To ask why accidental pregnancies are so common?

[Change17]

I’m probably going to get a lot of negative feedback for this. But I’m in my 5th week of lockdown in Melbourne and my mind is asking all sorts of questions.

I’ve honestly never fully understood how so many women find themselves accidentally pregnant. I’m not talking here about contraception not working. I’m aware condoms can break and the pill isn’t always a 100% guarantee.

But if you’re not taking any precautions against getting pregnant, how is it such a shock when the tests come back positive?
I admit I’ve only had sex with a man once when I was 17. Wasn’t long after that that I realised I was gay so I’m not as knowledgable as I could be when it comes to having sex with men, but they always know when ejaculation is imminent yes? As in, there’s a warning period and time to pull out? (Sorry to be blunt.)

As I say I totally understand contraception is not always completely reliable and in all honesty the reason I even started to think about this was watching Desperate Housewives which I’m currently doing a re-run or for the first time in years. Lynette always talks about how she only wanted one child but kept getting pregnant and was “surprised” each time.
I can’t count the amount of times at uni I’d go with friends to get the morning after pill or pregnancy tests and I’d never say anything but was always low key thinking “how does this happen so often???” If you’re not using a condom or on the pill or another form of contraception... then why not do everything else possible to avoid the risk?
I’m fully prepared to be told I’m being way too black and white about this or whether else is coming my way.

Illiteracy is no excuse

Christ almighty.

The MAP is emergency contraception. The op keeps referencing it on a thread about unexpected pregnancy. That doesn't make sense at all.

I'm interested in why she puts it in the category of accidental pregnancy rather than emergency contraception. Women who take it will not know whether they are pregnant pregnant or not, loads won't be.

I want to understand her view.

I'll still gobsmacked at the casual dismissal of the large number of functionally illiterate adults. It doesn't take much imagination to understand why that puts barriers in place to properly understanding what disrupts the pill etc.

Presumably because people have a lot of accidental sex?

gin great answer!

@dontdisturbmenow the test was years old and expired, so we just naturally assumed it was because of that. I came on my period two days later. I only tested out of sheer curiosity because I was one day late, even though my cycles hadn't yet settled after BFing, so yes, we were very shocked the second time! In fact I didn't test until I was nearly two weeks late because it was so unlikely and unexpected. We were going through a family loss at the time, so again, put it down to the stress of that. Our consultant for that pregnancy had been the one we saw in the fertility clinic prior to the ivf. He was very surprised and said that it shouldn't have been possible.

@gutentag1 - no, the OP has not made it clear she's not referring to those people, and more to the point, the stats quoted on this thread patently must refer to those people.

I don't want to sound mean but if the illiteracy issue is so bad someone can't understand how to use contraception or that unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy, are they actually ok to have sex? I would imagine that if their issues are that serious they might not be able to give consent...

You're suggesting that the 7.1 million people in England with very poor literacy skills be banned from having sex?

Interesting

This thread gets better and better. Mind blowing!

Even if someone doesn’t know all the correct terminology it doesn’t really matter they know how to do the deed! I agree with the above poster if you don’t know how a baby is formed it’s worrying..

How would your ban be policed?

Let's hear how this policy plays out in real life...

@NiceGerbil

You're suggesting that the 7.1 million people in England with very poor literacy skills be banned from having sex?

Interesting

This thread gets better and better. Mind blowing!

I am suggesting that if someone's issues are so serious they don't understand how to use contraception or that unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy, they capacity probably doesn't allow consent.

Are you suggesting that there is 7.1 million people in UK who don't understand that? Because then England has big issues to deal with...

Never got “accidentally “ pregnant myself (I’ve got 4 very planned children) but my sister- in- law “accidentally did, 3 weeks after meeting her (now) husband who told me at their wedding:” I’m only doing this for the baby”.
Yes, accidents do happen, but it seems to me that lots of women also set out to “accidentally” get pregnant too imo.

Erm loads of people on this thread have discussed how they didn't properly understand/ or knew people who didn't properly understand the things that could make the pill less effective.

That's why I posted that particular headline related to literacy in Australia upthread. As it specifically mentions having trouble with medication instructions (googled Australia for the stats there as it's where op is from).

Interesting response though.

Seems many people are red hot keen on saying women who xyz are various things at this point including lacking enough capacity to be allowed to have sex.

I assume your no sex edict for those who don't understand the dos and don'ts of various contraception types includes men as well?

