To the woman who shouted “you’re too thin!!” to me on my run today...

[Waytoomuch82]

You made me feel utterly shit.

Yes I’m underweight. Mr body shape is awful (very thin arms and legs but a large belly relative to my size (26/27 inch, which for someone 17 BMI is out of proportion).

I hate my body. I feel sub conscious.

Hence out for very early run in a wood. St John’s wood (you were alone, one dog, red top). I saw you and smiled, you had a kind face, but as I ran pass you muttered something. I turned and said “sorry?” And you said “gosh, you’re too thin. You must stop running”.

Immediately deflated. Immediately feel crap.

It would not have occurred to me for a second to have said to you “you are podgy, you should be running not walking”, why did you feel you could say this to me.

Stop shouting out random criticism and “advice” to people.

The woman told you because it is true

Let's take that logic with fat people then shall we? Oh wait that's called body shaming......
Why is it ok for thin women to have weight picked at? Why is it not body shaming this time?

WorraLiberty

Well for your information I was responding to the part of your post that said.... But you have no way of knowing what might be going on in this woman's life, so why not give her the benefit of the doubt?

Are you confusing me with your reply to someone else? This is all you said to me: "Body shaming strangers is never ok, no matter what's going on in your life. Just remember that the next time you feel 'unsure'." I left out the last sentence, but I replied to that bit.

What am I supposed to have 'conveniently left out'? And where did you respond to the part of my quote you mentioned? I'm totally confused - is that what you mean by making it 'all about my autism'

@jjnineone

Wish there was a 'not sure' button on YANBU threads. I can see why this was hurtful & I've had a few unsolicited comments on my appearance when running too. But you have no way of knowing what might be going on in this woman's life, so why not give her the benefit of the doubt? I'm autistic so am used to my bluntness sometimes causing offense, but I hope people can understand that I don't say tactless things to deliberately cause upset.

It really worries me the number of people who piled onto the thread calling this woman 'rancid cunt', 'cow', 'bitch', 'dickhead', etc. Aren't those kind of comments judgemental and rude too? Is it fine to say something nasty about someone if you think they've done it first, whatever might be behind their comments?

Right, this is what you said ^^

To which I replied...

Body shaming strangers is never ok, no matter what's going on in your life.

Just remember that the next time you feel 'unsure'.

In other words there is no 'room for benefit of doubt' here.

The OP's body is none of that woman's business and she had no right to comment on it unsolicited at all no matter what is going on in her life.

I honestly don't think I can be any clearer here

I’m naturally slim, bmi 18. I’ve had horrible remarks and death stares from jealous women. You wouldn’t do that to a fat woman, so why is it okay to do that to a thin woman?

That being said, is there a reason why you’re so underweight? Restricting food and over exercising to maintain a thin frame comes will loads of health issues, some of which develop over time. Really serious and worrying stuff. Have you spoken to your GP and had full blood counts and blood pressure done? Do you suffer with Amenorrhea?

Can't believe how many people have said that it's not quite as bad if she was saying it out of concern!
I've seen partners called abusive on here for daring to mention the weight of their other half, even if it's out of concern! Strangers cannot go around commenting on peoples weight, whatever it is.
I stopped going to my local Asda as one of the women on the tills would regularly say "gosh, you're so skinny! You should eat more!"

What a nasty, nasty bitch. I can only hope that she thought you’d be flattered because she would like to be told she’s thin. Somebody once asked if I was anorexic (I was a size 8-10) and I was really embarrassed and upset that somebody thought I looked scrawny so I can guess how you must feel.

What a weirdo! Who does that?

Why didn't you say 'and you're as ugly as fuck but who cares'

She may well have been concerned. Someone who is thin could literally collapse on a run!

I wouldn't have thought running would be good at all for the joints of someone who is underweight.

WorraLiberty ok, thanks for clarifying, I understand now. I just don't think you get how hard it is for some people to do this. Some will not even be aware of how they are behaving, others will really hate not being able to behave in a way that is acceptable to 'normal' people.

I'd like not to have mental health conditions 'going on in my life' as you put it (I wonder if you would use that phrase about a physical illness/condition?), and I'm sure my aunt would have loved not to get dementia in her 50s, but nothing we could do about it. It would just be really nice if other people could cut us a bit of slack when we get things wrong, and it might actually make it easier for the OP if she knows that offensive remarks don't always come from an intention to cause upset.

@StarUtopia

She may well have been concerned. Someone who is thin could literally collapse on a run!

I wouldn't have thought running would be good at all for the joints of someone who is underweight.

If that was the case, there would be no elite marathons or distance races!!

@jjnineone

WorraLiberty ok, thanks for clarifying, I understand now. I just don't think you get how hard it is for some people to do this. Some will not even be aware of how they are behaving, others will really hate not being able to behave in a way that is acceptable to 'normal' people.

I'd like not to have mental health conditions 'going on in my life' as you put it (I wonder if you would use that phrase about a physical illness/condition?), and I'm sure my aunt would have loved not to get dementia in her 50s, but nothing we could do about it. It would just be really nice if other people could cut us a bit of slack when we get things wrong, and it might actually make it easier for the OP if she knows that offensive remarks don't always come from an intention to cause upset.

