Page 3 | To think when you go out to a restaurant you should pay for your own meal?

Kelcat9494 · 2020-08-09T09:57:23+00:00

Hello, I think I'm just a bit annoyed, last night we went out as a family of seven (in laws and DH grandma) as it was her birthday, as I've been very poorly with sickness my husband and I shared everything whilst everyone else got their own meal, the bill came to £110ish and we decided to chip in for grandma as it was her birthday so per couple it was £37.00 - I didn't think much of it last night as I got really sick but I worked out that our meal only cost £21.55 which meant we spend £15.45 on grandma while the other two couples only spent an extra £1, I just think we should have paid for our own and then spilt grandmas bill between the three couples. I don't mind paying for her of course but it just doesn't seem very fair. I think I'm just bitter because I barely ate anything haha just needed a moan

SleepingStandingUp · 09/08/2020 12:48

@Cam77

I prefer how they do it in China (and perhaps elsewhere in Asia) - just one person/couple/family stump up for the whole meal! Then, the other person/couple/family treat next time.

Saves all the calculating and rummaging in pockets at the end of the meal which spoils the mood a bit, and it feels good to treat your friends/relatives, even if you know they’re going to return the favor in a couple of weeks/months. Helps of course that eating out in China is far better value for money than it is here, even accounting for salary/price, so I get why it wouldn’t take on in Europe!

In that case though we'd never be able to afford to go out. £60 a meal is one thing, but we couldn't do £400 in one go

Chottie · 09/08/2020 12:51

OP - you have my sympathy.

I agree with all the comments about small eaters who do not drink alcohol ending up subsidising other's meals.

Another way round it, is for everyone to have the set menu and individually order their drinks at the bar.

Once I went out with a group of women, two of whom had to leave early. They left insufficient money to cover their share of the bill, so it was a double whammy evening......

SanFrancisco49er · 09/08/2020 12:55

It depends on the situation but there's nothing wrong with only paying for what you had.
I don't drink so wouldn't expect to have to split a big bill which includes lots of alcohol when I've had water but equally, if I have fizzy drinks and a friend sticks to water I always pay a bit extra.
I don't think saying bills should always just be split is right - it's not hard to judge if you've all had roughly the same amount and can just split it but it's also not hard to miss if someone has had a lot less and really only needs to pay a small amount.

Raella50 · 09/08/2020 12:58

I much prefer splitting the bill, even though sometimes I miss out because I don’t drink much and rarely have starters etc. It’s just so awkward/ cringey if you go out with a group and someone starts parping on about their exact food cost. I think you should accept the cost of splitting the bill if you go out with a group - the evening was partly about the food and partly about the company after all. We just don’t eat out with people like this.

GisAFag · 09/08/2020 12:58

I think you should order your own food and not share with anyone. Split the bill evenly. Stop moaning it was agreed to bill split.

Raella50 · 09/08/2020 13:00

What about rounds at a bar? If you went out with another couple, would you check the cost of everyone’s drinks and insist on paying the exact amount to the penny? Embarrassing.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 09/08/2020 13:01

I hate the bill being split like this. Although, last time I went out with a large group of family members, everyone worked out and paid for their own meal. When the waiter came to me and my cousin to pay the remaining amount, we ended up paying an extra £50 between us on top of our meal cost. I was really awkward.
I won’t be going with that group again.

TatianaBis · 09/08/2020 13:03

Are you really whining about £15 on grandma?

Original poster

Kelcat9494 · 09/08/2020 13:04

@TatianaBis

Are you really whining about £15 on grandma?

This has absolutely nothing to do with grandma 😂 I paid for her meal which is absolutely fine but don't say we split it as a family 😂

OP posts:

RomaineCalm · 09/08/2020 13:04

I often lose out. Am vegetarian and my friends often say "lets get lots of things so we can share" so I end up with a quarter of the two veggie things, whereas they have loads of meaty stuff. Hate that kind of "treat everything like tapas" approach. I want my own meal.

Never mind splitting the bill, I fully agree with @LittleHootie about this.

