To think he's stupid?

[inthedarkx]

So my ex has just informed me that his cousin from another country is going to come over this week and stay a couple of months in his flat. So my children won't be able to stay over night there as there will be no room. My only has a one bed flat and it was a squeeze as it is having the children there. Now he will have to come here to see the kids or take them out but with covid there isn't many places to take them. It also means I'll never get a night off. He makes all these decisions and it affects me and the kids life. He's also doing a course as well as working so some weeks he wont be able to come to see the kids until 18:00 and that means he will have to come mine as he can't take them to his flat. I also don't want him to try and tell Me he's taking the kids to stay over at his gf, who lives an hour away. I've never met her personally and she has 3 kids in a 3 bed and I don't want my 6 going to hers where they will be squashed in the living room in a place that's not even their dads and I don't even know where she lives. I'm so angry really. He's constantly messing up our lives and I feel like just going a moon light flit and forgetting he's ever existed!
He says I have no right to complain and that's the reason why he left me. I'm just so angry he's stupid choices affect my children !

If you’re ex is this fickle about his duties to his children then it might be best, going forward , to approach the court for a more formal arrangement that he can’t wriggle out of.

‘Oh sorry. I’m afraid you don’t get to decide to change arrangements and then pick them back up again when it suits you: if you’re going to drop the contact schedule we’ve agreed, then that’s it- you’ll have to go to court to arrange a new one which suits us both and until then, you won’t be seeing them. Your cousin isn’t more important than them and I don’t want them thinking that they’ve been pushed out. Keep to current arrangements or go to court for a new one - those are your choices.’

What a bell end! I wouldn’t have him in your home because it’s your place to relax and I doubt you can do that with him there. He made the decision to change the arrangement, let him know how it works for you rather than him changing it whenever he wants.

If he pays based on overnights remember to change it until everything’s back to normal! You will be paying more during the time he would normally be feeding them etc

Completely agree with @FizzyGreenWater

Cousin can be sorted out with alternative arrangements. The kids have a routine. You drop the kids, then all bets are off.

If he had asked first it would be different but presenting it as a done deal - no way.

You don't have to facilitate him having the kids at your house.

However, if he wants to take them to his girlfriend's I can't see the problem with them sleeping in the living room. Kids tend to like that sort of thing if you make it fun.

He doesn’t have to have the kids at yours, either his cousin can find somewhere else to stay when the kids come, or they go with him to his girlfriends, I don’t see the difference if he has the 6 kids in a one bedroom flat or as 9 kids in a three bed house

Looking at your posting history I think you all need to grow up and do what is best for the children even if that means him spending time with them at your house. There’s post after post of drama around this , his new relationship etc it must be exhausting

Re the gf, in his time it isn't your call where they sleep so long as they're not at risk. Surely it's a better option than them thinking he just doesn't want to see them.
Tbh tho if I had 3 kids in a 3 bed house, DP bringing his 6 to sleep over would wear thin pretty quickly unless the kids all got on amazingly

He has a 1 bed flat and you're sending your 6 kids to stay there?!?! (Before the cousin and/or new girlfriend drama)
No part of this sounds ideal tbh

I don’t think he’s stupid, he just sounds like he’s a poor working student who can only afford a one bed flat. Thats what a housing crisis does I’m afraid.

I don’t understand how 6 children in a 1 bed flat is ok, but 9 children in a 3 bed flat is not on the basis of space? The 9 in a 3 bed flat is literally twice as much room. Besides, your Ex could have a GF living with him in his 1 bed flat, so baffled why addition of 1 adult being a cousin is an issue? This cousin would an aunt or uncle to your children and that’s another family relationship they could develop.

He doesnt have to have access at your home.
Hes made choices & will have to live with the consequences.

Do not let him in your home.

Does it make a great deal of difference whether it’s 7 or 8 people in the flat? Far from ideal but it was before.

@Newnamenewopenme

What a bell end! I wouldn’t have him in your home because it’s your place to relax and I doubt you can do that with him there. He made the decision to change the arrangement, let him know how it works for you rather than him changing it whenever he wants.

If he pays based on overnights remember to change it until everything’s back to normal! You will be paying more during the time he would normally be feeding them etc

All of the above. doesn't "have" to come to your flat etc - you can tell him "No - it doesn't suit me. You can see them again when your cousin has gone home:

The difference between 7 and 8 in a 1 bedroom is not that great. Leave him to get on with it, it isn’t your problem to solve. Detach, detach, detach.

If he was managing 6 kids in a one bed flat, not really sure what difference the cousin makes.

The girlfriend's house sounds ideal if she's willing she must be mad

Does the GF even want your 6 kids staying, having 9 kids in a smallish house sounds like hell!

@Gingerkittykat

Does the GF even want your 6 kids staying, having 9 kids in a smallish house sounds like hell!

This. With knobs on. Dantés Seventh Circle of Hell.

Again? Have you not learned over you many many threads how to co-parent with your ex? What happened to his other girlfriend who he knocked up the same time as you?

Where on earth do 6 children sleep in his 1 bed flat usually?

let him get on with it, tell him not having hid own dc isn't negotiable - he has to have them as it their time with him and hell sort out arrangements

11 in a 3 bedrm place sounds better than 7 in a 1 bedrm place.

@FizzyGreenWater

‘Oh sorry. I’m afraid you don’t get to decide to change arrangements and then pick them back up again when it suits you: if you’re going to drop the contact schedule we’ve agreed, then that’s it- you’ll have to go to court to arrange a new one which suits us both and until then, you won’t be seeing them. Your cousin isn’t more important than them and I don’t want them thinking that they’ve been pushed out. Keep to current arrangements or go to court for a new one - those are your choices.’

This

Wow 6 children on your own. Superstar supermum

Might you need a change in maintenance if he isn’t doing any overnights?

6 kids in a 1 bedroom flat?

It doesn’t sit right with me that you’re more bothered about your night off than you are about sending them there to sleep like that.