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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no one really trusts their partner 100%

247 replies

anxietyaunt · 06/08/2020 09:20

I don’t think I’m a particularly suspicious person but I don’t think anyone can ever really trust anyone, let alone a partner, 100% in life. It doesn’t mean you can’t give the benefit of the doubt, but I think given there are moments we can’t even really trust ourselves it would be naive to believe we can trust another person.

Nothing in particular has sparked this. Just curious to know what others think. AIBU.

OP posts:
FruitLikeAPeach · 06/08/2020 10:39

Are we talking trust not to cheat?

I do trust my husband now however, I think it's hard to say that someone will 100% never do something in the future. I mean you only have to look at the relationships board to see there are plenty of women who trusted their DH 100%, thought he wasn't the type etc.. and then he did.

I have been hurt and betrayed quite badly though in the past, not by a man but by my mother which I think is almost worst because she was the person I would have said 100% would never hurt me and she did. It took a lot to bring our relationship back from that but it's definitely left me more suspicious of people than I was before.

My dad on the other hand... I really couldn't see him hurting me intentionally.

formerbabe · 06/08/2020 10:41

If I did not trust my husband I would not be with him. I could not live wondering all the time what he was doing

I don't wonder what he's doing. He doesn't give me any reason to mistrust him...I don't check his phone, I don't worry if he goes out. But, he's a human being...we're all fallible.

FruitLikeAPeach · 06/08/2020 10:43

I could not live wondering all the time what he was doing

I don't live my life wondering what he's doing. I trust him now and have done since we met.

However, if someone said will your husband ever cheat on you in the future? 🤷‍♀️ I don't know. I couldn't possibly say with 100% certainty could I. I don't walk around suspicious of him now, but who's to say it won't happen in 5, 10, 20 years. You just don't know.

All that means to me is I wouldn't ignore it if there were signs (which there aren't) in the future because I thought 'oh definitely not him'.

frazzledasarock · 06/08/2020 10:44

I trust DP.

I know anyone is capable of the worse type of behaviour but unless I'm given a reason to distrust DP I won't.

And if I ever get to that I will walk away. I can't be in a relationship where I don't trust my partner. I expect him to be my partner and my ally not my enemy.

I couldn't live my life looking at my partner thinking, is he cheating on me or trying to scam me out of money.

Ifonlywecouldwishuponastar · 06/08/2020 10:44

I don't trust anyone.
Not even my best friend. Partly because of how her other 'friends' have treated me.
I don't trust dh 100% either. Even the good men can be tempted.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 06/08/2020 10:44

That is a very cynical way of thinking. I am not naive in the slightest. I just have a decent DH, simple as that.

No it's just realist attitude. To say "I just have a decent dh" is very insulting. Plenty of people have thought that and trusted their partner completely and been let down. Hopefully it never happens to you, but you can never say for sure it won't.

Branleuse · 06/08/2020 10:46

when i say i dont trust him. I really dont think he would seek out an affair and I think that if the opportunity presented itself, he might be tempted but would choose not to, but I cant guarantee that.
I also dont trust him not to fall out of love and leave me because i know that happens to people even when theyve been madly in love or together years.
I just think im realistic, and relationships need to be continually worked on and not taken for granted.
I think too much trust IS taking someone for granted

LizzieBlackwell · 06/08/2020 10:48

Also I worked in a very male dominated space. Some of the things the ‘nice’ guys said when they knew there partner wasn’t around would make your toes curl.

LizzieBlackwell · 06/08/2020 10:49

@Branleuse

when i say i dont trust him. I really dont think he would seek out an affair and I think that if the opportunity presented itself, he might be tempted but would choose not to, but I cant guarantee that. I also dont trust him not to fall out of love and leave me because i know that happens to people even when theyve been madly in love or together years. I just think im realistic, and relationships need to be continually worked on and not taken for granted. I think too much trust IS taking someone for granted
Absolutely
WonderTweek · 06/08/2020 10:50

Naïve or not, I do trust my husband 100%.

HUCKMUCK · 06/08/2020 10:51

I wouldn't say it's a case of trusting 100% - its more about how my experiences make me feel. I have never been cheated on. I have been with my DH for almost 30 years and he has never given me any cause for concern or mistrust and so I just don't think about it.

I have complete faith that he is a good and decent person.

