To think when you go out to a restaurant you should pay for your own meal?

[Kelcat9494]

Hello,

I think I'm just a bit annoyed, last night we went out as a family of seven (in laws and DH grandma) as it was her birthday, as I've been very poorly with sickness my husband and I shared everything whilst everyone else got their own meal, the bill came to £110ish and we decided to chip in for grandma as it was her birthday so per couple it was £37.00 - I didn't think much of it last night as I got really sick but I worked out that our meal only cost £21.55 which meant we spend £15.45 on grandma while the other two couples only spent an extra £1, I just think we should have paid for our own and then spilt grandmas bill between the three couples. I don't mind paying for her of course but it just doesn't seem very fair.

I think I'm just bitter because I barely ate anything haha just needed a moan

@Cornishclio

I think if I had been poorly sick I would not have gone anyway so the situation would not have arisen. No way would I pay £37 when I could not eat a meal. Hope your GM does not catch what you had unless it was pregnancy related.

It was pregnancy related and at the moment it's very random, I haven't been/felt sick in over a week but i started to feel sick half way into the car journey, thought it might be motion sickness but it lasted all night sadly

I tend to find its my richer friends who clearly choose all the most expensive options, champagne 3 courses who want to split and never leave a contribution for a tip!!!

• but this does seem to be a mumsnet trope

As a vegetarian, I like to insist on paying for my own when I'm with a lot of big meat eaters because I don't want to subsidise their unethical expensive steaks when all I've had is pasta or salad.

Missed out I DON’t FIND THIS

"But granny will be worth a fortune if she catches it"

I have to agree with you, I imagine grandma would end up in the dailymail if she caught pregnancy from grandsons 25 year old wife 😂

I think it's really arrogant for people who have more to assume that others will pay for it and to hide behind some made-up social rule to defend their own lack of social etiquette. If I have more than the even split I always offer to pay more. It's rude not to IMHO so the issue really is that your family let this happen. That said, if one time one person has more and the next another person has more and it sort of evens up overall then I can see that it makes sense. Invariably it's the richer people who spend large who are happy to 'split the bill'. I can see why you're annoyed though, as you say, it's too late to say something. You just have to remember to say something next time!

I agree that’s it’s down to the table of friends and family not to rip each other off. I think it looks petty to point out the discrepancy afterwards you agree to split it and basically accuse people of not paying their way. They shouldn’t put you in that position.

I think the easiest thing is to agree to split the bill and then you can that x had less courses or y had a couple of cocktails and you round up or down. So some might lose out but not by as much.

I’ve also found that’s it always the people that can afford it most, that gloss over everyone else subsiding their food and drink though.

@IlanaWexler. I'd respect your choice entirely, but you'd definitely be on the coffee list not the lunch list! So neither of us made the other uncomfortable.

@Leflic

I agree that’s it’s down to the table of friends and family not to rip each other off. I think it looks petty to point out the discrepancy afterwards you agree to split it and basically accuse people of not paying their way. They shouldn’t put you in that position.

I think the easiest thing is to agree to split the bill and then you can that x had less courses or y had a couple of cocktails and you round up or down. So some might lose out but not by as much.

I’ve also found that’s it always the people that can afford it most, that gloss over everyone else subsiding their food and drink though.

I know what you mean, I've not mentioned it and I'm not going to I was just moaning.

I'm really not tight with my money, I paid for my grandma and niece to come on holiday with us but Covid happened so I've put that money away now so we can go in future and I have absolutely no issue paying for grandmas meal, it's nothing to do with that. I don't mind splitting when it's practically even and don't mind losing out on a fiver but when other people pay a pound extra and you pay £15 extra, it's annoying and I know everyone rich on mumsnet and can afford to pay for everyone's meal everytime at the table but I like things to be fair for everyone involved, I wouldn't have let someone pay £15 if I was only paying a £1 and I had more

@IlanaWexler

You'd be definitely on my lunch list! I prefer to pay for my own as if we're slitting I feel obliged to spend about the same as my friends rather than just get what I want. I much prefer your up-front attitude to annoying 'niceties' which actually get in the way of people enjoying themselves. It is no big deal to actually split a bill according to what you had so there's no practical reason not to.

