Eating out? Is it me

[Lunafortheloveogod]

Ok am I being uptight or is it perfectly reasonable to still not want to eat out.

You need a mask in Asda but not in a cafe that’s half the size.. the tables aren’t all distanced and I’ve seen places that don’t clean. What are they cleaning with? Toddler gives me the fear cause everything is licked so I wouldn’t want him licking bleach.

A few weeks ago we were to stay in and avoid each other now it’s ok to pop for a pub lunch.

MIL has a milestone coming, not major, and wants us all to go out to eat.. I’ve said no offered to do something at home, atleast then I know anything the toddler licks is clean.. menus are limited dh is fussy and me and the kids have allergies so we’d be having a plain dry baked potato if we went. But I really don’t feel comfortable. Latest idea was leaving me and the youngest home still taking the licker with them I still said no. It’s been the conversation every night for a fort night.

Am I mad? Is everyone just back to normal now? Would you take small children out to eat at the mo?

People also need to recognise that everyone has a different assessment of risk - plus, eating out with small children added to eating out when there are allergies involved generally equals stress.

It sounds like you dislike going out to eat anyway, even without covid. I've been out with a small child and it was fine, although admittedly I've never been a huge fan of them licking menus anyway

why do we need a mask everywhere else but not sitting down eating?

Because you can't eat whilst wearing a mask.

[quote Lunafortheloveogod]@isadorapolly even their chips have wheat 😂 I wish I was joking about how limited the menu is. Burgers aren’t safe as the ingredients had “herbs and spices”.

@1Morewineplease they won’t test the kids, I’m feeding them so anything they’ve reacted to I can’t have. We didn’t need tests for a few of them just by the reaction.

She definitely hasn’t thought about limited numbers.. neither had I.[/quote]
But surely you cannot assume that they’re medically allergic to something?
I’m reminded of a mum , once, who claimed that their child was allergic to any ketchup other than a leading brand. Or the mum who claimed her child was allergic to water.

I feel that you’re making excuses OP. Sorry. There’s no way that you and your children are so riddled with allergies that all you can eat is a dried potato unless you have been medically tested, which you’ve admitted that you haven’t.

OP I have a 2 year old who licks everything. Since joinIng this site I wonder if they have some sort of sensory processing condition. Only because my other child never did this. I put it down to the child but it doesn’t appear to be the norm. My child seems to do it as some sort of comfort, licks me, objects like tables, even licks themselves sometimes.
I don’t think YABU btw.

@Lunafortheloveogod from what I'm reading, your DC have extra needs?

Sometimes it's just easier not to do something. DS1 has extra needs and it just wouldn't be enjoyable.

Could DH go and you meet them after for a socially distanced walk?

I’m with you OP, I still haven’t eaten out but have had takeaways as I feel it’s safer and easier to socially distance.

It’s absolutely fine for everyone to say let’s get back to normal but you have to do what will make you comfortable.

Also with limited food options it seems the only reason to go would be to keep the MIL happy. If you feel in a clean appropriately distanced venue you’d feel better, you could suggest an alternative restaurant, surely MIL knows about the allergies anyway, otherwise consider whether you can politely decline and have her over on another day for a dinner at yours.

Mil is just inflexible likes familiar food. Pre lockdown they did salads and soups I could usually have one or the other. They aren’t buying the stuff in.

Dh doesn’t feel comfortable eating in so wouldn’t go alone. We have refused it just gets brought up nightly.

I’m glad there’s actually a limit though so it can’t be me.

who knows, but maybe on previous occasions the focus has been on the op’s allergies and kids and for once she wanted to go somewhere she wanted.

Possibly. But we have a child in our extended family who has severe allergies and we always eat out to suit him and his parents. They’re lovely people and we want them to feel safe and relaxed so we can all enjoy each other’s company. None of us feel like ‘we must have our turn’ because we can see that eating out for us is easy compared to them.

If MIL wants to go to this place, that’s fine, of course she should go, but it sounds like OP is being put under pressure to attend as she says it’s been the topic of conversation for weeks, which is wrong.

I agree with you, a lovely home cooked meal (presuming you can cook? ) is much nicer than eating out at the moment with all the restrictions - we hosted a family lunch party last Sunday, everyone seemed to enjoy it.

I did eat out for the first time this week, it was pleasant enough ... but I would rather have had a home cooked meal for half the price despite the special offer.

@1Morewineplease we’ve done elimination diets and reintroduced the allergens to check if they reacted which they did. They won’t do blood or skin tests until they’re older. And I’m pretty sure purple/swollen face/hives/vomiting/uncontrollable crying is something worth avoiding. Hardly said they’re allergic to water . All been done under dieticians orders too.. not a they fart more if they rub a carrot thing.

