To ask why accidental pregnancies are so common?

[Change17]

I’m probably going to get a lot of negative feedback for this. But I’m in my 5th week of lockdown in Melbourne and my mind is asking all sorts of questions.

I’ve honestly never fully understood how so many women find themselves accidentally pregnant. I’m not talking here about contraception not working. I’m aware condoms can break and the pill isn’t always a 100% guarantee.

But if you’re not taking any precautions against getting pregnant, how is it such a shock when the tests come back positive?
I admit I’ve only had sex with a man once when I was 17. Wasn’t long after that that I realised I was gay so I’m not as knowledgable as I could be when it comes to having sex with men, but they always know when ejaculation is imminent yes? As in, there’s a warning period and time to pull out? (Sorry to be blunt.)

As I say I totally understand contraception is not always completely reliable and in all honesty the reason I even started to think about this was watching Desperate Housewives which I’m currently doing a re-run or for the first time in years. Lynette always talks about how she only wanted one child but kept getting pregnant and was “surprised” each time.
I can’t count the amount of times at uni I’d go with friends to get the morning after pill or pregnancy tests and I’d never say anything but was always low key thinking “how does this happen so often???” If you’re not using a condom or on the pill or another form of contraception... then why not do everything else possible to avoid the risk?
I’m fully prepared to be told I’m being way too black and white about this or whether else is coming my way.

Hotandknackered a few PPs have said statistically about 50% so I do consider that quite common.

People also do not really seem to understand contraception stats. If something is 98% effective, that means 2% of couples using it got pregnant within a year. It's not a lifetime statistic. If you multiply the failure rate by years of sexual activity you'll find it's not statistically unlikely at all to have a contraception failure. It still reduces the chances vastly compared with not using any at all, of course!

I can’t count the amount of times at uni I’d go with friends to get the morning after pill or pregnancy tests and I’d never say anything but was always low key thinking “how does this happen so often???”

How lovely for your friends that while outwardly supporting them you were ‘low key’ judging them.
Nice.

Because people are fallible

In short:

-stupidly
-laziness
-trapping your partner (this cuts both ways)

Never understood it myself

I agree actually. The number of women I see on here saying they got pregnant because if contraception failure, even sometimes using two contraceptions, astounds me. Particularly given that most contraceptions are reported to be around 99% effective.

PlumsInTheIcebox an odd way to interpret this but ok.

Well I felt much like you OP and avoided of from 19 to 34 because I was assiduois with contraception. Then DH and I decided to start a family and I expected it to take at least six months. Whilst we only had three children there were many early and late miscarriages. I can put my hand on my heart and say that I have never had unprotected sex and not become pregnant. Far from a boast as there were years of heartbreak but I can say I was really relieved I was always ultra careful.

Well this thread has made me feel like shit!
Thanks a lot!

I counted dates and got pregnant but we were intending on having another kid, just not so close together. I have friends who have conceived after being told they are infertile or who thought they were menopausal. All kinds of reasons

@Change17

PlumsInTheIcebox an odd way to interpret this but ok.

I don’t know how else you would interpret it. You have literally told us the judgement that you were making 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yanbu OP.

Sex ed isn't great, or at least wasn't when I was younger. We were told the only options were condoms and pill - everything else was too unsafe. Withdrawal and the rhythm method were absolute no-nos because they were not protective vs STDs and carried a bigger risk of failure.

Truth is, the pill made me so depressed I cried all day for no reason and all the men I've ever been in relationships with have made a fuss about wearing condoms. I had an accidental pregnancy with an emotionally abusive and controlling ex who would always take off the condom halfway through sex saying it was ruining his pleasure, and I didn't want to upset him so let him carry on.

If I'd known withdrawal actually works ok when used perfectly (failure rate of just 4%), or that I could avoid sex at times when I was fertile by tracking my periods and ovulation, I'd have insisted on that. But I thought there was no point in those methods. I'd heard friends say it was pretty hard to get pregnant anyway so I just hoped for the best. I was young and foolish and didn't realise it could happen so easily.

It's not necessarily that people don't know how you get pregnant, it's that a lot of contraceptive methods are unpleasant and inconvenient and so people don't use them and hope they'll get away with it. Then when they don't the shock and horror of it manifests as a feeling of surprise. But imo nobody's actually that surprised when they get knocked up as a result of unprotected sex.

