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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want this girl at dd party

277 replies

XiCi · 09/08/2020 11:02

Dd is 9. One of her friendship group from school has been quite nasty to her online and via text during lockdown. Pressurising dd to give her her pets on Roblox, texting her and calling her a bitch when dd refused, threatening her saying her mum was going to batter her if she didnt do as she asked. After this they stopped communicating however dd sent a little text a few weeks later saying its friendship day shall we just be friends again and got a one word NO in reply. Its dds birthday next week and I'm just having a few girls over to play in the garden. This girl has found about about this and has now started texting dd asking if she can come and saying they can be friends again. Dd is a bit conflicted, she thinks she only wants to be her friend because of the party but hasnt got a nasty bone in her body and I think her default would be to just let her come. This girl is trying to video call her all the time for an invite. MIL thinks that all young girls have fallings out like this and I should just invite her. AIBU to not want this girl in my house after i saw how upset she made my dd. I dont know whether I'm just being over protective.

OP posts:
ChocolateOO · 09/08/2020 14:03

This is why children this young should not have phones. They should not be online. They should not be contactable and they shouldn't be bogged down with this hassle aged 9!

It's proof they are all too young and immature to be using it.

Whilst your daughter sounds lovely she's still far too young to be on technology like this .

Most bullying these days comes from these types of things. It's down to the parents to stop them using it so young. I really feel sorry for kids these days. they have no space to just be happy and carefree.

Also no don't let the nasty piece of work around. She isn't even worried that you know what she's threatened your daughter with..she sounds really nasty already!

WiltedWillows · 09/08/2020 14:04

Pressuring her to give her pets on Roblox? All kids do that OP! They are 9 years old !

Scruffyoak · 09/08/2020 14:06

Nope. Don't invite her

Spanglemum · 09/08/2020 14:14

Don't invite her. Do tell the school what's been going on. Sounds like they are a challenging family so I wouldn't involve the mother. Have you kept the messages?

JoeCalFuckingZaghe · 09/08/2020 14:14

@WiltedWillows

Pressuring her to give her pets on Roblox? All kids do that OP! They are 9 years old !
Do most 9 year olds you know call each other bitches and say they will get their mum to batter them too?
lifestooshort123 · 09/08/2020 14:18

A friend is someone who has your back. My grandson had similar episodes with boys in Yr 6 who blew hot and cold and he learnt some valuable lessons about how to recognise and deal with the nasty ones when he moved up to secondary. Be pleasant and walk away, never rise to the bait and ignore them on ps4 - we'd talk about it being their problem and not his. Your daughter will be stronger from cutting this girl off.

Italiangreyhound · 09/08/2020 14:19

" Pressurising dd to give her her pets on Roblox, texting her and calling her a bitch when dd refused, threatening her saying her mum was going to batter her if she didnt do as she asked." No way in a thousand years would I have this child anywhere near my child. She is horrible and I would not trust her an inch.

Your dd needs to accept some people are just not nice and safest thing is to avoid them. Use whatever excuse you want. Phrase it however you want.

Italiangreyhound · 09/08/2020 14:20

100% agree with GlassMarble "Teach your daughter it’s ok not to put up with people who treat her like shit."

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 09/08/2020 14:22

Yes teach your dd that it’s ok to say not and stick up for herself.

Gobbycop · 09/08/2020 14:25

Don't invite that little rat

😂

YgritteSnow · 09/08/2020 14:27

I remember when dd was at primary, teachers were tearing their hair out over WhatsApp bullying. I always thought of all the time and effort they were having to put in to dealing with it in school time when children of that age shouldn't even be on it. Dd is 13 and on no social media at all thank goodness. It's her choice as she was really bothered by what she saw happening with her classmates in primary. I'd have kept her off it anyway as I think it's dangerous and damaging for young girls but I am very glad I don't have to battle her over it.

