I am financially screwed. I really need advice

[tiredandunoriginal]

I have never been bad with money. I’m not well off at all but I moved out at 18 after saving hard for a deposit. I’ve lived in various places and I have never been late on rent or bills. For a few years I constantly had above £5,000 in savings.

I was in a relationship during this time but in the last couple of years my ex lost his job and just didn’t bother looking for a new one. I had to pay everything alone and used up all my savings to support ourselves and him. He then cheated on me, and left. I couldn’t afford the rent any longer so moved to a cheaper place. I ended up having to take a loan out to support myself. Since then I’ve constantly been in debt. I’ve always been self-employed but for a long time was PAYE, I have a chronic illness and so when I had to go of sick/have operations I didn’t get any sick pay. I then ended up taking out a large overdraft and am constantly stuck in it. I feel like such a failure now and I hate how I’ve borrowed so much money.

After getting pregnant I decided to move closer to my family with my partner because my mental health was suffering and I needed support. I couldn’t move in with them because they don’t have the space. For a while I was doing okay, I even managed to get out of my overdraft and save £4,000 for rent stability after having my baby.

When I had my baby I went on maternity for a few weeks and my partner wasn’t working for a few weeks to support me because I had quite bad mental health. I didn’t qualify for a self-employment grant due to having been PAYE. I couldn’t afford to stay on maternity so decided to start working again. I’m a writer and do many good money when I get commissioned and have a few long-term relationships with editors so get frequent work. However I’m constantly having to wait for invoices to be paid so I’m always in my overdraft until I get paid and then it goes on bills.

My partner is working part time so that we don’t have to pay for childcare. I am the higher earner so he has DS when I work and vice versa.

I am working as much as I physically can while dealing with my mental health and having a new baby (he’s 17 weeks now).

But I just can’t get out of this debt, and my anxiety is horrendous right now because I’m constantly worrying about rent. I can’t move to a cheaper place because I can’t afford another deposit!

I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice on this? I’m going to include a breakdown of my bills in case that helps.

Rent: £950
Council tax: £180
Car insurance: £140
Loan repayment: £150
Car finance (I took this out when I was financially stable and could afford it): £130
Electric/gas: £62
TV licence: £11
Water: Not sure as they got our water bill wrong
Internet: £22
Phone bill: £50

I got declined CBT on the NHS so I’m having to pay £70 a week for that too, and £30 a week therapy. These are absolutely vital to me as I am struggling so much that I honestly don’t think I’d be able to work without it.

I’ve stopped paying for things like Netflix and amazon. Phone/finance was taken out when I could afford it.

Bar these things I rarely spend money on myself and any money I do have leftover goes on things for my baby.

If anyone has any advice I would be so grateful, anything I can check prices on, debt advice, things I could cancel, anything like that?

Thank you

Hey OP, if you are under a perinatal team why are you paying for private therapy? They should be providing it. Are you North or South of the River? If North, the Tavistock do a Mother and Baby service for up to one year - it's called infant observation (so not actual therapy), but may be helpful for you to engage with?

You can claim PIP if you are working, and you should claim for IBS and your mental health conditions - talk to your GP about making the claim for it and do read all the guidance online and other people's experience.

Honestly, I would ditch the car. You don't really need a car and public transport would be a cheaper option for you to use - also walking more often can be very good for mental health conditions.

You may be eligible for a London Travel Pass if you are engaged with mental health services in London - that is 24 hour free travel on Tfl, underground, overground and buses. It's really worth looking into it.

Your Gas/Electric seem very high - we pay 30ish a month for both. Can you switch? There's lots of options that will give you a cash back to switch as well.

We use the Too Good to Go app a lot - particularly for fruit and veg. We save around 40 pounds a week doing it through the app than buying from the shops.

Phone and internet also seem expensive - look into packages. We are paying 35 for two mobile contracts and BT internet. Phone and ask them for their best prices etc. and look into other providers.

I just wanted to say that I have a relative who gets pip for bipolar so mention that when you apply for it.

Hope everything gets easier for you

Apologies, I just realised there was more than one page to thread so I did not read the full thread before I posted!

I second stepchange @tiredandunoriginal

I was in debt , they were absolutely amazing.

