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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not be bothered about watching friends' wedding livestream?

150 replies

WeddingGrump · 10/08/2020 12:36

Name changed, because perhaps I'm being miserable.

I have some friends who intended to get married next spring - largish event 150+ people. We''d been asked to hold the date. Because of COVID and family members shielding they've since decided to cancel and go ahead next month with the permitted 30 attendees. I have no problem with that, and am not offended about being uninvited. However, they are also intending to livestream the ceremony and sending out a link so those guests not invited to attend in person can join them virtually.

Maybe I am being a grump, but I have no interest in taking time out of a working day to watch a a livestream of their wedding. It's nice for the relatives who aren't able to attend to have the option but for the remainder of the 120 guests I'm not sure it's that appealing a prospect. Perfectly happy to flick though a photo album at a later date but watching the real time ceremony has little appeal. However, the software they are using will tell them who is watching so it feels like the expectation is there that we will still 'attend' virtually.

YABU - I would watch my friends' wedding livestream
YANBU - I wouldn't bother

OP posts:

catlovingdoctor · 10/08/2020 12:38

YANBU. It's one thing to attend a ceremony and enjoy the event and share the joy on the day. Watching a live stream wouldn't hold the same appeal to me.

user1493413286 · 10/08/2020 12:39

To be honest they’re missing out on something special by not having all the people they want there so if you can make that feel a little better and a little more special by watching it then it doesn’t seem much to do.

ContessaferJones · 10/08/2020 12:39

Can they see your face/reactions? If not I'd have it going on at the side of my desk while I work (like Facebook live streams of bands tbh).

ChicCroissant · 10/08/2020 12:41

I think you could claim issues with work if you didn't want to do it.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 10/08/2020 12:42

My son was in virtual attendance at a livestreamed wedding recently, but that was on a Saturday. I think it's a lovely idea. He said the chat down the side on YouTube was full of people wishing them well, some of which was read out, along with a quick overview of all the parts of the world where people were watching from.

Not so sure about doing this on a working day, though, unless things can be re-jigged to watch during lunch and even then I think you'd have to be a very close friend/family member and/or very keen on weddings.

Lipz · 10/08/2020 12:43

Oh god how boring. I really find the ceremony of a wedding long and boring. I'd live stream and leave the room and get on with other stuff.

Notonthestairs · 10/08/2020 12:44

I can't imagine weddings last v long without the singing etc. I'd probably stick it on to admire dress, flowers etc and listen to vows then wander off.

Otherwise you could just claim connection issues and send a nice text.

I wouldn't be offended people not watching though.

ChickensMightFly · 10/08/2020 12:44

Have it on the side while you carry on... You never know if they are creative did they might have thought up some fun way to make it interesting for the virtual guests. I'd wouldn't be glued to it if it was me, but I would feel mean not bothering at all just because if everyone did that it might make them sad.

Dugheed · 10/08/2020 12:45

It's bad enough having to go to weddings!! No way would I watch this x

ShellsAndSunrises · 10/08/2020 12:45

It's been touted to us by everyone as a good compromise for having to uninvite people - we've declined because it felt too weird!

But I do know that the bride and groom themselves won't be allowed to touch or engage with the filming, and it'll either have to stand somewhere itself or have one assigned person controlling it, so realistically the bride and groom will have no idea if you watched or not. There's no leeway in this, just like the best man can't touch the rings and the bridesmaids can't have flowers.

I'd presume that, it's been suggested by everyone from parents to friends and the venue, and they've set it up as a way to stop people from feeling left out; rather than it being something they really wanted to do... That was the case for us... It is tough uninviting people. We've gone from 46 people to 12. Some will probably be put out, but so far nobody has complained to us, and I'm not sure offering a livestream will really help the people who are upset anyway.

pasturesgreen · 10/08/2020 12:46

I'd rather watch paint dry than watch a wedding live stream. I'd go with the suggestion upthread of turning it on and just continue doing your own thing.

mintich · 10/08/2020 12:47

I'd livestream it in the background of whatever else I was doing

ShellsAndSunrises · 10/08/2020 12:47

(Oh, and the ceremony shouldn't be long. No readings, speeches etc, very limited vow options. Our local council is enforcing 16 minutes maximum; but the nationwide guidance is "as short as possible", with no singing or chanting allowed unless it is essential to the ceremony and special permission has been granted.

Haworthia · 10/08/2020 12:47

Weddings ceremonies are soooo boring (I opted for the fastest register office ceremony you could have ) so I certainly wouldn’t really want to watch a livestream, unless I was close to the couple.

Bargebill19 · 10/08/2020 12:48

No. Yanbu.

But then I would make sure I didn’t go in person either (sat through way too many weddings as a bell ringer).

Bumble84 · 10/08/2020 12:49

If possible I’d have it running in the background, send the cursory ‘congrats, you look gorgeous, all the best’ but pay little attention to it.

They might have had this requested by other family and just feel weird about not inviting all original guests to join. I’m sure the couple are both aware that most people won’t be that bothered.....surely??

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 10/08/2020 12:50

Just put it on and don’t watch.

Notemyname · 10/08/2020 12:50

I think it's sad people wouldn't watch a friend's wedding! It's special to them, with their choice of readings, and presumably very short at the moment. I can understand not wanting to take a whole day of leave to watch a 30 min video though, but would watch it afterwards.

Can a group of you who can't make the live stream watch it together as a group online, perhaps the bride and groom can even dial in too and you can toast them together.

TeenPlusTwenties · 10/08/2020 12:50

I'd rather watch one livestreamed than have to travel for ages, watch other people drink etc.

Gubbeen · 10/08/2020 12:51

It's likely to be a quick affair. I Zoomed into an ex-colleague's wedding ceremony last week, while working on my PC, and I don't think it lasted more than fifteen minutes, maybe twenty. No, the couple couldn't see us, but the bride's sister took a gallery shot of everyone before the ceremony started as a souvenir.

vagshapedbox · 10/08/2020 12:51

I'd watch if it was my friend/relative.
I don't get the Mumsnet hate for weddings tbh.
I like my friends, I like spending time with them and sharing in their life events. So if I couldn't go to their wedding then I'd watch it.

I think some people just don't really like their friends, it's very odd.

Parkandride · 10/08/2020 12:52

Of course I'd watch, I like my friends and it's important to them and I imagine having to change their plans is really disappointing

rosiejaune · 10/08/2020 12:52

YANBU not to watch it.

But YABU to assume they will mind if you don't, unless they've said so?

Just because they can see who is watching doesn't mean they will get offended if you don't. It's just giving people the option to.

Paintedmaypole · 10/08/2020 12:52

If you consider yourself a friend I would spend half an hour watching this and show a bit of interest

YgritteSnow · 10/08/2020 12:53

YANBU. But weddings bore me to tears though.

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