Can’t sit in my garden

[Crackers6642]

I’m feeling really anxious even stepping foot outside my property. DH is thinking I’m being silly. I’m hoping someone on here will help me as you have in past. I feel over several years neighbours have been encroaching my personal space. They just don’t seem to understand boundaries (literal boundaries! Not metaphorical). I feel suffocated in this house. We put up higher fences and already have high bushes and trees in place but I feel awkward around them. The other ndn don’t make me feel like this, I’m happy to sit out when they’re there and feel no awkwardness. I don’t want to spoil another day sitting inside. I want to enjoy my garden with my husband and our kids. I can’t carry on like this. I don’t want to waste my time. It was literal hell when the fence was low and I thought things might change with higher fence, they did to some degree but then lockdown happened.

I don't think i understand OP. There's a fence between their garden and yours, so who gives a fuck if they're out there when you are? Go and sit in your garden.

Pressed send before finished sorry! I feel more awkward as I had a word about their behaviour and I definitely overacted but it’s been several years of saying nothing then exploding in one go. I’ve got a horrible sinking feeling Everytime I go in the garden or see them when getting in my car. I felt this way even before the confrontation

But what do they do?

What are they doing that upsets you?

Do you have a mental health condition? These kind of obsessive intrusive thoughts can respond very well to cbt.

What are they doing that you’re struggling with?

You can go in your garden physically.
But
Your anxiety is stopping you
Seek help via gp

I felt this way even before the confrontation

What confrontation? You really shouldn't drip feed as no one can even know what you're on about.

OP take a deep breathe and remember you only have to do it once.I appreciate you feeling worried and anxious about facing the neighbours but lets put it into some perspective here.Whilst you are worried about them do you honestly feel for a second they are stopping living their lives because of what you feel? The answer is no they are not!.They will like most of us if we are being honest not give a toss about you or whats gone on before or what will happen in the future,its human nature to be selfish.The only person you are punishing here is you.You are stopping doing things cos you think they care..well they won;t in the slightest,humans are selfish! Get a cuppa put your sunglasses on and take a deep breathe ..go outside,sit quietly for 10 mins and then go in.Then try again...you really can;t live like this.I know you will know how irrational this is,The only thing stopping you is you.You can do this,Face your fears and go live your life.....give it a try.

I know how this will sound but they’re always in my face. It didn’t bother me in beginning but like they will stand on things and have conversations over the fence. I know I sound crazy but it’s like any minute I expect to see their faces peering over fence. I’m very shy so I don’t like haven conversation off guard. I don’t feel this is my issue to be honest I feel it’s them overstepping boundaries. The other ndn don’t do this and I feel relaxed. It’s horrible. I don’t think parents will do anymore as I had a little word about another incident so they know I’m a little upset but I know the kids will be peering at me. Unless you’re shy and introverted I don’t think people understand the horrible feeling of being watched. I know the word “introverted” gets used a lot but I’m the typical introvert.

@Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe thank you! I’m screenshoting what you’ve wrote to keep reading today x

There is also a sure fire way to handle this...If as you say you massively over reacted to them before then be sensible.Go round there with a bottle of wine and some chocolates and flowers and be big enough to apologise.It will be all it takes...Its good to apologise and admit when you are wrong.It will give you peace of mind too and thats priceless.

Oh for heaven's sake OP, grow a spine, be a grownup and say something! If they start a convo, politely tell them you're trying to unwind and want a bit of peace and quiet.

Being an introvert doesn't mean you need to be a doormat.

It would drive me nuts if anyone peered over the fence and chatted to me randomly.

But how can they see over the fence/plants, now?

Yes I know it’s irrational to be this anxious. Thank you everyone sorry for the weird and vague posts but I think it’s helped. I’m going out once I get kids sorted

I feel like this. We have an upstairs apartment but with some garden, and the down stairs neighbour is always out. I can't sit out without their faces or music or friends or chat disturbing me. I'm not anxious. I just hate the lack of privacy.

The thing is this is your problem to over come. It isn’t fair blaming your neighbours. Not using your garden because someone might look at you isn’t healthy.

Big pair of sunglasses and headphones, even if you aren't actually listening to anything.

Then as soon as you are settled you can safely ignore them if they do pop up.

@chatterbugmegastar they stand on chairs. The bushes don’t cover all across. It’s the lack of privacy I hate. I feel I’m being watched!

Oh and OP even better idea!! Have you got any earphones? from a phone or a walkman or ipod or something..see I am showing my age with walkman but there you go lol...When you grab your cuppa and a book or your sunglasses put your earphones in.That way you can look like you are busy listening to something even if your not! It helps stop any conversations youmight not want to have!

Surely they're just being neighbourly and will leave you alone after an initial quick chat?

Just say hi and take a book or something so they can see you're relaxing.

Um I don't think your behaviour as you've described it is typical of an introvert op. I'm am introvert but the idea of neighbours talking to me in my garden wouldn't cause me the anxiety you are describing....I might find it annoying but so might more e extroverted people...if you really don't want them talking to you just stick a big pair of headphones on and sit/lie facing away from them....Even if you're not playing any music they will just assume you can't hear them if they do try and speak to you and will give up. There are people who would give anything to have their own garden right now so don't let them stop you from enjoying yours!

you know how kids are, they will likely be a mixture of fascinated and a bit fearful at someone who is different. Keep Sally's post with you and be nice to yourself.

Well I would hate people looking over the fence at me too.
Could you go something horribly prickly along that side (and tall) for next year?
Right now could you go out there with DH and DC and that would maybe feel its not you alone vs nosy neighbours?
I have anxiety too and if I find my thoughts going a bit crazy I tell myself it isnt true, it s just me overthinking.
It s miserable to sit inside in the heat so you have my sympathy.