I am financially screwed. I really need advice

[tiredandunoriginal]

I have never been bad with money. I’m not well off at all but I moved out at 18 after saving hard for a deposit. I’ve lived in various places and I have never been late on rent or bills. For a few years I constantly had above £5,000 in savings.

I was in a relationship during this time but in the last couple of years my ex lost his job and just didn’t bother looking for a new one. I had to pay everything alone and used up all my savings to support ourselves and him. He then cheated on me, and left. I couldn’t afford the rent any longer so moved to a cheaper place. I ended up having to take a loan out to support myself. Since then I’ve constantly been in debt. I’ve always been self-employed but for a long time was PAYE, I have a chronic illness and so when I had to go of sick/have operations I didn’t get any sick pay. I then ended up taking out a large overdraft and am constantly stuck in it. I feel like such a failure now and I hate how I’ve borrowed so much money.

After getting pregnant I decided to move closer to my family with my partner because my mental health was suffering and I needed support. I couldn’t move in with them because they don’t have the space. For a while I was doing okay, I even managed to get out of my overdraft and save £4,000 for rent stability after having my baby.

When I had my baby I went on maternity for a few weeks and my partner wasn’t working for a few weeks to support me because I had quite bad mental health. I didn’t qualify for a self-employment grant due to having been PAYE. I couldn’t afford to stay on maternity so decided to start working again. I’m a writer and do many good money when I get commissioned and have a few long-term relationships with editors so get frequent work. However I’m constantly having to wait for invoices to be paid so I’m always in my overdraft until I get paid and then it goes on bills.

My partner is working part time so that we don’t have to pay for childcare. I am the higher earner so he has DS when I work and vice versa.

I am working as much as I physically can while dealing with my mental health and having a new baby (he’s 17 weeks now).

But I just can’t get out of this debt, and my anxiety is horrendous right now because I’m constantly worrying about rent. I can’t move to a cheaper place because I can’t afford another deposit!

I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice on this? I’m going to include a breakdown of my bills in case that helps.

Rent: £950
Council tax: £180
Car insurance: £140
Loan repayment: £150
Car finance (I took this out when I was financially stable and could afford it): £130
Electric/gas: £62
TV licence: £11
Water: Not sure as they got our water bill wrong
Internet: £22
Phone bill: £50

I got declined CBT on the NHS so I’m having to pay £70 a week for that too, and £30 a week therapy. These are absolutely vital to me as I am struggling so much that I honestly don’t think I’d be able to work without it.

I’ve stopped paying for things like Netflix and amazon. Phone/finance was taken out when I could afford it.

Bar these things I rarely spend money on myself and any money I do have leftover goes on things for my baby.

If anyone has any advice I would be so grateful, anything I can check prices on, debt advice, things I could cancel, anything like that?

Thank you

I'm sorry I've only read the first few pages so this may have been mentioned.

Given the current climate your therapy or CBT may be happening online/via zoom or Skype. Therefore is there any way you could look for a less expensive provider of these services, perhaps from the North East (I say that as someone from the North East so I know the cost of living is lower than in SE and therefore some services are lower in cost).

It may be that you could find someone who would be willing to do online sessions for you at the same frequency but for a slightly lower cost. Even if you could save a fifth that would be £80 a month.

Also is there any way you could move further north? £950 per month on rent a huge sum and I k ow that you could rent a 4 bedroom house with large garden for £550 per month near where I live!

Not sure if it’s been mentioned but could you do therapy every other week? (I do because of finances and it helps massively still) and I’d bin the car and insurance.

@Iknowthingsthatwillhappen I know this, as I said I have already mentioned this to him and he has said he will think about it. What else can I do about that?

@Ahorsecalledseptember How is it misleading? I got the phone when I wasn’t in this situation, as I said when I found out I was pregnant I managed to get back on my feet and even save up £4,000 worth of rent. This was almost a whole year ago!

Yes @roarfeckingroarr she said as I got declined I had to seek it privately.

@Newuser123123 No I’m not, unable to take any hormonal contraception at all! Only use condoms.

So where has it gone? You had the baby 17 weeks ago, surely £4000 hasn’t gone in this time?

You say you are financially screwed, I’m just struggling to understand what happened.

OP have you discussed your financial situation with your partner? Is he aware of your difficulties?

Can you arrange an appointment with Citizens Advice? They are a great help. If they think you're entitled to any benefits such as PIP, they can fill out the forms with you. Can advise about debt too

@Ahorsecalledseptember On rent? 17 weeks is 4 months, plus I took maternity early due to ill health. My rent is £950 a month.

@Iknowthingsthatwillhappen Yes I have, he’s just has stressed. X

@JustAsking1837 I will give them a call, thank you.

I put an ask out on social media explaining I was open to work so if anyone was interested in (type of stories I have available) to get in touch and one editor has messaged me, so hopefully she will commission me if she likes me stuff. So that’s at least positive. I’m sorry if I come off defensive today. Had DS today as partner at work and tried to work as well as cleaning whole house so very worn out!

