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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think when you go out to a restaurant you should pay for your own meal?

146 replies

Kelcat9494 · 09/08/2020 10:57

Hello,

I think I'm just a bit annoyed, last night we went out as a family of seven (in laws and DH grandma) as it was her birthday, as I've been very poorly with sickness my husband and I shared everything whilst everyone else got their own meal, the bill came to £110ish and we decided to chip in for grandma as it was her birthday so per couple it was £37.00 - I didn't think much of it last night as I got really sick but I worked out that our meal only cost £21.55 which meant we spend £15.45 on grandma while the other two couples only spent an extra £1, I just think we should have paid for our own and then spilt grandmas bill between the three couples. I don't mind paying for her of course but it just doesn't seem very fair.

I think I'm just bitter because I barely ate anything haha just needed a moan

OP posts:
Original poster
Kelcat9494 · 09/08/2020 11:56

@SissySpacekAteMyHamster

I'd be more concerned that you are going out with elderly relatives when sick, or is it not a bug?

If you're not fit to go out and enjoy the evening, just don't go. Sorry but only eating a small amount and then moaning about paying just seems a bit miserable, no doubt tempered by your sickness.

If you aren't going for the full meal in future, tell everyone at the start of the meal, and order separately, so you get a separate bill. I doubt anyone would complain. Saves you feeling crap about it later.

I'm pregnant, not sure my 89 year old grandma can catch that
OP posts:
sunflowersandtulips50 · 09/08/2020 11:58

I don't go out and work out what everyone eats or drinks and split a bill that way. Never have and always just split the bill. Especially with family- I find it odd that you have counted it up and are upset

Original poster
Kelcat9494 · 09/08/2020 11:59

@SissySpacekAteMyHamster

I'd be more concerned that you are going out with elderly relatives when sick, or is it not a bug?

If you're not fit to go out and enjoy the evening, just don't go. Sorry but only eating a small amount and then moaning about paying just seems a bit miserable, no doubt tempered by your sickness.

If you aren't going for the full meal in future, tell everyone at the start of the meal, and order separately, so you get a separate bill. I doubt anyone would complain. Saves you feeling crap about it later.

Sorry I posted too early haha, I'm pregnant so no risk of passing that on to my dh's grandma. It's a bit hit and miss I hadn't been or felt sick in over a week, it's just typical the night we were meant to go out it came back, it was her 89th birthday though so I didn't want to miss it. It's one of those things, I'm more annoyed at myself. I'm not bombarding family members for money back or even mentioning it. I just like to moan haha
OP posts:
Original poster
Kelcat9494 · 09/08/2020 12:00

@sunflowersandtulips50

I don't go out and work out what everyone eats or drinks and split a bill that way. Never have and always just split the bill. Especially with family- I find it odd that you have counted it up and are upset
I worked out what me and my husband had? As I found the menu online and thought £40 was a bit much for a curry 😂
OP posts:
PonfusedCarent · 09/08/2020 12:03

I always tend to split the bill - unless it's lobster, champagne, a bar of gold, etc.

I just find sitting there and calculating it all ruins an enjoyable, laid back dining experience.

AnnaMagnani · 09/08/2020 12:04

Never split the bill if you are vegetarian/a light drinker.

Otherwise make your peace that you are always going to be paying for someone else's meal.

Oysterbabe · 09/08/2020 12:04

I'm all for just splitting the bill rather than fannying around working out who had what. Maybe if not everyone was drinking we'd do drinks separately.
I appreciate this is probably quite a privileged position. If someone in the group suggested paying our own I'd obviously have no issue with that.

burnoutbabe · 09/08/2020 12:06

In my group we always just split it but we also adjust for anyone not drinking.
If it's just been one drink with meal then we wouldn't adjust (as a small wine can be sane cost as fancy mocktsil)
But if it's bottles of wine versus some people having 2 cokes then it's adjusted.
Likewise if anyone said at the start they wanted to pay separate (only having one course) that would be fine.
I tend to lose our food wise as I avoid steaks and go veggie but then generally I'd have a dessert as well, which others do not. Or add a side to even it up.

LittleHootie · 09/08/2020 12:08

If people I'm with are sharing a meal or not drinking booze then I'll suggest splitting on a fair basis eg take off booze from their bill.

It's common courtesy.

I often lose out. Am vegetarian and my friends often say "lets get lots of things so we can share" so I end up with a quarter of the two veggie things, whereas they have loads of meaty stuff. Hate that kind of "treat everything like tapas" approach. I want my own meal.

Also hate it when they all have liqueurs at the end too. So I end up paying £20 drinks bill and I've had a diet coke. I don't go out if I'm budgeting to avoid this.

