I am financially screwed. I really need advice

[tiredandunoriginal]

I have never been bad with money. I’m not well off at all but I moved out at 18 after saving hard for a deposit. I’ve lived in various places and I have never been late on rent or bills. For a few years I constantly had above £5,000 in savings.

I was in a relationship during this time but in the last couple of years my ex lost his job and just didn’t bother looking for a new one. I had to pay everything alone and used up all my savings to support ourselves and him. He then cheated on me, and left. I couldn’t afford the rent any longer so moved to a cheaper place. I ended up having to take a loan out to support myself. Since then I’ve constantly been in debt. I’ve always been self-employed but for a long time was PAYE, I have a chronic illness and so when I had to go of sick/have operations I didn’t get any sick pay. I then ended up taking out a large overdraft and am constantly stuck in it. I feel like such a failure now and I hate how I’ve borrowed so much money.

After getting pregnant I decided to move closer to my family with my partner because my mental health was suffering and I needed support. I couldn’t move in with them because they don’t have the space. For a while I was doing okay, I even managed to get out of my overdraft and save £4,000 for rent stability after having my baby.

When I had my baby I went on maternity for a few weeks and my partner wasn’t working for a few weeks to support me because I had quite bad mental health. I didn’t qualify for a self-employment grant due to having been PAYE. I couldn’t afford to stay on maternity so decided to start working again. I’m a writer and do many good money when I get commissioned and have a few long-term relationships with editors so get frequent work. However I’m constantly having to wait for invoices to be paid so I’m always in my overdraft until I get paid and then it goes on bills.

My partner is working part time so that we don’t have to pay for childcare. I am the higher earner so he has DS when I work and vice versa.

I am working as much as I physically can while dealing with my mental health and having a new baby (he’s 17 weeks now).

But I just can’t get out of this debt, and my anxiety is horrendous right now because I’m constantly worrying about rent. I can’t move to a cheaper place because I can’t afford another deposit!

I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice on this? I’m going to include a breakdown of my bills in case that helps.

Rent: £950
Council tax: £180
Car insurance: £140
Loan repayment: £150
Car finance (I took this out when I was financially stable and could afford it): £130
Electric/gas: £62
TV licence: £11
Water: Not sure as they got our water bill wrong
Internet: £22
Phone bill: £50

I got declined CBT on the NHS so I’m having to pay £70 a week for that too, and £30 a week therapy. These are absolutely vital to me as I am struggling so much that I honestly don’t think I’d be able to work without it.

I’ve stopped paying for things like Netflix and amazon. Phone/finance was taken out when I could afford it.

Bar these things I rarely spend money on myself and any money I do have leftover goes on things for my baby.

If anyone has any advice I would be so grateful, anything I can check prices on, debt advice, things I could cancel, anything like that?

Thank you

There are charities that provide the deposit for moving house, maybe check if there is one in your area?
Re PIP, this group is great for advice

www.facebook.com/groups/618408238317462

I would claim for PIP on both mental and physical health grounds.

There’s a mobility component and a care component.

Join benefitsandwork website - you have to pay a bit but it’s well worth it. They produce a thorough guide to filling in the form. They provide the ‘descriptors’ which is essentially a marking scheme for the form, showing what points you score (and need to score) where.

You need to really underline the amount of care you get from your DH and also how both mental and physical health problems impact your mobility.

(Improving Access to Psychological Therapy)?
You can self refer or GP can refer - it is a very common scheme.

Because if so, did they know you were pregnant / have a young baby?

If not, call them back. There are waiting lists its true but you will be prioritised. It's a points based system but your initial 'chat' will be with an assessor so if you get to that stage tell them you have a young baby and emphasise how much you NEED therapy / how much your OCD is affecting you. (I'm not sure I'd mention you're having it privately). They can usually offer you a computerised package pretty quickly, group work takes a bit longer, 1:1 you will wait much longer depending on area and demand.

Worth a try?

@52andblue It was through Helios I think?

Definitely look at a PIP claim. Ask your therapist and the PNCMHT for supporting letters.

I would at least apply for PIP as you've nothing to loose if its declined.
Either sell car or see if ins cheaper with partner on insurance.
Plan meals so you can buy food accordingly.
Any chance oh can do a few more hours?

Ieso Digital Health. Have a google of that. It's free and online.
I really admire you for how you get back up again when you get knocked down. You can do it again.