Several times when out with work colleagues at a local Chinese restaurant I've had to ask for my dinner back as a couple of people were happily sharing out my vegetables with cashew nuts which I'd specifically ordered and, as a veggie, was the only thing on the table that I could eat. I've learnt now to take mine off the 'lazy susan' rather than watching my dinner whizzing off in an anti-clockwise direction never to be seen again.

Original poster

Kelcat9494 · 09/08/2020 13:05

@Raella50

What about rounds at a bar? If you went out with another couple, would you check the cost of everyone’s drinks and insist on paying the exact amount to the penny? Embarrassing.

I don't drink so I wouldn't know, don't think I'd be happy paying an extra £15 for a drink though 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:

HannahStern · 09/08/2020 13:05

If you don't want to split the bill, you should say so at the start and order separately from the others. Sulking about it afterwards is pointless.

Original poster

Kelcat9494 · 09/08/2020 13:07

@HannahStern

If you don't want to split the bill, you should say so at the start and order separately from the others. Sulking about it afterwards is pointless.

I'd also like to point out which I missed previously, we have never split the bill when we've been out, we always just pay for our own and nothing was mentioned until the bill came, if I had my own meal I wouldn't have been bothered as it roughly would have been a fairer amount but for the two other couples to have paid a £1 extra and for us to have paid £15 is a bit annoying, just say we paid for grandmas meal instead 🤷‍♀️

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madametomato · 09/08/2020 13:09

I thought there was an app for this very situation?

You do need to speak up because when you have kids it will be more complicated

Raella50 · 09/08/2020 13:10

As long as no one is clearly taking the mick then what is the issue between friends/ family? Can you afford the £15? Did anyone intentionally rip you off? If you didn’t realise until the next day then it would seem it wasn’t a big issue for you. Your grandma had a lovely meal, you all enjoyed it and you split the bill. So you paid a bigger share (of a relatively small bill) than you ate? Hardly a big deal. Move on.

Pittapitta · 09/08/2020 13:35

I went out with some pregnant friends and I had 3 drinks while they had none and I said let me pay more as I drank alcohol and they said that I’ve overpaid in the past (when I was pregnant and they weren’t) and it all comes out in the wash. So
If this is always the case and they constantly take the piss then YANBU but if it’s a one off and sometimes they pay more ect then YABU.

Original poster

Kelcat9494 · 09/08/2020 13:37

Realistically I'm not bothered about paying £15 extra, it's just a bit annoying. I agree with people saying they split the bill and normally I wouldn't penny pinch especially if we all roughly had the same. It's a bit odd just because we can afford it doesn't mean we should pay more, if that was the case BIL should have picked up the whole bill 😂😂😂 - as mentioned I think I'm annoyed because the other couples wouldn't have paid £15 extra but it's my fault for not making myself heard but it was just sprung on me and I didn't wanna make a fuss, I'm just seeing it as my husband and I paid for grandmas meal (which is absolutely fine and I probably would have offered to do this anyway) rather than splitting the bill this time.

OP posts:

Original poster

Kelcat9494 · 09/08/2020 13:39

@Pittapitta

I went out with some pregnant friends and I had 3 drinks while they had none and I said let me pay more as I drank alcohol and they said that I’ve overpaid in the past (when I was pregnant and they weren’t) and it all comes out in the wash. So If this is always the case and they constantly take the piss then YANBU but if it’s a one off and sometimes they pay more ect then YABU.

We never normally spilt the bill so honestly I don't know if they'd paid more but knowing what they're like I don't think they would but it's whatever, I just wanted to moan haha everyone had a nice time and it was for grandmas birthday so it's whatever but next time I might just say up front I'll pay for mine, DHs and grandmas to save any confusion

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Reluctantcavedweller · 09/08/2020 13:45

I suspect this is going to be an unpopular view but I really dislike going out for meals in nice restaurants with people who insist on ordering a small salad or starter only, sharing a single meal or drinking tap water. Why bother? Besides the obvious awkwardness over the bill (and I would always offer to pay more), I find it really wrecks the atmosphere and I then don't enjoy my gluttony so much!