Condoms fail especially when drunk or nervous. Hormonal contraception isn't 100%.Medication can interfere with the pill or hormonal contraception. Illness can interfere with hormonal contraception such as d&v. People have struggled to get pregnant or not even struggled but like not got pregnant straight away. So think an unprotected shag won't lead to pregnancy. People use rhythm method incorrectly. People use withdrawal method. (I've used this with my dh for 15 years and never been pregnant so it can work!) I think there's also a difference between surprise and accident. We have some friends who have a surprise pregnancy at the moment so not intentionally planned but weren't using contraception so thought there was a chance. I assume in their case they maybe didn't get pregnant immediately with previous so chances were low but happy surprise if it happened.

’I agree actually. The number of women I see on here saying they got pregnant because if contraception failure, even sometimes using two contraceptions, astounds me. Particularly given that most contraceptions are reported to be around 99% effective.’

I’d be one of those women. The condom broke, the morning after pill didn’t work but the abortion did. Maybe you could take some time out from being a judgemental cunt to go read up on how statistics work.

If you multiply the failure rate by years of sexual activity you'll find it's not statistically unlikely at all to have a contraception failure. It still reduces the chances vastly compared with not using any at all, of course!

Exactly. I was on the pill continuously from16-33 (except for pregnancy). I got married when I was 18. 3 failures in that time period is really not that much.

I know one, just one person, who had a genuine accidental pregnancy.

Both parties had been told they were infertile 12 years previously.

Everyone else just didn't use contraception, which is not an accident.

@steff13

If you multiply the failure rate by years of sexual activity you'll find it's not statistically unlikely at all to have a contraception failure. It still reduces the chances vastly compared with not using any at all, of course!

Exactly. I was on the pill continuously from16-33 (except for pregnancy). I got married when I was 18. 3 failures in that time period is really not that much.

3 pill failures in one woman really is ‘much’ actually. Taken correctly the combined pill is 99.7% effective.

Mostly people know exactly what they're doing, there's no surprise about it.

I joke and say DD2 was unplanned. But it is a joke, I knew the potential consequences. I was on the pill for years, also used condoms on top before I was married. DD1 was planned, then about 18 months after she was born we went on holiday. I left my pills behind by accident. Plan was to get a repeat prescription and use condoms in the meantime. ExH knew the score.

One afternoon we got carried away and I distinctly remember realising half way through that we hadn't put on a condom. I thought 'Ah, fuck it' because I was horny. There's nothing more too it than that.

I took it correctly all that time, and I got pregnant on an IUD as well. Maybe it's not 99.7% effective for me personally. 🤷 That's just my experience.

@BertieBotts

People also do not really seem to understand contraception stats. If something is 98% effective, that means 2% of couples using it got pregnant within a year. It's not a lifetime statistic. If you multiply the failure rate by years of sexual activity you'll find it's not statistically unlikely at all to have a contraception failure. It still reduces the chances vastly compared with not using any at all, of course!

^^ This.

It's the same with threads about heavy periods. Lots of belittling comments from posters who have/had light periods who think those with heavy periods are just drama queens/making it up/inferior/weak because they couldn't possibly think past their own experience and realise that women's bodies can vary massively to how it menstruates nevermind how it reacts to contraceptives.

My bestie tells her husband of 10 years she fell pregnant on the pill. Last meet up we literally had this exact conversation and she was saying how she fell pregnant on the pill to a friends new partner. Little liar stopped taking the pill as she wanted a baby. I will obviously never tell.

www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/09/14/sunday-review/unplanned-pregnancies.html

Very cool interactive graphic explains why the smuggos are lucky not clever.

Agree this thread is definitely goady, whether deliberately so or not.

People will say it was an accident in loads of situations to avoid being judged. Because women know that there is a huge amount of judgement around this.

The other point is that abortion is available in the UK as is the map. With most (I'd imagine) genuine accidents, the woman would take map or have an abortion.

So when you meet a woman who has got 'accidentally' pregnant then consider whether actually it wasn't such an accident but she/ her partner can't be arsed justifying to people why they decided to have a baby in (insert about a million different scenarios) their circs.

I mean on here you get posters saying that

It's selfish to have kids full stop because of the planet
You should never have kids unless you are totally financially stable, in a perfect relationship, both have super jobs, mortgage paid off etc etc
You shouldn't have kids at X age (too young or old)
Or if you already have X kids
And etc and so on

This is just a reflection of society and of course this is across loads of threads with loads of other posts with different opinions.

But women know they will be judged. 'accident' puts those judgements to bed for a lighter set of judgements as seen on this thread. And very few people whatever they thought would say 'have an abortion'.

This thread really is just nasty and to the pp who said it made them feel like shit, ignore it.

Most women I know that had an unplanned pregnancy were not overly careful with contraception. They were on the pill but sometimes missed some, had been ill with a stomach bug and not used a condom knowing the pill may fail after that or they used condoms but not every time. They just didn’t see it as a big thing to take that risk.