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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no one really trusts their partner 100%

247 replies

anxietyaunt · 06/08/2020 09:20

I don’t think I’m a particularly suspicious person but I don’t think anyone can ever really trust anyone, let alone a partner, 100% in life. It doesn’t mean you can’t give the benefit of the doubt, but I think given there are moments we can’t even really trust ourselves it would be naive to believe we can trust another person.

Nothing in particular has sparked this. Just curious to know what others think. AIBU.

OP posts:
Emeraldshamrock · 06/08/2020 10:11

I don't think you can trust anyone 100% cheating aside there are many ways a person can let you down.
I trust DP I believe he is loyal he goes to work and comes home he is quiet boring I'd notice if he changed routine with an affair tbf it'd be to much effort for him but I'm not naive enough to think he couldnt fall in love with another it happens especially with colleagues.
I never worry about it though.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 06/08/2020 10:16

Haha sorry but trusting my husband not to cheat on me does not make me naive in the slightest. I trust him 100% .

LizzieBlackwell · 06/08/2020 10:18

I remember being told when I was younger of a much older woman ‘ xxxx you never really know anybody‘

And she was right.

I’m an old bag now and seen countless amazing men and women have affairs behind their unsuspecting OH back, or hide money away, or take drugs, or father children behind their wives back, women hiding who the father of the child is and blaming other men, stealing from loved ones..human beings are flawed.

I don’t distrust my dh because he’s never given me a reason to but I certainly wouldn’t lay my life down to say I 100% trust him.

The only person I trust 100% is myself

Serin · 06/08/2020 10:21

I trust him. He would die for me and the DC as would I for him.
Also Trust my DM, the DC, my DSis and the DDog.
The DCat on the other hand, would run off with anyone who offerred her a better deal.

IamTomHanks · 06/08/2020 10:21

My DH has OCD. It takes him a lot to "calm down" enough to get intimate with someone. Prior to me, he only had one other sexual partner.

I'm sure it's possible that he could have an emotional affair, but I don't worry about a physical one, and I don't think I'm being naïve.

Ultimatecougar · 06/08/2020 10:22

I trusted my husband 100% and he cheated on me. Everyone who knew him was shocked. We had been together 20 years and I learned the hard lesson that you can never really know someone.

I will never trust anyone ever again.

Branleuse · 06/08/2020 10:22

trust them 100% on everything? of course not.
I dont actually trust anyone 100%. Been fucked over far too much for that. Im ok with it though.

TheAquaticDuchess · 06/08/2020 10:23

I trust mine completely. Not only to be faithful, but to act in my best interests, to put me first, and to be a fair and decent person. I wouldn’t be with someone I couldn’t completely trust.

Branleuse · 06/08/2020 10:24

Ive known many men cheat who were absolutely not the type and its mad to think they did that etc. We are all human

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 06/08/2020 10:24

Another one with a dh and no concerns but do not trust him 100%. People are capable of so many things and many different factors play a part in any given scenario.

For those that trust 100%, if someone else disclosed that they had seen/heard your dh/dw/dp do something awful, would you investigate further or just assume that they were lying, given the 100% trust?? Confused

MaybeIDidMaybeIDidnt · 06/08/2020 10:24

Same as @GeorginaTheGiant I choose to trust my DH but again, I think people are naive to think it couldn't happen to them. Many a man or woman have been perfectly happy and then had their head turned when the opportunity presented itself, even for some short lived excitement. To be human is to err and all that. You only have to look at the Relationships board here to know that infidelity is re, ever worry about it...that's the choice I make in order to live contentedly. If he's going to do it, he will... despite my worry, so I don't.

2pinkginsplease · 06/08/2020 10:26

I don’t trust anyone 100%!

Northernsoullover · 06/08/2020 10:31

I don't really think about infidelity. I am of the opinion that everyone has the potential to do so and there is nothing you can do to stop it. I wouldn't forgive it either. I have to trust my partner until I have reason not to.

GinGinHooray · 06/08/2020 10:31

I used to trust my DH 100% I felt safe and happy and secure, he is a good a loyal man, I knew with complete certainty he wouldn't betray me. But then he did. If he us capable of betrayal then anyone is...people are shit, so no I will never trust anyone 100% again.

Onlythepiratesarefree · 06/08/2020 10:31

I think you can trust someone 100%... until you can’t because they ruin it.

JBizz · 06/08/2020 10:33

I could never be with someone I didn't trust 100%

It's a very sad existence to live not ever trusting your partner fully.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 06/08/2020 10:33

More fool the person who says “never my partner”, unless you can predict the future you can never be 100% sure, equally you don’t have to walk around in a permanent state of suspicion

purpleboy · 06/08/2020 10:35

I'm not sure anyone can say with 100% certainty that they know how they will react in all situations, so therefore I don't think you can trust someone 100%
You can absolutely put your trust in someone but given the right or wrong circumstances anyone is capable of anything.
I do think it's naive to think you can trust your partner completely, but I also think people genuinely believe in that trust and can be blinded by it.

ChelseeDagger · 06/08/2020 10:35

I think it depends an awful lot on your childhood and formative experiences with men.
Mine weren't great, ergo I don't trust anybody, I include myself in this.

I'm willing to believe that its different for others.

ivfdreaming · 06/08/2020 10:36

Sadly I agree - i probably trust him 99% but It's more because I don't trust other women - I've seen it on nights out - man clearly wearing a wedding ring but relentlessly pursued by some slut with no morals. I get it takes two to cheat but when I was a single woman I had an in built moral compass which took me in the opposite direction of married/taken men sadly that seems lacking these days

Chanjer · 06/08/2020 10:36

I trust my partner 100%

She's actually had an affair and I still trust her 100% Grin

FiveShelties · 06/08/2020 10:37

@TheAquaticDuchess

I trust mine completely. Not only to be faithful, but to act in my best interests, to put me first, and to be a fair and decent person. I wouldn’t be with someone I couldn’t completely trust.
I fully agree with you. If I did not trust my husband I would not be with him. I could not live wondering all the time what he was doing.
SurreyHillsGirl · 06/08/2020 10:37

@TheAquaticDuchess
I trust mine completely. Not only to be faithful, but to act in my best interests, to put me first, and to be a fair and decent person. I wouldn’t be with someone I couldn’t completely trust

I'm with you 100%, I just wouldn't be with someone I had trust issues with. What a sad place to be in a relationship and not be able to look at your DH and know he always has your best interests at heart.

Of course humans are fallible, but I know 100% I wouldn't cheat him, I can only expect the same from him. There is nothing naive about not being mistrustful of your partner.

And to the PP who said that if you trust your DH and then he cheats you will be shocked rather than 'disappointed', how odd. I would be devastated if my DH cheated on me, whether I trusted him 98% or 100% Confused

I would say not trusting your DH comes from a place of insecurity. Trust issues erode relationships.

LizzieBlackwell · 06/08/2020 10:37

@Branleuse

Ive known many men cheat who were absolutely not the type and its mad to think they did that etc. We are all human
This ^^

I’ve known a bloke to have cheated on his wife, fathered a son and squirrelled away nearly £50,000 of joint money what only came to light when the divorce started to go through. No one could believe it. And actually quite a lot of people didn’t untill he admitted the lad was his.

No one likes to think their OH would cheat on them but all people are capable

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 06/08/2020 10:37

Completely agree. Anyone who says they trust anyone 100% is either kidding themselves, or niave.

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