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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Huge row with mum on holiday

493 replies

Hopscotch27 · 07/08/2020 11:11

I booked a 10 day holiday for me, DS 1, DS2, DH & my mum, to the Isle of Wight. All has been well & good.......I had planned days out & pre-booked attractions. One of the days I wanted to do with DS 1 (who’s 6) is to take him to Blackgang Chine. I was hoping one of the other adults (either DH or Mum) would have DS2 for the day, (he’s 20 months) back at the resort, where he would have been perfectly happy taking it easy, playing in the on-site playground, having his lunchtime snooze, paddling in the sea. I wanted to spend just one day with the older son, without having to run around after a rampant toddler. I hadn’t booked this attraction in advance. I was waiting to have a conversation around it.

So yesterday we talked. Mum clearly wanted to go herself, & somehow managed to convince me we should ALL go so I booked tickets for everyone. This morning I woke up with baby early, I said to mum that I’d stay on-site with baby as I was tired, he hadn’t slept well & I would rather him have quiet day just being in his normal routine.

I said her and DH could take DS1 as if baby came along too I’d find it hard to go on the rides/dedicate one-to one time with the older one. Even if someone else looked after baby whilst we were there I’d be conscious of wanting to feed him at the right time, settle him in the buggy for his kip etc etc. Just mummy mode really and i’d still be focused more on baby at those times than the older one.

Ultimately I just wanted the older one to have a good day and so I thought if the other two adults took him & I stayed back that would work out. It wasn’t what I had planned & I was a bit frustrated that my idea had been vetoed but I was prepared to scrap my plan to be with DS1 to give baby a restful day & ensure DS1 had a fun day.

Well mum just blew up. She said “so you’re changing everything at the last minute,” & “I can look after the baby, I know how to look after babies,” & “I’m angry at you for ruining this,” (which really fucking pissed me off as she wouldn’t even be on holiday had it not been for me.) Then she said “I’m not having it, we’re all going, I’m really angry at you for doing this.”

She was super-cross. I felt like I was under attack! So I just said to her that I thought she had issues! And that she was edging for a row, to which she replied “I am! With you.”

So long story short, we all ended up going, baby fell asleep in the car 5 mins from the destination and I’m now sat in the car with baby whilst they’ve both fucked off into the Park with DS1. And I’m bloody livid. And a bit sad. AIBU to feel like this? I don’t ever get a break from being with baby, I just wanted one fucking day with the other son & I feel I’ve been completely vetoed by my mum who’s put her wants & needs above everyone else’s. FFS

OP posts:
diddl · 07/08/2020 17:41

@flametrees

Btw what in the name of god is blackgang chine?
What a shame that nothing exists which you could type the name into & find out.
HerNameWasEliza · 07/08/2020 17:44

*@HerNameWasEliza I'm not projecting anything, it's all in the op. She wanted a day away, mum said no, EVERYONE has to go. She presumed her company is wanted non stop. Then when op wanted to stay behind DM throws a strop it is ruining HER plans. Because the plan is clearly all hers. Then offers sitting with the baby, but fs off to the park anyway leaving op with the baby. And is being nasty and unpleasant about it. If she was just disappointed about op not going, there were plenty of ways to say it (like f.ex "I'm disappointed your not coming with us, are you sure?") without being rude, but she was rude and inconsiderate regardless.

Yeah, I've read all the OP's posts and can't see this stuff other than the GM saying 'I've had enough of this, we're all going'. You are paraphrasing here - which I think is projection. We do not have the exact words said. The plan is not all hers, the OP agreed to it - and indeed bought tickets.

diddl · 07/08/2020 17:53

Well perhaps the husband, like the mum, also wanted to go.

So what then?

Op says no it's just me & eldest??

Or OK, but I'd like some time alone with eldest?

Or no, you 3 go on another day?

AlviesMam · 07/08/2020 17:58

It shouldn't be left to the husband or infact anyone to look after the younger son. It's a day out for everyone.
My nephew is the same age as the youngest and we wouldn't dream of leaving him from a day out. I understand routine is important but I personally couldn't let it rule me, I'd have popped him in his buggy hoping he wouldn't wake or hoping he would fall back asleep. I wouldn't sit in a hot car on a day like this sulking and missing out. I understand some people stick to a strict routine but I personally couldn't live like that

SerendipityJane · 07/08/2020 17:59

Well perhaps the husband, like the mum, also wanted to go.

Fuck the dog that didn't bark in the night. We have no idea about the DH (not for want of asking).

Unless there is a massive backstory (prepare for a drip feed) it's hard to understand why the OP seems determined to live life as a single mother with only their DM for support.

