To the woman who shouted “you’re too thin!!” to me on my run today...

[Waytoomuch82]

You made me feel utterly shit.

Yes I’m underweight. Mr body shape is awful (very thin arms and legs but a large belly relative to my size (26/27 inch, which for someone 17 BMI is out of proportion).

I hate my body. I feel sub conscious.

Hence out for very early run in a wood. St John’s wood (you were alone, one dog, red top). I saw you and smiled, you had a kind face, but as I ran pass you muttered something. I turned and said “sorry?” And you said “gosh, you’re too thin. You must stop running”.

Immediately deflated. Immediately feel crap.

It would not have occurred to me for a second to have said to you “you are podgy, you should be running not walking”, why did you feel you could say this to me.

Stop shouting out random criticism and “advice” to people.

@IShaggedAMarriedMan It might be true, but it wasn’t her place to say it. As you can see from what the OP says, she is well aware that she is underweight and it is something she is self conscious of, it doesn’t need pointing out.

In fact “negative” aspects of a person’s appearance never need pointing out because it is never done to build a person up, and will do nothing but to make them feel like shit. And if that is someone’s aim then they need to take a long hard look at themself.

The woman told you because it is true

That doesn't make it acceptable, does it? Or would it be ok for me to go into a fast food restaurant and tell every fat person in there "you're overweight, you shouldn't be eating fast food"? Of course not.

Some people are awful. I was called a fat pig by a bloke on a walk out a couple of weeks ago. I know this is awful to say but I dream for the day someone tells me I'm thin. Just ignore.

I would have replied (in the spirit of the famous Churchill quote):

“Body shape and weight can change but you will still be horribly rude.”

Actually, that’s probably not true, as I am incredibly non-confrontational, so wouldn’t have said anything, but I would have thought it!

I think OP you could perhaps follow up this unfortunate incident with a call to your GP.

Vulgar woman. Pay no attention, people who call out at others are beneath your notice.

She's probably jealous.

@Acrasia, @LongAndWhiningRoad, @Waytoomuch82,
Does it matter if it was inappropriate.
It was well meant.

OP has issues that need help, please see your GP.

@EarringsandLipstick

There is no justification for shouting at a stranger like that.

It doesn't sound like she shouted.

OP said she muttered something to herself, OP asked her to repeat it & she said it with concern, it appears.

It's still not anyone's place to tell someone how they look or what to do, I agree.

It sounds like OP is very underweight and that running may not be a good choice at this point.

This sums it up really.

Does it matter if it was inappropriate

Of course it does.

but isn't it acceptable to call someone a cow if they act like a cow?

Cows beg to differ. Even cows don't act like a "cow". Their "name" is being used in vain.

It wouldn’t be ok if you were a larger person for her to comment negation your weight, so it’s not ok if your skinny. End of.

What a sad thread, on so many levels.

@LongAndWhiningRoad,
She was showing concern.

Sometimes people don't say anything because they are too close or they are too scared of offending.

If I were the OP, I'd get help, and thank my lucky stars that some stranger made that comment.

I've been very underweight and very few people said anything constructive. Most were comments like 'you're so slim' - I wasn't, I was seriously underweight, hadn't seen a period for months and looked awful. A older male cleaner at work, and dropped a subtle hint that I needed help. It was a wake up call.
I bumped into him years later and thanked him. He was the only one who had actually pointed it out to me.

She was wrong to be rude

But it's affected you......I imagine because you know she's right even though she's rude

Perhaps you can make a concerted effort to get help for the low weight issue?

This isn't the place to be giving advice to the OP on whether she's underweight and what she should do about it. She knows all that. This woman had no business saying that to a complete stranger. Just plain rude, please give this no more headspace, OP.

There's so much talk about fat shaming, but I'm an overweight middle aged woman and I can honestly say that I've never had random strangers commenting on my size. (DDs of 11 and 8 do but I don't mind that whilst reminding them that they mustn't say that to other people.)

It seems to be more of a thing with underweight people. But the principle is the same; personal comments to strangers are rude and not out of concern.

OP, I'm so sorry this happened to you. If you have weight/ body image issues comments like this really get you where it hurts. And it's so hard to respond appropriately in the moment.

FWIW, I'm 5'5" and the difference between a BMI of 17 and 18.5 (which is healthy) for me is about 8lbs. I think we're just not used to seeing healthy BMI, slim people around, so seeing someone who is underweight is shocking to many. That is not to play it down and the NHS does suggest seeking GP advice at your weight. TBH, I read the OP as though you wanted to gain weight?

Disclaimer: my BMI is 36, so I have no interest in encouraging unhealthily low weights.

I think it is quite appropriate to give sensible advice/suggestions. Knowing something and doing something about it arent the same.

