To think anyone TTC now is mad?

[absolutelybloodyanonymous]

Given the GDP fall-economy disaster, rising unemployment, coronavirus, does it seem bloody mad to be TTC now?

I’ve got mates and family who are TTC or already upduffed and it seems absolutely mad to me. Why does RIGHT NOW feel like a good time to TTC? AIBU?

(Nc for this!)

And to be honest I find it quite goady for you to post on here and judge others when you already have a baby

Well I had my ds just after 9/11 but I think things are much worse now.

Again, the "it was ok for me because things were different, but you shouldn't do it now" tripe doesn't work. You brought a child into a world that was already dealing with terrorism and other problems. You didn't see it as a problem, so you don't have a leg to stand on here.

The hypocrisy is astounding on this thread.

[quote TheMarshGirl]@bee222

I totally agree! I wish MN could take a stronger stance on people who go out of their way to take out their frustrations on mothers in this way. It is glaringly obvious that posters who do this, have zero concern for parents and probably minimal genuine concern for the planet. It is just another bully, picking on a vulnerable group, probably with a very sad existence and low self worth, making themselves feel better. You can almost hear her salivating when she sees another thread where she gets to say "mothers are selfish and I'm childfree by choice". It is pathetic.[/quote]
It’s madness, isn’t it!?
I have loads of childfree by choice friends. I respect their choice and they respect mine. We don’t judge each other. Actively joining discussions around pregnancy to call women who have children selfish (or even just telling them they are too old or should never have had kids) is bullying and I’m not sure why this site puts up with it.

Oh FGS. OP, you have children. You CHOSE to have children. Global warming is not new! Instead of telling people they shouldn’t have children because the world is going to be such a depressing place, why not do your best to make it a less awful place? Hint: attacking people on the internet is not your best start with this...

The world can’t stop, but equally I’ve got a friend whose health was already compromised (not shielding but on one of the vulnerable lists) who has deliberately got pregnant during this time and made herself more vulnerable. She had very bad health during her last pregnancy and this one is going the same way and I can’t help feeling a little sorry for her existing young child who I’m sure would prefer a live and healthy mum over a sibling.

OP you have child. Not being able to have another is NOT the same as not being able to have any. I was TTC during all this and am now pregnant - I had age and multiple miscarriages with no known cause despite every investigation under the sun against me. You can't tell someone like me I shouldn't have tried for a child during Covid as you look on smugly with your own baby. Self-awareness is hard sometimes but I hope you can now see that you bring v v unreasonable!

To be clear I didn't ask for my posts to be deleted a snowflake did

@PuzzlingPieces I work for a law firm, a magic circle one. Yes it's busy & I have wfh throughout however Covid has had an impact just like increased wfh will. NQ salaries have been cut, other salaries frozen, bonuses deferred, partner contributions have increased. Similar story for DH who work for an investment bank. I completely understand why people would still conceive but I wouldn't consider myself to be insulted from all the impact. I would like to move house but won't be until I know what the transport situation will be.

@Zippy1510 you said many not I

Some people have been trying for years and don't have time on our sides

insulated not insulted 😆

The posters claiming that when they gave birth 10 years ago the world was a serene nirvana (but anyone considering it now is selfish and lacking in moral character) have all gone very quiet after having their hypocrisy pointed out to them, eh?

There is no right or wrong time.

TheAquaticDuchess it's quite laughable really! Do as I say and not as I do 🤣

@TheMarshGirl - fantastic post, very well said

@onedaysoonish exactly! It must be great for her feeling smug on the sidelines

I totally agree! I wish MN could take a stronger stance on people who go out of their way to take out their frustrations on mothers in this way. It is glaringly obvious that posters who do this, have zero concern for parents and probably minimal genuine concern for the planet. It is just another bully, picking on a vulnerable group, probably with a very sad existence and low self worth, making themselves feel better. You can almost hear her salivating when she sees another thread where she gets to say "mothers are selfish and I'm childfree by choice". It is pathetic.

^And this. I sometimes think that there are childfree people who are desperate to make their choice not to have children a moral one rather than simply owning the fact that they made a choice for their own lives. Neither having DC nor not having DC are moral choices, they're just the decisions we make for our own lives.

