To not want this girl at dd party

[XiCi]

Dd is 9. One of her friendship group from school has been quite nasty to her online and via text during lockdown. Pressurising dd to give her her pets on Roblox, texting her and calling her a bitch when dd refused, threatening her saying her mum was going to batter her if she didnt do as she asked. After this they stopped communicating however dd sent a little text a few weeks later saying its friendship day shall we just be friends again and got a one word NO in reply. Its dds birthday next week and I'm just having a few girls over to play in the garden. This girl has found about about this and has now started texting dd asking if she can come and saying they can be friends again. Dd is a bit conflicted, she thinks she only wants to be her friend because of the party but hasnt got a nasty bone in her body and I think her default would be to just let her come. This girl is trying to video call her all the time for an invite. MIL thinks that all young girls have fallings out like this and I should just invite her. AIBU to not want this girl in my house after i saw how upset she made my dd. I dont know whether I'm just being over protective.

Your DD is only 9 so why on earth does she have a phone?

This is an excellent opportunity to teach your daughter about healthy boundaries

Not a chance in hell I’d be allowing it (and I’d be telling her parents exactly why not)

No way. And I also agree with PP your daughter is too young to have free access to a phone, in part due to issues like this. It’s also unfair to other children who are left out as they aren’t allowed (very reasonably) phones!

Sorry have just seen your update, Definitely right not to allow her to come - well done to your DD too for not standing for someone treating her that way ❤️

Sounds like you’re both better off too if the mum is scary too 🙈

YANBU.

I would report to school on return. It's a safeguarding issue for the other girl.

Definitely not unreasonable to not invite her!
Her actions and her consequences.

A couple of things, your daughter is too young for a mobile. She’s 9!
Why did you not intercept the first wave of bullying before allowing your daughter to be treated in this way.
If you weren’t going to speak to the mother you absolutely should have ensured your daughter could not be spoken to like this again. She is in her own home , her safe place, for you to allow the communication you should have been supervising it properly.

Finally, of course she shouldn’t be at the party. Do you really have to ask?

I do hope @XiCi has a olan in case the girl (and her psycho mother) just turn up

Oops. Plan!

Not a chance would she be coming to my daughter's party!
Hell, I'd be calling her mum and explaining exactly why her daughter wasn't coming

YABU to allow your nine year old a phone which someone can bully her with. Take it away. Organise her play dates. Too much responsibility for her and very stressful.

@mimbles

This is an excellent opportunity to teach your daughter about healthy boundaries

^^this

Don’t reward bad behaviour.

No from me. The moment the party is done if this girl goes grt an invite you can bet she'll go back to being a B!

No way would this girl be invited after treating my child like that. Your Mil is wrong some children are just horrible and this child falls into that category.

I would say no and also take your daughter’s phone away. She’s too young to deal with this and you have a duty of care.

No don't invite her!

We had similar last year when my DD was turning 9. One girl she had been good friends with since nursery turned nasty and was doing similar (nasty texts, name calling). It went on for a couple of months and then a couple of weeks before her party they became 'friends' again. I was reluctant but I allowed her to come for my DD's birthday because she really wanted her to be there.

I took them to the cinema and for food after school. Said child had an attitude all afternoon, moaned about the film being rubbish, and complained that the snack bags I made for the cinema (sweets, drinks, popcorn etc) were all stuff she didn't like

All in all it was a huge mistake letting her come. I have since explained to DD you don't need friends like that and she definitely won't be invited to any future events

A week or so after her birthday the texts carried on - I then blocked her and spoke to her teacher to make sure they weren't in the same class the following year. Haven't had any issues since

YANBU.... this behavior goes way beyond normal falling out.

Do not invite her and for good measure I would screen shot all messages sent, block her number in DD phone, then remove it so she can't be unblocked.

If her mother contacts you forward the messages to her and say "that is why your DD will never be welcome in my house, any trouble when they go back to school and I will take this further".

Random tree has best answer

This is the perfect opportunity to teach your DD about healthy relationships and boundaries. Her 'friend' sounds like a total user and is treating her really badly which she doesn't deserve to put up with. I would encourage DD to consider if there are traits she would stand for with a friend and not invite the girl.

No way would i allow her to attend. She sounds horrid and will probably only get worse with age. I agree with taking screenshots of the messages and sending them to the mum. (And also letting the school know that this has been happening incase anything is said or done there)

Kids fall out all the time but this girl sounds horrid - the ultimate mean girl. I would say no. Explain it clearly to DD that while it's important to be nice, don't let others behave like that to you.

She's lost her invite. Don't reward bad behaviour. Maybe she can come to next year's party if she starts to be nice.

No, no and NO.

No this child is nasty and a bully and you don’t want your daughter mixing with her .