To ask why accidental pregnancies are so common?

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I’m probably going to get a lot of negative feedback for this. But I’m in my 5th week of lockdown in Melbourne and my mind is asking all sorts of questions.

I’ve honestly never fully understood how so many women find themselves accidentally pregnant. I’m not talking here about contraception not working. I’m aware condoms can break and the pill isn’t always a 100% guarantee.

But if you’re not taking any precautions against getting pregnant, how is it such a shock when the tests come back positive?
I admit I’ve only had sex with a man once when I was 17. Wasn’t long after that that I realised I was gay so I’m not as knowledgable as I could be when it comes to having sex with men, but they always know when ejaculation is imminent yes? As in, there’s a warning period and time to pull out? (Sorry to be blunt.)

As I say I totally understand contraception is not always completely reliable and in all honesty the reason I even started to think about this was watching Desperate Housewives which I’m currently doing a re-run or for the first time in years. Lynette always talks about how she only wanted one child but kept getting pregnant and was “surprised” each time.
I can’t count the amount of times at uni I’d go with friends to get the morning after pill or pregnancy tests and I’d never say anything but was always low key thinking “how does this happen so often???” If you’re not using a condom or on the pill or another form of contraception... then why not do everything else possible to avoid the risk?
I’m fully prepared to be told I’m being way too black and white about this or whether else is coming my way.

I reckon some 'accidents' are not actual accidents in anyway.

I don't think it's that common. I only know a couple of people who've had accidental pregnancies in the last few years.

OTOH I think it is quite common for people to say a pregnancy is a 'surprise' when what they mean is 'I know exactly why I am pregnant, but I wasn't expecting it to happen'.

FWIW DP and I were quite surprised when we got pregnant with DD. We'd been told it'd likely take quite a while and it was unlikely to happen first time. We're gay, too.

farandfew I’m sorry but it absolutely happens that people have one night stands, don’t use contraception and then are upset / surprised by a positive test result. As a PP said a lot surely comes down to common sense. I completely agree sex education is terrible in some areas. My own was shocking. we learned to use condoms to avoid pregnancy but I never remember learning about STDs. So yes sex education undoubtedly needs improving but if you think those are the only two reasons why people find themselves pregnant, you’re a little in the dark.

I’m not sure how it’s “goady”. It’s a genuine and interesting discussion but if that’s what you think then maybe scrolling past would’ve been more suitable

@LightUpLetters to be fair, a lot of accidents happen due to lack of common sense, you just have to watch my 11 yr old for a few hours to realise that! So I think accidental pregnancy is an appropriate term.

vodkaredbullgirl what does a flower indicate ?

first time poster?

I found my self pregnant twice while on birth control. Those were definitely surprise pregnancies. When people aren't using birth control and aren't "trying" (although frankly, if you're having unprotected sex I consider it trying) I think it's more like an "oh shit" pregnancy than a proper surprise!

Although in my late teens/early twenties I knew far too many girls who weren't using birth control because their partners swore to them they were infertile. 🙄 A few surprises followed.

For me it's a lack of good contraception.

I'd been on the pill from a young teen. Once married I stopped taking the pill to have a baby and realised how much it changes you. So I decided I didn't want to take hormonal contraception anymore. Condoms are crap let's face it. I don't like the idea of the coil or the woman's cap thing. So we took our chances with only having sex on non fertile days.

It didn't work. But we're married and were happy to take the risk of another baby.

I actually only know one person who had a surprise pregancy, didnt know she was carrying until about 4 hours into labour

I think it’s an unpopular opinion but I also think a lot more women than will admit to it try for a bandaid baby to try and fix a bad relationship. And only afterwards realise they’re even more fucked than before.

This^

I know various people who have told their partners their pregnancy was "accidental" when it was simply a one way decision.

@Justsocross

If you see the way people wear face masks .... accidental pregnancies are no surprise !!!!!!

This!

riotlady I just don’t think it’s all that rare for couples to use 0 forms of contraception and then be surprised/upset to find they are pregnant. I wish I could edit the title of this because “common” was perhaps not the right word to use but there’s no denying it absolutely happens.

