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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Eating out? Is it me

206 replies

Lunafortheloveogod · 07/08/2020 19:42

Ok am I being uptight or is it perfectly reasonable to still not want to eat out.

You need a mask in Asda but not in a cafe that’s half the size.. the tables aren’t all distanced and I’ve seen places that don’t clean. What are they cleaning with? Toddler gives me the fear cause everything is licked so I wouldn’t want him licking bleach.

A few weeks ago we were to stay in and avoid each other now it’s ok to pop for a pub lunch.

MIL has a milestone coming, not major, and wants us all to go out to eat.. I’ve said no offered to do something at home, atleast then I know anything the toddler licks is clean.. menus are limited dh is fussy and me and the kids have allergies so we’d be having a plain dry baked potato Envy if we went. But I really don’t feel comfortable. Latest idea was leaving me and the youngest home still taking the licker with them I still said no. It’s been the conversation every night for a fort night.

Am I mad? Is everyone just back to normal now? Would you take small children out to eat at the mo?

OP posts:
Piper100 · 07/08/2020 23:14

I’m with you on this one. We’re not eating out yet, we still have to wear a mask in a shop, but can go without in a cafe/restaurant, its all indoors with lots of people and virus is still going strong as the recent outbreak near where I stay has proved.

We’ve barely gone out since everything has opened up and still not having people around indoors. Everyone has their own comfort level and that’s perfectly fine, don’t feel shamed that you’re not yet comfortable. A time will come when you are ready to go out and eat again and thats perfectly ok. x

Willyoujustbequiet · 07/08/2020 23:20

Im with you. Entirely sensible in the circumstances. I havent walked past a restaurant yet that was abiding by social distancing.

Eating out is not essential so why bother. If we need masks walking past people in shops Im damn sure its no different to sitting eating.

IAintentDead · 07/08/2020 23:31

I would and have eaten out

However, I don't think you should
menus are limited dh is fussy and me and the kids have allergies so we’d be having a plain dry baked potato

fussy (or allergies) whichever - there is no point going out to eat a plain dry baked potato.

midnightstar66 · 07/08/2020 23:31

Nicknacky
viques Certainly I’m in Scotland but there is certainly no require to to wear a mask when seated, do you have to where you are?
Makes sense to though, even if there is no requirement?

It makes sense because the tables are distanced so you will be 2m apart from other customers

I’m in the same boat as some above, why do we need a mask everywhere else but not sitting down eating? You’d need it in the queue at McDonald’s but you could sit 2ft away mask free to eat it.. makes zero sense. And other people well their the worst .*

You don't need a mask in the queue in McDonald's. I went in to order the other day as the wait for the drive through was huge. Was asked to sanitise my hands but was not required to wear a mask - distancing was observed.

If you don't want to go then don't go but as a pp said you are creating reasons rather than owning your choice

midnightstar66 · 07/08/2020 23:32

Oh and re licking - out a stop to that. That's not ok, pandemic aside!

averythinline · 07/08/2020 23:35

Can't believe what a a hard time you're getting... perfectly ok to not eat out on a restaurant that is not serving anything you want to or can eat! .., equally ok for mil to goose to eat there.., she just can't complain it doesn't work for you ..,
Not sure why you're dh cant go it's his mum and take any of the dc that can eat there... although I m not eating inside at places yet...

Could you join them for tea/a drink elsewhere... make it you don't mind seeing them it's the restricted menu that's an issue...

SoupDragon · 08/08/2020 11:45

@midnightstar66

Oh and re licking - out a stop to that. That's not ok, pandemic aside!
Have you actually read all the OP's posts?
jewel1968 · 08/08/2020 11:51

I think people have to do their own risk assessment based on their own circumstances. I have been swimming lots but I know there is a risk but it is a risk I am prepared to take because I weigh up the benefits Vs the risks. I totally understand others not wanting to take that risk.

I have not eaten out but then we are not big restaurant goers. Again I would say do the benefits outweigh the risks for YOU. And that includes psychological benefits and risks.

durdlestairs · 08/08/2020 12:20

Given the numbers in some places with the Eat Out to Help Out scheme, YANBU.

randomer · 08/08/2020 12:34

Why does MIL need you and your family to eat out to celebrate her birthday anyway? Why is it mentioned every night....do you live together?