UnaCorda · 06/08/2020 10:54

I'm sure you can trust someone 100% but that doesn't mean you necessarily should. Also you may (for whatever reason) not trust someone who is completely trustworthy.

Also people can be trustworthy in some areas and untrustworthy in others, depending on their individual morals.

cancelculturemeinyellow · 06/08/2020 10:56

I don't trust anyone other than my DH

LockdownQ · 06/08/2020 10:58

I think if someone trusts some 100% they are very naive.

Completely agree. The number of posts on here from people who are completely floored their DP has betrayed them. So many of them say "I never would have suspected", "I trusted them 100%", "they're not the type to..." etc

MysweetAudrina · 06/08/2020 10:59

Surely trust by definition is complete in itself. You either trust someone or something or you don't. I think it would be unwise to put all your trust into one person or thing but I think when you put your trust in someone or something then by definition it's 100% if not then it's called something else. Of course I have trust in my dh, I married him. I also have trust in myself and other ideologies, beliefs and people. If you put all your trust into one entity and it proves fallible then you are going to lose your identity so think it is better to put trust in yourself first and the work from there.

RandomTree · 06/08/2020 10:59

I don't think you can trust anyone 100%. But I trust my DH a lot (say 98%), which is good enough for me to never have to worry about it.

merryhouse · 06/08/2020 11:05

@LizzieBlackwell I'm a bit taken aback by your use of the word "amazing" to describe people who have done those things.

(unless, of course, you meant that behaviour amazed and appalled you - but that isn't the impression your words gave)

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 06/08/2020 11:09

I didn't trust my ex 100%, even when we were married. And then he had an affair. It was a horrible way to live, not trusting him.

However, I trust my DP 100% and have absolutely no doubts about him, and he is the same with me. It's a much more secure and happy relationship as I don't worry about whether he's going to bugger off with someone else.

dontdisturbmenow · 06/08/2020 11:10

I don't trust anyone 100%. Everyone has let me down one way or the other at a point in time.

Its just that some people can move on from what is mild deceit and forget, hence still trusting 100%, whereas others consider any deceit however minor, a potential for more, so don't trust 100%. That doesn't mean you can't just enjoy the relationship in the present time.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 06/08/2020 11:12

You can't ever know anothet human being 100% therefore you would be naive at best and stupid at worst to do so. How many times do we see/hear "I trusted my dp 100% and never thought he'd cheat/hit me/lie/whatever".

Most people I've been close to have shown themselves to not be who they present at and/or have screwed me over in some way. I don't think most human nature is to be good.

Expect the best but always be prepared for the worst. That's why I've always remained 100% independent including financially. I can't imagine handing my life over to be in someone elses hands.

LizzieBlackwell · 06/08/2020 11:16

[quote merryhouse]@LizzieBlackwell I'm a bit taken aback by your use of the word "amazing" to describe people who have done those things.

(unless, of course, you meant that behaviour amazed and appalled you - but that isn't the impression your words gave)[/quote]
Yeah you’ve read it wrong.

MaybeIDidMaybeIDidnt · 06/08/2020 11:16

Also, I worked in an extremely male dominated environment and have seen things that would make your hair curl...very often by those with a loyal wife who believes in them 100%. Full on affairs, snogging in clubs, emotional entanglements, general rubbish behaviour. I expect a large proportion of them would be seen as totally trustworthy, not capable, not the sort etc. It IS naive, it goes on.
I know women do it too but I was the only female in my team and honestly, it was rife, so that's why I've focused on men.

InvisibleWomenMustBeRead · 06/08/2020 11:16

YANBU - my mum trusted my dad 100% and was floored when she found out he'd been cheating on her (after over 30 years of marriage). I was devastated too as would not have seen it coming in a million years - no one did!

AtAllCosts · 06/08/2020 11:18

I don't trust anyone 100%.

I firmly believe that no matter how good and trustworthy some one is, given the right situation and set of circumstances, would betray that trust.
This isn't just a cheating thing, it's a life thing. Even the most unselfish of people, put them self first, at some point, to the detriment of someone they love.

2pinkginsplease · 06/08/2020 11:22

My friend completely trusted her husband, they had been together 21 years, he berated a friend who cheated on her husband and lo and behind he cheated on my friend with a work colleague!

I don’t believe you can trust anyone 100%.

Dh and I have been together nearly 25 years and I still have that 1% of doubt, anyone can break your trust! I do think it’s a bit naive to trust someone 100%.

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