I am financially screwed. I really need advice

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I have never been bad with money. I’m not well off at all but I moved out at 18 after saving hard for a deposit. I’ve lived in various places and I have never been late on rent or bills. For a few years I constantly had above £5,000 in savings.

I was in a relationship during this time but in the last couple of years my ex lost his job and just didn’t bother looking for a new one. I had to pay everything alone and used up all my savings to support ourselves and him. He then cheated on me, and left. I couldn’t afford the rent any longer so moved to a cheaper place. I ended up having to take a loan out to support myself. Since then I’ve constantly been in debt. I’ve always been self-employed but for a long time was PAYE, I have a chronic illness and so when I had to go of sick/have operations I didn’t get any sick pay. I then ended up taking out a large overdraft and am constantly stuck in it. I feel like such a failure now and I hate how I’ve borrowed so much money.

After getting pregnant I decided to move closer to my family with my partner because my mental health was suffering and I needed support. I couldn’t move in with them because they don’t have the space. For a while I was doing okay, I even managed to get out of my overdraft and save £4,000 for rent stability after having my baby.

When I had my baby I went on maternity for a few weeks and my partner wasn’t working for a few weeks to support me because I had quite bad mental health. I didn’t qualify for a self-employment grant due to having been PAYE. I couldn’t afford to stay on maternity so decided to start working again. I’m a writer and do many good money when I get commissioned and have a few long-term relationships with editors so get frequent work. However I’m constantly having to wait for invoices to be paid so I’m always in my overdraft until I get paid and then it goes on bills.

My partner is working part time so that we don’t have to pay for childcare. I am the higher earner so he has DS when I work and vice versa.

I am working as much as I physically can while dealing with my mental health and having a new baby (he’s 17 weeks now).

But I just can’t get out of this debt, and my anxiety is horrendous right now because I’m constantly worrying about rent. I can’t move to a cheaper place because I can’t afford another deposit!

I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice on this? I’m going to include a breakdown of my bills in case that helps.

Rent: £950
Council tax: £180
Car insurance: £140
Loan repayment: £150
Car finance (I took this out when I was financially stable and could afford it): £130
Electric/gas: £62
TV licence: £11
Water: Not sure as they got our water bill wrong
Internet: £22
Phone bill: £50

I got declined CBT on the NHS so I’m having to pay £70 a week for that too, and £30 a week therapy. These are absolutely vital to me as I am struggling so much that I honestly don’t think I’d be able to work without it.

I’ve stopped paying for things like Netflix and amazon. Phone/finance was taken out when I could afford it.

Bar these things I rarely spend money on myself and any money I do have leftover goes on things for my baby.

If anyone has any advice I would be so grateful, anything I can check prices on, debt advice, things I could cancel, anything like that?

Thank you

I agree it's a catch 22 situation. Your outgoings are causing you stress and you need therapy because of it which is costing £400 a month. It just isnt logical. It's a vicious circle. Your partner needs to step up. In your position you'd probably be better off as a single parent if you gave up work for a year or two.

User43210
Definitely don't put your parents on your insurance as that is illegal nowadays. However, it can't hurt to put your partner on, just check the quotes and you might find it lowers it, it did for us.

It is not illegal to add another driver or drivers to your car insurance, can be partner, parents, siblings, friend and it may reduce the price. It is illegal to put them as the main driver when they are not the main driver and when you are but that is not what the op has been advised to do.

I haven’t read all the comments so far so apologies for any repetition.

I wanted to say please take a moment to recognise you are doing a great job as a new mum, balancing it with work, Ill health and financial worries. I’m a capable person and I would be struggling too. Be easy on yourself.

Mental health support is vital to keep you functioning. Go back to your gp about a referral again. Emphasise how critical it is to your functioning. If there is a reason you didn’t get support last time then try to show why circumstances have changed and you now do.

Step change is a great charity to help with your finances. Just speaking with them will make you feel so much more supported. As you get better and are able to work more/find work that pays a little more you will come out of this tricky spot. Many of us have been there and come out the other side. You will too.