So basically I was under a psychiatrist for bipolar disorder, but then ended up moving and wasn’t under a mental health team. When I got pregnant I was put under the perinatal team and have a psychiatrist through there to manage medication. So I speak to him, but only about medication and mood, and this is once every six weeks. I have a mental health leader who contacts me but she isn’t experienced in bipolar or OCD, so it’s general stuff about mindfulness. I asked for CBT, and they referred me, and I got rejected and told I couldn’t have it because I have bipolar disorder. This is the second time I’ve been rejected (was rejected a few years ago also).

I’m not in London, I’m in Sussex!

I will call the electric company - we’re with Bulb?

I will definitely look at PIP again, I didn’t realise guidelines have changed. I was diagnosed with IBD six years ago.

Also thank you for all the advice @Jargo

If its your partner that drives why does he not get insurance rather than you? Where is he in all this? You say he works part time but where is his income?

@Howyiz I have posted about this in my other comments. He has his own car which he owns, just a cheap runaround. He earns £700 a month.

You said you were on maternity for a few weeks do you mean you only claimed maternity allowance for a few weeks? If you're often waiting for invoices it might be better to stay on and get that money and work around your commissions especially during the pandemic

Definitely see if your DP will sell his car then add him as a driver on yours. You only need one car.

If he has his own car why does he need to drive yours? You need to get rid of your second car as you clearly cannot afford it.
How is your partner helping to address your finances? Can he take on extra work?

Why do you need 2 cars if you're in central london and work from home?

Don't stop the therapy yet.

Check you're claiming all the benefits to which you're entitled.
Check all your bank accounts and cards and review all your DD, SOs and CPAs.

How much are you in debt? What is the interest rate?

By my calculations you are a couple of thousand under per year, so that is an issue to address but you also need to address cashflow. What are your payment terms? Have you got late payment terms on your invoices and do you enforce them? Google for helpful examples of wording.

OP, it is extremely unlikely you will qualify for PIP based on your bowel condition and it would depend on how your mental health impacts the activities DWP use to assess people for PIP. The Daily Living activities you are asked about are:

1. Preparing food.
2. Taking nutrition.
3. Managing therapy or monitoring a health condition.
4. Washing and bathing.
5. Managing toilet needs or incontinence.
6. Dressing and undressing.
7. Communicating verbally.
8. Reading and understanding signs, symbols and words.
9. Engaging with other people face to face.

10. Making budgeting decisions.

The Mobility component relates to:

1. Planning and following journeys.
2. Moving around.

I agree your car insurance is astronomical.

Phone (which you have commented on). Plusnet do a Sim only with unlimited calls and texts and 5Gb data for £8 per month.

I don't know about helping you reduce your bills. I'm wondering why Contents Insurance and Life Assurance aren't on your list. LA is best to buy as young as possible as the premiums will be much lower.

Can your partner ask for a pay rise?
Maybe the only way, right now, is for your partner to get an additional part time evenjng job.

Not read all the thread but DD is 23 and has had one accident her fault and one not her fault and pays £500 for the year. You need new insurance or a cheaper car. DD drives a 950cc Suzuki alto. Does her, not a cool or fast car but reliable and cheap.

He doesn’t drive my car, he’s not insured on it. What I meant is that he is the one who drives, say if we go to visit his parents, and because he works out of the house. I haven’t driven my car in months.

He is also going to ask about an extra shift!

Hey there. I understand your situation with things being a tight squeeze and needing therapy, although I can't speak about the debt and only empathise.

I can offer you a few cheaper solutions if you need them- the first is that most towns have charity run counselling services that take a donation or sliding scale fee and put new mums to the top of their waiting list. They dont advertise widely so you would have to really hunt around and if you have loved in various places you might be able to even get on a different area's list and do it via Skype because of covid, to give you more chances of finding one. If you don't gel with the counsellor assigned to you, you can request to change. Most of them are very experienced and are close to retirement age or even just wanting to give something back to the community.