The people who eat/drink more should chuck an extra fiver/tenner into the pot when the reckoning starts and then those who've had less make up the rest of the bill. A dozen of us go out as singles and when we get the bill we usually end up with too much money and hand it back to the non-drinker or the one who had pasta. It was bad form of your in-laws not to have balanced the bill more fairly but you would have looked a tight wad if you'd mentioned it. Lesson learnt for next time!

If you're not planning to split the bill at the end then you need to tell the waitress at the point that you order to create a separate bill for you.

YABU

YANBU. I think splitting the bill is silly; people should just pay for what they have.

I don’t drink, and I don’t eat a lot either, so there’s no way I’m subsidising others.

We've already just kept a mental note when ordering then put in what we owe or rounded up. Then if there's too much all together someone will be given a fiver back. We'd just split if we spent a similar amount though.

*always

You agreed to split the bill, so it’s a bit late to complain now.

@whirlwindwallaby

We've already just kept a mental note when ordering then put in what we owe or rounded up. Then if there's too much all together someone will be given a fiver back. We'd just split if we spent a similar amount though.

We never normally spilt it so I didn't think to, it's whatever I've had my moan now and I'm over it haha

I'm generally ok with splitting. Big meals my friendship group insist on paying for drinks at the bar after an incident where the hosting couple ended up paying for cocktails and shots for people who fucked off early.

The only time I've really lost out was a group meal that cost me and my partner an extra 80 quid after confusion over drinks etc I was really pissed off but one bloke who was being all 'billy big bollocks' made me feel shitty so I didn't argue. I just seethed for ages.

YANBU and it is always the people who spend the most who want to split the bill. In order to treat Granny, her bill should have been split 3 ways if 3 couples and added to your own bill. That would have been the fairest thing to do.

After being caught out, I always make it clear that I will pay for my own. (We went out for a friends 40th, short of money, didn't have a starter or dessert or wine, should have cost £20 then they asked each couple for £40 to split the entire bill. I didn't like to create a fuss on her birthday, but never again!).

Ignore the insults of tightwad, some people forget that we all have different circumstances.

I’m struggling financially so in normal circumstances I would bring cash with me and hand over my share to the person who was paying with a card. In this instance though I would have not minded paying a bit extra towards grandma’s birthday

I quite often don’t drink when we are out with family and will always chip in my share plus a very good tip but no way I’m paying a share of a bill if others are having a few drinks or ordering the most expensive items. On the flip side I hate when people are quibbling over a pound or so - if you’re that skint or tight then just don’t go out in the first place , I’ve seen people get calculators out over 50p where one had half of lager and the other half of coke.

@Angelina82

I’m struggling financially so in normal circumstances I would bring cash with me and hand over my share to the person who was paying with a card. In this instance though I would have not minded paying a bit extra towards grandma’s birthday

I feel like people may have got the wrong end of the stick, I do not mind at all paying for grandmas meal (even if it weren't her birthday) but if it was suggested paying for as a family it should of been split three ways which it wasn't so ultimately we paid for grandmas meal which again is fine but just say that, don't say we paid for it as a family haha 😂

@mrsbyers

I quite often don’t drink when we are out with family and will always chip in my share plus a very good tip but no way I’m paying a share of a bill if others are having a few drinks or ordering the most expensive items. On the flip side I hate when people are quibbling over a pound or so - if you’re that skint or tight then just don’t go out in the first place , I’ve seen people get calculators out over 50p where one had half of lager and the other half of coke.

I'm not bothered about a few quid here and there but to be £15 out of pocket while the others only paid a £1 extra is annoying.

When we go out as couples, I've learned to have as much to eat as the people that eat the most, then at least I know I'm getting my fair share when it comes to splitting the bill. Even if I don't really want the food 😂