I am financially screwed. I really need advice

[tiredandunoriginal]

I have never been bad with money. I’m not well off at all but I moved out at 18 after saving hard for a deposit. I’ve lived in various places and I have never been late on rent or bills. For a few years I constantly had above £5,000 in savings.

I was in a relationship during this time but in the last couple of years my ex lost his job and just didn’t bother looking for a new one. I had to pay everything alone and used up all my savings to support ourselves and him. He then cheated on me, and left. I couldn’t afford the rent any longer so moved to a cheaper place. I ended up having to take a loan out to support myself. Since then I’ve constantly been in debt. I’ve always been self-employed but for a long time was PAYE, I have a chronic illness and so when I had to go of sick/have operations I didn’t get any sick pay. I then ended up taking out a large overdraft and am constantly stuck in it. I feel like such a failure now and I hate how I’ve borrowed so much money.

After getting pregnant I decided to move closer to my family with my partner because my mental health was suffering and I needed support. I couldn’t move in with them because they don’t have the space. For a while I was doing okay, I even managed to get out of my overdraft and save £4,000 for rent stability after having my baby.

When I had my baby I went on maternity for a few weeks and my partner wasn’t working for a few weeks to support me because I had quite bad mental health. I didn’t qualify for a self-employment grant due to having been PAYE. I couldn’t afford to stay on maternity so decided to start working again. I’m a writer and do many good money when I get commissioned and have a few long-term relationships with editors so get frequent work. However I’m constantly having to wait for invoices to be paid so I’m always in my overdraft until I get paid and then it goes on bills.

My partner is working part time so that we don’t have to pay for childcare. I am the higher earner so he has DS when I work and vice versa.

I am working as much as I physically can while dealing with my mental health and having a new baby (he’s 17 weeks now).

But I just can’t get out of this debt, and my anxiety is horrendous right now because I’m constantly worrying about rent. I can’t move to a cheaper place because I can’t afford another deposit!

I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice on this? I’m going to include a breakdown of my bills in case that helps.

Rent: £950
Council tax: £180
Car insurance: £140
Loan repayment: £150
Car finance (I took this out when I was financially stable and could afford it): £130
Electric/gas: £62
TV licence: £11
Water: Not sure as they got our water bill wrong
Internet: £22
Phone bill: £50

I got declined CBT on the NHS so I’m having to pay £70 a week for that too, and £30 a week therapy. These are absolutely vital to me as I am struggling so much that I honestly don’t think I’d be able to work without it.

I’ve stopped paying for things like Netflix and amazon. Phone/finance was taken out when I could afford it.

Bar these things I rarely spend money on myself and any money I do have leftover goes on things for my baby.

If anyone has any advice I would be so grateful, anything I can check prices on, debt advice, things I could cancel, anything like that?

Thank you

I don’t know what to suggest OP because I work out that you have less than £472 per month left over BEFORE your therapy and CBT. Presumably you still have food to buy and possibly fuel unless you have a company fuel card.

It’s not doable. Something has to give and it’s not up to me to say it needs to be therapy but it does seem to make the most sense.

I think the car would go first if I cohld get by without it.. then I'm afraid the therapy costs would need to be reassessed. £100 a week is just wild and surely creates a vicious cycle of worrying about finances, needing therapy, spending crazy amounts on therapy and then continuing to worry about finances. You'd be like £400 pm better off without it and could bung that towards your loan!

@tiredandunoriginal

Ignore the poster who says the therapy has to go. It’s the LAST thing to go. I’ve been/ am in your position almost exactly, and always always kept paying.

Have you checked if you’re eligible for tax credits or universal credit? I just realised I was eligible because of nursery fees (which have been crippling me) and am a)kicking myself and b) utterly relieved because things were BAD

Check the terms of your car finance agreement

OP you talk about your partner working, what does he earn and is that in addition to the £500 a week?

Have you claimed child benefit?

To the posters upthread suggesting therapy is the thing to lose- this is a mother of a new baby with mental health issues. NHS waiting lists in London are appalling for postnatal mental health issues.

It’s hugely flippant advice to give; it makes sense on paper but I promise you, it’s false economy.

Have you spoken to a debt management charity? We talked to stepchange. Can attest for their reliability.

Combined debt of around £40k, loans, overdraft, credit cards, lines of credit with catalogues etc. All accrued because we needed to survive, ended up pregnant, was very sick in pregnancy and lost a year's worth of income and all that jazz.

They told us to do a budget online, so we did. This allowed us to account for things we don't usually do but would like to like hair dressers and opticians and dentists and stuff so we know we have money for those things.