Sigh Again it was you who brought up the subject of what's going on in a person's life, as if the OP should then suddenly be ok about a completely personal, upsetting and unsolicited comment

But you have no way of knowing what might be going on in this woman's life, so why not give her the benefit of the doubt?

A rule of thumb to live by, is to never criticise a complete stranger's body, when they're minding their own business.

Rather than to expect them to consider what might be going on in your life. Anyway, how do you know what's going on in theirs?

Pretty simple to remember but not for a dementia sufferer obviously.

It makes absolutely no difference if she was doing it out of concern - you do not comment on a stranger's weight. The only people who have the authority to police OP's weight are OP herself and medical professionals. And I say this as an overweight woman.

Totally off topic here, but CiderJolly - running does not ruin your joints. In fact the studies show quite the opposite - runners and even former runners had lower levels of osteoarthritis in their knees than non-runners...

WorraLiberty sigh to you too for belittling the difficulties faced by those of us who don't fit neurological or mental norms. I don't know what anyone's backstory is - that's why I've repeatedly asked for tolerance. I'm going now, this is making me anxious. Clearly there are people who'd like those like me to just stay indoors and avoid upsetting all the 'normals' out there who can't cope with difference

But you could also say that nobody knows why anyone looks the way they do (in terms of weight), so surely tolerance is needed there too?

And like I said before, telling someone with an ED that they're too thin is at best pointless and at worst harmful.

That mist have been very upsetting OP, and she seems to have spoken way out of turn. It isn't as though she is likely to see this though. Fair enough if you want to talk it over and seek reassurance but for the purpose of addressing a random person that will never see this- what does it achieve. In part it appears to have cut deeply because there is truth in it. She can be very rude and have acted hurtfully and appallingly and it still be true. They aren't mutually exclusive.

I'm very slim due to a medical condition, and often get comments and they do embarrass me sometimes and leave me feeling upset but these people aren't wrong, though they are often rude. Have you spoken with a medical professional about your BMI?

It really isn’t acceptable to make these comments out of “concern.” When I suffered from anorexia it was really tied in with depression and anxiety as well and feelings of complete worthlessness. It was like I wanted to shrink myself down to invisibility by restricting what I was eating. I’ve seen posts on here before about how lots of people with binge eating disorders eat to make themselves invisible due to past sexual abuse. The exact same was true for me but I developed anorexia rather than BED. When people made unsolicited comments about my weight it made me want to restrict even further because I wasn’t invisible enough if people were noticing me. I would lock myself away, not wanting to go outside and making myself increasingly unwell. “Concerned” comments (and I really don’t believe the majority were concerned at all, they appeared more like they were disgusted by my body) are never helpful unless they’re coming from somebody close to the person or a medical professional.

OP if you’re suffering from an eating disorder then please do seek help for it if you aren’t already. Life is so much better when you do! And if you aren’t suffering from an eating disorder but are looking to gain weight then I echo previous suggestions of weight lifting. It’s an amazing form of exercise!

I wouldn't have thought running would be good at all for the joints of someone who is underweight

I’ve been very worried about the joints of the fat people I see eating fast food. I’m also worried they might get diabetes and Heart attacks. Should I say to them “you’re too fat!” - after all you seem to think this is really helpful right? 🙄

Clearly there are people who'd like those like me to just stay indoors and avoid upsetting all the 'normals' out there who can't cope with difference hmm

No one wants anyone to stay at home, but you really can't be going around upsetting people with issues like OP🤷🏻 It's dangerous tbh

Just to make sure it's understood, I know YOU personally didn't upset OP. It should have said "people can't go around upsetting people like op" or smth like that.

I am very slim and I have just started to take up running -well, couch to 5k. I know I look thin, but I’m running because, as a middle-aged menopausal woman who has done no exercise since school, I need to do some exercise and get fitter, boost my cardio fitness, not be out of breath etc. I am not trying to lose weight.

I haven noticed that a lot of people in this country (which has very high rates of obesity and related diseases) have lost track of what constitutes a health weight - they usually over-estimate it. They also have no idea about the benefits of having strong joints and muscles and retaining the ability to move at speed.

Even walking slowly correlates with lifestyle diseases and early loss of mobility. But for some reason, a lot of people like to heckle and criticise others for exercising.

(its the lycra criticism that gets me - what do they think you should actually wear when out running or cycling - nylon? Saggy jogging bottoms? Jeans?)

The woman was also incredibly rude. I nearly always stop and vent at hecklers, its very theraputic.

What a horrible woman. Running builds up muscle, good for you. Running is hard work, wish I could do it.

@Waytoomuch82 please don't let this stop you going out running, the woman is a total knob who shouldn't be commenting on a stranger's appearance, or anyone else's really.

I used to be very thin and had remarks or people calling me a skinny bitch in work, funnily enough they didn't go round calling other colleagues fat bitches.

Who the fuck does that. OP I’m sorry you had to deal with that this morning. Do what you want to to keep your body healthy for you. If YoU are worried about your weight/shape Or have any reason to think there is an issue see a doctor, if not ignore this stranger.