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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not be bothered about watching friends' wedding livestream?

150 replies

WeddingGrump · 10/08/2020 12:36

Name changed, because perhaps I'm being miserable.

I have some friends who intended to get married next spring - largish event 150+ people. We''d been asked to hold the date. Because of COVID and family members shielding they've since decided to cancel and go ahead next month with the permitted 30 attendees. I have no problem with that, and am not offended about being uninvited. However, they are also intending to livestream the ceremony and sending out a link so those guests not invited to attend in person can join them virtually.

Maybe I am being a grump, but I have no interest in taking time out of a working day to watch a a livestream of their wedding. It's nice for the relatives who aren't able to attend to have the option but for the remainder of the 120 guests I'm not sure it's that appealing a prospect. Perfectly happy to flick though a photo album at a later date but watching the real time ceremony has little appeal. However, the software they are using will tell them who is watching so it feels like the expectation is there that we will still 'attend' virtually.

YABU - I would watch my friends' wedding livestream
YANBU - I wouldn't bother

OP posts:
redcarbluecar · 10/08/2020 16:02

YANBU because it’s entirely up to you, but I’d watch my friend’s ceremony if I could.

Pumpkinnose · 10/08/2020 16:04

A cricket match is hardly comparable to one event which (hopefully) only happens once in someone’s life. It’s the most important day of their lives, surely a decent friend can just stick it on in the background and pretend to be interested?

welcometohell · 10/08/2020 16:27

If it was on a weekend i'd watch it. I wouldn't be able to during a working day though. I don't have the sort of job where I could just drop everything and watch a wedding ceremony and I certainly wouldn't take a day off to watch it.

NemesiaPinkLagoon · 10/08/2020 16:34

I would watch it, unless my job prevented me from doing so. A few years ago some friends were married in Vegas and had it live streamed for family and friends to watch if they liked. It was fun! I put on a dress and had a mini Prosecco and sent them a selfie.

But they are people I like and care about, and I like the occasion of a wedding and a reason to celebrate.

Andylion · 10/08/2020 16:49

I was invited to a streamed wedding which I couldn't attend as I was working. It was recorded so I was able to watch it at my leisure. I commented with my congratulations on the posted video. Other invitees were commenting up to two days later. Just wish them well.

user127819 · 10/08/2020 16:52

I can completely understand why you wouldn't be very interested in watching, but if it would make her happier on her day, you have time to watch it, and you are really friends, I can't see why you wouldn't? Have it on in the background while doing something else if you must. She's already had her wedding plans turned upside down, the least you can do as a friend is show a bit of interest in her wedding.

ChicCroissant · 10/08/2020 17:01

As well as celebrating with the happy couple, I think it's the atmosphere around a wedding that is the attraction for guests - it is a happy time and that doesn't come across very well on a livestream. Nor would you be trying to do your usual employment around the ceremony as the OP would.

YABU - the couple presumably thought you were worth spending £££ on for attending the wedding but if you can’t be bothered to watch it from home sounds like you don’t value the friendship in the same way!

Well no, I don't put a monetary value on friends like that at all Pumpkinnose! Nor do I think the people that I invited to my own wedding 'owe' me anything.

Sceptimum · 10/08/2020 17:03

I'd stream it on my mobile or whatever, and watch the messages scroll by etc when I had time.

eatsleepread · 10/08/2020 17:04

I'm guessing they're not good friends? Confused

eatsleepread · 10/08/2020 17:05

God, some fucking miserable replies on here.

OneForMeToo · 10/08/2020 17:09

Just log in and leave it as a open tab while you do other things. I’ve got my fingers crossed that a couple of weddings next near are hugely scaled back so we don’t have to attend 🤫

CountFosco · 10/08/2020 17:09

A workmate did this a few years ago. They had a destination wedding and there were just a couple of people from work invited who streamed it and a group of us booked a meeting room and watched it on the big screen. There were probably as many in the meeting room as at the wedding so it was good fun.

minnieok · 10/08/2020 17:11

I would watch, it's special to them, but get on with ironing at the same time!

minnieok · 10/08/2020 17:13

Actually I think it's a brilliant idea, definitely a possible in the future, I really don't want a fuss and it will mean family can see if they wish

SwedishEdith · 10/08/2020 17:18

YANBU - agree that going to the real thing is dull enough. I'd like to think some people think they have to live stream this stuff now but, realistically, know most people won't bother to watch. I'd log on and just leave it running in the back ground. Add an appropriate comment and emoji occasionally.

feelingsomewhatlost · 10/08/2020 17:56

Then don't watch it? I was 'virtually invited' to a friend's wedding a few weeks ago and loved that I could still watch two people I care about very much get married. We had a catch-up recently and it was really nice that we could talk about the ceremony as if I had really been there.

Timetospare · 10/08/2020 18:20

One of my oldest and dearest friends got married in Las Vegas about 14 years ago, so one of the very first live streamed weddings I’m sure. No one could attend as it was all had to be arranged very quickly so she could live with her American boyfriend, and she had 2 strangers as witnesses.
I dressed up in my wedding outfit, as did my 2 young dc at the time, and drank a few glasses of champagne and wept happy tears as the registrar talked about all the people watching from across the oceans.
I still feel like I was ‘at’ her wedding, but she was and still is a very dear friend that I have known since forever.

butterpuffed · 10/08/2020 18:28

I hope your friend isn't an MNer , OP , she may recognise the details. The fact that you're telling all and sundry could make her reevaluate the friendship and who could blame her.

JoeCalFuckingZaghe · 10/08/2020 18:37

Ah I think that’s lovely. But then the MN populous generally view weddings on the same level of water torture, for some unbeknownst reasons.

derxa · 10/08/2020 18:55

I'll watch it instead of you. I love weddings. I wonder about the psychology of hating weddings on MN. Snobbery? Introversion? Meanness? Or possibly all three.

Crimblecrumble1990 · 10/08/2020 18:56

Or course I would watch my friends ceremony? It will be half an hour maximum and I would want to show my support and love even more so since they aren't having the day they originally wanted.

My great aunt Sally's godson, no. A friend - it boggles me why people would be so negative about it? It's not like a giant zoom call where you have to be chatting and pretending to party with them?

BackforGood · 10/08/2020 19:28

YABU
It is a lovely thing for them to have set up.
I mean, obviously, if you are at work and doing a job that means it isn't possible to have on your desk as you work or to schedule a break then, then you can't, but I'm one of those anomalies on MN - I actually love to see my friends having a good time. I would think it incredibly kind of them to go to the trouble of setting this up so I could share in their special day.
I feel so very sorry for all the people with wedding this year, that can't have the day they want. You claim the people getting married are friends, and yet your time is too important to want to use 30mins watching them get married ??? When you don't even have to travel, or dress up, or get babysitters or whatever Hmm

As is always said on MN, it is an invitation - it isn't obligatory, however, I don't get people that find happy events in their friends lives so tedious. I think some people must use the word 'friend' differently from me.

SwedishEdith · 10/08/2020 20:09

Snobbery? Introversion? Meanness? Or possibly all three.

Or none of those?

derxa · 10/08/2020 20:12

Or none of those? What is it then?

ruabon · 10/08/2020 20:16

I'd stream on a mobile or tablet, assuming still wfh by then.

The thought for those who cannot attend for whom it will be something they would miss, or who might not be able to travel, should be commended though, even though the OP is not fussed.