Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 11 12 13 ··· 19 20

Original poster

Huge row with mum on holiday

493 replies

Hopscotch27 · 07/08/2020 11:11

I booked a 10 day holiday for me, DS 1, DS2, DH & my mum, to the Isle of Wight. All has been well & good.......I had planned days out & pre-booked attractions. One of the days I wanted to do with DS 1 (who’s 6) is to take him to Blackgang Chine. I was hoping one of the other adults (either DH or Mum) would have DS2 for the day, (he’s 20 months) back at the resort, where he would have been perfectly happy taking it easy, playing in the on-site playground, having his lunchtime snooze, paddling in the sea. I wanted to spend just one day with the older son, without having to run around after a rampant toddler. I hadn’t booked this attraction in advance. I was waiting to have a conversation around it.

So yesterday we talked. Mum clearly wanted to go herself, & somehow managed to convince me we should ALL go so I booked tickets for everyone. This morning I woke up with baby early, I said to mum that I’d stay on-site with baby as I was tired, he hadn’t slept well & I would rather him have quiet day just being in his normal routine.

I said her and DH could take DS1 as if baby came along too I’d find it hard to go on the rides/dedicate one-to one time with the older one. Even if someone else looked after baby whilst we were there I’d be conscious of wanting to feed him at the right time, settle him in the buggy for his kip etc etc. Just mummy mode really and i’d still be focused more on baby at those times than the older one.

Ultimately I just wanted the older one to have a good day and so I thought if the other two adults took him & I stayed back that would work out. It wasn’t what I had planned & I was a bit frustrated that my idea had been vetoed but I was prepared to scrap my plan to be with DS1 to give baby a restful day & ensure DS1 had a fun day.

Well mum just blew up. She said “so you’re changing everything at the last minute,” & “I can look after the baby, I know how to look after babies,” & “I’m angry at you for ruining this,” (which really fucking pissed me off as she wouldn’t even be on holiday had it not been for me.) Then she said “I’m not having it, we’re all going, I’m really angry at you for doing this.”

She was super-cross. I felt like I was under attack! So I just said to her that I thought she had issues! And that she was edging for a row, to which she replied “I am! With you.”

So long story short, we all ended up going, baby fell asleep in the car 5 mins from the destination and I’m now sat in the car with baby whilst they’ve both fucked off into the Park with DS1. And I’m bloody livid. And a bit sad. AIBU to feel like this? I don’t ever get a break from being with baby, I just wanted one fucking day with the other son & I feel I’ve been completely vetoed by my mum who’s put her wants & needs above everyone else’s. FFS

OP posts:

CorianderLord · 07/08/2020 15:51

I'd have just said I wanted a day of one-to-one and could DH stay with baby? Confused as to why your mums the issue and not your partner

HopelessatHousework · 07/08/2020 15:52

As in they say they don't care like the only one inconvenienced by an upset child is those around them dealing with the behaviour, whereas I can't understand not caring for the child's own sake

HopelessatHousework · 07/08/2020 15:53

@CorianderLord because the mum had a go at the OP for trying to explain what she wants

NerrSnerr · 07/08/2020 15:55

Why didn't you tell your mum that your husband would stay home with the baby but she can come along if she wishes? Then your eldest gets the day without the toddler and everyone's happy? I wouldn't be asking my mum to look after one of mine on holiday if both of us parents were there but if they offered I may take them up on it.

You and your husband should have made a plan and told her what you're doing and let her know she was free to come along or stay in the resort.

CorianderLord · 07/08/2020 15:56

@HopelessatHousework yes which was wrong of her. But why didn't OP ask her husband to look after their child instead of her mum?

Once her mum said 'why don't we all go' why didn't she say 'I really just wanted it to be me and DS'?

Seems like a lot of weird communication.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 07/08/2020 15:59

YABU. It was weird in the first place to want to only go with ds1, unless you'd specifically asked mum to babysit so you could have a day with you, dh and ds1. It was ridiculous to sulk about everyone going because you'd then have to be 'mummy' when you were happy enough to not be 'mummy' when it suited you. And it's silly to be sitting in the car sulking. And where does your dh fit in? Is he not capable of helping you to parent?

Cadent · 07/08/2020 15:59

So yesterday we talked. Mum clearly wanted to go herself, & somehow managed to convince me we should ALL go so I booked tickets for everyone.

She’s a CF expecting to be paid for for every outing! Has she put her hand in her pocket even once?