Without the allergies , without Covid, this would be quite an ask. Surely they fit in round you and small children?

RuthW · 08/08/2020 12:40

I totally agree with you. I'm not eating out and wouldn't go whatever the occassions

Bellossom · 08/08/2020 12:45

My cafe is cleaning with the same stuff it cleaned with before just more strictly so if your son licked tables before it'd be no different.

Surely allergies arn't different either except some places reduced menus, but lots don't still.

I like eating out and have chosen places I can see are taking good precautions and have been happy with. Mainly I've eaten outside. If you don't like eating out I don't think it'd def be less appealing now

WaterOffADucksCrack · 08/08/2020 14:18

Surely it’s normal for small toddlers to lick things? Mine does! Including occasionally tables. I wouldn’t fancy taking her to a restaurant at the moment. Surely what's being described is quite extreme though? My baby is 10mo so obviously puts things in her mouth to learn what they are.

However, she doesn't do it enough for me to consider not going out. And she understands if someone says stop or no and reacts to her own name so she can come to meals with us. She's happy if there's a toy or food in front of her or will walk inbetween mine and her dads chairs so she's active but not in anyone's way.

Wannabegreenfingers · 08/08/2020 14:52

Unless your don has some development issues, why doesn't he understand his name and no?

You clearly don't want to eat out, that's fine, but don't make up excuses not to go, just say you won't be going.

Drivingdownthe101 · 08/08/2020 14:53

@Wannabegreenfingers

Unless your don has some development issues, why doesn't he understand his name and no?

You clearly don't want to eat out, that's fine, but don't make up excuses not to go, just say you won't be going.

OP has addressed that.
doityourselfnow · 08/08/2020 16:29

TBH it's the dietary requirements that would stop me eating out! Ring the cafe to see if "one of their topping is ok"?

Take your own wipes to wipe the table, then you'll know it's clean and what's been used for the "licker", presumably with the "licker" you'd have to be doing the same anyway

Goingprivate2020 · 08/08/2020 16:48

Gracious, a dill allergy is a new one on me, sounds like my relative’s garlic allergy (also known as a dislike...)

You sound dramatic. Not your party, just go and make the best of it, and your child should be stopped from licking everything Regardless of Covid.

nokidshere · 08/08/2020 18:07

And it’d be my immediate family, mil, partner, her partners family and bils family.

Most places are limiting table sizes so that might be too many people anyway. We have booked a restaurant at the end of August for my teenage sons birthday, they were quite clear that the maximum table size was 6 and would not be accepting more.

LovePoppy · 08/08/2020 18:12

If you aren’t comfortable, then you aren’t.

Your husband can go alone, or MIL can accept what you are comfortable with.

Pinkmug · 08/08/2020 18:20

If you don't want to go, don't, but YABU to try and change the venue your MIL wants for her birthday.

Lelophants · 08/08/2020 18:27

I agree with you op. It's hard when people aren't on the same page. Id say I'm really sorry but and give the reasons you've given us. You don't have to be a genius to work out there are issues!

Lelophants · 08/08/2020 18:28

Are you distancing from them? You could meet them later at a distance.

Perfectly OK to not want to get sick, especially with a toddler.

catgirl1976 · 08/08/2020 18:29

No. We are not eating out, going to shops, going to peoples houses, going to pubs or anything else.

Out for walks or bike rides and occasional social distanced meetings with family or friends in the garden and that’s it. Still washing the shopping.

The virus has not gone away and I can’t imagine enjoying going out to eat and being served by people in masks.

Boshmama · 08/08/2020 18:31

Yabu

We have to get back to normal at some point.

Yes we were told to stay in a few weeks ago when the risk was higher, now the risk is lower we can go out and back to a more normal life.

If you believe the government were right to have us in lockdown then makes sense you'd believe them now. Very odd that you would only believe what you want to.

I worry about how anxious this whole thing has made people. Go out to eat, relax a bit.

We've eaten out twice today!

tigger001 · 08/08/2020 18:40

YANBU, I just don't want to go out to eat, I don't need it or want it that much.

If you don't feel comfortable, don't go. Don't let anyone make you feel like shit for trying to do what you feel is right for you and your family. They want to go, let them.