To say no one really trusts their partner 100%

[anxietyaunt]

I don’t think I’m a particularly suspicious person but I don’t think anyone can ever really trust anyone, let alone a partner, 100% in life. It doesn’t mean you can’t give the benefit of the doubt, but I think given there are moments we can’t even really trust ourselves it would be naive to believe we can trust another person.

Nothing in particular has sparked this. Just curious to know what others think. AIBU.

Having really big issues with my 'D'H at the moment.

We decided to try and make a go of it [been together 30 years!!!] and he knows how trust and honesty are so important to me [also to him, ironically].

However, I KNOW he has been lying to me recently. Not about anything massively important - but it's a lie. More than one actually...

So no, I certainly DON'T trust him 100%.

try to spend all of our time together. Popping out to the shops? We tend to both go. Go buying groceries or school uniforms? We go as a pair usually That isn't trust though is it? To me it sounds stifling but constantly being up each others arses isn't trust.

To be honest, I don't think it's possible that either one of us could even be unfaithful because we'd never have the time to do it. Sorry but this tickled me as it's one of the oldest lines in the book for cheaters 😂 A friends ex husband when she asked him said "when would I have time I'm always at work or with you". Guess what? He made time!

My partner can trust me. I trust him shrugs

I trust my DH more than I trust my very own self, he's the most honourable, honest, earnest person I've ever know, with a lot of common sense and intelligence. I, on the other hand, I generally trust to fuck things up, if at all possible, lol.

I trust my partner more than I trust myself tbh. He is literally the most trustworthy person I have ever met. I would let him hold my life in his hands.

Anybody who trusts someone 100% is truly foolish.

No one can really know what another person is capable of, not 100% anyway.

I trust my Husband with my life.

I trusted my ex husband 100%. I don't think I have ever put my faith so completely into a person. For the first few years I thought I had a blissfully happy marriage. Unfortunately he smashed that into pieces when I caught him out cheating. I tried desperately for two years to forgive him, but I became an insecure needy person - totally out of character. He continued to lie, I caught wind of his second affair and threw him out. He blamed my lack of trust for the second affair.

I do envy people in that state where they trust their partner 100% because I remember how good that feels. But I also now remember the episode of depression I suffered after my trust was shattered, and how its impacted me emotionally for the two years since our split.

I couldn't trust a partner again, I feel I'd be that paranoid person again so I have deliberately made the choice to remain single because I wouldn't put myself or another human being through that again.

I do however believe that there are genuine trustworthy people out there as I consider myself one!

I'm in two minds here. I do trust my DH completely, I'm happy for him to take my DDs out (I haven't been well for a long time so I have to) and I know he'll always be loyal to me. So yes, that is 100%.

However, there are a lot of people who shouldn't be trusted 100%. My DM trusted my F but then had to come to terms with the fact that she hadn't known him at all; he'd been sexually abusing my DSis and me all through our childhood.

So I think we can say that blindly trusting anyone to the extent that you miss key red flags (there's no doubt that my DM was guilty of that) is very dangerous.

@ConcreteUnderpants

I trust my DH 100%. Totally and utterly.

I feel it’s very sad if you don’t, and perhaps not as good a relationship as you might like to believe.
If I didn’t completely trust him, and his love for me, then what is the point??

I find comments like this bizarre, and they always come up on these threads.

Just because I acknowledge that there’s a tiny chance my husband could betray me in some way in the future doesn’t mean we have a bad relationship. It just means I’m not naive.

I trust my husband, if I didn’t I wouldn’t be with him. He’s a kind, faithful and loving man, and if there’s a bad bone in his body I’m yet to see it. But I find it fascinating that there are actually grown adults out there who genuinely believe that no matter how wonderful their partner is, they would never do something wrong in a million years. That’s not having a ‘good relationship’, it’s naivety.

Yabu.

LOL, I'm not naive. But I've known my husband longer than I haven't. If past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour, then he's trustworthy.

If he fucks up, we sort it out.

Just like when I fuck up, we sort it out.