There is a car insurance company called ByMiles which charges a small initial fee and then a fee per mile. If you don’t drive long distances you save a great deal.

Best of luck. You are clearly doing the best you can and are more capable than you think.

Are finance companies not offering a holiday period due to covid..think you have up until october to apply, would give you a bit of breathing space to work things out..debt worry is awful (Iv had it many times) but you can find a way to work it out..good luck

That sounds so stressful op and you sound like you are doing an amazing job at coping with it all.

I have no idea about help you may be entitled too but may be able to help with the car insurance. If your partner is over 25 and has a full U.K. licence for a similar number of years or longer then you, no claims and no convictions he will reduce the cost of your insurance. Especially as he has his own car- having another vehicle in the household (even if you aren’t a named driver) will often give significant discounts. If you are able to drive another vehicle using your own insurance (driving other cars extension) then let your insurer know that you have access to your partner’s car- again this can provide a huge discount. Offer insurers will ask if you have children under 16 as again this can lower the cost. So let them know about your baby.
Think about your mileage. A lot of people will put down 10,000 miles when they are actually doing 4000 miles per year. Don’t try to key anything too low for mileage like 1000 miles per annum as this can increase premiums. 4000-6000 tends to give the best rates.
Key in a quote on a comparison website with your details and your common law partners details with the info above. It might make more sense to change to a different provider if that would work out significantly cheaper. However as a new policy would require a deposit and you would need to pay cancellation charges it’s sometimes best to adjust your current policy and then look to switch provider at renewal.

If you have paid more than half the payments on your finance for the car you can hand the car back and stop paying. They don't always make this clear but ive done it. The rate was silly so half way through I asked them to take it back. They collected it. Job done and it didn't affect my credit.

You need to check with your finance company first they don't all allow this. And lots of people will not buy a car with finance on it whether you are going to use the sale money on it or not. Until the finance is paid it isn't yours. Call them and ask don't just sell your car! I know! It used to be my industry

It's a shame you didn't claim Child Benefit earlier. It can be backdated by up to 3 months (about 13 weeks) and baby is 17 weeks old so you've missed out on 4 weeks. Still, better late than never.

You should definitely check whether you (as a family) are entitled to Universal Credit; I expect you probably are and have been since your baby was born. Unfortunately it can't be backdated so you should check this and, it entitled, claim ASAP. Good online benefits include Entitledto and Turn2Us. If you want some help to work it out and claim you can contact Citizens Advice:
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/universal-credit/claiming/helptoclaim/

PIP is not a quick or easy solution, it's a long and complicated claiming process - worth doing if you're entitled (and I suggest getting help from Citizens Advice) but it won't help your money woes in the short term. Some links to look into your entitlement:
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/sick-or-disabled-people-and-carers/pip/before-claiming/check-you-are-eligible/
www.benefitsandwork.co.uk/personal-independence-payment-pip/pip-self-test
www.pip-assessment.support/#main-menu

As for your outgoings, I agree with PPs that it doesn't make sense for you and your partner to run 2 cars. You should keep the most practical / economical one and sell the other.

For reducing other outgoings there is excellent budgeting advice on MoneySavingExpert and if you want more budgeting help, Citizens Advice and other money/debt charities can help with it.

And so if you pay more than half of you can't return it. It has to be exactly half and again depends on the comoany

Good online benefits calculators

Hi, the CBT is rather expensive and should only be a short terms course I'd have thought but I've worked as a counsellor for a variety of low cost services and they would combine the CBT and traditional therapy if you asked. Many low cost services (including MIND) use very well qualified therapists and newly qualified counsellors. I don't know where you are but the services I worked for would have offered a combination of CBT and standard therapy for anything from 15/hour to 50/hour. Good luck.

Look at this course - www.udemy.com/course/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt-online-course-an-introduction-to/

I've recently done the practitioners CBT and can't recommend it highly enough. Kain is very down to earth and his teaching will help you to help yourself.