I had a surprise! I'd recently changed my pill from combination to Pop and didn't take it at the same time every day. That was my fault as it is in the instructions but having been on a combination pill for 10+ years, and it not being an issue, I was caught out and surprised.

I was (still am) in a long term and serious relationship though - maybe if I hadn't been, I'd have taken more notice. I know I'm not the only person to have a Pop pill baby, though.

I don’t think I know anyone actually that has had an ‘accidental’ pregnancy. Mumsnet has given me an unrealistic view of how often it happens maybe.

OTOH I think it is quite common for people to say a pregnancy is a 'surprise' when what they mean is 'I know exactly why I am pregnant, but I wasn't expecting it to happen'.

I've been told twice recently that someone's second pregnancy was a surprise, surely they know how babies are made so how is it a surprise when they get pregnant?!

I've just miscarried a pregnancy which was definitely accidental and that's because I messed up with the depo, however I was prepared to have my baby but miscarried at 10 weeks in June so all sorts of reasons because we are not all perfect and yes it happened to me this year and I'm still getting over the horrible time I spent in hospital with complications so I do not need some smart arse to tell me I fucked up because I know and being driven to hospital sitting on a bath towel ensures I will never forget

This whole post is spot on, but it'll get overrun with the usual nitpickers and anyone who doesn't want to accept the truths it acknowledges.

@DrManhattan

I reckon some 'accidents' are not actual accidents in anyway.

That's exactly what I was going to post, you only have the woman's word for it that it was “accidental” there's no objective measure. There are lots of issues in play, no one answer, see the above posts.

JuniperFather I do wish I could edit the title and take out the “so common”. Perhaps not the right term to use. It’s definitely distracting from the point at hand and a good excuse for nitpickers to nitpick 😅

I believe that a lot of women get pregnant accidentally-on-purpose. (I know five women who have done this, even though they would never admit it.) Any man who doesn't want to get a woman pregnant needs to take responsibility for his own contraception.

I’m not talking here about contraception not working.

But surely this is the cause of most accidental pregnancies?

@MsEllany

I think it’s an unpopular opinion but I also think a lot more women than will admit to it try for a bandaid baby to try and fix a bad relationship. And only afterwards realise they’re even more fucked than before.

Also I don’t think your examples are ‘surprise’ at all. Unplanned maybe, but only an idiot is surprised when pregnancy occurs after unprotected sex.

I think this is true, too. The need to cement a relationship by having a child with every partner as well.

I grew up in a country where men are compelled by law to pay for children they father and vasectomy is far more common there, unsurprisingly.

There also seem to be a lot of medics who don't understand biology given the number of women, particularly on MN, who were 'told by a doctor they were infertile'. Funny that, I worked in a women's clinic for years, no women were ever told that unless they'd gone through menopause, were missing key reproductive organs or had key organs which were known to be non-functional, or had genetic disorders such as Turner's Syndrome.

I knew someone who got pregnant by accident/surprise.

Baby number 6.

Using absolutely no contraception at all.
But they weren't trying ...

I know all this because I asked ,jokingly, what contraceptive they were using so I could avoid it, "well none, but it's still an accident."
I was

Nothing to do with the fact she was desperate for a baby boy after all girls.

I had an accidental pregnancy with a mirena coil in.
No form of contraception is 100% failsafe.
I've been sterilised now, but that also has a failure rate

Frazzled13 possibly yes it’s the cause of the
Majority. As I’ve said a few time’s now maybe saying “so common” wasn’t the right terminology. But it cannot be denied that there’s always been women crying into a false positive pregnancy test after taking 0 precautions against getting pregnant.

@AmandaHoldensLips

I believe that a lot of women get pregnant accidentally-on-purpose. (I know five women who have done this, even though they would never admit it.) Any man who doesn't want to get a woman pregnant needs to take responsibility for his own contraception.

And yet so many men don't. They don't like condoms or claim they are done having children but won't have the snip.