Eating out? Is it me

[Lunafortheloveogod]

Ok am I being uptight or is it perfectly reasonable to still not want to eat out.

You need a mask in Asda but not in a cafe that’s half the size.. the tables aren’t all distanced and I’ve seen places that don’t clean. What are they cleaning with? Toddler gives me the fear cause everything is licked so I wouldn’t want him licking bleach.

A few weeks ago we were to stay in and avoid each other now it’s ok to pop for a pub lunch.

MIL has a milestone coming, not major, and wants us all to go out to eat.. I’ve said no offered to do something at home, atleast then I know anything the toddler licks is clean.. menus are limited dh is fussy and me and the kids have allergies so we’d be having a plain dry baked potato if we went. But I really don’t feel comfortable. Latest idea was leaving me and the youngest home still taking the licker with them I still said no. It’s been the conversation every night for a fort night.

Am I mad? Is everyone just back to normal now? Would you take small children out to eat at the mo?

I've eaten at our local gastropub a couple of times. They're really attentive to detail. All members of staff masked or in visors, all table items (cutlery, condiments etc) in sealed bags/packets. Single use menus, tables well spaced. Option of having our meals put on a nearby serving table for us to collect, if we preferred that to have that distance from the staff (we didn't). Really good.

I've also eaten at outside tables of a couple of cafes/restaurants, which has the advantage of meaning I didn't have to register for track and trace. And again, good precautions taken.

You clearly don't want to go to this meal, OP, but I don't think it's due to Covid.

Well 'fussy' and 'allergies' wouldnt be great normally. We had a DD3 and we've eaten out. It's pretty much business as usual but keeping in mind to keep your distance. The economy has to keep going or we're all buggered.

I was trying to work it out as it is a diverse list, pulses, herbs, citrus, dairy. Whatever, I don't care. I hope OP finds a nice place to go.

I knew everyone would pick up on the potato comment as soon as I read it

I've eaten out in cafes again for the past couple of weeks - seriously, they're absolutely fine, and taking it seriously.
Tables are spread out, they're cleaned regularly, and they have screens up near tills etc.
I suffer from multiple allergies too, but surely there must be SOMETHING you can eat?
It sounds like you are making excuses not to go, what with your toddler will lick things, you can only eat a potato - and that's fair enough, but don't go if you don't want to.

I was trying to work it out as it is a diverse list, pulses, herbs, citrus, dairy. Whatever, I don't care.

What’s to work out? OP has allergies, there’s nothing for you to work out from behind your screen. Unfortunately some people have multiple allergies and it makes eating out very difficult.

To be fair, the OP does say she usually eats out, so it’s only this venue that appears to be causing an issue.

I've been out to eat twice since it's been allowed.
First was to a local Indian with my parents and sister for my dad's birthday. Staff wore masks, they had screen between tables (it was quiet anyway) and we provided tnt info.
Second was Tuesday and we went to a chain pub, as the local was closed. Pub was moderately busy. They requested we order on the app and we provided all tnt info via an automated text system. They had throw away menus, staff in masks, allocated tables, a one way system and were completely on top of hygiene. Went with DH and kids (1and 3 years old).

Do your research, check what measures are in place so you feel safe. Looking at a seaside cafe and judging all places isn't fair.

If this is a MIL thing then stop making up excuses.

If this is a dietary need problem then arrange somewhere you can eat.

And for god's sake stop your toddler licking things!

Have you actually been tested for your allergies? Your list of allergens seems extensive and quite diverse . It sounds like you have a disorder/intolerance of some type.

If your list of allergens is the result of a disorder/disease of some kind then clearly you cannot attend.

Therefore you have no AIBU, and don’t need a reason to not attend as your family will already know.

YANBU I wouldn’t eat out either, I am just out of being shielded, no thanks, I am happy to eat whatever DH cooks.

You won’t be relaxed & enjoy eating out, why don’t you compromise, have MIL over & cook, MIL can have a meal out with friends/family who are happy to do so.

Why can’t DH go on his own though? It’s his mum’s birthday 🎉

To be fair, the OP does say she usually eats out, so it’s only this venue that appears to be causing an issue.

She said it’s a reduced menu due to Covid. Lots of places here are only offering a reduced menu due to Covid so she may struggle in many restaurants at the moment with those allergies.

I’d just stay at home.

Bad Which is why I suggested she get in touch with them , have a chat and hopefully they can offer something off menu given the allergies.

However the food issue looks to be a smokescreen for the simple fact the op doesn’t want to go.

@Catabogus

Surely it’s normal for small toddlers to lick things? Mine does! Including occasionally tables. I wouldn’t fancy taking her to a restaurant at the moment.

I hate to say it but no it’s not common for children to lick the furniture, I’m sorry. As you can likely tell by the surprised comments on this thread.

YANU. Just don’t go. Send your DP by himself if he wants to go.

I don't want to go out either. It's a real treat normally but I am having chemo and it really isn't worth it in my view. I think I'd find it too stressful and it's just not necessary currently.

Professional kitchens aren't allowed to use Bleach but I think yanbu, if you don't feel safe just wait till you do!

Which is why I suggested she get in touch with them , have a chat and hopefully they can offer something off menu given the allergies.

OP said she called the cafe already and said she’s used to having to doing this. I think a larger restaurant is much more likely to accommodate but MIL won’t change venue. 🙄

However the food issue looks to be a smokescreen for the simple fact the op doesn’t want to go.

Well if there’s nothing she can eat apart from a potato then 🤷🏻‍♀️
The whole thing sound like far too much hassle, MIL being unhelpful, I’d definitely just stay home. I like my life to be easy.

Bad That’s a shame. I like to share events with loved ones.

Maybe she wants to eat in a cafe and not your home so she can use chair, table and cutlery which haven't been licked?
I would👀

From OP’s posts, I wouldn’t be too judgmental about the DC potentially licking things.

@SabrinaThwaite

From OP’s posts, I wouldn’t be too judgmental about the DC potentially licking things.

Agreed. Sometimes people need to read between the lines a bit.

I know what you mean OP. We've not eaten out, although we have had take aways, largely because people are drinking and I don't trust their risk perception.

I've been invited out to a pub for lunch tomorrow though and I think we will go. I trust the person I am going with and know that they have also been alone throughout lockdown and we will be sitting outside. I'm not planning to eat out as frequently as I used to though especially with the lack of enforcement of the quarantining when returning from abroad.

I agree the face-covering rules are nonsensical.

I can go to the gym and sweat in a class with lots of other heavy breathers with bare faces, and then pop to a comparatively sterile M&S on my way home and be expected to wear a face covering.

We are eating out several times a week and have no concerns. I have had 2 toddlers, I can't say I remember a licking phase.

@isadorapolly even their chips have wheat 😂 I wish I was joking about how limited the menu is. Burgers aren’t safe as the ingredients had “herbs and spices”.

@1Morewineplease they won’t test the kids, I’m feeding them so anything they’ve reacted to I can’t have. We didn’t need tests for a few of them just by the reaction.

She definitely hasn’t thought about limited numbers.. neither had I.