To say no one really trusts their partner 100%

[anxietyaunt]

I don’t think I’m a particularly suspicious person but I don’t think anyone can ever really trust anyone, let alone a partner, 100% in life. It doesn’t mean you can’t give the benefit of the doubt, but I think given there are moments we can’t even really trust ourselves it would be naive to believe we can trust another person.

Nothing in particular has sparked this. Just curious to know what others think. AIBU.

@MaybeIDidMaybeIDidnt

Also, I worked in an extremely male dominated environment and have seen things that would make your hair curl...very often by those with a loyal wife who believes in them 100%. Full on affairs, snogging in clubs, emotional entanglements, general rubbish behaviour. I expect a large proportion of them would be seen as totally trustworthy, not capable, not the sort etc. It IS naive, it goes on. I know women do it too but I was the only female in my team and honestly, it was rife, so that's why I've focused on men.

Yep this is my experience too. I remember one year when partners were allowed to come to a Christmas party event and several of the males complained immediately. It was basically so they could cop off - which they did.

I trust DH more than I trust myself oddly enough.

My DH and I had a 7 year long distance relationship (5000 miles apart). If we didn’t trust each other 100%, we wouldn’t have made it this far.

I don't trust my husband 100%. I trust him as much as I can possibly trust anyone though. I just don't believe that we can predict the future.

I don't worry about him cheating on me, or leaving me or hurting me in any major way. I would be shocked if it ever happened but the divorce courts are full of people who trusted their partners 100%.

I don't know what the future holds and a lot can change over the years. People can shock you.

I trust mine 100%. I wouldn't want to be married to someone I didn't. We're both very open with each other and try to spend all of our time together. Popping out to the shops? We tend to both go. Go buying groceries or school uniforms? We go as a pair usually. By choice. It's nice.

To be honest, I don't think it's possible that either one of us could even be unfaithful because we'd never have the time to do it.

Also I worked in a very male dominated space. Some of the things the ‘nice’ guys said when they knew there partner wasn’t around would make your toes curl
Definitely. I was amazed at all the meek men once their DW was around.
Don't get me wrong there are some real gents too who are respectful to all women especially their wife.

What is the purpose of this thread? To warn people off? Or to make people doubt those closest to them? Sounds rather misanthropic: "all humans are flawed, we are born and die alone, etc."

I trust my partner a hell lot more than I trust any other human being. In fact, the only person I trust more, is myself.
That trust was earned. I know his flaws and blindspots. I know his strengths. And I have zero reasons, at all, to doubt his feelings for me, and his overall good will (even when we disagree), as these he has proved time and time again, in very trying circumstances, where running away like a coward would have been an option.

Not the answer you were hoping for?
You sound like these bitter people who don't believe in "true love", just because THEY have been betrayed. Betrayal is real, but so is mutual unyielding dedication.

There's different types of trust. e.g I don't trust DH to hang the laundry properly but I trust him to be faithful and loyal. So yes, I guess you can never trust anyone 100%

But I always say trust those close to you until they give you a reason not to.

I trust my husband 100% x

We're both very open with each other and try to spend all of our time together. Popping out to the shops? We tend to both go. Go buying groceries or school uniforms? We go as a pair usually. By choice. It's nice

That would be my idea of hell. Don't you have your own friends?

Christ I can just imagine mrformers face if I asked him to accompany me everytime I popped to the shop!

I do. It took me a long time and him proving over and over again that he’s got my back, but I can genuinely say I now trust him 100%.

Mind you, we’re heading for 30 years together soon...

I think it's unhealthy to completely trust any human 100% just as its unhealthy to not trust at all.

all people even good people are flawed and can make mistakes and have the capacity to hurt someone even if they do not necessarily set out to. I am absolutely definitely sure I would never do anything to hurt the people in my life (i never have so far in my time on this planet even when the choice has been hard) but also I know I'm human and im flawed so all I can know for sure is I will always try my best.

It's a disservice to yourself to not be aware of that and to live your life as if that wasn't.

I am as sure as I can be that the people who I have in my life including my Dp of nearly 20 years are not untrustworthy i don't anticipate that these people who I love and adore and are good would hurt me, I fully expect the people in my life now will be there for the rest of my life but I also have enough self worth and self awareness to know that no one can know 100% so if one of them hurt me or we broke up etc etc I would be ok because I haven't put them above me if that makes sense. I haven't invested everything of myself so there nothing left for me.

I'm not saying It wouldn't be terrible or cause me pain but I have enough of myself saved for me that I know I would be ok.

Completely agree with PP who say that trusting your partner 100% never to hurt you, cheat on you or betray you is incredibly naive.

Those who say “well my husband’s different, he’s a good man”. Good for you. That’s how I feel about my husband too, actually.

But I still know, deep down, that he could hurt me one day. We could all meet someone tomorrow who would turn our whole world upside down. We could all snap in the heat of the moment and do something we’d regret for the rest of our lives. We’re all human, after all.

I think this subject really touches a nerve with some people, and I completely understand why. But nobody can be trusted 100%. Nobody.

@Kaiserin

What is the purpose of this thread? To warn people off? Or to make people doubt those closest to them? Sounds rather misanthropic: "all humans are flawed, we are born and die alone, etc."

I trust my partner a hell lot more than I trust any other human being. In fact, the only person I trust more, is myself.
That trust was earned. I know his flaws and blindspots. I know his strengths. And I have zero reasons, at all, to doubt his feelings for me, and his overall good will (even when we disagree), as these he has proved time and time again, in very trying circumstances, where running away like a coward would have been an option.

