Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To the woman who shouted “you’re too thin!!” to me on my run today...

282 replies

Waytoomuch82 · 08/08/2020 09:13

You made me feel utterly shit.

Yes I’m underweight. Mr body shape is awful (very thin arms and legs but a large belly relative to my size (26/27 inch, which for someone 17 BMI is out of proportion).

I hate my body. I feel sub conscious.

Hence out for very early run in a wood. St John’s wood (you were alone, one dog, red top). I saw you and smiled, you had a kind face, but as I ran pass you muttered something. I turned and said “sorry?” And you said “gosh, you’re too thin. You must stop running”.

Immediately deflated. Immediately feel crap.

It would not have occurred to me for a second to have said to you “you are podgy, you should be running not walking”, why did you feel you could say this to me.

Stop shouting out random criticism and “advice” to people.

OP posts:
randomer · 08/08/2020 21:52

Lycra? Whats that all about.....wind resistence for elite athletes. So yes saggy jogging bottoms are just fine.

fluffi · 08/08/2020 22:26

@Waytoomuch82 So sorry this woman today was horrible. YANBU.

Its a shame people don't realise that running and exercise for many people is about staying fit and healthy, nothing to do with losing or maintaining weight. You can be too injured, overtrained or unwell to run but otherwise its a great if you enjoy it!

Redcups64 · 08/08/2020 22:33

I promise you that it wasn’t me who your taking about- but that’s totally something I would say to someone thinking I’m being nice!

I can understand looking at it and the way you have written it that she shouldn’t have said it.....but if I was her at the time and not read other people’s responses, I would have no idea that it’s a upsetting thing to say to someone.....this is why I also don’t go out, it’s easier if I just stay away from people as my social skills are at a big zero!!

Idontbelieveit12 · 08/08/2020 22:38

Nobody has the right to comment on someone’s physical appearance negatively if they are a stranger. I could understand a friend or relative mentioning something if they were concerned about your health but even that’s dodgy ground. I am overweight, well obese. I had a car drive past me a few weeks ago and people shout fat arse out of it at me. I was so upset. People generally have mirrors, they don’t need reminding of their flaws, we are often our own worst critics anyway.

Lightline · 08/08/2020 22:43

I’ve got the same figure as you OP, slim but my waist is thick and I bloat and get a belly easily. It really gets me down. I exercise every day and have been careful with my diet for years. Sometimes I think I should have a tummy tuck. I wish I put weight on my bum instead, women with that type of figure can carry more weight

Lougle · 08/08/2020 22:49

A BMI of 17 is classed as severely underweight. You know that. My 11 year old has a perfectly well-proportioned waist size of 26-27" (she's quite tall for her age). It really isn't 'big' for a BMI of 17 - it's just the waist of a woman.

The woman was rude and she didn't help you. But people who tell you that they, too, have a 'tummy', or suggest that you are healthy by running with such a low BMI, are being irresponsible.

Grapewrath · 08/08/2020 22:52

She was rude op, ignore her. She’s probably jealous that you are slim and fit.
I am slim but by no means underweight and have had similar comments about exercise ie well YOU don’t need to do that etc. Some people have inadequacy complexes and make it everyone else’s problem

Jourdain11 · 08/08/2020 22:55

@Lougle

A BMI of 17 is classed as severely underweight. You know that. My 11 year old has a perfectly well-proportioned waist size of 26-27" (she's quite tall for her age). It really isn't 'big' for a BMI of 17 - it's just the waist of a woman.

The woman was rude and she didn't help you. But people who tell you that they, too, have a 'tummy', or suggest that you are healthy by running with such a low BMI, are being irresponsible.

A BMI under 16 is severely underweight. Between 16-18.5 is "underweight". But BMI is fairly discredited as an assessment tool, anyway.
Hutella · 08/08/2020 23:32

That is rude. I have thought it, when I see someone obviously anorexic/some disorder (and not just very underweight) but not said it out loud

squeekums · 09/08/2020 03:38

She may well have been concerned. Someone who is thin could literally collapse on a run!

