To ask why accidental pregnancies are so common?

[Change17]

I’m probably going to get a lot of negative feedback for this. But I’m in my 5th week of lockdown in Melbourne and my mind is asking all sorts of questions.

I’ve honestly never fully understood how so many women find themselves accidentally pregnant. I’m not talking here about contraception not working. I’m aware condoms can break and the pill isn’t always a 100% guarantee.

But if you’re not taking any precautions against getting pregnant, how is it such a shock when the tests come back positive?
I admit I’ve only had sex with a man once when I was 17. Wasn’t long after that that I realised I was gay so I’m not as knowledgable as I could be when it comes to having sex with men, but they always know when ejaculation is imminent yes? As in, there’s a warning period and time to pull out? (Sorry to be blunt.)

As I say I totally understand contraception is not always completely reliable and in all honesty the reason I even started to think about this was watching Desperate Housewives which I’m currently doing a re-run or for the first time in years. Lynette always talks about how she only wanted one child but kept getting pregnant and was “surprised” each time.
I can’t count the amount of times at uni I’d go with friends to get the morning after pill or pregnancy tests and I’d never say anything but was always low key thinking “how does this happen so often???” If you’re not using a condom or on the pill or another form of contraception... then why not do everything else possible to avoid the risk?
I’m fully prepared to be told I’m being way too black and white about this or whether else is coming my way.

Contraception is usually effective if used properly - the 99% effectiveness rate drops if you (For example) don’t take your pill at the right time, if you have a stomach upset, other medications can interact. Condoms might not be put on properly or be out of date. “User error” probably accounts for a fairly high percentage of “contraceptive failures.” Add in “I’m not in my fertile window,” and “he didn’t cum in me” and you’ll probably account for quite a few surprises.

6 years of fertility treatment including IVF breastfeeding 4 month old twins The odds were minuscule but he is 15 now! It happens!

Dc3 happened when I was on the pill (and taking it properly, no D&V or anything) AND we used a condom AND it was the completely wrong time of month.

Honestly we still scratch our heads about how the hell it happened. Dh had the snip after that!

I was on the pill for heavy periods since I was 14

Had sex with a man when I was 25

Didn't think anything of it

Carried on taking the pill as normal, had withdrawal bleeds in the period week, slightly lighter than normal but still there

4 months later I went to the doctor because I felt so ill and tired - hadnt put on any weight as I had been throwing up so much. Didn't even consider pregnancy as had been on pill for 11 years!

Turned out I was pregnant and past 4 months! It happens

I then went back on the pill after dd was born and fell pregnant on it again so have dd and ds very close together

I stopped using the pill for contraception after that and had no more

OP, I cut from your first OP to now. 76 posts. Sorry.

In my capacity as a professional HCP, I need to ascertain pregnancy.

I am often shocked by so many 'I'm not sure' s I get.

A massively life changing event in your life and you 'aren't sure'??

Given the pill is something like 99.98% effective I'm surprised so many people get pregnant on it!

But it isn’t. That’s the perfect use statistic. Typical use is 91%.

I think typical use failure rates are a big gap in many people’s knowledge.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/how-effective-contraception/

Oh and I had loads of sex on the pill and didn't get pregnant. Exh always loved saying he had super sperm

@Change17

I’m probably going to get a lot of negative feedback for this. But I’m in my 5th week of lockdown in Melbourne and my mind is asking all sorts of questions.

I’ve honestly never fully understood how so many women find themselves accidentally pregnant. I’m not talking here about contraception not working. I’m aware condoms can break and the pill isn’t always a 100% guarantee.

But if you’re not taking any precautions against getting pregnant, how is it such a shock when the tests come back positive?
I admit I’ve only had sex with a man once when I was 17. Wasn’t long after that that I realised I was gay so I’m not as knowledgable as I could be when it comes to having sex with men, but they always know when ejaculation is imminent yes? As in, there’s a warning period and time to pull out? (Sorry to be blunt.)

As I say I totally understand contraception is not always completely reliable and in all honesty the reason I even started to think about this was watching Desperate Housewives which I’m currently doing a re-run or for the first time in years. Lynette always talks about how she only wanted one child but kept getting pregnant and was “surprised” each time.
I can’t count the amount of times at uni I’d go with friends to get the morning after pill or pregnancy tests and I’d never say anything but was always low key thinking “how does this happen so often???” If you’re not using a condom or on the pill or another form of contraception... then why not do everything else possible to avoid the risk?
I’m fully prepared to be told I’m being way too black and white about this or whether else is coming my way.

some will certainly be because so many people, like you, think that pulling out when you feel ejaculation is imminent is a form of contraception.

I agree that a lot of people on here seem to get pregnant at inopportune times including in very new relationships, often where there are already children belonging to one or both parties, because someone once told them they were unlikely to conceive - either quickly or at all. There’s also the women who take the pill, “but not every day“ the “but he pulled out” lot and the not trying but not using contraception ones, with the “told him I was on the pill but actually not” to complete the pool of “surprise” pregnancies.

On MN way more than half of the pregnancies are a surprise or an accident.

Contraception in this country is free. I don’t know why more people don’t use it or give it a chance to work.

