To think when you go out to a restaurant you should pay for your own meal?

[Kelcat9494]

Hello,

I think I'm just a bit annoyed, last night we went out as a family of seven (in laws and DH grandma) as it was her birthday, as I've been very poorly with sickness my husband and I shared everything whilst everyone else got their own meal, the bill came to £110ish and we decided to chip in for grandma as it was her birthday so per couple it was £37.00 - I didn't think much of it last night as I got really sick but I worked out that our meal only cost £21.55 which meant we spend £15.45 on grandma while the other two couples only spent an extra £1, I just think we should have paid for our own and then spilt grandmas bill between the three couples. I don't mind paying for her of course but it just doesn't seem very fair.

I think I'm just bitter because I barely ate anything haha just needed a moan

I think it’s swings and roundabouts... sometimes I pay way more than I had, other times I pay less than I had so often evens out. But I usually go out with the same group of 5 friends, and if one of us is pregnant or not drinking they pay less!

When you're splitting the bill, it always works out badly if you're at the lower spending end - e.g. you aren't drinking or don't have pudding or whatever. Best thing to do is either up your consumption to everyone else's level, or to say at the start that you'll pay separately this time because of (reason)

If you feel that strongly, you should've said something at the time.

To be honest, I hate all the "You had this and you had that. Oh but you had the steak and there was a £3 supplement" etc.

I'd much sooner just split the bill evenly and enjoy the evening without that sort of headache. Unless of course someone is really struggling for money but then I wouldn't have thought they'd come along.

Equally, I wouldn't have thought you would either if you were too sick to eat a meal.

Some friends we split a bill by who ate what, some friends we pay even shares. With some friends or family one of us will slope off and settle the bill for the whole group. It depends for us on the friendship group in my experience and probably the financial security of the different families.

You should have spoken up at the time. Unless it's a set menu, someone always loses out when the bill is split. Invariably the person who suggested splitting will have had a really expensive meal and then others dont want to look tight so go along with it.

I tend to find its my richer friends who clearly choose all the most expensive options, champagne 3 courses who want to split and never leave a contribution for a tip!!!

There are no rules here, you need to agree upfront on how you'll do the split. No right or wrong way, just make sure everyone's clear beforehand to save this type of upset.

I know I should have said something at the time but they gave us paper menus and threw them away when we ordered so I didn't want to make a fuss. Usually I'm not too bothered, I'm gonna blame pregnancy hormones 😂

Sometimes it,s easier just to split the bill, but as you see it often isn,t the fairest way.

I much prefer to pay for what I had as I never drink a lot and rarely get 3 courses. The ones that want to split always seem to be the ones that get the 16oz steak with all the trimmings, 3 bottles of wine and starter plus dessert.

I tend to find its my richer friends who clearly choose all the most expensive options, champagne 3 courses who want to split

The ones that want to split always seem to be the ones that get the 16oz steak with all the trimmings, 3 bottles of wine and starter plus dessert.

And are invariably the ones who imply it's being mean and penny-pinching not to split (and are happy to spend other people's money)

Nah fuck that. Just split the bill, we're grown ups

Why do people never learn? If this bothers you, get the menu upfront, get orders from the group, get payment in advance. Do not eat out unless you have done this. Or make it clear when you arrive that you are buying X and that is what you will be paying for. Nothing kills the atmosphere more than tightwads arguing over the bill. You should have spoken up when you decided on your order and made it clear, I doubt that anyone else noticed what you ate.

I much prefer splitting a bill evenly because it saves the hassle of working out exactly who had what etc. But if you’ve eaten much less than others / not had alcohol etc it can be unfair. Best thing is just to be upfront about your expectations at the time.

I used to have a friend who insisted on splitting equally if she'd had more expensive dishes/booze but individually if she'd had basics/no booze, down to getting a calculator out in Bella Italia.

After a few meals out where we clocked what she did, we called her on it. She just shrugged.

