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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be peeved that my kids refuse to be tested for Covid!

300 replies

sadpapercourtesan · 14/08/2020 11:45

We've been asked to be part of the testing programme as a family - we'd be tested every week for 5 weeks, then every month for 12 months. DH and I want to do it, particularly the antibody test as we'd like to know whether we've got immunity. Our boys (16 and nearly 18) refuse; DS1 doesn't fancy the nose swab and DS2 says he'd rather not know! So that's that Sad

Obviously it's their choice to make, but I'm peeved that DH and I won't get to participate now, as it has to be the whole family. Grrr.

OP posts:
TorgosPizza · 14/08/2020 16:24

Honestly, the test sounds awful. I would do it once to help my parents, probably, but several times for over a year? No thanks. It's too much of a hassle, even if the test itself isn't as unpleasant as some say.

stayathomer · 14/08/2020 16:25

I had test, came home said it wasn't too bad, just sucked it up, mil had it, gagged horrendous, it took them 8 tries. I went back today, gagged a fair bit and 2 hours later I feel nearly sinusy. I originally said yanbu but actually if your dont need the test I think it's a huge ask risk someone else. And it wont tell you if you have immunity I dont think?

stayathomer · 14/08/2020 16:27

That was if you dont need the test it's a huge ask to put on someone else! Sorry!!

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 14/08/2020 16:29

Crikey that’s a lot of projection about test. One of op ds’s said he’d rather not know and the other said he doesn’t fancy it. In no way did she indicate any of what you said. In fact had she, I would have not posed the question.

And that is precisely why I did not quote her but instead referred to responders who feel it's fine to manipulate someone into having a test they don't want. Hmm

I've had lots of experiences myself, quite a few surgeries. Those experiences are neither here nor there to anyone else and have absolutely no bearing on anyone else, either, or what they do. I used to be able to do swab tests just fine, I can't now. Again, that's just me.

When someone says no to a procedure or test on their persons, that's just that, no.

Umbridge34 · 14/08/2020 16:29

It's easier if you do it yourself. It's one thing to put a swab right up your nostril and rotate it and quite another for someone else to do it, same goes for the back of the throat.

It really isn't. By and large the vast majority of people will not do the nasal part correctly. Its entirely counter intuitive to insert something that far into your nasal cavity. I picked up a few shifts at the testing centre and all the nurses said they'd stopped letting people swab themselves because no one puts it far enough into their nose. Its much much further back than most people realise.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 14/08/2020 16:30

Sorry, missed out bold:
Crikey that’s a lot of projection about test. One of op ds’s said he’d rather not know and the other said he doesn’t fancy it. In no way did she indicate any of what you said. In fact had she, I would have not posed the question.

LordOftheRingz · 14/08/2020 16:41

Bribing children or anyone to do something they have previously rejected is seriously wrong. If a person who is capable of informed consent says no, that should be respected.

People are taking covid compliance to a religious level of virtue signalling.

From some, no compassion for those who find mask wearing hard.
From some no compassion for those worried about covid risk at school, just 'de-register'.

It's great if a person wants to be a part of vaccine trials, tasing and other such valuable things, but it is their choice alone, Yes and society might benefit from your sacrifice, but gratitude is where the line is drawn. Coercing, bribing of guilting anyone into behaviour is heading down a road no one wants.

CeibaTree · 14/08/2020 16:42

We are part of that trial and our DC didn't have to be a part of it - did they say why you and your DH couldn't do it? Agree with pp - your children's choice must be respected.

LordOftheRingz · 14/08/2020 16:42

*testing trials.

LizzyELane · 14/08/2020 16:45

Regarding the 'bribe' of vouchers for taking part, I don't see this is as any different to expenses paid to people taking part in medical research projects since decades ago. The vouchers are a reward/thank you for your time and the inconvenience of having to make appointments and hand swabs back to the research assistants who wait on the drive - have felt a little embarrassed the neighbours might think we are all constantly really ill but no-one's ever commented! 😂😂😂

m0therofdragons · 14/08/2020 16:45

I have the option but turned it down. The noise swab isn’t pleasant. I’ll have it if I need it but my body my choice. I think it’s unfair to be disappointed in your dc for making a valid choice.

squeekums · 14/08/2020 16:49

@Wondergirl100

blimey total over exaggeration of the test - yes giving it to a 5 yr old was a joke but for an adult it's 10 seconds of discomfort and a 12 yr old is capable of understanding that.

Honestly I think it's very selfish of them.

Being part of medical research is not an obligation. Their body, their choice. That simple

I'd refuse, I'm no lab rat

LordOftheRingz · 14/08/2020 16:53

@LizzyELane

Regarding the 'bribe' of vouchers for taking part, I don't see this is as any different to expenses paid to people taking part in medical research projects since decades ago. The vouchers are a reward/thank you for your time and the inconvenience of having to make appointments and hand swabs back to the research assistants who wait on the drive - have felt a little embarrassed the neighbours might think we are all constantly really ill but no-one's ever commented! 😂😂😂
When you sign for medical trials, do you not sign big documents with the risks associated and the rewards for those risks, do you not have to say you fully understand the process. It is not the same as bunging cash at your children (I know op did not suggest this) to get them to comply. If you do this you better make sure you have cash bribes for everything, not to mention passing it on that people can get what they want by bribing people against their better judgment.
Mummyoflittledragon · 14/08/2020 16:56

@InDeoEstMeaFiducia

Crikey that’s a lot of projection about test. One of op ds’s said he’d rather not know and the other said he doesn’t fancy it. In no way did she indicate any of what you said. In fact had she, I would have not posed the question.