@FourDecades it’s highly likely he’s only on par with motor skills but were trying a service the hv offered us, like play therapy I suppose, as they won’t look into any diagnosis until he’s over 2 or 3 (Can’t remember exactly) and they’re over run/backed up with everything anyway.

Numbers have made it a moot point anyway.

I can’t believe everyone is giving the OP such a hard time!

Sounds to me like her dc has special needs - OP please speak to your GP regarding assessment.

If OP has allergies and can have nothing but a dry potato then I wouldn’t be going either.

Mind, I would also be ending all discussions about it. No we’re not going, thank you for the invite. End of.

[quote Lunafortheloveogod]@1Morewineplease we’ve done elimination diets and reintroduced the allergens to check if they reacted which they did. They won’t do blood or skin tests until they’re older. And I’m pretty sure purple/swollen face/hives/vomiting/uncontrollable crying is something worth avoiding. Hardly said they’re allergic to water . All been done under dieticians orders too.. not a they fart more if they rub a carrot thing.

@FourDecades it’s highly likely he’s only on par with motor skills but were trying a service the hv offered us, like play therapy I suppose, as they won’t look into any diagnosis until he’s over 2 or 3 (Can’t remember exactly) and they’re over run/backed up with everything anyway.

Numbers have made it a moot point anyway.[/quote]
In which case don’t go. It’s not worth it.

I've eaten out in a gastro pub. Tables about 3 metres apart and option to eat in garden. Going again next Tuesday.

Eaten lunch in Morrisons. Large perspex sheets in-between tables. Order at till keeping 2 metres apart. Knives and forks and sachets of salt, sauce etc brought to you.

Going out on Monday to favourite Italian for wedding anniversary. Friends with owner and picked out table.

I feel perfectly safe eating out. I'm going for chicken salad lunch at a pub with my sister on her birthday next Friday too.

picnic somewhere nice - get food online (some will do afternoon tea deliveries - for mum) & whatever suits your diet - a lot of supermarket do free from foods different bread alternatives ditto cakes & biscuits & they have their full ingredients so think coconut biscuits with cherries for instance & have bottles of whatever drinks buy a picnic table (those camping ones with fold out benches) that way you can do this again.
can you eat eggs - you can do/get quiches without pastry (basically frittata) olives fruit salad etc & bits of salad you can eat (we always put tomatoes separately) humous with carrots -

In which case don’t go. It’s not worth it.

Lol, apparently now 1Morewineplease is satisfied with your answers, after rudely questioning your child’s allergies, she has given you permission not to go OP. That must be a relief. Ffs.

Absolutely perfectly reasonable. Also ok to want to eat out too. I think everyone needs to respect what each other are comfortable with. Personally I’m not yet ready to eat out and my friends have all been very understanding when I’ve turned down invitations.

Yanbu. My 6 year old has learning difficulties and suspected autism and pica. He licks everything too, it's a complete nightmare, especially with covid. We haven't been able to take him out anywhere since lockdown started.

I find during non covid times we can do buffet restaurants as you can eat and then go without hanging around .

Sorry, just realised that a buffet restaurant would probably be a nightmare with allergies.

I massively apologise for not reading between the lines and understanding about your toddler @Lunafortheloveogod.

I assumed it was a NT child, which I should not have done. Sorry if I have made you feel worse.

I'm on your side here. Eating out with a toddler is stressful in normal times. Eating out now is stressful too. So this proposed outing is stressful squared.

Just say no thank you, you are not ready to eat out yet

I don't know if it would be any help with your food allergies OP but I've eaten at 2 restaurants,Zizzi and Miller and Carter recently that were really good at making sure there was enough room between all of the tables and they were constantly cleaning whilst we were there and in Miller and Carters they'd even shut some of the cubicles in the toilets and had covered some of the sinks and 1 of the hand dryers to make sure that everyone could keep they're distance even whilst using the toilets.

Both restaurants had disposable menu's and placed all orders on the end of the tables so they didn't have to reach across anyone.

Fucking hell all these drama answers from random mumsnetters! You don't exactly choose to have food allergies. I wouldn't want to go in your shoes either.

I think this is just a time to be a dull broken record. "We're not coming. Enjoy yourselves, we'll see you at home for cake/tea/etc."

The thing is you weigh any of these things up by risk vs benefit, for you going out with a baby and a toddler is generally more stressful, then the eating itself is naff with dh being fussy and the allergies so for you it probably is not worth it.

That sounds tough.

Given the allergy issues and the issues your toddler has, I think you are reasonable to not want to go out