WorraLiberty

Body shaming strangers is never ok, no matter what's going on in your life

I think I made it clear that I could see the woman's comment was hurtful and rude, but I wanted to vote 'unsure' because there are reasons why some people don't always filter their comments. To describe the comment to the OP as 'body shaming' you have to assume that there's an intentional meanness on the part of the woman. I don't think you can know that was her intention. I also said I'd experienced people shouting insults while I'm running, so I do sympathise with the OP.

FYI autism isn't 'something going on in my life', it basically defines my life, how I behave, who I am, how I relate to other people. Like many autistic people I do try to mimic neurotypical behaviour to make life easier and to fit in, but this takes a huge mental effort and is often unsuccessful. I've known people with other conditions who also struggled with filtering their speech and behaviour, e.g. my aunt had early onset dementia and frequently made comments others would find upsetting, but not because she meant to be cruel, and a friend had a mental breakdown a few years ago and said some things at the time which were upsetting to me and others.

Saying this is 'never ok' suggests you don't have much awareness of neurodiversity or mental health issues. Let's hope you never need that awareness.

Cheeky bitch. I'm big and would hate to be fat shamed in a similar manner. What she did was equally as bad

YANBU, people who make blunt comments about other people's appearance are rude. Unfortunately, there are some people who just have no filter and blurt out whatever is in their (tiny) mind.

Think no more on it, OP. Concentrate on your health and ignore people like her.

OP what she said was awful and not on, nobody should be commenting on other people’s appearances. But it makes me laugh when other posters say stuff like “people wouldn’t say these things to overweight people!” Ermmm...as an overweight person just trying to go about their business like everyone else I can assure you they very much do. I started running 4 months ago, to 3 times a week and at least every other week I get some sort of unpleasant comment. I wish people would just mind their own fucking business.

@jjnineone
Great post.
I also voted YABU for similar reasons. In addition, the stranger didn’t just blurt this out to the OP. The OP confronted her, initiating a conversation and only then the stranger said she was too thin. To me that is different from having something shouted it out as you run by minding your own business.
And, I’d be concerned for someone visibly underweight/malnourished and running in very hot weather as the risk of heart attack if you are underweight is an extra 21%.
It could have been kindly meant. We cant say for sure what the intention was and I don’t think it’s rude because OP asked stranger to comment by stopping and starting a conversation.

Not the point of the thread but people using this kind of language towards other women should be ashamed of themselves

Maybe, just maybe us thin women are so sick of having to bite our tounge when our weight is called into question, we are supposed to giggle and let it go, why shouldn't we get nasty too?
It's generally only women who slag another woman off for being thin, so what, now we gotta stay silent cos "sistahood" Fuck that.

If it was a guy slagging of my weight he would be a dickhead, wanker, piece of shit, waste of space. Would you rather that for women too, cos like it or not, slag off a woman's weight and expect backlash

I genuinely don't understand why every underweight person has to have an eating disorder whilst an overweight person can be just... overweight.

I am "underweight". I have never weighed more than ca 48/9 kg, except during and immediately after pregnancy and I'm 1'70". But I never look bony or even particularly skinny. I just have a narrow frame which naturally doesn't seem to carry a lot of weight. I eat the same amount, give or take, as my husband and most of my friends. And while I probably wouldn't have cake three times a day, I'd easily have it three times a week and have been known to eat it for breakfast 😀

Saying "you're too thin" to somebody with an eating disorder is pretty pointless, anyhow. And being fit and being thin are two entirely different things. Many thin people are totally unfit, and some people who are overweight can be very fit and sporty. Being underweight is no reason not to exercise - just make sure you take in enough calories to compensate for what you're burning up.

@jjnineone

WorraLiberty

Body shaming strangers is never ok, no matter what's going on in your life

I think I made it clear that I could see the woman's comment was hurtful and rude, but I wanted to vote 'unsure' because there are reasons why some people don't always filter their comments. To describe the comment to the OP as 'body shaming' you have to assume that there's an intentional meanness on the part of the woman. I don't think you can know that was her intention. I also said I'd experienced people shouting insults while I'm running, so I do sympathise with the OP.

FYI autism isn't 'something going on in my life', it basically defines my life, how I behave, who I am, how I relate to other people. Like many autistic people I do try to mimic neurotypical behaviour to make life easier and to fit in, but this takes a huge mental effort and is often unsuccessful. I've known people with other conditions who also struggled with filtering their speech and behaviour, e.g. my aunt had early onset dementia and frequently made comments others would find upsetting, but not because she meant to be cruel, and a friend had a mental breakdown a few years ago and said some things at the time which were upsetting to me and others.

Saying this is 'never ok' suggests you don't have much awareness of neurodiversity or mental health issues. Let's hope you never need that awareness.

Well for your information I was responding to the part of your post that said.... But you have no way of knowing what might be going on in this woman's life, so why not give her the benefit of the doubt?

But you conveniently left that out of the quote and made it all about your autism