NerrSnerr · 07/08/2020 18:05

@AlviesMam it doesn't have to be a day out for everyone. I have two children and sometimes I do something with one of them so they can have some 1-1 time and do exactly what they want.

Shockingly not all families do everything the same.

Gogogadgetarms · 07/08/2020 18:05

@flametrees

Btw what in the name of god is blackgang chine?
@flametrees a massively over-priced “theme park” that wouldn’t be out of place in an episode of thunderbirds.
LunchBoxPolice · 07/08/2020 18:14

Lol martyr much ??

flametrees · 07/08/2020 18:16

@Gogogadgetarms thanks

@diddl
a massively over-priced “theme park” that wouldn’t be out of place in an episode of thunderbirds.
Since you appeared to not know either.

Anydreamwilldo12 · 07/08/2020 18:17

Still totally ignoring questions about your husband OP. What's the mystery with him?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 07/08/2020 18:17

All these posts and still no answer where the DH is in all this.

AlviesMam · 07/08/2020 18:21

@NerrSner

it doesn't no, but when you've booked tickets for the whole family (instead of standing your ground and just going with the eldest son) then you need to just get on with it and adapt the day to naps, lunch time etc. It shouldn't have spoilt OPs day.
My personal opinion on family days out would be the idea of all going together but we are all different

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 07/08/2020 18:23

@HerNameWasEliza DM days a few times she's angry at op for ruining this, which refers to her day/her plans. It's literally right there in the first message, funny know how you missed it. Nowhere does she show consideration for herself ruining OPs plans. She angry because she made plans and op wanted to change them. Her daughter's wishes to just chill are clearly not as important as DMS wishes to impose her will into everyone. What a dream!

PablosHoney · 07/08/2020 18:23

I would have made DH stay and look after the toddler, shouldn’t really be an issue.

OverTheRainbow88 · 07/08/2020 18:26

@PablosHoney

Hopefully you would have asked OH to stay with toddler not ‘made’ OH.

Maybe OP OH is in a wheelchair or visually impaired so is unable to look after a toddler on his own. Just a thought

diddl · 07/08/2020 18:30

[quote flametrees]@Gogogadgetarms thanks

@diddl
a massively over-priced “theme park” that wouldn’t be out of place in an episode of thunderbirds.
Since you appeared to not know either. [/quote]
Eh?

What makes you think that I don't know?

Wtfdoipick · 07/08/2020 18:33

[quote OverTheRainbow88]@PablosHoney

Hopefully you would have asked OH to stay with toddler not ‘made’ OH.

Maybe OP OH is in a wheelchair or visually impaired so is unable to look after a toddler on his own. Just a thought[/quote]
I think it's very safe to say that if that was the case the op would have told us. Personally I'm betting on the OH having a magic dick that stops him doing anthing classed as women's work.

NerrSnerr · 07/08/2020 18:34

@OverTheRainbow88 the op said

I was hoping one of the other adults (either DH or Mum)*

So it's unlikely that he is unable to look after his child he may be unwilling though.

NerrSnerr · 07/08/2020 18:35

Bold fail! But she said in the op she hoped her husband or mum would look after him. She wouldn't have said that if he had a disability that made him unable.

HerNameWasEliza · 07/08/2020 18:36

@MonaLisaDoesntSmile

The OP also does not appear concerned with ruining her mother's plans. There's also plenty of ways for OP to respond to her mother and saying she 'has issues' could also be considered rude. It's not fair to judge one of them more harshly than the other. That's why I think you are projecting ,but I can see that we will have to agree to disagree.

Sunnyrainshowers · 07/08/2020 18:38

Sorry op what a crap day for you. Your mother is out of order. Hope your holiday has some better days too

flametrees · 07/08/2020 18:47

@diddl
The fact it took you as long to be smart as it would to let me know! Assumed no adult was that childish.

SerendipityJane · 07/08/2020 18:49

OH is in a wheelchair or visually impaired

In which case any theme park would be pretty much a waste of time (and money). It would also potentially make the OP their DHs carer.

Occams razor (as always) applies.

diddl · 07/08/2020 19:02

[quote flametrees]@diddl
The fact it took you as long to be smart as it would to let me know! Assumed no adult was that childish.
[/quote]
Never assume.

Just think, if you were smart enough to find out for yourself you could have had an answer straight away.

AllsortsofAwkward · 07/08/2020 19:03

Did op ever return and clarify why her dh is unable to parent his children?Sounds like her mother is getting the blunt of his laziness to muck in and help.