Not the answer you were hoping for?
You sound like these bitter people who don't believe in "true love", just because THEY have been betrayed. Betrayal is real, but so is mutual unyielding dedication.

I trust my partner a hell lot more than I trust any other human being. In fact, the only person I trust more, is myself. That trust was earned. I know his flaws and blindspots. I know his strengths. And I have zero reasons, at all, to doubt his feelings for me, and his overall good will (even when we disagree), as these he has proved time and time again, in very trying circumstances, where running away like a coward would have been an option.

This is a much clearer way to describe what I was trying to describe thanks kaiserin except I have a couple of friends who are in the same mix too.

It doesn't change the rest of my post but I think both things can exist infact I think they are the same thing.

What branleuse said. Been fucked over before by someone who claimed he hated people that had affairs!! Had two very good friends whose husbands were both dull as dish water but both have had affairs and left their wives. The last people in the world l would have expected to do that.

@Kaiserin

What is the purpose of this thread? To warn people off? Or to make people doubt those closest to them? Sounds rather misanthropic: "all humans are flawed, we are born and die alone, etc."

I trust my partner a hell lot more than I trust any other human being. In fact, the only person I trust more, is myself.
That trust was earned. I know his flaws and blindspots. I know his strengths. And I have zero reasons, at all, to doubt his feelings for me, and his overall good will (even when we disagree), as these he has proved time and time again, in very trying circumstances, where running away like a coward would have been an option.

Not the answer you were hoping for?
You sound like these bitter people who don't believe in "true love", just because THEY have been betrayed. Betrayal is real, but so is mutual unyielding dedication.

Purpose of the thread is in the first post. Curiosity. There’s nothing misanthropic or bitter in my post. I’ve not mentioned anything about betrayal or not believing in true love. You’ve made these assumptions. Not sure why someone who claims to trust has managed to read between so many lines. And falsely at that.

There are enough posts on here from women completely blindsided by their husbands infidelity to show even those declaring total trust to have been mistaken

Is it possible to completely trust someone whilst also accepting that you can never know what the future holds? Because if so, that's where I sit. I completely trust my husband and our relationship. He is not remotely a flirt, he has never given me any reason to feel insecure and he makes it clear how he feels about me. But I would also 'never say never'.

puzzledpiece Of course women who trust have been let down. But if you can't trust someone, how can you have a healthy relationship with them? I trust my DH 100 per cent, he has earned it. I've been married 20 years, after living with my DH for five, I couldn't have spent half my life paranoid and anxious about the man I share a home, bed and finances with. Could he cheat or let me down in some other way? Of course he could, he's human. But I am not going to cast a pall over our happy marriage by worrying about something that may never happen.

I trust DH. He's just goodness, all the way through. He might get ten years down the line and fuck me over, because there's no way of preventing or predicting that. But I'm genuinely not the kind of person who'll spend time worrying about what might be.

For me the difference is that I don't put all of my eggs in one basket. I have a life outside of DH and I, and I've kept that since we met because I am cynical about making one person the centre of your world. I love him, I cherish him, he makes me incredibly happy. But he's not my only source of joy, he's not my only happiness. The trust I have in our marriage is tempered by the knowledge that he's not my whole universe, just a lovely part of it.

@krustykittens

puzzledpiece Of course women who trust have been let down. But if you can't trust someone, how can you have a healthy relationship with them? I trust my DH 100 per cent, he has earned it. I've been married 20 years, after living with my DH for five, I couldn't have spent half my life paranoid and anxious about the man I share a home, bed and finances with. Could he cheat or let me down in some other way? Of course he could, he's human. But I am not going to cast a pall over our happy marriage by worrying about something that may never happen.

I don't think that most of the pps saying they don't trust their partners 100% are paranoid and anxious that their partner will hurt them though, I'm certainly not.

I'm not jealous or worried that DH would cheat, we are really happy and have a stable, healthy relationship. But ultimately I know that he is human, humans are unpredictable and they make mistakes. And I don't want to put 100% trust in him because I think that would make it so much worse if he was to hurt me. I think I would feel ashamed and embarrassed if I trusted him 100% and he cheated. This way I would still feel hurt but I don't think the shock and the shame would be as much.

I don't think he would cheat, I don't expect him to, I'm not constantly on the look out for signs that he is up to something and I don't stop him from going anywhere or doing anything. Not trusting him 100% has no negative affect on our relationship whatsoever.

There are enough posts on here from women completely blindsided by their husbands infidelity to show even those declaring total trust to have been mistaken

Don't get the logic of that? We're not all married to the same husband are we?

There are also plenty of posts about narcissistic/abusive mothers. Does that mean all our husbands should be afraid to leave us alone with the kids because they've learnt on here what women are like?

Of course there was a risk that I would be emotionally abusive to the kids when dh wasn't looking. But he took that risk because he didn't think I was that kind of person. Of course neither he nor I can say for sure that it could never happen. All we can say is that it hasn't happened so far.

I trust mine 100%.
Can't say as he'd never leave me for anyone else, but he wouldn't cheat and that's where my 100% trust comes from.

I trust my DH 100%. Totally and utterly.

I feel it’s very sad if you don’t, and perhaps not as good a relationship as you might like to believe.
If I didn’t completely trust him, and his love for me, then what is the point??

puzzledpiece: There are enough posts on here from women completely blindsided by their husbands infidelity to show even those declaring total trust to have been mistaken

Not really representative of the real world. I’m sure lots of us could post about our amazing husbands and how much they love us and generally how good and fantastic they are. But we’ll, there’s not much drama in that.