GertrudeCB · 07/08/2020 16:00

I think it's obvious as the op wont engage with the question that her DH WOULDNT stay in the car with the toddler.
Default parenting.

MiddleClassProblem · 07/08/2020 16:01

Did @Hopscotch27 pay for her mum to go on holiday? Because she hasn’t mentioned it.

I bet you laud it over your mother whenever you can, even if you think you’re saying it in a positive way.

TheTigerWho · 07/08/2020 16:04

Ungrateful? How so when I’ve taken her on holiday!!!! I’ve paid for her for all our days out! I try and look after her as much as anyone else. If there’s one thing I’m definitely not, its ungrateful. But thanks for the harsh judgement.

I would have taken "I've taken her on holiday" to mean the op paid...but, no, she doesn't explicitly say she did.

diddl · 07/08/2020 16:04

[quote CorianderLord]@HopelessatHousework yes which was wrong of her. But why didn't OP ask her husband to look after their child instead of her mum?

Once her mum said 'why don't we all go' why didn't she say 'I really just wanted it to be me and DS'?

Seems like a lot of weird communication. [/quote]
Well Op says that she wanted her mum or her husband to look after the youngest child.

So if the mum had done it, was the husband not invited to go with Op & their eldest?

honeygirlz · 07/08/2020 16:06

@MiddleClassProbli think OP has paid for her mum too. She says:

SteakExpectations · 07/08/2020 16:08

If you wanted a day out with your older son, you should have spoken to your husband about childcare. Your mum is also on holiday, she is not a take along babysitter. If she wanted to have some time with either of your children by herself, she would have offered. Sounds like your poor mum is getting the blame for wanting to spend some time with her daughter and grandchildren, while your husband doesn’t get an ounce of blame or frustration from you. Don’t forget this is your mum’s holiday too.

Brefugee · 07/08/2020 16:08

I somehow agree with you. I am rubbish when someone changes a routine I plan in my head, screw the communication part (sometimes, sorry). So if I "plan" something and others fuck that up I go nuts.

This is why there are so many of these on AIBU. Someone has a plan in their head then throws all their toys out of the pram when the presumably telepathic people in their lives don't go along with it? How the heck can someone fuck up a plan that is in your head?

I'd put up with that precisely zero times from any family member.

1forAll74 · 07/08/2020 16:09

It all sounds quite ridiculous, a family issue and some plans that went haywire, A Mother in a strop, you for some reason sitting in the car, and the baby gets no fresh air.

Original poster

Hopscotch27 · 07/08/2020 16:09

@MiddleClassProblem

Are you for real with your really nasty post? I did pay for mum and no I don’t laud it over her whenever I can. What a strange assumption. Whatever made you feel you needed to write that in response, knowing absolutely nothing about the relationship I have with her. My god there are some vitriolic people out there!

OP posts:

MiddleClassProblem · 07/08/2020 16:10

[quote honeygirlz]@MiddleClassProbli think OP has paid for her mum too. She says:

Hopscotch27 · 07/08/2020 16:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

honeygirlz · 07/08/2020 16:18

I bet you laud it over your mother whenever you can, even if you think you’re saying it in a positive way.

Well that was uncalled for @MiddleClassProblem. You should apologise to the OP.

Oysterbabe · 07/08/2020 16:19

I think you're being precious. On holiday you do stuff together as a family and the kids routine is thrown out a bit. It's no big deal.

BilboBercow · 07/08/2020 16:22

OP you say you're easy going but from your posts here you DO sound quite passive aggressive, which may or may not be why your DM reacted as she did.
Are you going to answer anyone who's asked about your DH?

Gogogadgetarms · 07/08/2020 16:22

OP it sounds like a typical family holiday argument. Everyone thinks they are compromising, no one really gets to do what they want and afterwards they all talk about what a great time they’ve had.

I think you and your mum should have gone to BGC and you should have asked DH to stay at the holiday park to watch the younger child. There’s nothing wrong with splitting your time between the children and as you say, the younger one would have been none the wiser.
Unfortunately I think your mum has become collateral damage.

WendyHoused · 07/08/2020 16:22

You’re cutting your nose off to spite your face.

crimsonlake · 07/08/2020 16:27

To be honest I think you have ruined your own day out....as they say tomorrow is another day.

SerendipityJane · 07/08/2020 16:29

Two more updates, completely ignoring several posters polite (and possibly not so polite) inquiries as to the role of the DH here.

It's very hard to come to any other conclusion that a lot of the OPs problems in life are the OPs own fault.

Flip

1 2 ··· 11 12 13 ··· 19 20