saw my baby on the screen and rushed to theatre all alone. I didn’t see my DH until the next day when I was discharged. It was not a matter of him waiting in the car.

Unless there are special circumstances having OH along is a luxury- not a right.

Until at least February of this year (haven't been in since), my GP surgery had a big sign that said being able to bring in a chaperone - one's own family member or friend or requesting one - was a patient's right. My local hospital had similar. This enabled many people, myself included, to access medical care we otherwise wouldn't.

It's great that you had lovely medical professionals. Most I've had have been lovely too, but I've also faced violent ones and ones who are just too drained to be much support. Putting more burden by on the latter will help no one, and we already have an issue of people going out without care. It's rough, there is no perfect answer with the strains everyone is under, but having a bit of sympathy that to many it was a right they relied to feel safe in medical settings costs nothing.

My understanding is most trusts have always allowed a partner in straight away for support if bad news was found at a scan this should be the case.
OP thank you for clarifying the extra time re: next steps if one was to hear the worse. I think at that point partners could be allowed in.

That wasn’t true for me. It was only two weeks ago. Before my ectopic ruptured I was going to be given methotrexate to end my pregnancy - my husband wasn’t even allowed in for that.

Also - I understand why. But that doesn’t mean mine, or others feelings of being alone and finding it more traumatic are any less valid.

I agree absolutely, ante natal is being prioritised lower than the pub.

I was pregnant 3 times it never occurred to me to take my partner.Third time I had bleeding just before my 12 week scan when I wet for scan on my own It was found nothing there It was just one of those things never it was no biggy

"Everyone saying they managed fine without partners attending ultrasounds...I'm assuming things went fine for you!"

Not at all. That's quite a wide assumption to make. Partners dont attend all ultrasounds, that's a fact. Often they will attend one or two and that's it. Often they just cant get time off work, and often the Mum will believe they can manage alone, and do. I had ultrasounds every week towards the end of one of my pregnancies, that doesnt happen when things are fine.
And this doesnt account for just ultrasounds. Most women also attend breast screening appointments alone, and other gynecological appointments etc. A lot of women prefer not having a partner at these things, and often they arent allowed.

I agree. My best friend went for her 12 week scan, having previously had a private scan which was perfect. The baby was dead. She was on her own, and had to walk to her husband waiting in the car, alone and crying, where she had to tell him.

To make matters worse, it hadn’t even entered her husbands head that something would be wrong, and he was holding up a poster saying ‘baby surname’ and a massive bunch of flowers when she came out.

She’s recently fallen pregnant again and is terrified!

''I wet for scan on my own It was found nothing there It was just one of those things never it was no biggy''

^^
Because this is normal ...

It's definitely the year of the sacrifices. I had our second baby in June, and due to my husband needing to stay home with our 4 year old I had my csection alone and he didn't meet our baby until he picked us up 2 days later in the carpark. Congratulations OP

Yep. And you also need to start labour alone. Partner only comes in for the last bit.

But eat out to help out! 👍

I do get it though, hospitals are full of vulnerable people who have not chosen to be there. You can easily avoid a restaurant which is a known risk.