To ask would you rather you or your partner was the sole breadwinner and you didn’t have to work...

[Merryoldgoat]

Or that you were both pretty equally responsible for bringing in the money?

My DH and I are not high flyers but we’re both professional and have decent jobs and live comfortably.

He earns around 60k, me around 38k part-time.

He’s recently taken a step up so he’s working longer hours.

However I also have a responsible job and need to work pretty intensely at various times.

We have a cleaner and some support from PIL, childminder etc.

But I find it a grind.

I sometimes feel like encouraging him to get a much better paid job (this is possible if he changed sectors) and me taking a step down to a less challenging job so I had some time to get stuff sorted at home - it’s all a bloody rush atm.

If you have seen any previous threads of mine I have two children with additional needs and it’s quite a grind sometimes.

On the other hand I’m not a natural SAHM and I love my job.

I’m just musing really.

DH is great, does his share with everything but I do wonder if life would be better and/or easier if I wasn’t working as much/at the level I do.

YABU - better to both work and share the load
YANBU - better for one ‘breadwinner’ and someone dealing with mostly home stuff

@AgeLikeWine I agree with you, no way could I depend on anyone else to pay for me, even if I don't have a huge salary I need to be independent. I have taught my daughters the same.

DP and I have a really equal balance. We both earn similar and split childcare and household tasks equally. Even the small things like he sorts his familys presents and I sort mine, we buy the kids together.

I wouldn't have it any other way. I wanted an equal relationship in all areas and I've got one.

Some people think marriage is a huge protection. Well what about the months or years of waiting for assests to be split? Much better to have at least some money of your own.

I've also seen friends stay with husbands who do nothing in terms of housework or childcare when they're unhappy because they don't want to work or don't want to give up the lifestyle. One stayed with her husband after he cheated on her because she wouldn't have been financially able to leave at the time and then wanted to be able to stay home and have a second baby. It's terribly sad.

I think there is a significant power balance difference whether one partner can afford to not work as they are independently wealthy (inheritance/lottery win/whatever) or whether they are dependent on the other partner.

As long as house/life work is valued less than working outside of the home, I will never make myself dependent on another - man, mineral or vegetable!

If I win the Euromillions, all bets are off
Although I'd still need some kind of purpose although that might be something self-indulgent like rescuing puppies....