It looks like these might be able to help you with a rent deposit as you are vulnerable:
www.billhelp.uk/surrey-county-rent-deposit-scheme/

If your mental health is so bad and you have a baby under 1 I’m surprised you don’t qualify for CBT/therapy on the NHS. Could you go back to GP? Perhaps see someone different and request a referral.

Sorry, trying to keep up with the comments without drip feeding, so just wanted to reply in one go:

Some months I make more money than others, but right now is the worst off I’ve ever been. I’m waiting on a new invoice to come through but it likely won’t be for another two weeks.

I was referred for CBT through Helios. Not sure if the IPAT scheme so will take a look, thank you

Agree we absolutely don’t need two cards - have just put the idea of selling one to DP and he said he will think about it...

He is asking for another shift, he works in retail so dependent on whether there’s availability because so many new people have been employed during COVID.

CBT is short term so once it’s over that will be an extra £70 a month.

Have just sent off child benefit forms, believe I should get a backlog?

Agree I’m unlikely to get PIP, I looked into it when I was first diagnosed six years ago and didn’t qualify

Didn’t qualify for self-employment scheme due to having been PAYE during the relevant timescale

I’m sorry if I’ve missed any questions

Once you've had a few more CBT sessions, it might be possible for you to manage that yourself. I found that I learned the activities/ exercises off by heart and was told the idea of it is to be able to continue without the counsellor once comfortable with it. I still do CBT on an app years after my 3 months of CBT sessions. I know we're all different though. I hope it's helping and I would stick with it and the other therapy. Anywhere near you doing food boxes of what supermarkets waste? Might be worth looking into. I know people who have made loads of meals from loads of veg that was going to be chucked and frozen portions to last for a while. Its shit about what happened with your ex. Being a new mum can feel like a million problems happening at once. Hope things start to feel better soon. Good luck.

First thing, first.

• You have had good advice on car finance. Check the contract early and see if there is a way out, especially under pandemic rules. You will save money on tax, fuel, servicing and insurance if you do. Like you, I work from home and saved £600 a year by selling up and using public transport or occasionally renting a vehicle.
• Shop around for electric and water; this should be done yearly as the buggers do put up the charges.
• Talk to your phone provider to see if there is a way to reduce the bill (such as a cut in minutes/data).
• See if you can restructure the overdraft into a cheaper loan or credit card, so it's just one bill per month.

I am shocked at how much you need to spend on therapy each month: it's half your rent payment! Definitely go back to your NHS unit and push for help.

Above all, you need to fix the cash flow problem from the other end.
This could be an upfront deposit, shorter payments times (you don't have to accept 30 days in arrears) or else in-fill work to keep you going. These could be sales pages, blogs and or technical files. Ask around on LinkedIn or apply for the higher-paid jobs on Upwork (the platform takes 20% and you have to allow for conversion from USD to GBP, but it has an hourly guarantee and you get paid in one week).

Thank you so much @IamwhoIwanttobe that really means the world.

OP, in your list of outgoings you don't seem to have mentioned things like groceries - are you sure your list covers all your expenditure?

I know it's very tempting not to set up a proper budget when your income is erratic, but IMO, that's even more reason to budget! I highly recommend YNAB (You Need a Budget) for budgeting - it has changed my life!

Definitely look into applying for PIP (you can check the criteria online to see if you're affected in the areas PIP covers) and I'd also check out www.entitledto.co.uk to see if there are any other benefits you might be missing out on.

I would also address the car situation- it sounds like as a household you're running two cars unnecessarily, but I might have misunderstood.

OP have you heard of Moodgym? It's an online self help CBT course that is free to use. It was set up by a university in Australia and I found it really helpful. Could this be an alternative to expensive face to face therapy?

moodgym.com.au/

“So basically I was under a psychiatrist for bipolar disorder, but then ended up moving and wasn’t under a mental health team. When I got pregnant I was put under the perinatal team and have a psychiatrist through there to manage medication. So I speak to him, but only about medication and mood, and this is once every six weeks. I have a mental health leader who contacts me but she isn’t experienced in bipolar or OCD, so it’s general stuff about mindfulness. I asked for CBT, and they referred me, and I got rejected and told I couldn’t have it because I have bipolar disorder. This is the second time I’ve been rejected (was rejected a few years ago also).”

