Would you be ok with your husband going to the cinema with a female friend?

[JizzPigeon22]

I have a friend who I’ve known since I was 3 years old. Last year he got a job in a pub directly across the road from my house so I see him quite often as he will occasionally stop by after a shift for a coffee or to see my kids, who they refer to as their uncle, they’re all very close. Over the years we’ve been to festivals together, holidays, camping trips etc. He was the best man at my wedding. Last year my husband passed away and my friend was great in helping sort things out, and just to have someone to chat to. We both like marvel films, which his wife hates, so when the new avengers film came out last year he bought tickets for the first showing as it was at 12 noon so we had time to watch it before getting the kids from school. His wife was at work and he was doing the school run.
She went absolutely apoplectic with rage when she found it. Said that going to the cinema was something couples do, I was desperate to get a man because my husband had died and now I was lonely etc. My friend was so disgusted with her that it almost ended their marriage.
I hadn’t really thought about it till today when it came up in conversation with 2 other friends who had very different views. One was of the opinion that it was fine, the other of the opinion that it’s never ok for men and women who are married to socialise like that as it’s disrespectful.

Aibu to think the cinema with a friend is fine? She’s fine with him coming to my house but not the cinema? I just found it such a bizzare reaction and the nasty things she said about me following my husbands death were pretty unforgivable.

Wouldn't bother me at all if it was something I didn't want to see like a horror. I would be annoyed it it was something I wanted to see but it would be same if male or female friend.

Been together 9.5 Years, things like this definately don't phase me!

No I wouldn't have an issue with a long-term friend. I'd probably raise an eyebrow if it was a new acquaintance.
His DW was very cruel to say that even if she was feeling insecure.
I'm sorry for the loss of your DH unfortunately you'll find some women are afraid of single women.

There really isn’t anything more than meets the eye.

I think that is absolutely fine. I don't particularly like going to the cinema. Dh does. We might very rarely go together, but honestly, I'm really not bothered. He does go with his male friends and their partners. He doesn't have a super close female friend. But if he did (I'm thinking one of his friend's partners or SIL or someone else who was a normal female friend), I wouldn't have a problem with that. I think it would only be an issue if it's something I would have wanted to do, but he went instead of being able to go with me (i.e. helping to sort out childcare so we could go together).

@Hadjab

To all Posters who believe us bereaved women are after your men, do fuck off, thanks! Would you believe the same if your single friends, or does widowhood mean that every man is suddenly a moving target, ripe for picking? 🙄

They can fuck off from this widow too. Widowhood is heartbreaking enough, but you certainly discover who your friends are and who are distrustful, jealous, scummy women.

I've just asked DH and he said - I dont like going to the cinema with you, so I certainly couldn't be bothered going with another woman.

To be fair we dont go very often

I’m so sorry for your loss, JizzPigeon22. I hope you have plenty of support. 💐

If it's something my spouse would normally do with a friend, I'd be fine.

A sudden change in things, I'd find it odd. Less odd if it's something like the OP where it's comfort after a loss - my spouse has lost several family members so is often the ear for that.

I can see why others wouldn't like it though or might see it better if friends go in larger groups than a pair for things commonly seen as couple-y activities.

I go to the cinema with a male friend all the time and my DH has never once had an issue. He knows the friend and trusts me.

If it was reversed I'd be fine too.

Anyone who would. It be fine must have trust issues imho.

I wouldn’t have an issue with it at all. In fact DH has gone to the theatre with a female friend of ours when her husband had to work unexpectedly and I was too pregnant to fancy it.

In the circumstances you have described I would be ok about it. But would also want to feel I was welcome to attend.

I'd be fine with it.

You've been friends since 3years old.
In this case, do you see each other more like brother and sister then? That's I how would see your relationship.

Also, I'm sure at some point in the past that if you were sexually attracted to each other, something would've happened years before this ( before both of you married) and had plenty of opportunity to be together, or even be together now!
That's hasn't happened, so for me would be unlikely to happen now.

Maybe he should've told her, BUT it's a bloody marvel film in the middle of the day! Hardly romantic.

the other of the opinion that it’s never ok for men and women who are married to socialise like that as it’s disrespectful jeez she'd hate me. Twice a year my friend or I travel several hours to see another, we go to a gallery, sight seeing, a drink, always a nice meal in s restaurant. DH had our DS whilst I'm away!

He is mans man...He would rather watch the film another way. What than in the company of a lowly woman?

No one can ever be trusted 100% and this would make me feel uncomfortable. It seems unlikely they're gonna get up to anything in a cinema when seemingly they both have empty houses

I wouldn’t have an issue with it. Is it anything to do with it being in the middle of a working day when most people are at work? More to do with having leisure time then?

Honestly, a friendship that long I hope I wouldn't have a problem.

I do however think that he should have told his wife beforehand.

I think it was disrespectful of him not too.

He seems cavalier with his wife's feelings.

I think you sound very sincere OP.
I believe you about it being an old friendship.

That doesn't mean he doesn't have a responsibility to be kind and respectful of his marriage.

that it’s never ok for men and women who are married to socialise like that as it’s disrespectful

How bizarre ! It’s disrespectful and sleazy to a) ascribe every motivation to the possibility of illicit sex and b) to be so controlling over another human being that they can’t do anything unless glued to the side of their spouse.

I go to the cinema with my husband - but I go to some films with my long term male friend who is as geeky about a genre as I am. My husband plays a sport, that I am not interested in, with a female friend. We do lots of things together but we also do lots of things apart - much more interesting than being sealed in a little bubble together and we are never at a loss for conversation with each other.

If a widow is bisexual does it mean she cannot have any friends because she could go after any of them?

Some of you need to work on your own self esteem and relationships...

My husband doesn’t have close female friends so it’s hard to imagine.
I can’t understand the difference between the cinema and your home though.

I regularly go to the theatre etc with my DHs best friend. I suppose he’s sorta my best friend as well nowadays.

He’s a man that loves Jane McDonald and Kinky Boots etc, and my DH really isn’t, so we go see all that together. We also both love Marvel, and again DH doesn’t.

Sometimes.... and don’t gasp....we have lunch or dinner pre or post show! A Single male and a married female eating a meal together. It’s a shocker!

And as for ‘never trusting someone 100%’ then I don’t see the point of being together.

DH has gone to see many films with a great variety of friends and it hadn’t occurred to me to worry. Sometimes he has a drink after work with one or other of his colleagues and sometimes it’s him and a woman. I cannot imagine getting over excited by that alone. And old friends are old friends...I have them of both sexes and frequently see them just me and them. DH doesn’t blink.

I think that, unless there was some sort of "history" justifying it, that one would have to be insanely insecure to get so worked up about a platonic trip to the cinema. How depressing.

Yes we very much have a brother/sister relationship. The thought of having sex with him makes me a bit gaggy.

Also, I don’t consider myself a single woman. I’m still very much devoted to my husband, I still wear my wedding rings and I still consider myself a wife.

Honestly I don’t know. Rather annoyingly I can see it both ways. BUT I do know the husband might have saved a lot of upset if she’d heard about it beforehand. Your friend should have run it past her - in those circs she might have been okay with it, especially in the daytime.

Maybe try marrying someone you can trust 100% as that's kind of the point

I have never been given a reason not to. Anyone who trusts anyone 100% is niave.

Also he's not my husband, and I doubt I will ever marry anyone. There's really no point. It's of no advantage to me.