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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not be bothered about watching friends' wedding livestream?

150 replies

WeddingGrump · 10/08/2020 12:36

Name changed, because perhaps I'm being miserable.

I have some friends who intended to get married next spring - largish event 150+ people. We''d been asked to hold the date. Because of COVID and family members shielding they've since decided to cancel and go ahead next month with the permitted 30 attendees. I have no problem with that, and am not offended about being uninvited. However, they are also intending to livestream the ceremony and sending out a link so those guests not invited to attend in person can join them virtually.

Maybe I am being a grump, but I have no interest in taking time out of a working day to watch a a livestream of their wedding. It's nice for the relatives who aren't able to attend to have the option but for the remainder of the 120 guests I'm not sure it's that appealing a prospect. Perfectly happy to flick though a photo album at a later date but watching the real time ceremony has little appeal. However, the software they are using will tell them who is watching so it feels like the expectation is there that we will still 'attend' virtually.

YABU - I would watch my friends' wedding livestream
YANBU - I wouldn't bother

OP posts:
Nicolastuffedone · 10/08/2020 14:43

I’d put it on, comment on the dress/bridesmaids etc. I wouldn’t sit and watch it though. I hate having to go to weddings, thankfully I’m not likely to be invited to any more....

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 10/08/2020 14:44

@IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere

Both my daughters have had pandemic weddings which were live streamed. Although I was at the weddings it has been lovely reading the comments and messages from friends around the world. If you can't watch it live you can catch up on it later.
That is a nice thing about it actually — it's accessible more or less wherever you are. I "went" to a friend's streamed wedding, and a lot of her dad's family from another country (cousins etc who wouldn't all have been invited) passed the link around and all watched. They said how nice it was to see an English wedding (even if a bit quicker than usual!). They also streamed it at her grandma's nursing home.
managedmis · 10/08/2020 14:50

YANBU

Flynn999 · 10/08/2020 14:51

It’s no different to sending out wedding videos etc. I struggle to hold interest for a wedding I’m at, let alone one I’m attending virtually. I definitely wouldn’t want to watch one live streamed 😬

Can’t you have the wedding on your laptop/phone and then just crack on with your day as normal. They won’t know your not actually watching. You can dip in and out of the ceremony and watch them do the vows etc.

Friendsoftheearth · 10/08/2020 14:55

YANBU - I would find it very, very tedious, but I would feel sorry for the bride and groom given the circumstances, I would probably watch the entrance and vows thats all, send a supportive message and gift and thats it!

Pobblebonk · 10/08/2020 14:57

Log in to the livestream and leave it running while you get on with your day. If they can see the faces of people who livestream, just don't enable video and tell them there's a problem with your camera.

MrsCollinssettled · 10/08/2020 14:58

It's not going to take very long if they are just streaming the ceremony - 10 mins? Surely you can just time a coffee break around it?

If you are just going to have it on in the background and not really watch it surely it would be better to say you have work commitments? What would happen if something funny/sad/unusual happens and all you've said was about how lovely they looked. It will be obvious you didn't watch it.

Talcott2007 · 10/08/2020 14:59

I'm surprised how many people are so negative about watching a wedding like this - If i had an invite i was prepared to go the effort of accepting to attend in person id do the same virtually - I mean you're meant to be friends with these people after all so why wouldn't you want to watch them get married? in some ways the virtual option would be ideal for many - you get to watch and support your friends - but don't need to spend any money on travel, getting my hair done or possibly a new outfit or even have the logistics in sorting out childcare! - God it gets around all the things the MN usually moan about with weddings!

If it was me I'd not turn my camera on so I could stay in my pj's - get myself a nice few bits to nibble on with some fizz - all in the spirit of celebration of course and send a suitably kind thoughtful message via the chat function.

Venicelover · 10/08/2020 15:09

I would definitely watch it. If I was close enough to be invited originally then I would want to see the happy couple on their special day.

I suspect they would be quite upset if they knew. Put it on and make a nice comment or two and add to their joy. You don't have to watch every moment especially if it is a working day but to just not bother at all is quite sad if you are friendly with them imo.

ancientgran · 10/08/2020 15:10

I'd rather watch a livestream with my feet up and a cup of tea than attend the wedding. Sounds brilliant to me.