Marzipan12 · 09/08/2020 12:09

It's no harder to work out how much you have spent individually than it is to split the bill 😆

SimonJT · 09/08/2020 12:09

We usually split evenly when eating in a group, sometimes we don’t if one person has only had the odd soft drink when the rest of us have had quite a few beers. Or if my son is there (5) who typically on costs about £5/6 we tend not to include him as a paying person.

oakleaffy · 09/08/2020 12:09

People who advocate splitting the bill tend to be those who ate/drank the most IME.

The people who ate little, had one drink and no pudding subsidise the others who have the most expensive things and lots of drinks

I'm all for splitting bill if it's fair, but the modest eater oughtn't subsidise the rest of us.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/08/2020 12:12

So he ordered a meal and you had a bit of it? So if there were 4 couples and Granny you only ordered 8 meals? Well yes when it came to split it your should have said "I didn't order any food so shall we split it between 7 and I'll put in my share of granny's towards the tip

FiveShelties · 09/08/2020 12:15

Perhaps you should ask the other couples for 5GPB each so that you have all paid the same towards your Gran's meal.

Or, you could just write it off and think an overspend of 10GPB is not worth bothering about.

XiCi · 09/08/2020 12:16

You shared one meal with your DH? He must have been bloody starving when he got home Grin

I would always just split the bill unless I knew someone was really struggling with money.

Original poster
Kelcat9494 · 09/08/2020 12:17

@XiCi

You shared one meal with your DH? He must have been bloody starving when he got home Grin

I would always just split the bill unless I knew someone was really struggling with money.

He practically had it all, I wasn't for eating it which is my problem of course no one else's
OP posts:
Original poster
Kelcat9494 · 09/08/2020 12:19

@FiveShelties

Perhaps you should ask the other couples for 5GPB each so that you have all paid the same towards your Gran's meal.

Or, you could just write it off and think an overspend of 10GPB is not worth bothering about.

I'm not bombarding them asking for the difference or anything, I'm just saying to my husband we paid for grandmas meal as an extra birthday present haha, I'm not that bothered, I think I've said it already but I think my problem is if it was one of the other couples they probably would have refused and not paid any extra BUT thats my fault for not speaking up and being clearer that I barely ate anything, it's whatever. I'm over it now, I just wanted to moan
OP posts:
HunterHearstHelmsley · 09/08/2020 12:19

I agree with you. Pay for what you've had! Its very frustrating when someone fills their boots and you end up subsidising them. You can almost guarantee they will be the ones that make out those wanting to pay their own way are cheapskates.

uniglowooljumper · 09/08/2020 12:20

YABU

ThisLittleLady · 09/08/2020 12:22

You need to be clear in these things before you go out. Just let it go.

VodselForDinner · 09/08/2020 12:25

I feel sorry for the granny, TBH.

She’s probably sitting at home today, delighted that she had a nice night out and her family think highly enough of her to treat her to a nice meal.

She’d probably be gutted to know that her grandson’s wife is bitching about her on the internet because she cost them an extra few quid.

Original poster
Kelcat9494 · 09/08/2020 12:26

@VodselForDinner

I feel sorry for the granny, TBH.

She’s probably sitting at home today, delighted that she had a nice night out and her family think highly enough of her to treat her to a nice meal.

She’d probably be gutted to know that her grandson’s wife is bitching about her on the internet because she cost them an extra few quid.

Haha okay hun, yes you're right this whole thread is just bitching about my husbands 89 year old grandma
OP posts:
justasking111 · 09/08/2020 12:35

A grandma here, when we go out with the family 14 of us now, we end up picking up the bill for everyone, over £400 last time. I see your point OP I have been caught out with a group of women 8 of us a few times, we all calculate our bills individually I bang in a good tip. There is always someone who miscalculates and the tip disappears into the pot.

Next time work out your bill, find out grannies share divide and pay that not a penny more.

Cam77 · 09/08/2020 12:38

I prefer how they do it in China (and perhaps elsewhere in Asia) - just one person/couple/family stump up for the whole meal! Then, the other person/couple/family treat next time.

Saves all the calculating and rummaging in pockets at the end of the meal which spoils the mood a bit, and it feels good to treat your friends/relatives, even if you know they’re going to return the favor in a couple of weeks/months. Helps of course that eating out in China is far better value for money than it is here, even accounting for salary/price, so I get why it wouldn’t take on in Europe!

RedskyAtnight · 09/08/2020 12:41

If you and DH literally shared a meal between you, then I'd expect this to be taken into account for the bill splitting (i.e. you divided by one fewer person). But equally it would be fine for you to say "we'll just pay for ourselves and grandma's share". Though, tbh, most groups I eat out with, we are considerate enough to notice if someone has spent considerably less on their meal and normally suggest a lesser contribution.

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