Husband thinks 4.5 months old is ok to go to Nursery full time

[plplz]

So I have a 12 week old lovely girl. But I'm not on maternity leave, I'm unemployed. I got an amazing job offer but issue is they want to me to start when DD will be about 20 weeks old.

My girl is EBF and refusing the bottle. She screams and cries and I can't stand hearing her so upset, so naturally I'm feeling very terrible about the prospect of starting a role and putting her in nursery so young, with her struggling with the bottle and feeling so well on the breast.

Husband thinks sending her to nursery so small is fine, but I just can't stand the idea.

Who is unreasonable here? Is 4.5 months really too small for her to go into nursery? I feel bloody selfish.

@plplz we shower the night before, get their and your clothes ready and if you take a packed lunch, make that too. Depending on when the DC wakes up the routine after that has to vary. Mine have all been fairly early wakers. Give a morning feed in bed, get dressed, and then take them to nursery (mine were older so had a bit of breakfast after the morning feed). I like to eat my breakfast slowly so used to have it once I got to the office (30 min commute) - you working from home or at the office?

It rapidly gets easier as you get into a routine.

Get everything ready the night before including your shower and hair then the morning will be quicker.

Makeup- just put some lipstick on after kissing your daughter goodbye.

@HavelockVetinari they can't afford it.

The people I know who have or had full-time nannies tend to have 3 children who require all-day childcare.

Have you applied for a nursery place?

This could be more of a problem, When i worked in a nursery, parents would put there babies name down when they found out they was pregnant at 3 weeks
It was atleast a year waiting list in some rooms...

Another thing is , not all nurseries accept babies that young.

FYI its not going to be 50hrs. Its going to be drop off after her morning nap at 10am, and pick her up before her afternoon nap at 3:30.

Once she is down, back to work. We're WFH until at least Feb, DH WFH until June. Nursery is 8 min walk away.

[quote Duckchick]@plplz we shower the night before, get their and your clothes ready and if you take a packed lunch, make that too. Depending on when the DC wakes up the routine after that has to vary. Mine have all been fairly early wakers. Give a morning feed in bed, get dressed, and then take them to nursery (mine were older so had a bit of breakfast after the morning feed). I like to eat my breakfast slowly so used to have it once I got to the office (30 min commute) - you working from home or at the office?

It rapidly gets easier as you get into a routine.[/quote]
^Essentially this

Once they stop breastfeeding it gets easier. Just let her do it as long as she wants to as remember it is only a short period in your life but a long time in hers.

Even though your DH was not entitled to paternity leave he would still be entitled to parental leave.
You said you could just about cope on just his wage if you didn’t take the job and that your new salary is 40% more than your husband’s so why can’t he take a few months of paternal leave whilst you work? Within the year you’d be back to two salaries.

@ChristmasSnowball

Have you applied for a nursery place?

This could be more of a problem, When i worked in a nursery, parents would put there babies name down when they found out they was pregnant at 3 weeks
It was atleast a year waiting list in some rooms...

Another thing is , not all nurseries accept babies that young.

Yep! All good and she's in her settling sessions now.

I’ve got friends who put their kids in a nursery / childminder at 6 weeks. I on the other hand will be returning to work when my baby is 15 months old. I don’t think there is a right or wrong way it’s what you’re happy with. However it doesn’t sound like you’re comfortable with it so I wouldn’t in your situation. You’ll regret it and you can’t turn back the clock.

FYI my baby and a friends baby (born the same week), are both happy, healthy, loved and loving babies. It really has made no difference, it’s what worked for our family.

I will be continuing to BF when I return to work - albeit much easier at 15 months.

My baby never did take a bottle EVER. He did drink from a cup from 4 months though. Perhaps you could try a cup of expresses milk if you do decide to go back.

Please try not to feel pressured and make the right decision for you all as a family.

Would you be working from home at first because of Covid (or could you arrange this for the first few months). You could then hire a nanny or someone to be at your house looking after baby and you still breastfeed? DD was fine to start at a Childminder’s at 8/9mo as she was eating enough solids by then that I could just breastfeed in the morning and evening

Have your clothes ready. Be more relaxed about how often you wash your hair (a good brush will go). Pare down your make-up; do it when you get into the workplace if you have to go in to work - only wear as much or as little as you feel comfortable with (in my case, tinted moisturiser a tiny bit of eye make-up and lipstick - for my own confidence).

My super-organised mother-of-four best friend (a GP who worked FT) also told me she would wear the same thing two days in a row to reduce "thought processing time". I adjusted that to wearing the same thing alternate days.

It does get easier.

Good luck

My 2 eldest boys went at a similar age but only part time. We lived in a country where there was no paid maternity leave.
The nursery was at the hospital I worked at though and I was able to bf during my breaks.

Every last person who claims they couldn’t have done it is talking out their arse.

If they needed to, to put food on the table and a roof over their kid’s head, they could and would do it.

It’s not what I would choose but I had mat leave from a secure job. I’d probably see it very differently if I were unemployed, especially in a pandemic. Responsible parents have to consider how they will financially support their child. It’s an absolutely core part of parenting.

Good luck for the settling OP. As a former nursery teacher, I would also give a note of caution that you may find one of you needs to take quite a bit of leave to cover your child's sickness in the first few months. Nursery care can be really tough for this reason at first, with a lot of children catching every bug going. I hope your husband is able to take shared responsibility/most of the responsibility for these days.

Your child will pick up ALOT of bugs the first 6 months... But it will get better and by the time your child is ready for school, They will have a great immune system