Okay so how much do you and partner typically earn in a month?

If your partner is just as stressed then surely it makes sense to get rid of his car (with associated expenses) and let him use your (unused car)? Why would he not do this straight away? Why is he thinking about it? Surely thats an easy thing to do to start off with, even if he got no money for it you will have ditched the running costs straight away? (insurance, tax, servicing, repairs and AA or RAC)

I do t really have any advice other than what's been given. I just wanted to say I think you're doing brilliantly considering the circumstances. I take my hat off to you x

@MummytoCSJH

God people are dicks when they don't understand mental health issues. My private therapy (which I had to pay for because the NHS waiting list was so long I would've killed or seriously injured myself in the meantime) literally saved my life. £400 might seem like a lot but not when it is the only thing keeping you from having a breakdown and being unable to function or work at all. Suggestions for alternatives that OP may not have thought of - great - snarky comments telling the OP she doesn't need it and is obviously spending far too much on herself - not great.

Lots of good advice here, good luck OP

Absolutely agree with this. You need to keep the therapy as it is for now!

She can’t.

That’s awful advice and will ultimately lead to her losing her house.

@tiredandunoriginal I'm a former IAPT CBT therapist, now in private practice. It's likely they wouldn't see you because you have a diagnosis and therefore would be considered to be too complex for primary care therapists. I agree with others who say that spreading out your private CBT session could be helpful especially if you are some way into your sessions and understand the premise of what your therapist is getting you to do, after all between session practice has a huge influence on the outcome. I wonder if the attached website would help you? You may be able to get a referral to the excellent unit at the Maudsley and your GP should push for this - you would need funding approval but it's worth a shot.

On the site it says

"Each part of England will have its own Clinical Commissioning Group (CCG) who are responsible for the funding of treatment for patients in their region. If local NHS treatment options have been explored without success, a patient can request treatment at one of the aforementioned specialist NHS services. There is no clinical criteria if the CCG fund the treatment. Initially the request to the CCG needs to be made by a health professional, a GP can make it, but ideally it will be supported or made by a local NHS mental health professional which recommends that the local CCG approve funding.
CCG’s will frequently say no, but this should not be accepted without challenging, which OCD-UK can assist with"

www.ocduk.org/support-groups/
www.ocduk.org/overcoming-ocd/accessing-ocd-treatment/accessing-ocd-treatment-through-the-nhs/specialist-ocd-treatment-services/

@YouokHun Thank you. I actually got declined from the Maudsley a couple of years ago, even emailed David Veale as I had backing from OCD Action.

I'm not trying to sound unsympathetic - it just seems crazy for you to have to srcabble around for a few quid here and there when you already have the baby and full time work and are feeling low. Tackling the big costs ie car insurance could make a huge dent.

Is your loan at the cheapest rate it could be?
Are you being firm with your clients about late payment terms and enforcing them?
Is there anything you could sell for some cash?
Could you eke out your therapy to every 10 or 14 days?

I’d sell your phone, buy a £100 job with a £7.50 a month SIM only contract - that should save you some.

My phone is on a contract @TatianaBis

Bummer

Re iPhone 11 - I also prefer iPhone I need a reliable easy to use phone and haven't had good experiences with android, but I NEVER get the latest model.

I get oldest but sold as new model that's available. Last one was an SE which died which was a huge disappointment as it was a great wee phone, I now have an iPhone 7 which is perfectly suitable.

There's absolutely no need unless you are CERTAIN of your financial security (and even then I still consider it a luxury) to get the latest model of whichever phone brand you prefer.

This was almost a whole year ago! and what was your situation 2 years ago? I agree you seem to have counted your chickens before the eggs were laid! The phone came out Sep and by my calculations you fell pregnant 57 weeks ago, you got the phone AFTER you were pregnant and when you already knew you:

Had health issues - which can and do less to employment issues

Had an unpredictable income - if you don't have a steady income you base your financial decisions on worst case scenario.

Is the phone insured? That to me IS worth spending on. I look after my phones but stuff happens and a good quality no quibble ins policy is essential in my opinion. I use Tesco and while it is £10 a month I've been with them for years and they are super quick and helpful when there's a problem.

My experience comes from dd who is not so careful and had broken a couple of phones and a new phone was dispatched and arrived the very next day after claiming!

Is the type of writing you do possibly of the type that would benefit from your having an agent? When you say you posted on sm does that inc LinkedIn where people are specifically looking re work? Could you diversify to increase commissions?

What's the MINIMUM guaranteed income you have each month?

Quite honestly I think it's sensible to budget and make decisions on that basis - eg rent, car, phone choices rather than on an "average" which is rarely actually achieved.

However I do understand that the costs of moving make it difficult to reduce rent costs. Although it's something you need to consider for the future.