To ask why accidental pregnancies are so common?

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I’m probably going to get a lot of negative feedback for this. But I’m in my 5th week of lockdown in Melbourne and my mind is asking all sorts of questions.

I’ve honestly never fully understood how so many women find themselves accidentally pregnant. I’m not talking here about contraception not working. I’m aware condoms can break and the pill isn’t always a 100% guarantee.

But if you’re not taking any precautions against getting pregnant, how is it such a shock when the tests come back positive?
I admit I’ve only had sex with a man once when I was 17. Wasn’t long after that that I realised I was gay so I’m not as knowledgable as I could be when it comes to having sex with men, but they always know when ejaculation is imminent yes? As in, there’s a warning period and time to pull out? (Sorry to be blunt.)

As I say I totally understand contraception is not always completely reliable and in all honesty the reason I even started to think about this was watching Desperate Housewives which I’m currently doing a re-run or for the first time in years. Lynette always talks about how she only wanted one child but kept getting pregnant and was “surprised” each time.
I can’t count the amount of times at uni I’d go with friends to get the morning after pill or pregnancy tests and I’d never say anything but was always low key thinking “how does this happen so often???” If you’re not using a condom or on the pill or another form of contraception... then why not do everything else possible to avoid the risk?
I’m fully prepared to be told I’m being way too black and white about this or whether else is coming my way.

I was once under the care of a fertility specialist who informed me of our low chance of pregnancy (later in life). When I asked if he'd be impossible, he said that unless you have your eggs removed no healthcare professional would e we say to a woman that she could never fall pregnant and always recommend to use contraceptives if not wanting to be pregnant. I asked my GP and consultant friends and said exactly the same.

Exactly! Or you have gone through menopause, however prematurely. Some women may not be able to carry a pregnancy to term for various reasons, or implant, but they can still become preganant.

@SarahAndQuack

I don't see how you can conclude that you are infertile and can't get pregnant at all unless you are being told just that black and white.

Well, because some people aren't all that educated about these things, or they misunderstand what has been said because the doctor hasn't communicated very well?

I think (as I said) that if you ask a doctor point-blank 'am I 100% infertile,' they will give you an honest answer. The problem comes when a doctor says something like 'well, Mrs Quack, it's obvious you will need IVF to have a chance at a baby' or 'well, that ovary isn't doing anything, there's absolutely nothing happening at all' and you, the patient, don't understand the context.

I really do think this is a shared responsibility between doctors and patients.

Spot on. Far too many just are not educated (or are sadly not very intelligent) and just conclude they don't need contraceptive and then proclaim pregnancies 'a miracle'.

Just catching up.

OP I'm really interested in why you see the MAP as something other than contraception?

The thread is about pregnancy. You take the MAP as soon as poss after unprotected sex. You don't know if you are pregnant or not.

I'd be interested in why you put it in the 'accidentally pregnant' category rather than the 'contraception' category.

And sure taking it a lot is definitely not ideal, it's a big dose of hormones and some women become very ill while it's doing it's thing. Also of course it's not foolproof.

However you repeatedly put it's use in the examples of irresponsible accidental pregnancy category which is confusing me.

On all the comments about women not researching, being stupid, not understanding what docs tell them etc I'd remind posters of this:

'16.4% of adults in England, or 7.1 million people, can be described as having 'very poor literacy skills.' They can understand short straightforward texts on familiar topics accurately and independently, and obtain information from everyday sources, but reading information from unfamiliar sources, or on unfamiliar topics, could cause problems. This is also known as being functionally illiterate.'

None of this is straightforward at all. As a pp says it intersects across a huge range of topics in society.

You’ve had an unfairly hard time OP but for goodness sake stop banging on about your fifteen minutes of sex education. Lots of people receive minimal or inadequate sex education. You clearly have time on your hands. Read a book.

In life doesn't what you might be using, I do believe some are more prone to getting pregnant and it doesn't matter what you take. Case point me, my first was planned, my second, third and fourth were not, with them I fell pregnant on the pill, coil and mini pill, a shock yes! But they're all happy well adjusted adults.
So raised eyebrows, patronising comments, you need to learn that nature can do what it likes.

Far too many just are not educated (or are sadly not very intelligent) and just conclude they don't need contraceptive and then proclaim pregnancies 'a miracle
If they are educated and intelligent enough to raise children, they surely are intelligent enough to understand that unless you don't have sex, don't have eggs or a womb, there is always a chance that it might happen however low that chance.

I checked Australia as well and the front page of Google has a range of stats on this but I thought this headline had relevance due to the last line about medication.

'Libraries in the Central West are trying to improve the community's literacy rates, in the face of statistics showing nearly half the country - 47 per cent - can't read well enough to follow a recipe or understand instructions on medication.'

Other stats on that page say 18% so there's obviously disagreement on the level, or maybe they are using different definitions.

Nearly 1 in 5 is still a lot of people though.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia since you’re back, can you explain why you got so angry at me for thanking you for calmly educating me on The vasectomy topic (which others didn’t and instead hurled insults my way). I’m confused as to how my message was interpreted so negatively by you.