I don't put him on a pedestal, I don't expect him to be perfect, I expect him to do his best, to be open with me, as he expects of me. We do have a somewhat 'odd' relationship, I guess, in that we're aware of each others flaws and fallibilities, and have very open communications.

You can’t trust anyone 100% in reality because everyone is capable of wrongdoing in certain situations. I don’t even think you can trust yourself 100% because you don’t know what future circumstances might arise

try to spend all of our time together. Popping out to the shops? We tend to both go. Go buying groceries or school uniforms? We go as a pair usually. By choice. It's nice
It doesn’t sound like trust though, that sounds like neither of you have the opportunity to cheat even if you wanted to because you’re joined at the hip

I'm afraid I think it is very naive to trust anyone 100%. You just don't ever really know anyone.

I'm sure that those of you who say you trust your OH's 100% have every reason to think that you are right so far but you just don't know what's around the corner.

Any man is capable of cheating/having a mid-life crisis/having a wobble. Yours might not. But I would never take it to the bank.

And whatever you do, you should never ever plan financially on the basis that your husband is 100% trustworthy. That's just foolish.

@JBizz

I could never be with someone I didn't trust 100%

It's a very sad existence to live not ever trusting your partner fully.

I do not worry about my husband cheating, so my existence isn't sad. I don't live in fear and I am not suspicious. I have a great marriage. I simply do not believe we can predict the future behaviour of others with 100% accuracy.

I also think it is a little insulting to the people who did trust 100% and got cheated on. Are they just bad judges of character? No, it is easier to convince yourself that they are though isn't it?

@thepeopleversuswork

I agree with you. My life might have been very different if my DM hadn't trusted my F 100%. So no, you shouldn't trust anyone 100%. It's not that you should spend your time worrying about your partner not being who you think they are. Just live your life and if your life is good, you should enjoy it and be happy.

But if there's something that doesn't add up, listen to your instincts.

I can't speak for other marriages but I know my husband would never cheat. He is the most loyalist person. His first wife had an affair and it was horrible for him, he would never put someone else through that. I have been in relationships before and never had 100% trust but with my husband I would bet my life on him. Just would never happen.

I trust my DH to be honest and keep my well-being at heart. We have an open relationship and check in with each other if we want to get involved with other people, and it's worked well so far.

I feel the same as you OP. I will never trust anyone on this earth 100%. I think it makes you vulnerable and I never want someone to have that power over me.

All the posters saying they trust their partners 100% not to cheat are being very naive

We aren't at all. We just know our partners better than you do. I wouldn't have married my DH if I didnt 100% trust him. If you had ever met him you would know why.

And it's not about being suspicious all the time, it's just not being naive enough to think your partner would never do anything wrong. Everyone on this planet has the potential to betray you.

All the posters saying they trust their partners 100% not to cheat are being very naive

That would suggest that none of us should be able to trust our husbands, that's so sad.
Dreaming
We do too, but neither of us wanted it in the end, but we always have the agreement and to check with each other first.
I think it's when monogamy is a game changer for you that it's better not to trust, there are so many men who cheat. most women can't trust their men, look at he threads on here.

@ftm202020

I can't speak for other marriages but I know my husband would never cheat. He is the most loyalist person. His first wife had an affair and it was horrible for him, he would never put someone else through that. I have been in relationships before and never had 100% trust but with my husband I would bet my life on him. Just would never happen.

With respect, though, you can't know your husband would never cheat. You just can't. You can feel pretty sure, on the basis of what you know now, that its very unlikely. You can think it to be out of character or whatever. But you can't ever know for 100%

Those people saying without trust what's the point: you sometimes have to take a leap of faith in all areas of life. You can't ever trust 100% that you're not going to die in a car crash but that doesn't stop you getting into a car. You calculate the risks based on the facts available to you at the time. As long as that risk assessment remains favourable you go along with it and life is too short to constantly worry about it. That's a totally reasonable approach.

But that's not the same thing as trusting 100%. It's dangerous and silly to assume that you have that much level of visibility and control over something as mercurial as marriage.

Trust to do what?