To not want husband there when I give birth?

[potatoesandonions]

Having baby for the first time and the more I think about it the more stressed I feel about OH being there.

My reasons are first of all I’m not really all that relaxed about being naked. Don’t mind with medical staff, that’s different. But I think I’d feel self conscious.

I also want to focus on actually having the baby than having to respond to Oh. I can imagine him doing lots of things that he thinks will be nice but actually will be annoying.

More than this though when I’m in pain or ill, I just prefer to be left alone. I remember being about 13 and very ill and feeling a bit annoyed with my parents flapping although obviously they were worried!

Does anybody do this now? Or is it just expected partners/dads come in? I can imagine he’ll feel very upset if everyone else does this.

So if you can't have an epidural or spinal you would be put to sleep for the delivery of baby

who would then be there for the baby and also their needs??

Missed the sarcasm did you notacooldad?
Am I the only one you are picking up on that missed your supposed sarcasm?

No cult, but as I now keep saying the hospitals only allow one person and much as I love and adore my friends i think this is not something I want to go through with them.

Be fair how many people here had a ‘friend’ in the delivery room?

Hi OP, I don't think YABU. It would have made no difference to me if DH had not attended, and I think if he were honest he would say he would have preferred not to be there.

It’s not just nakedness. It’s sweating, pain, discomfort, screaming

I mean, this is a very 'movie and tv' version of childbirth op.

Kindly, I would really recommend doing some antenatal classes for a bit of understanding/education on the process. I can highly recommend the positive birth company digital pack - covers hypnobirthing and is video based.

thepositivebirthcompany.co.uk

@potatoesandonions

Well whether OH is there or not he won’t “advocate” so makes no difference.

Thank you. I do think some people think anything outside the norm is “odd.”

What do you mean by he won't advocate?

If you said you absolutely do not want a fish finger, you told DH this. Made it crystal clear that no fish fingers shall be consumed. and someone tried to give you that fish finger when you were incapable of refusing, your DH would sit blandly by and let them feed you fish fingers?

Ultimately it's your decision and if you don't want your husband there then it's your choice. I have several things that I think you should think about though.

1. you don't need to be naked.
2. you can tell him to leave you alone.
3. you can change your mind.
4. look into what options you have in terms of lighting.
5. I retreat into my self when in pain, my DH was very useful in making the midwife realise this, it shouldn't need to be the case but she didn't seem to believe me!
6. I don't think the midwife would have given me my drink to sip as frequently as DH.
7. you could be in labour for a while, it can be nice to talk to someone you know.
8. what happens if you need to go to theatre after? I did after DC1 and knowing DH was with her calmed me.
9. if baby needs to go special care would you like him to be with them?
10. my DH raised the alarm when DC2 came unexpectedly.

Do some research about your options and think about what you are happy with. Discuss it together and come up with a plan. Good luck

I’m not being rude cult I genuinely don’t have a clue what you’re on about?

Thank you blue

Yes it does, op.

Lots of women go into birth with unrealistic expectations, when things don’t go as they planned it can seriously hinder their experience and start a domino effect of not bonding with their baby and other issues.

So saying an epidural isn’t an option unless you medically cannot, would be an issue, I think yes!

It's up to you if you don't want your dh there, but just be sure you're going in with some education behind you.

@damnthatanxiety

hammie46i I think men are best left out of the delivery room. That's the way it used to be for centuries...

Slavery, legal beating of your wife and selling your daughters was also done for centuries. Most stupid reason for suggesting something - because it was done for centuries...

Exactly

I wouldn’t have coped without my dh in the labour room but I do understand others don’t feel the same way.

However, you have ignored all advice and personal experiences simply because “you don’t want to”

If you felt this was fine, why post a thread about it and not listen to anyone else?

