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AIBU?

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Original poster

Feeling a bit humiliated by tactless friend

317 replies

bagpuss90 · 07/08/2020 07:55

This friend very kindly offered to lend me some money -when I had some lockdown cash flow problems. I’m self employed . I’d agreed to pay her back earlier this week . We were going to another friends house to sit in the garden I said Id slip her the money in an envelope then when we got a minute on our own which we would have done at some point . Six of us were there-all doing the social distancing thing. I did offer to do a bank transfer but she said she wanted cash-fair enough. Anyway we’d been there less than half an hour when she said”have you got the money you owe me please” ? This was in front of four other people -it all went quiet . I gave her the money in an envelope .
It might sound silly but I felt about “so big”. I hadn’t dragged my heels re paying it. I was paying it back bang on the time we’d agreed . We hadn’t been there hours and I’m sure I could have slipped in to her in the envelope I’d put it in at some point. Am I wrong in thinking this was at best bloody tactless and at worst slightly nasty ?

OP posts:
terriblyangryattimes · 07/08/2020 08:04

You are definitely not being unreasonable. She sounds like she wanted to look like the generous friend but actually looks like a bitchy person. Hopefully the others realise it says far more about her than you!

Sunnyrainshowers · 07/08/2020 08:04

That's just plain nasty. What a cow!

Proudtocare · 07/08/2020 08:11

Horrible. She obviously didnt want to give discretely, she wanted everyone to know her good deed!

popcornlover · 07/08/2020 08:33

Just forget it and move on with your life. You paid her back on time. If you don’t like her attitude just ghost her. Seems to be how it works nowadays.

Choppedupapple · 07/08/2020 08:33

She was kind enough to lend it to you. Look past this, she may not have thought it a big deal to hand it over and may have thought that you had forgotten? Was anything else said by her other her sentence asking for it? Tbh I would have either met her before or given it the envelope to her as soon as I saw her.

VettiyaIruken · 07/08/2020 08:35

She shouldn't have done that.
You'd been with her half an hour and you hadn't yet given her the money so she perhaps thought you weren't going to. She may have expected you'd slip her the envelope when you/she arrived.

But she should have pulled you aside, not asked you publicly.

Michaelbaubles · 07/08/2020 08:38

Yeah, she did that on purpose. Not nice. If I was one of the other people, the fact you had the money ready in an envelope would have shown you weren’t trying to shirk repaying, so don’t worry about it. I’d have thought badly of the lender for that faux pas, not of you.

GinDrinker00 · 07/08/2020 08:45

Rude but I wouldn’t say nasty. She was still kind enough to lend it to you. Just don’t borrow money off her in the future.

Bluntness100 · 07/08/2020 08:46

Did she know it was supposed to be a secret? She might not have thought anything of it and didn’t see the big deal.

Ullupullu · 07/08/2020 08:47

Hmmmm I wonder if it was a misunderstanding, maybe she thought you still hadn't brought it. You should have taken her aside as soon as you arrived IMO

unstableunicorn · 07/08/2020 08:54

Maybe she was expecting you to give it to her as soon as you saw her and thought you didn't have it. All the same, she absolutely shouldn't have done that, very thoughtless and rude imo

Penguinandduck · 07/08/2020 08:56

I think you are overreacting, I would have definitely given it to her as soon as I saw her - it seems really odd to sit there chatting for half an hour and not even mention it When you know she was expecting it that day. She probably thought you’d forgotten! There’s absolutely no need to feel humiliated, she kindly loaned you money, you paid it back...who cares if your other friends know about it! You should have just said “thanks for the loan” and handed it over right away without all the covertness.

AngusThermopyle · 07/08/2020 08:57

Does sound a bit rude. I think gobby me would have had to say something like 'oh yes here you are, surprised you wanted cash instead of bank transfer straight away last week.' and then steered and changed the conversation into how long bank queues are or nobody using cash anymore. Grin

Cadent · 07/08/2020 09:01

She sounds more nasty than tactless.

Is it possible she wanted cash because she knew this gathering was coming and she wanted to humiliate you?

Have you asked her why she didn’t wait for you to slip her the cash as agreed? Please don’t say you don’t like confrontation!

MiddleClassProblem · 07/08/2020 09:02

I don’t think it’s enough to get upset about. Maybe a little tactless but either way you handed over the money so none of it makes either of you look bad. I don’t know why you just didn’t give I to her straight away nor hand I see how it would have just been the two of you at any point with everyone say in the garden together.

myBumJuiceSmellsLikeRoses · 07/08/2020 09:04

I suspect she wanted your other friends to know how great she'd been.

Look on the bright side, you now have witnesses you paid it back - when you wouldn't have had any proof you gave her cash.....

ZoeTurtle · 07/08/2020 09:07

Hm, I think she was worried that you hadn't brought the cash. I, and I think most people, would've handed it over right away. She may have thought you were going to try and wriggle out of it and asking in front of other people would force your hand.

Let it go.

SerenDippitty · 07/08/2020 09:09

She was being rude, but your friends might not have thought you giving her money was a big deal, perhaps she’d booked or ordered something for you

Iloveacurry · 07/08/2020 09:10

Very rude of her. It’s almost like showing she’s the ‘big I am‘, how generous am I, etc.

Really just shows she a bitch.

oakleaffy · 07/08/2020 09:11

That is not good.
I agree with other PP....She refused a bank transfer, but wanted the cash... Why on earth did she ask for this in front of others?

Jeez.

She probably wanted to score points.
''Neither a borrower nor a lender be'' is a good thing to live by..{Shakespeare}
Our dad used to quote it to us as kids all the time.

''Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.''

But I have lent £ to family member in Lockdown {and not got it back yet!} so clearly I don't listen to own advice :)

Runmybathforme · 07/08/2020 09:15

She’s not your friend. She’s a class A bitch. Dump her.

InsaneInTheViralMembrane · 07/08/2020 09:15

You came out of it just fine. You had cash clearly in an envelope ready to go. Not as though you had to come up with a litany of excuses and count it out checking extra pockets.

FortunesFave · 07/08/2020 09:15

It's possible she was worried she wouldn't get it back. Is she the anxious type? That half an hour might have seemed long to her. She may have expected you to give her a sly nod and get her to follow you immediately.

Aside from that...they're not very good friends OP...not if you can't all discuss this sort of thing.

My friends and I know everything about one another! Who's late with the mortgage, who's got a new loan...we don't judge.

Bananabread8 · 07/08/2020 09:16

That’s really rude you should of gave it to her and left right away.

Griefmonster · 07/08/2020 09:18

Need context of her usual behaviour and if it was clear to both of you that you would slip her the money discreetly. If she's usually fine and you didn't discuss the actual hand over, then I would assume misunderstanding. If she has form for being a bit bitchy then I don't think she's the kind of friend I would borrow money off.

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