And that is precisely why I did not quote her but instead referred to responders who feel it's fine to manipulate someone into having a test they don't want. Hmm

I've had lots of experiences myself, quite a few surgeries. Those experiences are neither here nor there to anyone else and have absolutely no bearing on anyone else, either, or what they do. I used to be able to do swab tests just fine, I can't now. Again, that's just me.

When someone says no to a procedure or test on their persons, that's just that, no.

So if one of your dcs would die or be severely impeded in some way if they didn’t have a procedure, you wouldn’t force them? Because that’s the outcome of the line you’re taking.

My dd isn’t having a vaccination this school year (year 8) as forcing her would be a serious boundary issue. It doesn’t sound that way with these older teens and I was wondering if they simply haven’t thought this through. Bribes for something people don’t fancy isn’t manipulation. No one is advocating forcibly testing these boys.

squeekums · 14/08/2020 16:57

Surely this isn't simply a body autonomy issues, important though that is? There are many situations in life where we consent to do something/have something done to our body which may be unpleasant, but it's for a greater good. Eg smears and other tests to diagnose (pre-) cancerous cells, having a bucket of cold water flung over you in order to raise money for charity, giving birth even

Yes it's a bodily autonomy issue
All listed above are choices, not obligations, even blood donation is a choice even if you not donating will see someone die.
Well apart from birth if you don't know your pregnant till later on. Then your obligated to birth lol

LordOftheRingz · 14/08/2020 17:13

Humans rights give us the right to 'self determination'. We are not obliged to do anything for the greater good. Human rights laws give us the right to not commit to a course of action even if it deemed harmful to us if we have legal capacity to make that decision.

Even choosing a smear test or no is a right to self determination.

In China women with second pregnancies under the 1 child rule were forced to abort, because under Communism you have no right to self determination and it is all for the greater good as determined by the party.

Self-determination is an absolute fundamental right and we give it up at our peril.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 14/08/2020 17:13

Surely this isn't simply a body autonomy issues, important though that is? There are many situations in life where we consent to do something/have something done to our body which may be unpleasant, but it's for a greater good. Eg smears and other tests to diagnose (pre-) cancerous cells, having a bucket of cold water flung over you in order to raise money for charity, giving birth even

All of which are choices. I would also disagree that some of those are for 'the greater good'. A smear or other tests will benefit me and no one else, I have chosen not to become pregnant so won't be giving birth and I don't even see where having a bucket of water chucked over you fits it with this at all!

Chufflets · 14/08/2020 17:17

If everyone refused testing we would not have the necessary statistics to run the country.

If everyone refused testing they wouldn't have the numbers to keep shutting us down over and over....

thehumblediamond · 14/08/2020 17:25

@Areyouquitesure

Can you bribe them?
Well you could but you shouldn't. I was asked (by the government) to take part in some Covid research, we were offered a £50 Amazon voucher.
PiataMaiNei · 14/08/2020 17:26

@squeekums

*Surely this isn't simply a body autonomy issues, important though that is? There are many situations in life where we consent to do something/have something done to our body which may be unpleasant, but it's for a greater good. Eg smears and other tests to diagnose (pre-) cancerous cells, having a bucket of cold water flung over you in order to raise money for charity, giving birth even*

Yes it's a bodily autonomy issue
All listed above are choices, not obligations, even blood donation is a choice even if you not donating will see someone die.
Well apart from birth if you don't know your pregnant till later on. Then your obligated to birth lol

Yes, it's not immediately obvious how any of those specified examples disprove the point that it isn't simply a bodily autonomy issue, since that's precisely what they all are. Or should be, obviously forced birth exists.
FeloniusGru · 14/08/2020 17:27

We’re taking part in this survey. We’ve had about 8 tests so far, there are some strange posts here about the tests being painful! It’s not pleasant but but definitely not painful, it only takes about 5 seconds and then I don’t give it a second thought. And I’m a wuss with anything medical!

vodkaredbullgirl · 14/08/2020 17:31

5 seconds its 15 seconds, what we got told.

Silvercatowner · 14/08/2020 17:38

definitely not painful

You meant to say definitely not painful FOR ME

Other people find it painful - shock horror we're all different. My nose swab (done properly) was painful. Not hugely painful but it stung and actually bled a bit.

blacktop · 14/08/2020 17:39

It's quite worrying the amount of people in this thread that don't understand why this is an acceptable decision made by the D.C. even worse that people think bribes are an appropriate course of action to get someone to do something they do not want to do, with their own body. No means no for everyone.

TheSockMonster · 14/08/2020 17:48

DH has to have regular COVID swab tests at work for access to different sites. He’s had the NHS drive through and at home tests (some of his work is classifies him as an “essential worker”) plus a wide variety of private at-home tests. They all vary a lot in their descriptions of what they want you, particularly with regards to the nasal probe.

DH is as hard as nails but found the one of the NHS drive through tests very painful. He phoned 111 for the first time in his life as he was still getting terrible sinus pain the next day and was worried they’d damaged something. He was reassured it was normal!

So I think it depends which test you take and how enthusiastically you administer it!

Incidentally, I had no idea some people were being offered vouchers! 10 yo DD has been invited to take part in the REACT study but no incentives for that one. She’s watched the self-swab video and said she wants to take part if she can take the swabs herself which seems fair enough.