I get what your saying and I felt the same way when I gave birth to my first I was worried about all my wobbly bits hanging out under the stark hospital lights and thinking I'm going to look gross and put my husband off haha!!! But when it happened it was fine yes he saw my naked parts under harsh lights but he didnt give a fuck lol he loves me.and thinks I'm beautiful even with a few stretch Mark's and wobbys, I think we worry and care way more than they do and when I mentioned it to him he thought I was so silly and daft to even be thinking of that.. and he even looked down there as well lol!! And wasnt grossed out to him it was a natural beautiful thing.. now I wish I didnt spend so much time worrying as was pointless.. it's a natrual amazing thing and I'm so glad he was there holding my hand.. just make it clear about what he should do if your worried and tell him how you feel and your worries beforehand I'm sure he will want to make u feel comfortable in the best way possible.. remember he isnt going to care about all what your worried about not when he sees his baby for the first time... and trust me by the time your having contractions thick and fast your unlikely to give a fuck who sees you, it could be the whole hospital and you wouldn't care your be in so much pain!! Lol

I didn't have a friend because I had my husband there
But if I ddint want my husband when I had a vaginal delivery (I had two sections)
I would want a friend
Because I would think about a friend instead of my husband because I have a thing about doing a poo that's why

I have answered it jelly but I also really don’t think I should have to justify every single sentence here.

I am certainly not a troll and I think some of the responses have been FAR more goady than mine and have deliberately set out to hurt.

Where would your DH be? You might not want support but your baby may not be able to go straight to you, I had a PPH just as my first baby came out and it turned into a bit of an emergency situation and dp had to take the baby first while they tried to sort me out, he got to do the skin to skin and first feed, dress her then change her explosive poo 5 minutes later!

I also wasn't naked, never screamed only had gas and air I did poop

I get this is clearly distressing for you but my heart goes out to your husband! I gave birth during the pandemic (end June) so my husband wasn't allowed in while I was being induced or when I was moved to recovery, only the birth and a few hours after. It was torture for him to not be with us, it's different for us mums, even though it was hard for me to be without him, I had my baby and the midwives, he had no one. You really want to leave your husband alone at home during one of the most important times in his life? Embarrassment you can get over in time, missing the birth of your child, you never get over.

Ok well that’s lovely cult, I don’t think I could reasonably ask a friend to be on standby for the two weeks before and after the due date day as well as night as they have jobs and children ... but I’m glad you did and I don’t mean that snarkily. It just isn’t realistic here.

@VinylDetective. No, because she's ignoring the advice of dozens of women who have done this before...

Most of which are saying that, what she thinks it will be like may be very different to what it's actually like, her feelings about DH being present may well change (better to have him there and send him away, than banish him and need him), she might well need someone there...

@potatoesandonions
It is possible to wear a loose item of clothing to protect your modesty.

I really wanted DH there...He ate a chocolate Swiss roll all to himself, he did offer me some, but eating was the last thing on my mind..😂

My DH was very ''hands off''...{never changed a nappy unless it was just wee} so he wasn't one of those 'super involved' dads who go in for back rubs &c.

I think My DH {now ex} was a bit overwhelmed, but he didn't faint.
{probably due to the sweet Swiss roll} 🤔

Good luck whatever you decide. Don't be too hard on him though...Some men get mega shouted at by Labouring Partners .

I would be honoured if my friend asked me to be with her when she had a baby
Truly honoured

It's totally up to you and you must do what you're comfortable with.

But I would also say you don't know how you will feel on the day until it's happening. Have him close by in case you change your mind. If it's a long labour you may be lonely (possibly frightened) if you're by yourself for, potentially, days.

On the other hand; you might have a really fast labour, my first came so quickly that my husband had to practically carry me from the car to the labour ward and there wasn't even time to tell him to leave the room (not that I wanted to)

I suppose what I'm saying is, labour and childbirth is so different to anything else you will, or have, experienced before. I would really recommend an online hypnobirthing course, and get your husband to watch with you and discuss with each other what would and wouldn't be ok with you during labour.

I had my husband holding a fan in my face for me for most of my second labour because it was boiling, but it got to a point where I couldn't stand the feeling of it on my face and I just wanted to chuck it, and him, out of the window! You can create safe words and phrases so that you're totally on the same page throughout.

With the nakedness, you definitely don't have to be naked at all, and he absolutely doesn't have to be down that end of the bed either. Hobby your shoulder, able to pass you drinks of water or anything else you might need.

Having said all of that; it's ultimately down to you, it's your body and your childbirth and you have to do whatever you're comfortable with. It's widely known that labours dont progress as successfully if the mother is stressed or worried so you've got to do what you think is best.