Can’t sit in my garden

[Crackers6642]

I’m feeling really anxious even stepping foot outside my property. DH is thinking I’m being silly. I’m hoping someone on here will help me as you have in past. I feel over several years neighbours have been encroaching my personal space. They just don’t seem to understand boundaries (literal boundaries! Not metaphorical). I feel suffocated in this house. We put up higher fences and already have high bushes and trees in place but I feel awkward around them. The other ndn don’t make me feel like this, I’m happy to sit out when they’re there and feel no awkwardness. I don’t want to spoil another day sitting inside. I want to enjoy my garden with my husband and our kids. I can’t carry on like this. I don’t want to waste my time. It was literal hell when the fence was low and I thought things might change with higher fence, they did to some degree but then lockdown happened.

@Crackers6642 I understand your feelings- we used to have ndns like this. Not horrible as such, but always nosing over the fence. This may sound weird but, when I went out to lay on the sunlounger, I used to put sunglasses on and stick headphones in my ears. Sometimes I’d listen to music/podcasts to block them out or sometimes I’d have nothing on but just having them made me feel more secure as I had a way to blank them out- almost like an excuse not to acknowledge them nosing over the fence and they’d get fed up eventually. Just something practical that may help you to feel more relaxed.

It is so odd that they climb onto chairs to look at you. How often do they do this? Have you told them you don’t appreciate them disrespecting your privacy? Are you anxious and paranoid about other things or just them?

i know exactly how you feel!! I've had the same and i felt awful too. You can never relax when you think some little wotsit is just watching you. I would love to sit out in the morning and enjoy a coffee on the patio before my kids got up, a little morning zen for me before i start the day. But NDN would hear me and be out like a shot to bounce loudly on the trampoline, bang on the fence, call my name over and over again. By the time my kids got up i was like a coiled spring waiting to go off. I tried sneaking out but they would hear the patio door slide and be straight out, changing the time i went out - but just opening the door was enough to trigger them to come out. As soon i i go in - they go in. Tried saying hi and hope that would be enough attention for them to just carry on as normal but nope. If i stayed in - they stayed in - they would only go out if i was there. Sometimes they would climb on things to look over the fence and just stare for ages.

In the end i just had to get on with what i wanted to do and stop letting it get to me - they seem to know it gets to you and do it more. It was hard at first and i felt awful but it does get easier. Just do little short trips in and out to start with and completely blank any behaviour that gets to you. Just a few minutes to start with - you need to retrain your brain first. You are so caught up with the fact that going out will be bad that you need to pop in and out and have good experiences to help your brain see that there is good out there. By just doing short times you get the reward of a pleasant time and so the brain becomes more confident in being out there. Even try ear plugs so you cant hear them! Ear plugs and a nice book and a coffee - just blank them the heck out! Or maybe some head phones with relaxing music. They will get bored - trust me! Takes a while and your iron will but by completely blanking them they will get bored - they feed off your reactions and when they dont get one they get bored.

I would also speak to a GP - anxiety can be crippling if left alone and you could do with the support. CBT is good for things like this - helps retrain your brain.

Just take baby steps, dont push yourself too far too fast. Just pop in and out, then a few mins, water games with the kids so you have some one else with you for moral support. Dont wait until you feel awful before you come in - always try and end on a high note - you come in because you are finished not because they have chased you in. You can do this lovely xxx

I haven't read the full thread, but at first I thought you were going to say you were too scared to go into your garden because of The Virus. So I was pleased you had a proper reason. And I totally get it. It was the other way round with us. Downstairs neighbours in a temporary rental shouting at us and ringing on our doorbell late at night to complain about non existent noise. They were horrible, horrible people and it turned out they were the same to everyone in the building. I lived in fear of our paths crossing, used to take a deep breaths whenever I opened my front door, breathe a sigh of relief if their car wasn't parked outside because it meant they weren't in the building, I'd get palpitations every time the doorbell rang in case it was them and spent the whole eight months of our stay in the rental paranoid about every slammed door/raised voice in our flat in case it annoyed them and brought them to our door. I couldn't walk past this building for over a year after we moved out because it made me feel anxious and unwell just looking at it, let alone the possibility of seeing these vile people again! So I totally get where you're coming from, although I don't suffer from anxiety generally and am pretty easy going and chilled about most things. I would have to move out in your position! All my best wishes and empathy to you. It's horrible.

I do understand how you feel although I havn t got quite the same problem I have been going through a bad expensive divorce for the last 16months also still living with my Ex to be which was so difficult but had to for financial reasons but my anxiety levels have been extremely high like yours and sometimes I have been afraid to go out to get in my car in case I see a neighbour who by the way I get along very well with.But most of our fears are in our minds. Nobody is perfect everyone of us have problems of some sort. But I think if your problem gets any worst even after taking the good advice you have had I would talk to your GP as they could help you.[grin

you could invest in a screen so they don't know you are there. Other than that you could always start talking religion and ask them if you could convert them that usually makes people either run or close doors in your face, although I would expect you will probably hear a lot of whispering if you try this. Oh just in case they do want to convert tell them they need to take a vow of silence for a couple of months.