AIBU to buy DD birthday present even though DH doesn’t want me to?

[somethingunpredictable2012]

DD age 7 absolutely loves Disney Descendants films at the moment, she’s never usually into anything like this, so this year it has been nice to have some specific ideas for her birthday next month. She has asked for “Mal’s Spell Book” from the films and a dress up costume. I can’t get the costume as they are out of stock and I have lost out on second hand ones online. I have part of an outfit so I think she will be pleased with that, but DH doesn’t want me to get her “Mal’s Spell Book” from the film as he comes from a religious family and considers it to be ‘occult’ content, he also doesn’t like talk of magic or tooth fairies etc. either! I’m not religious at all and I don’t have a problem with any of this so I usually just talk to him about how it’s just pretend fun and he comes round to the idea, but not this time! He doesn’t have a problem with her watching the films, just doesn’t want her to have a “spell book”. I have explained it’s a Disney book and is just basically the story of the film with sort of diary entries from the characters, but it does have some “spells” written inside which is the part he doesn’t like so he says she can’t have it. I have it in my Amazon basket but know he will be furious if I buy it. But also it’s the only thing other than a dress up costume my DD has asked for, so either she’s disappointed or DH is angry on her birthday. Do I just buy it?

Religious beliefs? But this isn't going against his religious beliefs! This is ridiculous. It's a toy!

If you respect your DHs religious beliefs and you agree that your DD should be brought up to respect them then I guess you shouldn't buy the book. I'm an atheist and I have no respect for religion so I would buy the book.

@reluctantbrit I didn't say his beliefs trumped OP's. I said they both have to respect each other's beliefs to be able to navigate a marriage. Myself and DH have different beliefs about faith, etc. We'd never sneak behind each other's backs about toys. Perhaps OP should try the numbering technique ie out of 10 how important is it to her that her DD has that spell book and ask her DH how important is it to him, out of 10, that she doesn't have it.
Faith is so fundamental to who people are that OP needs to be having serious, transparent conversations not secretly arranging for DD to get the book.

I think perhaps he needs to talk to his daughter about why he feels this book is an inappropriate present in his eyes and asks her to choose something else

Plenty of people here object to e.g. Disney princess stuff and posters would be defending them if their partners went behind their backs to buy it for the kids.

I’m an atheist, but he has a faith and OP married him knowing that he had a faith and presumably the strength of it since you can’t really keep those kinds of beliefs quiet for long. Now she wants to change who he is because she doesn’t think it’s ok.

The OP needs to have a conversation with her DH to talk about this stuff, because this won’t be the last thing he objects to. I would also ask him how he is going to feel if people gave the DD money and she bought it for herself. It’s one thing to ask the OP not to buy it, they’re both adults and can discuss it rationally, but would he make a seven year old take it back if she bought it for herself?

No idea why witchcraft and spells are seen as" bad" anyway. White witches can be great healers!
Anyway , don't expect your dh would agree.

In this instance I think you need to talk and agree boundaries, I don't personally agree with him but a lot of people are like your dh- there's lots of amazing films you can introduce her to without the magic in them.

Anything to do with spells activates our spam filters - which is what's happened a couple of times on this thread. Apols for any confusion. The spam filter never sleeps.

Did you know he felt this way before you married, had a child?

I couldn’t co-exist with someone with such, in my view, extreme beliefs. Certainly, you should have discussed all of this before you committed.

Personally, I’d buy the book because I think his views are unreasonable.

Today 07:48 RedHelenB

I think perhaps he needs to talk to his daughter about why he feels this book is an inappropriate present in his eyes and asks her to choose something else.”

Some people would call that indoctrination.

@msflibble, I wouldn't mock someone for being religious, but I wouldn't indulge it either. If a grown man didn't want to buy his daughter a present because it might upset Santa, I'd think it was ridiculous. And there's exactly as much evidence for God's existence as there is for Santa's.

That being said, the OP did choose to marry someone with bizarre beliefs.

My husband is religious and has no objection to this sort of stuff. Lots of religious people I know enjoy Harry Potter, Narnia, His Dark Materials etc. It's just harmless make believe. I'm early 30s and love reading the HP books still!

Thinking back to my school days only one person wasn't allowed to read Harry Potter for religious reasons. That person just read the books in school break times instead.

OP you need a serious chat with your H about how far this goes. Is he going to ask other parents not to let DD play with this book at their house if their child owns it? What about Narnia/HP etc? Will he veto TV and films she watches?

I know someone whose kids tell her they have to hide a lot of things they like, games they play and books they read from their Dad as 'Daddy says XYZ aren't for Christians'. The children are really sad about this.

This is the same Dad who beat their mother black and blue and forced her to flee to a refuge with her two small children. Fucking hypocrite.

He can’t wrap her in cotton wool forever, it’s a toy with playing purpose it isn’t going to force her into a world of witchcraft and spell casting. Talk to him about it again and how ott he is being. How will he feel about her being prevented from enjoying anything similar like Harry Potter? My daughters teacher read them the books each morning, would he expect her to sit out knowing it will make her feel left out? Can a relative buy the toy for her, he’ll have no control on preventing that.

He tries to put his stamp on what his daughter can do and can't do.

Literally every parent does this. It's what the OP is trying to do, in fact.

Religious beliefs? But this isn't going against his religious beliefs! This is ridiculous. It's a toy!

DD has a friends who’s parents have the same belief. He’s now 17.

He has not watched HP on the living room floor (promise)

My friend went absolute bananas at me when I bought her daughter a yoga book. Who knew yoga was so offensive to some Christians confused

I used to teach an aerobic class in a church hall. They told me aerobics was fine to teach in there but no yoga classes were allowed.

No
Harry Potter
Lord of the Rings / Hobbit
Narnia (CS Lewis wrote it as a Christian allegory)
Terry Pratchett
His Dark Materials
Macbeth
What about ghosts?
A Christmas Carol
Hamlet

Children don’t exist in a vacuum. They need to be able to navigate the world as it is whatever your religious beliefs.

Instead of asking on here OP you should have had a seance and contacted a long gone relative for advice.
Tap once for buy it, twice for remove from basket!

Religion is the biggest sp>>ll caster!

Give her some money as part of her present and let her choose what she buys!

He didn't stop her watching the movie so he might not have a problem with Shakespeare or Dickens. He possibly thinks there's a difference between passive (watching) and active (spell book). It's quite rare to have such extreme views so I can't believe this didn't come up before OP married him.

The Spell book isn't the only one is it, just buy her another (non-spell)book related to the film. Its also not something that would bother me, but if it offended my partner religiously then I absolutely would respect that. & You must have had an idea of his religious views when you got together with him.

Could you get her the Evie's fashion book instead? My DD has both that and the spell book, and prefers looking at the clothes. I think that you should respect your husband's beliefs, he obviously feels strongly about it. There are also sticker and colouring books that you could buy which he may be more comfortable with.

Why does he let her watch it, if it’s so against religious beliefs?

Nonsensical beliefs don't deserve respect. People should be free to practice religion but not to impose their beliefs on others.

Put your daughter's happiness above your husband's silly beliefs.