To not want this girl at dd party

[XiCi]

Dd is 9. One of her friendship group from school has been quite nasty to her online and via text during lockdown. Pressurising dd to give her her pets on Roblox, texting her and calling her a bitch when dd refused, threatening her saying her mum was going to batter her if she didnt do as she asked. After this they stopped communicating however dd sent a little text a few weeks later saying its friendship day shall we just be friends again and got a one word NO in reply. Its dds birthday next week and I'm just having a few girls over to play in the garden. This girl has found about about this and has now started texting dd asking if she can come and saying they can be friends again. Dd is a bit conflicted, she thinks she only wants to be her friend because of the party but hasnt got a nasty bone in her body and I think her default would be to just let her come. This girl is trying to video call her all the time for an invite. MIL thinks that all young girls have fallings out like this and I should just invite her. AIBU to not want this girl in my house after i saw how upset she made my dd. I dont know whether I'm just being over protective.

I would contact the girls parents if they are at all decent and sort it out so that it foecc sac MT continue in September at school.

He’ll no!! You are teaching your daughter it’s ok to be the victim of this totally unacceptable behavior and teaching the bully that you’ll accept it.

I do feel for you but I honestly would use the lockdown situation to prevent your daughter having to be put in an awkward situation. I would I think contact the parents and advise them of exactly what has happened . I know I would want to know if my daughter was involved . I think how you deal with this will help your daughter long term. no matter how old we are unfortunately we all come across mean girls be it in the playground or at work . Show her that her time is valuable and nobody should make her feel so low and sad. She should have the right to spend her free time and certainly her birthday surrounded by ppl that make her feel good . I think we should all do that. Easier said than done sometimes but by teaching her and showing her from a young age I think will really help her as she gets older . Good luck

Sounds just like the little bitch who ruined my daughters childhood.

No invite from me either......

Definitely not, She might just be looking for an invite to spoil your daughters day. I would make it extra special so the friends that are invited make sure the little brat knows what she missed.

What on earth are children that age doing with mobiles?

@XiCi YANBU my DD2 sounds a lot like your DD and has had that happen in friendship groups with certain individuals and it got to the point that it was heartbreaking watching her go through that but on the 3rd occasion I put my foot down and just said that they’re not welcome. Not to special events like birthdays, sleepovers, days out and not in our house. I realised that there was no way she was going to say anything, not just saying It because she’s mine she really is a sweet, sensitive, kind kiddo that doesn’t like confrontation and is nice to everyone and the world needs more people like her and less like the other so I had to show her the importance of boundaries, that it’s not okay for people to treat her badly and then accommodate them when it suits them and you can do that without being confrontational. If you don’t flat out say no on her behalf with things like this you’ll highly likely find that she will tolerate these ‘friends’ right up into her adult life
There’s a couple of ways to deal with it..just straight out tell DD that you’re aware of her friends behaviour and even though it’s her party, you’re her mum, and the way she’s been treated has made you sad, she doesn’t deserve to be there & people who treat you like that shouldn’t have the privilege of spending a special day with you and only people that are good to you should be in your home and DD deserves to have fun with true friends, DD could tell the girl that she can’t come because you only said a certain number of people and as they weren’t friends you asked other people and everyone’s coming. Ask DD to let you know it’s that girl before she answers any calls and be present or within earshot without her knowing you’re there- if you hear it you can take the phone and ask if her mum is there, then tell both diplomatically the background and what you heard and that even if you had room to accommodate her you wouldn’t and she’s not welcome to spend time with DD at your home or socially at least until she can be consistently nice to her!... If the girl gets nasty block her on every platform they communicate on until at least after the party, in fact I would just block her until they go back to school anyway - best case the shock might educate her to be nicer or worst case you’ve shown your DD that she can stand up for herself without confrontation, people like that have no place being welcome in your life or home and that she can say no

Girls can be SO nasty and some bullies are truly horrid. I wouldn't let her step foot in my house - the conniving little madam! I hope your daughter has true friends who are kind and respectful too! x

Love how the perfect parent brigade are out in force! If you want ure daughter to have a phone u do it my lovely ure her parent!
Back to ure question... I would not have a child that spoke like that in my house and would encourage my daughter to stay away from her in the future! I saw ure daughter decided she didn't want her to come anyway, in your comment, so sounds like she has her head screwed on bless her! Awful when kids are mean to each other isnt it! X

I think you're right to not invite her. We had an issue with a child in my dd's class and didn't invite her. My dd was worried about it and I told her she doesn't have to have anyone in her personal space who makes her feel uncomfortable. It's also teaching your daughter that she doesn't have to give into someone just because they say sorry after being rude and a bully.
Block her number and when she asks at school get your daughter to tell her the truth, she was rude and made her uncomfortable so she didn't get an invite, that way she can't spin her own take making your dd the bad person.