Feetupteashot · 09/08/2020 14:28

She sounds mean don't invite! If they start being friends again she could always come to the next party

eggsandwich · 09/08/2020 14:37

I think this is a good life lesson for the girl that if you are nasty to friends then you suffer the consequences no matter what your age.

You never know she may re-think her attitude and it might make her nicer in future.

MizMoonshine · 09/08/2020 14:40

Fuck that little bitch.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/08/2020 14:41

This is cyber bullying. My friend is a teacher and according to her the school should be interested in children behaving in this way. You’ve done the right thing blocking this girl.

mbosnz · 09/08/2020 14:42

Fuck that little bitch.

Easy there tiger, she's still a little nine year old girl. What's your excuse for talking about her in that way? I'm assuming you're way older than nine. . .

SistineScreamer · 09/08/2020 14:46

OP, I don't think you should invite her. I think you should encourage your daughter to end the friendship...actually I can't even call it that! It's bullying.

I'd prepare for a fallout even if you don't talk to the mum. There will be one if the girl isn't invited. But I don't think your daughter's birthday should be spoiled by one child so please don't invite. And explain to your daughter that this is not how friends act.

OohThatCat · 09/08/2020 14:50

Definitely not - the kid needs to learn if you're consistently nasty to people, there's consequences!

Longpigs · 09/08/2020 14:53

@MizMoonshine

Fuck that little bitch.
Hardly a way to refer to a child, even if she is being horrible. It's this kind of attitude that leads to children behaving exactly like the child the OP is discussing.

I can pretty much guarantee that this child won't "learn her lesson" if she's excluded (though I do think she should be excluded, albeit "because of Covid" or "because my mum says only X number can come"). If she has been brought up by someone who talks about "battering" people, she's likely just to become even more hostile and unpleasant, as her mum will presumably encourage and model this kind of behaviour.

If my DD were on the receiving end, I would feel a bit very lioness-is. At the same time, though, I'd feel sorry for a child who immediately resorts to threats and name-calling.

mbosnz · 09/08/2020 15:01

I do think it's a natural consequence of her behaviour that she is excluded from a party, and I'd be quite happy to say to my DD9, if this little girl creates about not being invited, please tell her that your Mum is more than willing to explain why she isn't being invited to her Mum, here's her number.

I say this as someone who sadly tried to be more high minded about a similar little girl and her mother, who invited that little girl to the party despite grave misgivings, and my daughter was treated like crap at her own party, and when she was reluctantly issued a reciprocal invitation to that little girl's party, was treated like crap again, by that little girl. AND her mother! Nasty bullies the pair of them.

diddl · 09/08/2020 15:16

@AllPlayedOut

There's not a chance in hell that I'd invite her.
Just that.

Never once in my 50+ years have I been called a bitch.

And when your daughter asked her to be friends she said no.

That's enough-don't let your daughter be walked over.

I know she's a kid, but there's no way she should feel conflicted about someone who has treated her like that.

Or is she frightened of repercussions?

gingerbiscuits · 09/08/2020 15:17

No chance on earth - that's gone way beyond the 'kids will be kids' type of falling out - utterly vile behaviour!! Now's a great opportunity to teach your lovely kind daughter not to accept that kind of crap from people. If the girl or the mother ask about it, be absolutely blunt.

MumsyMumIAmNot · 09/08/2020 15:37

No no no do not invite the vindictive brat! It will spur her on to know she can get away with being a little rot bag.

CelestialSpanking · 09/08/2020 15:41

Your MIL is right in the sense that children fall out all the time and there shouldn’t be any hard feelings about that but this girls sounds like a horrible bully which is different to a falling out. So no, she wouldn’t be welcome to come to the party. I’ve banned my daughter from inviting one or 2 girls for sleepovers who were prone to cause dramas with their nasty behaviour.

CelestialSpanking · 09/08/2020 15:43

Also your daughter sounds lovely. And she can still be lovely when not accepting the horrible way this girl has treated her.