Then whatever is spare at the end of the month gets split between our creditors after stepchange negotiates with them. We cut down from £1400 in debt expenses per month to £300 based on our income.

They also talk you through IVAs and bankruptcy and what option is best for you.

It’s definitely worth asking your insurance company for another quote if you add your partner. I keep my ex on mine because for some crazy reason it goes up when I’ve tried to take him off and he never drives my car.

All they’ll say on MSE is ‘sell your car’ blah blah blah. They don’t live in the real world on there.

Does your partners income help with bills or is that included on the £500.

The money matters thread can help you with finance questions

Go back to your gp and beg to be referred.

You absolutely can apply for pip when you're working. It's not means tested.

But how is it healthy or helpful to urge someone to have therapy and leave them around £70 a month! I’m sympathetic but that’s pure insanity.

@AntiHop

Begging won’t do anything. Been there. Got told to find the money for private therapy, or get in line.

You’re right to prioritise therapy. Mental health is every bit as important as physical health, and things can very quickly unravel without it.

Would you qualify for a credit union loan? They usually have better interest rates and most make you pay back some money and save some money at the same time so it helps build you up a cushion.

Have you checked to see if you are entitled to universal credit? With high rent you might get a little bit? And applied for child benefit?

It’s definitely worth applying for PIP. Get some advice on completing the form and what evidence to provide.

Is it worth trying to get cbt via the NhS again?

OP you say your DP works part time - how many hours do you work per week? Is there any way he can get extra shifts (supermarket or similar) to fit around your work? Or could you work different hours so he can up his work?

Your rent is so high, is there any way to raise a deposit and move somewhere cheaper?

Things to check and cancel if you can:
Home insurance/home emergency cover
Entertainment packages (Spotify, subscriptions)
Professional association memberships
Check you tax payments for any rebates due
Sell any bits of furniture/ cds/ games consoles etc you don't need
Switch to Aldi/Lidl for weekly shop

Personally I would sacrifice other things to keep the counselling. You will be in a much worse position if you can't work at all due to MH.

Can you ask if you can pay less/go less frequently for your therapy? Perhaps by explaining you will be earning less for 6 months for example. It sounds like giving it up would be detrimental to you and your finances, therapists can be understanding depends on how they set up their charging.

@RJnomore1i could break the therapy session down to two a month but not the CBT as it’s important to do it weekly like a course.

I will definitely look into the car.

@Spandang My partner is on £700 a month. I have just sent off child benefit forms so I think if I’m right in saying I should get a backlog since he was born?

@Couchbettato I’m sorry you found yourself in position. That is invaluable advice so thank you, i will contact them.

@Ahorsecalledseptember

Because if the OP has a mental health crisis, she may have no bloody money at all, because she may not be working. She may also become so unwell she’s unable to cope with other avenues such as applying for benefits.

If she had a broken leg and needed to pay for the treatment, would you tell her to “not bother” and just hobble around.

I second the recommendation for MSE.

Yes, of course you can claim for DLA/equivalent when working.

Check your entitlements here:

www.benefitsandwork.co.uk/

You should try to apply for pip. You medical needs affect your physical and mental health (which you can prove) on a daily basis so you may qualify for daily living allowances with is around £230 a month. This could even pay for therapy twice a month.

@tiredandunoriginal

When I left my partner, my therapist reduced payments from £80 per session, to £20. Many will do this if you explain, sometimes in the short term. Mine did it for a couple of years- she was my lifeline, and I’ll be always grateful.

You can ask - they won’t be offended.

@AntiHop I’m not under a GP I’m under the perinatal team and my GP won’t get involved as I have other long-term mental health conditions, bipolar and BPD. The OCD has been on and off for years but appeared again severely postpartum. They won’t accept me for CBT because I have bipolar and they said that could ‘interfere’.

You need to do a detailed income and expenditure. Write down everything you spend, whether its a regular monthly payment or not. So include clothes, cleaning products, dentist, opticians etc. See if there is anywhere you can realistically cut back. But be realistic. Don't plan to spend nothing for years. If not and your outgoings are more than your income you need to look at options for the debt. This could be contacting the companies to explain the situation and try to arrange to freeze interest and lower repayments. Depending on the amount of debt an IVA may be a good option as you don't own your home. Both of these will obviously damage your credit report but if you aren't planning on taking anymore more debt or buying a house that may not be too bad. Research your options or talk to stepchange, a debt charity I believe.

You should be able to hand the car back or sell it. Even if you couldn't (never seen an agreement that would stop you) you can definitely sorn it and cancel the insurance