It's depressing how judgemental people can be about each other, I feel.

@cologne4711

Well I had my ds just after 9/11 but I think things are much worse now.

And I know people always say "but they still had kids during the war" - yes they did because they didn't have contraception. We do. I do think prospective parents should really consider whether they want to bring kids into a world of climate change etc which is why I don't agree with for many of us who have stable jobs that are not affected by covid, own our own homes without a mortgage and have childcare arrangements covered it’s actually a great time Being financially secure is nowhere near enough to protect you from climate change. The changes in the Arctic are terrifying and today's babies will be 10 in a decade. I don't want to think what things are going to be like by then.

But you already have your own kids. Who are you, from your lofty position, to say others shouldn't?

@WarmthAndDepth

I think OP is getting a hard time here. Yes, this is a parenting site, as a PP pointed out, but being a parent includes looking out for your future DC's best interests (as well as those of current DC, of course). For me, I feel the way OP does about the climate emergency, massively guilty about my DC's future in a heating world with rising oceans, collapsing weather systems, shrinking available landmass to an ever increasing global population, salination of fresh water and failing crops. If I had known 10 years ago what is common knowledge now I would like to think I would have had the strength of character never to have started a family. Chances are I will now have to witness my own DC having no choice but to remain 'childfree by choice' like Linsey (sp?) upthread, as by the time 2040 comes around, the last thing on people's kids' minds will be grade inflation. OP, I can see where you're coming from and I don't think you're goady, just seeing a larger, more objective picture.

What a ridiculous comment. YOU ALREADY HAVE KIDS! Are you going to give them away now because of all your fears for our planet? Thought not. Neither am I.

I hope the people saying other people shouldn’t have children are telling THEIR children they wish they had never been born. And that their lives are going to be shit.

And maybe we should all sit around in sackcloth and ashes waiting for the inevitable end as we are all doomed.

Actively joining discussions around pregnancy to call women who have children selfish (or even just telling them they are too old or should never have had kids) is bullying and I’m not sure why this site puts up with it.

I completely agree!

I could also go to town on WarmthAndDepth's post, but I honestly don't have time right nkw. Be a dear warmth and give yourself a good talking to for me will you ?

@cologne4711 what a hypocrite you are. What age will your children be in ten years time and what is it about them being ten years older that means they will be able to withstand climate change issues?

Did you conveniently ‘not know’ about climate change when you had your children then somehow once YOU had the family you wanted it became a major issue?

The hypocrisy is mind blowing!

YABU. You do you OP. And we'll do us. There are, as you've seen, various reasons for why people cannot wait. So DFO with your judgemental crappy thread

One last thing about this, is that on SM, like IG etc, you do see lots of antinatalist chat. However, very seldom do people wade into, for example, a Mum's page on IG or an infertility page on IG and start telling people they are selfish and stupid for having children or TTC.

This is only common on MN. I imagine, in part, that it is because it is anonymous. Like all pathetic, bullying tossers, they can only do it when they think they will get away with it and when nobody is there IRL to challenge them on it.

I really hope that @MNHQ keeps an eye on this.

This is not the place to actively seek out parents and pick at them because they made a different choice to you.

I have worked in aid organisations abroad, as well as studying environmental science and also being a politics grad. Never, in all my experience, have I read so much nasty crap, directly targetted at women / mothers for being mothers, as I have on here. You see it on SM, but never directed at mothers in a space which should be safe for them.

I just want to reassure people that most people who care a lot about the planet, actually seek to help and support mothers and babies. Because people who genuinely care about the planet and who make choices and sacrifices for the sake of the greater good, are not usually doing it out of prejudice and desperation to prove they have made the right choice "so nerr" and everyone else must be wrong and shamed. It is only sad fuckers on an anonymous forum who buy into this narrative because it suits their actual goal - not to protect the planet, but to belittle, other and shame other people. They do this to validate their own choices. And, if they were as happy as they say they are with these choices, they would not feel the need to come on to a parenting forum and do this. So really, when I see these posters, coming up time and time again, to say the same thing again and again, I just think "you aren't as happy with your choice as you make out". I would put money on that being true.