If you want ure daughter to have a phone u do it my lovely ure her parent

Ugh. Its not 1999 where you get charged per 160 characters.

Don’t engage with that nasty girl directly as you could get into trouble! But I would screenshot the abusive text messages and show them to her parents and to the school as this type of behaviour is unacceptable and needs to be nipped in the bud before it gets out of hand or she does the same to others. If her parents don’t know about it then they should. Don’t allow your DD to invite her to the birthday.

Can’t believe people are more concerned that a child is playing on a phone over being bullied. No excuses needed, I would reply for my daughter and say why would you think you would be welcome after the way you spoke to me? I’ve no time for bullies whatsoever. I was bullied myself for years and some little cretin started on my daughter and has the cheek to knock on asking if she’s ‘playing’.

I would make the school aware of what’s been said, the mum sounds horrific and it’s a case of monkey see, monkey do, not something you should be taking on.

Hope your daughter enjoys her party.

Yanbu. Best break up this friendship altogether the earlier the better.
This terror will be a nightmare as a teen she already has her eye on your DD as her target.

Your daughter needs to know that 'friends' do not bully, name-call, threaten etc. It would big a big NO from me and I would hope both you and your daughter refrain from inviting this girl. Your daughter's feelings in this instance trump those of a girl who has been consistently nasty to her. Let her find and keep friends who value and respect her. I hope that somehow your daughter has a nice 10th birthday with the few friends invited to her 'garden party (can make it sound a bit royal and selective) - hopefully as safe as it can be.

I wouldn't want to send her an invite. She's been really horrible and a bully. You do need to screenshot the messages and send them to the girl's parents. They need to be aware of how their child has behaved. I wouldn't answer any video or voice calls from this child, but do block her.
This is a potential situation that could spill over into school life, once they are back there, so I would also make her teacher aware of what has been happening online out of school. Something similar happened within a group of kids at our children's primary school. It was online activity,out of school hours, but the school were vocal about how they would be fully co-operative in any investigations regarding pupils being involved in online bullying. I'm not sure how this would work tbh, but it did send a clear message to parents, and probably kicked a few of them up the arse enough for them to address issues they may have had with their little darlings. Whatever you do, you need to give your daughter the know how, in how to handle this girl, and you need to continue to keep a very close eye and well and truly lut your foot down if she continues to make your daughter miserable.

Do you really want your daughter to be subjected to this kind of person? What else will your daughter learn from this nasty child. Imagine how much more upset your daughter will be if this girl blanks her again after the party.

Do not invite. Have you kept the text messages (does your DD have her own phone?) if so send these back to the girl as reason why no invite

Big fat no from me. Your daughter sounds lovely, and that should be encouraged, but she also needs to know that she doesn't have to put up with being treated that way.

So dd hasnt used her phone for 2 days. Have just charged it up and there is a message on from this girl saying 'am I invited to your birthday or not' . So tempted to reply myself but not sure its appropriate. What I want to say to her isnt appropriate anyway!!

She still has to face this girl in class in a few weeks so I want to be firm without making it ten times worse for her

You shouldn’t reply to the 9 year old. Just phone her parents and explain what has been going on and let them deal with her.

I’ve been in a similar situation and I was worried about conflict so I just let the girl come (my dd wanted her to it was me trying to keep them separate for many reasons) and I wish I had stood my ground and said no.
I wouldn’t allow this child to come, it will make your daughter think people can be mean and still be rewarded. I’d be tempted to text her that unfortunately the party is cancelled and leave it at that. If she finds out the party went ahead, tough, 9 is old enough to know not everyone will get an invite, particularly if they aren’t well behaved. I hope you kept the messages sent to your dd incase her mum gets involved? Just encourage dd to avoid talking to her now and let the friendship fizzle out.

Isn't she blocked - why is there a new message?