So could a fat person, so your point is?
Faux concern is only answer i have

Mintjulia · 09/08/2020 04:10

YAnbu to mind being shouted out, but yabu to hate your body.

If it runs without too much protest, it’s a great body. If it runs weekly or more often, it is a brilliant self-healing body.

But either way, the woman was interfering (even if it was kindly meant). Take no notice of her x

Bananabread8 · 09/08/2020 04:11

The woman should not have said that it was really inconsiderate of her. Let it go OP most of us have had a comment from someone we don’t know OP. Do you struggle to gain weight? Is there any kind of build up drinks your GP can give you?

TheClaws · 09/08/2020 05:40

There is a woman where I live who walks and runs around the neighbourhood often. She is not just thin, but skeletal. She has long legs, but they have no visible muscle or shape to them - they look little more than bone. I would never dream of saying anything to her though, as much as I am concerned for her.

Original poster
Waytoomuch82 · 09/08/2020 07:00

@Redcups64

* I promise you that it wasn’t me who your taking about- but that’s totally something I would say to someone thinking I’m being nice! *

Out Of interest, would you think it kind to say to someone obese eating a big Mac that they are “too fat and should stop eating that?”. Genuine question.

OP posts:
LouJ85 · 09/08/2020 07:27

Oh I get shit like this all the time. I'm a size 8 and I love the gym and running. As other posters have said, OP, it's nothing but rudeness and jealousy. She wishes she looked as good as you, it's that simple. Yes, it makes me feel like shit to be on the receiving end of comments like this too. But I try to reframe it with "this is about how they feel about themselves and nothing about me".

LouJ85 · 09/08/2020 07:30

And you're absolutely spot on - imagine saying to an obviously overweight person "better start running, you're too fat!" There would be uproar. No one would rationalise it (as they have done on this thread ) with - "maybe she's concerned for her heath". No, she's not. It's plain rudeness to comment on a stranger's size and command the to do or not do something. 🙄

adognamedhog · 09/08/2020 07:36

Have you been tested for coeliac? It can produce the body shape you describe. Also some thyroid conditions I think. If you are worried about your shape maybe discuss with your doctor as there might be a reason for it.

Yeahnahmum · 09/08/2020 07:39

Maybe she was just concerned. You admit you are underweight, yet you are running hence perhaps losing more weight. She muttered something. She didn't yell at you op. You are making it bigger then you should...

Oblomov20 · 09/08/2020 08:30

She never shouted at you. She mumbled something to herself which you stopped running and asked her to repeat.

If you are very underweight you really should be addressing it.

randomer · 09/08/2020 08:48

We don't need charts or numbers to tell us whats what. You know in your heart whats going on. I know I am carrying a stone extra and it will take months to chip away at it. You know if you are too thin and you know if you have a problem. The issue is probably denial.

BurMaMa2 · 09/08/2020 11:23

When I was training for half marathons, many years ago, I used to train early morning as well. I had my German Shepherds with me every time. No one ever said a word to me, other than "Good morning"! One morning a male flashed at me. I said " Look - sausages" .They did and the chap fell over his trousers trying to escape. 😋

Literallynoidea · 09/08/2020 11:28

It sounds to me like you have an eating disorder.

randomer · 09/08/2020 11:52

best of Luck @Literallynoidea.

greysome · 09/08/2020 12:12

I suffered with anorexia in my teens and random people in the street made comments on occasion, and also extended (wanker) family members. I found it horrible and hugely anxiety provoking. I appreciate on occasion it may have been out of 'concern' but it was certainly not helpful. I agree that body shaming and unsolicited comments from strangers are not welcome or appropriate ever, regardless of your situation.

A BMI of 17.5 or below is one of the requirements for a diagnosis of anorexia. If you are unwell, there is help out there and you can recover and feel unimaginably better. I did. Eating disorders are hell on earth.

Vodkacranberryplease · 09/08/2020 12:27

@Waytoomuch82 it's not the same as eating a Big Mac though is it? Anorexia has the highest death rate of any mental illness and yet it's sufferers are almost universally in denial or unwilling to get help as that means they also (in their minds) get fat.

17 bmi + running is not great. You know that though right?

Swipe left for the next trending thread