To think he's stupid?

[inthedarkx]

So my ex has just informed me that his cousin from another country is going to come over this week and stay a couple of months in his flat. So my children won't be able to stay over night there as there will be no room. My only has a one bed flat and it was a squeeze as it is having the children there. Now he will have to come here to see the kids or take them out but with covid there isn't many places to take them. It also means I'll never get a night off. He makes all these decisions and it affects me and the kids life. He's also doing a course as well as working so some weeks he wont be able to come to see the kids until 18:00 and that means he will have to come mine as he can't take them to his flat. I also don't want him to try and tell Me he's taking the kids to stay over at his gf, who lives an hour away. I've never met her personally and she has 3 kids in a 3 bed and I don't want my 6 going to hers where they will be squashed in the living room in a place that's not even their dads and I don't even know where she lives. I'm so angry really. He's constantly messing up our lives and I feel like just going a moon light flit and forgetting he's ever existed!
He says I have no right to complain and that's the reason why he left me. I'm just so angry he's stupid choices affect my children !

So sometimes he has no days off?
Do you know how long his course is going to last for?
It is going to be difficult to have a schedule if he gets called into work last minute.

@LittleMissRedHat he can't afford it right now.. that's his FUTURE plan. He needs to save for a deposit first but needs somewhere to live in the meantime

@LittleMissRedHat and plus he's only got what he's entitled to, which is a one bed

[quote inthedarkx]@Sunrise234 the background is he was always working full time-shift work. He came if and when .He started a course where he went for lessons it was mon- thurs until 3. And then worked fri-sun in his job. He used to see the children wed Thursday from 3 up till late. Took them to his flat. They would stay from wed till Thursday morning drop them off whilst he went to course had them from 3 Thursday till Friday morning. This worked very welL
THEN he finished lessons and had to go into community for work experience in that trade so now it's mixed, he could get called for jobs by his mentor any days from mon-Thursday it's not definite until he gets a text on the day or sometimes night before but jobs are always 8/9am until 18:00. Sometimes he can have jobs mon-thurs every day until 18:00 now, sometimes 1, sometimes none, no one knows until the day. So he has to come here at 6/7 to see the kids mostly when it's tea/ bedtime. It's frustrating. For me. He works in his main job every single week Friday to Sunday. He says his gf never complains that he gets back to hers in the evening after her job and says she's ok with it but he's in a relationship with her. He's not with me. They are a family, we are not. He thinks him and his gf Dynamics should be the same for us.
[/quote]
Seriously?! So now you are basically saying it's NOT his fault that he has to chop and change when he has the kids... I can understand it's frustrating for you, but you have always maintained that it is HIM that is cancelling last minute and being flaky and awkward, when really, if he wants to work he has to cancel if that's what the job requires...!

@Sunrise234 yep sometimes he has no day off, he only had one job this week which was tuesday. But next week he could have 4.

Honestly OP so he didn't try to force you to live in a four bed house and pay him rent, because he's not even got a deposit together?

@LittleMissRed it is his fault. He could easily tell his mentor he can only do 2 jobs a week, yes it would take longer to finish his portfio but thTs life. I dont have to support a man who left me in his things. Its his job to make arrangementa to properly see his kids not mine. He should at least keep one day spare for his kids

[quote inthedarkx]@LittleMissRedHat he can't afford it right now.. that's his FUTURE plan. He needs to save for a deposit first but needs somewhere to live in the meantime [/quote]
So all this "he has threatened to take the kids away" is all just pie in the sky... like taking the kids to the girlfriends, which you admit he hasn't actually suggested, you just won't allow it if he does...!

If it's a future plan, then the kids might be grown up by the time he can afford and it will all be irrelevant. Why on earth are you making a fuss about it now?! It's not even imminent!

[quote inthedarkx]@LittleMissRed it is his fault. He could easily tell his mentor he can only do 2 jobs a week, yes it would take longer to finish his portfio but thTs life. I dont have to support a man who left me in his things. Its his job to make arrangementa to properly see his kids not mine. He should at least keep one day spare for his kids[/quote]
The bloke can't do right for doing wrong can he?

@LittleMissRedHat hes threatened me that as soon as he get this course finished, he gets a deposit,he will get the house and if i dont move in with kids he will take them. He said iff he can join the council rent to buyscheme he wont need a deposit

@LittleMissRedHat not really, you are standing up for man who doesnt pay for his kids, cant spare one full day for them and wants to see two woman at once lol

If it were me and his course was nearly finished I would carry things on for now but as soon as it finishes he would need to have set days and times for when he is having them.

If his course is nowhere near finished then I would tell him he needs to speak to his mentor and explain he has 6 kids and has a responsibility to them.

Whe his course finishes will he still be working on the weekend? I would be saying he needs to have them at least every other weekend so they can spend time with him and you get some time for yourself.

That would annoy me! Can you go and stay with family 1 night a week while he has them at yours? Otherwise I'd be putting my foot down and saying the cousin needs to go out or stay somewhere else on the times your ex is due to have the kids

So currently he it has them one night a week at his anyway. Maybe he can ask his cousin to stay elsewhere that one night?

Please keep a detailed diary of contact and if possible how much extra you pay in food etc.
When and if he takes you to court you have to exact dates and times.
Be firm and prepared.
I can appreciate how you feel. Your kids aren't his priority.

If he isn’t paying maintenance why haven’t you gone via CMS to get payment?

@Sirzy because hes made me feel bad because hes doing this course and having to pay back the loan for it and only working weekends say𝐼𝑛𝑔 𝐻𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑒𝑠𝑛𝑡 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑢𝑐ℎ and I'd be putting him in a bad position

So you have chosen not to go for it. So you can’t blame him for that!

@Sirzy he wouldn't pay anyway so I don't bother. If he wanted to pay, he would do voluntarily

CMS would take it from his wages

As a PP said CMS will work out what he can afford and take it from his wages.
If he is a rubbish dad like you say he is going to say anything to you to manipulate you into not making him pay.

He has 6 kids, he needs to pay for them.
He should also be looking after them a lot more than he does.

Inthedarkx They are offering counselling, only its online, through skype, zoom,phone call. If search online you will find free counselling or you can pay for it. I know this because I am a counsellor.

You do sound very angry and I'm sorry you're left in this position. Its sounds VERY VERY frustrating. But like I said before, you both need to get it together for your kids sake. Mediation would be very beneficial.

Updating my thread. I've decided to let him see the kids one day a week now. Then when he finishes his course he can let me know and we come up with a longer term solution. That way I'm only having to have one day a week where I'm waiting for him.
Things will get harder soon as I highly suspect his gf is pregnant with their 2nd kid together ( something he said , he slipped up) so looks like my kids will get pushed to the back loads more and less time for my kids. It hurts me tho as he was threatening me to abort my last baby ( I didn't, and I'm glad) because he didn't want anymore and he goes and have a second one with her when he doesn't even have time for these or the finances. It's going to be harder for him to have them over night now. I'm trying to block the news out because it's hurting me and brought back old pains. I just don't want to have to have contact with him again after this . He's going to have 8 kids to deal with.
I think I'll be really glad of this counselling, I really really need it

I really feel for you, inthedarkx Stay strong and detach from him.
He is disgusting and what a twat.