The second thing is that when I couldn't afford therapy I tried out so many online places and happened to stumble upon an amazing app called Mood Space. It has a CBD section on it and if you have had lots of CBD you probably know the basics of how to CBD yourself and your app space gives you that space to really reflect and reframe your thoughts because it asks you all the questions you need to consider on a topic. You could combine that with a charity based therapist or much cheaper therapist than the 70 a week one because that is overpriced and you can definitely find cheaper. I completely understand about the OCD I went through it too and I find journalling all day helps too. Even if you rant on mumsnet every day or once a week. Just get those thoughts out of your mind and help yourself feel understood. It will make everything a lot easier and then you could also save on the therapy costs. I find it better to have a good support place to work through your issues rather than trying to cram it all into one or two hours a week, anyway. Please try the app- I found it when pregnant and it helps me enormously. It is free too- and the most important part of it is included in the free.

Just remember that debt wont last forever and if you set yourself the date that it looks as though you will be debt free- you will have something to look forward to. One day it will be easier to work and take care of your child who will be older and less demanding of your energy and mental health.

Another suggestion is could you do a crowdfunding site like justgiving and ask for a low amount target like 1000 to get people close to you aware of your situation and how much you want to get out of debt for your baby. You could do a sponsored stroller walk and be honest and say it is to relieve yourself of the strain of debt. The walking would help your mental health too and take your mind off things.

I'd strongly recommend filling in the calculator at entitled to. Even if it isn't entirely accurate, the questions make you very aware of the amount of financial support out there. For example, given you're self employed you should be eligible for the SEISS payments (I think you should have gotten about £4600 so far); it will also help assess other benefits to which you may be entitled. Also make sure that any and all expenses you take up due to your writing are logged as deductible, may be worth speaking to any friendly accountants you know/getting help online. Keep an eye open for upcoming grants you can get: Warm Homes Discount, NHS Low Income for prescriptions.

Definitely don't ditch therapy. You are absolutely entitled to change GP: if yours is being uncooperative and not supporting your mental health, get rid and make it known why. It's one thing to join a waiting list, but it's another to be denied help altogether.

@Palavah I haven’t said I’m in London? I’m in Sussex?

Sorry x-posted before i saw you are not in London. In that case your rent seems v high. Still unconvinced that you need 2 cars.
You're a couple of grand short before your partner's earnings so where does that go?
Are you claiming child benefit?

OP were you turned down for CBT for OCD on the IAPT scheme?

Poor you OP. That all sound really stressful! 💐

I get reduced price therapy through the Guild of Psychotherapists. Could you try to see if there is a way of reducing therapy costs?

Apologies if a car is really essential but I gave mine up when first DC was born and I lost my job. I haven't had a car since (19 years and 2 more kids) and though it was strange at first I have now got used to it and we are fitter and better off as a result. A lot of that time we were living rurally with a very very poor bus service but I managed. Of course it may be impossible for you but worth thinking about. I was really sad at first and thought I couldn't manage but it worked out ok. Kids are now weirdly proud we didn't have a car when they were growing up. Despite moaning at the time they now look back and score eco points for not having one!

PIP = personal independence payment is not means tested. It is there to help pay for the extras - like the therapy you can't cope without - whether you work or not.

Get the Citizens Advice to help you with the forms. You seem to be struggling but because you are clearly such a strong woman and a coper you may have underestimated your own disability.

Worth a try - MH and physical difficulty.

I agree with what others have said about some sources of help.

And just some OP - you seem to have done so much. I hope it gets easier

Could your partner top up his income with an evening or weekend job?

@tiredandunoriginal why was your therapy denied? That seems bonkers to me - I had PND and called the local council talk therapy helpline and was seen within a week. It did help HUGELY - I have never struggled with depression but was having suicidal thoughts and severe insomnia. I was definitely prioritised as a new mother because of the risk to baby of an unwell mother (I think I called when DD was around 10 weeks) so I feel like you should be too? Do you live in London? If so, what borough? I was in Lambeth: slam-iapt.nhs.uk/lambeth/how-to-make-an-appointment/. I think most borough's have this and you refer yourself - so the GP etc can't deny you.

Agree with PPs re getting rid of the car - especially if you're not driving it! Why are you paying to insure it, and for a finance deal, if you're not even driving it? That would cut nearly £300 a month from your bills!

How much do you spend on food? Any savings you can make there?

@Welikebeingcosy thank you so much for your kind words and advice. I will have a look into charities and the app. However, I would never start a crowdfunder or anything like that. This is my mess and I wouldn’t ask that of my family/friends. Thank you for the suggestion though x