To be annoyed that partner looked during childbirth?

[IsoBordem]

I recently had a pretty terrible birth experience. It was the most dehumanising experience I have ever gone through. The hourly internal exams (done twice due to a student midwife) was already pushing my limits.

Before the birth I had one request for my partner - I did not want him looking down there at any point. During the delivery the doctors offered for him to have a look, even though I said I would prefer if he didn't. He ended up watching twice.

I know I am likely being unreasonable to be annoyed. I just wished the one person who was meant to be supporting me would have listened to my wishes rather than dismissing me like my doctor did.

I've had to come off that thread as it was making me mad. There are some who are even using scare tactics to try and make her give in. Credit to OP though, she doesn't strike me as a pushover.

@VinylDetective

I don’t need to read them both again, thank you. She’s getting stick for the same thing as the OP here got shedloads of agreement and sympathy.

The same thing?

I agree the DO should not have looked if that had been requested, and the doctor should not have invited him to, if that had been said.

I'm just curious why looking was something that wasn't wanted by the OP? Of course she has every right, her body, her labour, her rules etc. I'm just wondering why it's so important to her.

Admittedly it's not the prettiest sight and I was much happier I didn't see anything (the mirror thing horrified me!) but just wondered about the motive.

Stirrups? Jesus that's barbaric!

@VinylDetective

Nice bit of pot and kettle *@MMN123*. Definitions of rudeness have definitely changed since I went to school. I didn’t have a “Zen” experience. I had a pretty normal birth judging from my friends’ accounts.

You might want to get some help with that anger of yours.

Not feeling even remotely angry. Again, your inability to empathise with Op is perhaps also connected with your inability to interpret emotion in others. And guessing your friends likely wouldn't be confiding in you either so daresay they all just say everything went well. One would really, given you seem determined that everyone lies at random about things they have no reason to lie about.

I don’t need to read them both again, thank you. She’s getting stick for the same thing as the OP here got shedloads of agreement and sympathy

Have you read this thread

Of course I’ve read this thread. I’ve read both of them.

I’ve managed not to insult you @MMN123. Given that you’re so ready to accuse other people of rudeness, perhaps you could try to accord me the same courtesy.

@VinylDetective

Of course I’ve read this thread. I’ve read both of them.

I’ve managed not to insult you @MMN123. Given that you’re so ready to accuse other people of rudeness, perhaps you could try to accord me the same courtesy.

Yes you did. You said I was a liar. Not sure how much more insulting you can get. So I owe you no courtesy all.

I just blew up all over that other thread. Might end up reported, but I was quite measured i think. I honestly want to punch something right now.

I think you were quite measured, ComeOn.

I agree. It’s an awful thread.

@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble I don’t blame you, like I said way earlier in this thread, this discussion has really opened my eyes up. I naively thought we had progressed way further than a lot of the attitudes in here and the other thread and have genuinely been quite shocked.

I think when it comes to feminism anything childbirth-related is still miles behind everything else for some reason.

I think when it comes to feminism anything childbirth-related is still miles behind everything else for some reason.

Probably why maternal care can be so shitty and HCP's can get away with so much, despite horrific consequences to mother and babies considering we're in such an economically and medically developed country.

I don’t think it’s just miles behind, I think it’s going backwards. The experience women have now seems far worse than it was 45 years ago when I had mine.

@VinylDetective

I don’t think it’s just miles behind, I think it’s going backwards. The experience women have now seems far worse than it was 45 years ago when I had mine.

I think it’s got worse. My experience this time was worse than when I did it 11 years ago.

In both cases, the community midwives were MUCH better than the hospital. But it definitely felt like treatment by flowchart and risk assessment based on whatever category I fell into throughout in 2020. There was absolutely no person centredness to it. That’s a big difference to what it felt like in 2009.

If you had said you were happy with that, fine. You said you weren’t and yet he still did. That’s really not fine. As a PP said you are not a curiosity. It’s treating you like you are just a dispenser. You aren’t.

I just blew up all over that other thread. Might end up reported, but I was quite measured i think. I honestly want to punch something right now.

That's how I felt on this thread yesterday. Both threads have made me so angry.

YANBU to have boundaries. YANBU to not want your husband or anyone else to look at your genitals at any time, for whatever reason.

However, if you have your husband present in a high stress, high intensity situation, during an event where the vagina is on full display and the event is centred around it, there's a chance that he will see anyway. If that's a problem, then why have him there at all? Room for error is far too wide in that situation.

We all get the consent angle, but human nature needs to be factored in too.

So, she was wearing a short skirt and a thong, and said no, but human nature needs to be factored in. No problem, right?

divisive I mean

@GoddamnGodBless maybe because women are damned if they do,damned if they don't?

On another thread a woman is getting an absolute battering complete with scare tactics and emotional blackmail because she doesn't want her husband at birth.