@Mammyloveswine

DS2 was a "surprise"... I missed one pill...

Also terminated a pregnancy last year after I got pregnant on the pill..

I got pregnant first time trying for ds1... I'm clearly bloody good at getting pregnant so can take no chances.. now have the coil..

HTH..

also no disrespect but as it isn't a concern for you, getting pregnant accidentally, you have no right to judge.

You missed a pill so you got pregnant. Nothing mysterious about it

ThanksItHasPockets .. I am reiterating the point because apparently, me saying that we’re I have to have sex with men, due to my shit sex Ed classes, I’d want to learn a bit more, is apparently smug and self righteous.
Surely you’ve just proved my point in saying “read a book.” That’s exactly my point ..

ThanksItHasPockets and since you mention it. I am currently going through stage 4 lock down. I live alone since my girlfriend went back to the UK in March for family reasons and got stuck there and is now unable to return to Australia. I haven’t worked since April. I have a curfew and cannot go more than 5km from my house sooo yes I do have a fair bit to time on my hands you’re not wrong.

I'd be really interested in an answer to my question about MAP op that I just asked and also whether the point about adult functional illiteracy has provoked any thoughts?

I had a very unexpected shock, accidental baby, although I hate saying accidental, because he's the best accident ever. We had to go through ivf/icsi for baby number one, due to very, very severe male factor infertility. We were told by our fertility consultants, both at the hospital and the ivf clinic that we could TTS for twenty years, but would never conceive naturally as the count, motility and morphology would make it impossible. We had less that 120000 sperm in total from 8 "donations" from DH, with only around 1% suitable to use for icsi. The odds were millions and millions to one that we'd conceive on our own.

After DC1 was born, we laughed when the midwife and HV spoke to us about contraception. Then 6 months later I had a faint bfp, which sadly never progressed. Thinking it was just a dud test and squiffy cycle we continued in normal, but when DC1 was 13 months old, we fell pregnant with DC2. I nearly fell off the bed in shock when we had the first scan, because I never imagined that it was actually real, despite the morning sickness.

DH has now had a vasectomy, after bragging that the silver lining of infertility was that he wouldn't need to have one, whilst his mates all did.

TTC, not TTS

Also meant to add that if another one makes it through the infertility and vasectomy, it's obviously meant to be!

SarahandQuack the OP has made it clear that she isn't referring to those people, and neither am I.

It is not irresponsible to have a baby that you want when you are in a position to care for it, obviously.

If you categorically do not want a child or are not in a position to care for it then contraception should be an absolute priority.

@SamsMumsCateracts

That’s a good point and reminds me I knew of someone through work who went through years of infertility and IVF rounds and eventually had IBF twins, only to fall pregnant naturally a couple of months after they were born. They ended up with 3 kids in under a year. I do wonder if going through pregnancy and birth can somehow ‘kickstart’ fertility in some women.

I assume you are not talking about

The sometimes prohibitive cost of contraception (you being in Aus you know that it isn't free for women here)

Sexual coercion

Reproductive coercion

Rape

etc...

differentnameforthis
My goodness am I really having to say this again. I think this really might be about the 10th time since people are so insistent on not reading properly.

I’m not talking here about contraception not working. I’m aware condoms can break and the pill isn’t always a 100% guarantee.

differentnameforthis i sincerely like to think that people do in fact read a post properly before commenting. Many other PPs have also commented how the types of pregnancies I’m referring to are very clear form my OP and other comments. So I can’t help but think you’re looking for a way to start a heated discussion which just seems so petty and pointless

MAP, from the NHS website states
They aren't intended to be used as a regular form of contraception. But you can use emergency contraception more than once in a menstrual cycle if you need to.
So NiceGerbil, maybe that's why. Also, illiteracy is no excuse. Have unprotected sex = pregnancy. You don't need to be Einstein. Only exception would be those with serious mental cognitive deficiencies.

I was classed as having low fertility after TTC late 40's (no surprise really). Was lined up for IVF and told not to 'try' in the meantime but thankfully ignored and fell pregnant naturally! No it wasn't a surprise as I'd had sex!

@SamsMumsCateracts, I can totally understand how shocked you would have been the first time you got a bfp after going through ICSI as a result of very low count. But surely it can't have been as much of a shock when it happened again. Surprised yes, but not shocked.

Congratulation though, this is great news to hear and hope for infertile couples.

I agree with you OP.
FWIW I found this article fascinating - has all the common contraceptive methods and their (cumulative) chance of getting pregnant over time for both the ideal and "typical" use.
www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/09/14/sunday-review/unplanned-pregnancies.html

When we were actively trying (very very hard) to start our family, and only managing to get pregnant 3 times in 7 years, (and those pregnancies not progressing), we were sent to a specialist who told us that there is just so much that they do not know about infertility yet.

It is not always easy to get pregnant. Some people are surprised. Contraception does fail. It all happens.

It is very rare that you will be told you are infertile. You may be told that the odds are not in your favour, but not that it will not happen ever.