OP herself was suggesting something as a great choice which as far as we can tell isn't even on the market yet and said as well she didn't understand much about it due to poor sex ed. Does she lack capacity to consent?

This thread is impressive in a really bad way!

By the way I was talking about understanding proper use of contraception with the illiteracy point. Because OP kept saying she would do the research. And why don't other women. So I said, don't forget that there are loads of functionally illiterate people around. It's a fair point.

OP also used to have sex with men and cited pulling out as a good method so you see lots of people have misinformation.

Sorry not men, has had sex with a man, and so said she knew that women can tell when he's going to come and why not just pull out.

Obviously i meant men and women

If someone can't read how to use the contraception, their doctor can explain it. If someone can't understand that unprotected sex may lead to pregnancy, then that's obviously bigger issue than only literacy issue.

NiceGerbil my goodness you are foul. Once again talking absolute shit and twisting my words. I never ONCE said that “if you pull out you will 100% protected from pregnancy”. I said over and over and over again (I genuinely am curious as to why you enjoy playing dumb so much) thst is absolutely zero methods of precision were even ATTEMPTED then how can you be shocked to find yourself pregnant . Surely you understand that if a couple are not using a condom and the female is not on any type of birth control, then pulling out at least decreases the risk?
I really wonder about your psyche. Why do you get off so much on manipulating people’s words and twisting them to fit your own agenda? It seems to really excite you and frankly its fucking odd.

nicegerbil also interesting that I used to have sex with men!! Quite remarkable that I didn’t even know this about myself and yet somehow you do. Quite extraordinary.

Any more thoughts on the illiteracy thing op?

Or the het power dynamic thing?

Or why you keep excluding map from your lists of what women can do for contraception, and including it with your examples around unexpected pregnancy?

And I immediately apologised and corrected my incorrect reading where you said this

'I admit I’ve only had sex with a man once when I was 17. Wasn’t long after that that I realised I was gay so I’m not as knowledgable as I could be when it comes to having sex with men, but they always know when ejaculation is imminent yes? As in, there’s a warning period and time to pull out? '

My mums friend got married at 18. But she has been with her husband since she was 12. They never ever used contraception. (Shes 77 now). It wasn’t till she was 49 that she fell pregnant. She then went on to have a child at 49. 50 and 51!

Defied all medical knowledge!

Another friend of mine tried to get pregnant. She didn’t fall pregnant till 3 years ago. When she was 45! With her new boyfriend. They’d only had sex twice!

I think sometimes it’s genetics. I think some sperm and some eggs just don’t mix!

No idea on my mums friend though. Same man.

Sometimes the timing is just right. Or conditions.

Anyway. There’s 4 surprise pregnancies!

Doctors do not IME go through the whole list of do's and don'ts for any medication with patients.

NiceGerbil any thoughts on owning up to the fact that you’ve twisted, manipulated, and misused things I’ve said right from the start? Or does that kind of behaviour sit well with you? It does seem to come very naturally so I assume it must as you’ve started doing it to other posters too. You are absolutely relentless.

I used to think like the op until I had my own surprise baby. I took the morning after pill & didn’t know how what ineffective it can be for all sorts of reasons. I should have read the note inside the packet. Best surprise ever though.

They usually do the big hitters.

EG some tablets I'm on, they said some things about it but didn't say it was recommended to avoid alcohol. If I couldn't read, I would have few accepted the list they told me and left.

Additionally a big barrier for illiterate people is they can be too embarrassed to admit it. If you Google illiteracy UK there is at least one charity on this where you can find out some more of you're interested. It's a really interesting area and one that's not talked about enough IMO.

@InDeoEstMeaFiducia

My friend. Who goot pregnant above.

Her boyfriend has 7 kids. By 6 different women because he doesn’t like condoms

Then wonders why he pays £2000 in maintenance a month

I dont get it. He didn’t even want children but never took responsibility for protection.

@NiceGerbil

Doctors do not IME go through the whole list of do's and don'ts for any medication with patients.

Unless you need it. Which someone who can't properly read it does. I am pretty sure they would ask for help explaining how to use medicine for cardiovascular issues, why not contraceptive. Sexual health clinic (used to be easier to go there than to gp in my case) staff allways asked me if I have any questions about it or need something explaining. That's quite what are they for too.

Plus there are options. Can't workout pills? Various other methods available.

In case of pills, implants, injections etc, I don't understand why women, sadly it's us atm for this type, don't get all info they can. We are putting it into our bodies. We should want and get all info. And you can get that info even if you can't read it well enough