Luckily, most of my friends agree and, when we go out for childfree lunches, it's with the understanding that it's perfectly acceptable to eat our way through the menu and have a few glasses of wine/cocktails ! If one of us is hard up, we do other things. They did always offer to pay more when I was pregnant, but I refused and just had nice non-alcoholic drinks. I do have a few more abstemious friends but we tend to meet for a coffee...

But each to their own...I think the issue is one of expectations... They thought they were going out for an indulgent birthday meal and you didn't. I would still have offered to pay more, though (but I wouldn't want to go out with you again).

PeachyLife · 09/08/2020 13:46

@VodselForDinner

I feel sorry for the granny, TBH.

She’s probably sitting at home today, delighted that she had a nice night out and her family think highly enough of her to treat her to a nice meal.

She’d probably be gutted to know that her grandson’s wife is bitching about her on the internet because she cost them an extra few quid.

That was a bit uncalled for.

Original poster

Kelcat9494 · 09/08/2020 13:50

@Reluctantcavedweller

I suspect this is going to be an unpopular view but I really dislike going out for meals in nice restaurants with people who insist on ordering a small salad or starter only, sharing a single meal or drinking tap water. Why bother? Besides the obvious awkwardness over the bill (and I would always offer to pay more), I find it really wrecks the atmosphere and I then don't enjoy my gluttony so much!

Luckily, most of my friends agree and, when we go out for childfree lunches, it's with the understanding that it's perfectly acceptable to eat our way through the menu and have a few glasses of wine/cocktails ! If one of us is hard up, we do other things. They did always offer to pay more when I was pregnant, but I refused and just had nice non-alcoholic drinks. I do have a few more abstemious friends but we tend to meet for a coffee...

But each to their own...I think the issue is one of expectations... They thought they were going out for an indulgent birthday meal and you didn't. I would still have offered to pay more, though (but I wouldn't want to go out with you again).

This is the first time my DH and I have shared a meal in a restaurant, I've had a bad time with sickness and it was finally settling down so I agreed to go with my husband to his grandmas birthday meal unfortunately it started back up so I asked if we could share as I didn't want to order my own meal and not eat any of it (wasteful, cruel of the restaurant owners and staff). Husband pretty much ate it all which whatever, I can't help feeling unwell but I'm not blaming that on anyone but me so it's whatever. When it was suggested splitting the bill which we never normally do I said we only had the one meal but then proceeded to pay without a fuss, I've not made a big deal about it to anyone, I paid and left it at that and then proceeded to throw up outside the restaurant in a bag. I'm just moaning on a website that doesn't really matter as I don't think the other couples would have happily paid an extra £15 on top of their own meals 🤷‍♀️

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SleepingStandingUp · 09/08/2020 13:51

@Raella50

What about rounds at a bar? If you went out with another couple, would you check the cost of everyone’s drinks and insist on paying the exact amount to the penny? Embarrassing.

Bit of you weren't drinking bit had a sip of your partner's drink, you wouldn't be buying rounds

chomalungma · 09/08/2020 13:51

Lots of blaming the OP for not speaking up.
Maybe the other diners should have thought about the bill rather than just assuming it would be equally split.

It's easier to go along and agree with the statement "Shall we split the bill evenly" rather than have to speak up and say "Actually, can we just pay for our own"

Maybe people should be more considerate of others - people don't know individual's circumstances.

Cornishclio · 09/08/2020 13:52

I think if I had been poorly sick I would not have gone anyway so the situation would not have arisen. No way would I pay £37 when I could not eat a meal. Hope your GM does not catch what you had unless it was pregnancy related.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/08/2020 13:54

@Cornishclio

I think if I had been poorly sick I would not have gone anyway so the situation would not have arisen. No way would I pay £37 when I could not eat a meal. Hope your GM does not catch what you had unless it was pregnancy related.

But Granny will be worth a fortune if she catches it