OP please try to speak to your GP or psychiatrist and ask them to refer you for CBT again. Can you self refer and mention you’ve developed symptoms after pregnancy? Explain that you think it will help with anxiety/OCD, that this has developed since pregnancy and it is completely separate from bipolar. If you do an assessment maybe don’t mention bipolar at all - focus on anxiety/OCD symptoms. Really insist on it.

In my area pregnant women/recently pregnant women experiencing symptoms are seen as a priory and go to the front of the waiting list (up to two years after they have given birth).

I hope that will work.

If not, or in the mean time you look into a cheaper therapist? Would you be open to phone or video therapy, then you could shop around different parts of the county where rates are cheaper than where you are? Initial consultations are often at no cost, if you find out the approach your therapist takes you maybe able to find someone who does similar.

Could you move home for a while? We did to hmget on our feet, get our heads straight and stabilise our finances. It enabled us to buy our home........at the time I hated it but I'm so glad we took those few months out and having the support from my mum was invaluable.

@astridforty

Highly unlikely you can sell and then pay off finance, you have to settle the finance and then sell - which probably isn’t doable. Depending on your agreement you may be able to voluntarily terminate and hand back the car. This doesn’t damage your credit rating despite what you might hear. I’ve done it without issue, beware - they might sting you for minor damage repairs on pick up. Think alloy wheel dings, paint chips etc.

If it is on PCP you can sell and settle the finance in one go. Try your local we buy any car type of place. They might not clear the full total but you should be able get rid of most of it and sometimes you can even get more than is left on your finance. Definitely worth getting a quote. We sold one to our local "car shop" and paid off all but £400 of our finance. We recently sold my car to another dealership as 'part ex' to buy a new car and paid off the finance in full (left no deposit for the new car, but it clear the debt on the old one).

Could you ask your health visitor to help you push for counseling on the NHS? I don’t know how it works so that might be a daft idea, but I wonder if their referral might be helpful? I needed to push for a pediatric referral for my son and HV was great, she even rang the hospital to persuade them to accept it (he was slightly off with the criteria). I know HV get a bad rep sometimes and I’ve met one or two I didn’t rate, but I’ve also seen some excellent ones!

@SickOfNorthernExile I have been in that position, where I had a physical ailment and couldn’t afford to have it treated.

It is AWFUL, and wrong that people are in that position. I do understand that.

But I simply couldn’t afford £400 a month and I am in a much more secure financial position than the OP. Debt is a huge contributor towards MH problems - getting into further debt to treat existing MH problems is a terrible spiral.

@tiredandunoriginal

Definitely don't put your parents on your insurance as that is illegal nowadays. However, it can't hurt to put your partner on, just check the quotes and you might find it lowers it, it did for us.

Regarding CBT, I'm not sure how much you looked into it, or how it can be affected by your bipolar (considering bipolar is one of the things it treats) however it's self-apply with the NHS, have you tried doing this? It's really helpful, you can choose in person or over the phone/by email support and you have access to the information and support site for a year after.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt/

At the very least, can you call your GP and discuss the car accident you had creating anxiety or the postnatal symptoms that have increased and push them to refer you?

I'm confused as to why the NHS won't provide mental health support given your medical history?

If you are writer then you obviously work from home and it can be rather ad hoc and feasibly you could easily work with a baby there or in the evenings - seems to me like your partner needs to go full time and you stay home and do your writing and provide the childcare

@ivfdreaming I have already explained in previous posts.

I am working whenever my partner is home... currently working now. Have tried working while taking care of DS, have found it absolutely impossible.

Healios is not self referral you need your GP or Caamhs to do it.

Can you call your GP back and ask to be re-referred, stressing that you have a young baby. Ask him / her to write to them and check that this was on your file. It should have prioritised you. But private companies that the NHS contract out to are far from perfect and things get missed.
It's a points based system, so you need to score 'enough' on a depression and / or anxiety scale to quality unfortunately.

However, if you are diagnosed with Bi Polar, at the organisation I worked at (one of the above) that would certainly have got you onto a 1:1 list with a more experienced therapist, so I would mention it. Sorry to give a different opinion but if you need therapy and support you shouldnt have to be going into debt to pay £££ every month!

Agree we absolutely don’t need two cars - have just put the idea of selling one to DP and he said he will think about it...

Er, no. He needs to step up here.