We always paid for our own after that, funnily enough she never ordered steak or cocktails again

I much prefer to pay for my own. I'm on a budget and while I can still afford to enjoy a meal out if I chose the less expensive option I carnt afford to pay for part of others meals who have chosen the more expensive meals.

These things happen when eating in a group. Unless it's stated at the beginning that you are only paying for what you eat then complaining later is useless.

My sil and bil who I dread eating out with take out their phone calculator and add up what they've eaten and just pay that, it's just embarrassing sitting there as they take ages doing it, discussing it, checking and re checking.

There's always going to be those who order the higher price things, those who drink a ton, those who have every course and those who just have a plate of garlic bread. Best thing is to just split the bill, knowing someone will loose out, or pre arrange with the server a separate bill.

I don't think I'm being a "tightwad" after all I paid £15 odd for grandmas meal and it's not like I'm messaging the family asking for the difference back since we all chipped in for her birthday, like I've said usually I don't mind, I couldn't really speak up at the time as I didn't have a menu at the time (plus it was the restaurants closing time so didn't want to make them wait 5-10 minutes while I figured out what everyone needed to pay) and didn't want to make a fuss, like one poster said it's swings and roundabouts next time I'll make sure to order a few cocktails and steaks and then split it and be in pocket this time 😂😂😂😂 (this is a joke obviously)

I prefer splitting evenly, just saves time and awkwardness at the end of the meal. If one person has had signifinctly more drinks or an extra course then they stick in the extra or pay the whole tip. One of my friends doesn’t drink and sticks to tap water so we calculate the drinks bill separately.

One of my groups of friends it’s become the norm to ask for separate bills, which is the fairest way but prolongs the paying time and I am sure annoys the waiters!

This is an age-old problem and really there's only 2 ways to do it:

1. Accept that the whole bill will be split equally and make peace with it
2. Request separate bills at the beginning unless you are with good friends who will notice that you only had soup and a glass of water and insist on reducing your share accordingly.

I think if you'd pointed out you only had one meal people would have been fine splitting as if your husband was a singleton, but they probably just didn't think as (presumably) you normally both eat.

Not splitting the bill is fine, we have a group of friends who I refuse to split the bill with as one of the husband's is an absolute dick (on one occasion when it was decided later on that the bill shouldn't be split as someone realised one person had only had a starter and a soft drink due to pregnancy sickness he actually said out loud that he wouldn't have made the same, expensive, choices had he known), and as long as it's mentioned pre-bill it's absolutely fine.

Surely it was blatantly obvious if you shared meals that you'd be paying more under the splitting rule?
No need to calculate it, every other couple had double what you did.
It would be like charging the single person for double share.
So you should have piped up to adjust it slightly (ie knock £12 off yours and add £7 to other 3?)
Though you as a couple should still pay equal share of gran stuff.

I'd be more concerned that you are going out with elderly relatives when sick, or is it not a bug?

If you're not fit to go out and enjoy the evening, just don't go. Sorry but only eating a small amount and then moaning about paying just seems a bit miserable, no doubt tempered by your sickness.

If you aren't going for the full meal in future, tell everyone at the start of the meal, and order separately, so you get a separate bill. I doubt anyone would complain. Saves you feeling crap about it later.

I think when you go out as a group you split the cost regardless of whether some people eat more or less.

@burnoutbabe

Surely it was blatantly obvious if you shared meals that you'd be paying more under the splitting rule? No need to calculate it, every other couple had double what you did. It would be like charging the single person for double share. So you should have piped up to adjust it slightly (ie knock £12 off yours and add £7 to other 3?) Though you as a couple should still pay equal share of gran stuff.

We were happy as a couple to pay an equal share at grandmas meal which would have been £6 per couple but we ended up paying an extra £15 odd, which is whatever. I did say we only had one meal and spilt it but I don't think anyone was listening 😂 - I've spoken to my husband about it and I'm annoyed at myself really, if it would have been the other two couples paying more they would have refused and said it's not fair, it's my fault for not being louder and clearer, lesson learnt.