You sound lovely OP, I hope things improve for you

Been there OP. With the debt, not the mental health. Quite simply it’s hard work, cut back on everything and anything you can - at least temporarily. Sell your car if it will cover your finance pay off, if it doesn’t at least cancel insurance and register as sorn. Can always start back up when you’re in a better position. Who is your loan with? Can you extend it to cut monthly costs? I know it means more interest but if it’s with a bank you can normally pay off extra on good months without any fees. For example I had one with Halifax, was around 3200 was paying £220 a month, I took out an extra £1700 (was better interest to take more on overall loan) and extended the length and then paid £140 a month. Just paid extra off when I could which eased monthly stress

You’re doing incredibly well and you should be really proud of yourself for getting cbt and therapy to help you at this vital time. It’s well worth the money, so please don’t give it up. You’re totally right that the nhs won’t deliver, and you and your baby will benefit greatly from your cbt.

seems to me like your partner needs to go full time and you stay home and do your writing and provide the childcare

How can OP wfh and care for her child at the same time?

You say "do your writing" like it's a little hobby but OP's the main breadwinner!

Getting the car insured on your partner's name may help with you added as a named driver.

I wish you luck my dear. It's tough when things start to pile up. A couple of years ago we were within 3 months of not being able to pay the mortgage. We went through everything, some difficult decisions but it had to be done. You will find a way.

Do speak to your editors and the people who pay your invoices, I am sure they all think in some way that you are earning plenty elsewhere so their late payment or delayed commission won't matter too much. Remind them that you are ready willing and able to work and that you need to be paid on time. Perhaps ask a couple of them if they will give you some career advice as to how you can earn more, it might foster closer relations which may result in them sending more work your way or better paid work. Perhaps look on here in the writers section and see if anyone has some advice for you.

OP I take my hat off to you for all you are coping with. IBD and it’s associated difficulties, mental health difficulties, a new baby AND you are working really hard. You’re superwoman! You must be strong as an ox.

Can I ask do you have any emotional support from family and friends with all that you are going through? Someone to watch your baby so you or your partner could pick up a little more work? Or just somebody to lend a listening ear or help you navigate how to get out of your car finance. You never know maybe a friend is looking out for a similar vehicle and would like to buy it from you and you could pay it off.

I don’t have a supportive family of origin around me and like you, I’ve always been very capable of keeping all the plates spinning until I got to the age of 34 and had a breakdown. Therapy was absolutely essential for me in that situation and it kept me working and functioning.

www.the-frugality.com is worth a look

instagram @myfrugalyear she has loads of advice for debt

Also Anna Mathur, a psychotherapist and Mum, has some good online courses. She has 3 week reframing anxiety course www.annamathur.com/courses/the-reframing-anxiety-course. It's £35 as there is a code for £10 off

instagram @annamathur

Also @ChloeBrotheridge on instagram, she is a hypnotherapist, coach and author, has a good podcast, and you can download a FREE anxiety tool kit via her instagram page.

For PIP application look at the Citizens Advice pages for help filling in the forms or make an appt if you have them nearby.

OP freelance work is very stressful when you have debt and high expenses. Could you get an in house role and do it remotely? You sound like you have valuable skills.

Don’t ditch the therapy. Being well is more important than any of it.

Did you take the car loan payment deferment during the lockdown? Don't know if that's still in place.

Also keep records of all business related office outgoings....heat,lighting,stationary to set against tax so you may be due so money back which could give you a buffer.

The 0% Credit Card option to pay off outstanding debts is a great idea if you have a good credit history but first check what your loan interest rate is now because often there will be a transfer charge.

Make an appointment with CAB to see if there are any benefits you might be eligible for. They also do debt advice.

Well done tho for doing your best in stressful times

Just re-read your first post - you can get help with a deposit for private rental in many places. This is something to ask CAB about - it's a grant that you don't pay back.

"Make an appointment with CAB to see if there are any benefits you might be eligible for."

Or just read my post
It's true though Citizens Advice can help with benefits and debts 👍

Definitely apply for PIP, it will most likely be declined. Ask for them to review it, if it's declined again take it to appeal. You don't have to attend the hearing if you don't want to. DD has to do this every time that she reapplies, last time appeal awarded her the highest rate plus mobility which she wasn't getting previously.