BikeTyson · 10/08/2020 15:12

I’d put it on to see the bride walk down the aisle and maybe a bit of the vows, but I probably wouldn’t watch intently all the way through. No need to hurt anyone’s feelings, just pop it on in the background and make all the appropriate comments when you’re talking about it afterwards.

Purpleartichoke · 10/08/2020 15:16

What will it take out of your life to click on a link and have it run for a bit. You can even multitask and no one will be the wiser. In exchange for your minimal efforts, your friends get to feel surrounded by love (even if you aren’t actually expressing it since you view this as a chore)

blacktanwhite · 10/08/2020 15:18

Stream it, click the like button or whatever then crack on with something else till it's finished. There'll be photos posted so you'll be able to comment how lovely the bride looked etc

Persephonecall · 10/08/2020 15:19

I’d much rather watch a streamed one that go to a real one in this heat tbh. You are being a bit mean spirited though. If you don’t care enough to watch something so important to them, how much of a friend are you? Fine for a vague acquaintance but not a close friend.

blacktanwhite · 10/08/2020 15:22

I'm surprised how many people are so negative about watching a wedding like this - If i had an invite i was prepared to go the effort of accepting to attend in person id do the same virtually - I mean you're meant to be friends with these people after all so why wouldn't you want to watch them get married?

I think for many, the food and drink hold the appeal when attending a wedding

thepeopleversuswork · 10/08/2020 15:26

YADNBU

Shoot me but that's just so appallingly self-indulgent.

Weddings bring out the most awful me-me-me behaviour in people. What possesses anyone to think anyone else would be interested in live-streaming their wedding?

Bad enough having to sit through a physical ceremony. The combination of a tedious wedding and Zoom is just more than I could bear.

I have to say I thought one of the unintended benefits of lockdown would be a decline in Bridezilla behaviour. If anything it seems to have got worse.

Have it running in the background if you think you can get away with it. Almost anything would be preferable.

billy1966 · 10/08/2020 15:26

I'd watch a friend walk up the aisle etc and then get on with my day as needs be.

Wheresthebiffer2 · 10/08/2020 15:28

I hope there's commentary like in a royal wedding on tv. Then I might watch it.

Pumpkinnose · 10/08/2020 15:31

YABU - the couple presumably thought you were worth spending £££ on for attending the wedding but if you can’t be bothered to watch it from home sounds like you don’t value the friendship in the same way!

Zilla1 · 10/08/2020 15:35

Wheresthebiffer2 - in a Dimbleby accent, perhaps?

thepeopleversuswork · 10/08/2020 15:36

@Pumpkinnose

YABU - the couple presumably thought you were worth spending £££ on for attending the wedding but if you can’t be bothered to watch it from home sounds like you don’t value the friendship in the same way!
But why does valuing the friendship mean you are expected to be interested to watch a wedding ceremony? It's like my dad getting pissed off with me because I don't want to watch the cricket with him.

I find cricket incredibly dull but I value my dad. I find weddings even more tedious than cricket. Even physically attending one is like watching paint dry: why would anyone want to watch it over Zoom?

But not wanting to watch them doesn't mean you don't care about the couple. It just means you have more interesting things to do with that hour of your life.

Ponoka7 · 10/08/2020 15:41

I like weddings and watch the royal ones, but I pause them and ff the boring bits. I wouldn't want to watch a live stream, unless I had nothing else on.

Ponoka7 · 10/08/2020 15:43

Zilla1

"Wheresthebiffer2 - in a Dimbleby accent, perhaps?"
I'd rather snoop dog do it.

SunshineCake · 10/08/2020 15:58

YABU

I would love this. We had to decline a wedding for this year which the couple then postponed but if they had been streaming it we would have watched it.

Mind you, I think the marriage ceremony is the important part of the day, not the party afterwards.

Standrewsschool · 10/08/2020 15:59

Ithink if it’s during working hours, they can’t realistically expect everyone to be able to watch it.

If you’re able, then watch it, but if work doesn’t permit, then decline.