I think out society has become so sex obsessed that people genuinely forget that the intention of sex is to make a baby. When people, even when they use contraception, are utterly perplexed when they realise that shagging has lead to pregnancy, I judge them as being a bit dim. That's what's SUPPOSED to happen, you "not wanting a baby" doesn't factor into the science of conception.

I mean people could abstain if they don't want kids that badly, but somehow no one men ever thinks that completely reducing the risk of pregnancy trumps their god given right to get their end away.

I had IVF for my first pregnancy. Then fell pregnant again whilst using condoms (I'll accept we may have erred somewhere) and then for the last time had a coil and still got pregnant.

I agree that a lot of people on here seem to get pregnant at inopportune times including in very new relationships, often where there are already children belonging to one or both parties, because someone once told them they were unlikely to conceive - either quickly or at all.

Yes!!! This happened to DSis a month after she split from her husband and her current kids suffered greatly while she just shrugged and said "well who knew I could get pregnant at 34"

Contraception such as the pill is extremely effective so if you've been on it 10 years and not got pregnant, the idea of it suddenly not working is a bit crazy. You also have no idea you are at first. I had not symptoms. To go from not pregnant to suddently pregnant can feel a bit bizarre.c

lyralalala fair enough. As a gay woman I’ve never really felt the need to clue myself up on the subject lol. And my memory of year 8 sex Ed (which I think lasted about 15 minutes) doesn’t serve me too well.
I do however think that if I were having sex with men, I would certainly have done my research on all of this to make sure I’d avoid pregnancies as far as I possibly could.

@MsEllany

I don’t think I know anyone actually that has had an ‘accidental’ pregnancy. Mumsnet has given me an unrealistic view of how often it happens maybe.

Same, I don't think I know anyone who has had one in RL since I was teenager (well no one I know well enough to divulge anyway!)

I do read about it on here a lot though, along with the 'and doctors had said I was very unlikely to conceive naturally' that also crops up.

I get pregnant at the drop of the hat!
My most recent pregnancy, I was breastfeeding (no period since birth), was on the pill and we were using ‘withdrawal’.
I also got pregnant the first time I had sex.
I feel bad complaining about it as I know some people really struggle to conceive but it has made me slightly terrified of sex.

My 3rd was an accident. After 2 pregnancies requiring ivf and being told I don’t ovulate by no less than 3 consultants, added to 12 years of unprotected sex with DH, we really did not expect to achieve a natural pregnancy, ever.

But once we knew we were happy about it, even if it wasn’t planned.

What a strange thread.

People get accidentally pregnant through:
Contraceptive failure
MAP failure
Hoping for the best with withdrawal
Getting to the point and having no condoms and thinking fuckit
Being a bit pissed/ drugged and thinking fuckit
Not having much choice (coercion etc)
Being young naive and trusting

Etc etc

Then of course some people people will say it was an accident if they decide to keep it when they know they would be judged

Eg
Too young
Too old
Too large an age gap or too small an age gap to existing kids
Not financially secure
Single
Got a few kids already

And so on

Is it really honestly that baffling to what seems to be a lot of posters :/

Doctors do say that though. I was told I couldn’t conceive due to severe PCOS and annovulation. And yet, there I was with a buy one get one free baby after all our fertility treatment. I don’t even think of her as an accident, I think of her as a bonus.

Port1aCastis - I’m really sorry for your loss

In the vast, VAST majority of cases where people have had a surprise/accidental pregnancy they had had sex without using contraception.

The attitude of these individuals was that it is somehow barely any different to a contraception failure. I think they do have a very different mind set and approach to contraception to those people who don't tend to have accidents tbh!

I am always amazed at just how many posters here talk about "accidents".

I know quite a few women who have had accidents. Next door neighbour has 3 children and 1 and 3 were accidents (different dads) Neighbour across the road has 3 children and 1 and 2 were accidents different dads). A friend has 2 children, both accidents (different dads). She was desperate to be married and married the dad of baby 2. Funnily enough there has never been any more accidents

I do however think that if I were having sex with men, I would certainly have done my research on all of this to make sure I’d avoid pregnancies as far as I possibly could.

It must be lovely to be perfect.

I am sure there are people out there who have chaotic lives, or who are dishonest, or whatever, and who deserve to feel a bit guilty that they didn't take precautions and had a baby who wasn't wanted/couldn't be looked after.

My sense is that, for at least some of those people, there are enough bad things in their lives that I feel more sorry for them than inclined to judge.

The rest of the people you're talking about are just using a normal colloquial phrase. 'Was it planned?' 'Ooh, no, a lovely surprise!' Or 'bit of a shock!'

Not accounting for contraction failure, there are also things like:
Pre-cum can have a small amount of sperm and can get you pregnant
Ovulating before or after tou expected too - can be caused by stress, weight gain/loss, or simply irregular periods
People may believe they are infertile
Incorrectly assuming breastfeeding will prevent pregnancy
Drunken one night stand/forgotten to use condoms
Old myths such as urinating/cleaning after sex still being believed by many
Morning after pill not working (admittedly this comes under contraceptive failure)
Naivety- believing it just wont happen to them
Cases where women do not realise that they are pregnant until much later
People not realising that they are much more fertile after giving birth or losing or terminating a pregnancy
A very early miscarriage may be confused for a heavy period and might lead people to believe they are safe

There are probably many more reasons