Would you be ok with your husband going to the cinema with a female friend?

[JizzPigeon22]

I have a friend who I’ve known since I was 3 years old. Last year he got a job in a pub directly across the road from my house so I see him quite often as he will occasionally stop by after a shift for a coffee or to see my kids, who they refer to as their uncle, they’re all very close. Over the years we’ve been to festivals together, holidays, camping trips etc. He was the best man at my wedding. Last year my husband passed away and my friend was great in helping sort things out, and just to have someone to chat to. We both like marvel films, which his wife hates, so when the new avengers film came out last year he bought tickets for the first showing as it was at 12 noon so we had time to watch it before getting the kids from school. His wife was at work and he was doing the school run.
She went absolutely apoplectic with rage when she found it. Said that going to the cinema was something couples do, I was desperate to get a man because my husband had died and now I was lonely etc. My friend was so disgusted with her that it almost ended their marriage.
I hadn’t really thought about it till today when it came up in conversation with 2 other friends who had very different views. One was of the opinion that it was fine, the other of the opinion that it’s never ok for men and women who are married to socialise like that as it’s disrespectful.

Aibu to think the cinema with a friend is fine? She’s fine with him coming to my house but not the cinema? I just found it such a bizzare reaction and the nasty things she said about me following my husbands death were pretty unforgivable.

I wouldn’t have an issue but some would I guess. It depends how she feels about their relationship

I watch marvel films with a male friend at the cinema. We also go out for dinner or slum it with a takeaway and Netflix like I would with any female friend.

Me and my male friend have seen all the new Star Wars together because our other halves are not interested. We’re friends and it wouldn’t occur to either of them to be jealous. We go to the movies, geek out with snacks, and come home again. Unless you’ve both behaved in a way that would cause concern In the past, the insecurity reflects only on the jealous party.

So does this sad little homebody do anything hobby or activity-wise outside the house without her partner?
Because if she doesn’t, it goes a long way towards explaining her fear.

I think it’s fine.

To be honest my Husband wouldn't go to the cinema with another wonan and vice versa. He is mans man and would rather go to the pub or his hobby with his numerous male friends. He would rather watch the film another way.

Fine with me op.... Not sure she is a friend, 3 months after your bereavement she thinks you’re after her partner, and she calls you to tell you??? I’d have ripped a strip off her. I’d have told her You can’t stop your other half cheating... where there’s a will there’s a way. She’s assuming you’re willing 🤢

I wouldn't mind at all, as long as I was also able to take equal time away from the house to do whatever I wanted. I would, however, take issue with not being told about it in advance.

If she wasn't told about it, either before or afterwards and found out by herself, that takes it from seeming like two friends seeing a film, to something secret and possibly threatening to her marriage. (I know there was no actual threat, but keeping secrets from her gives her something to be suspicious about).

I'd have absolutely no problem with it at all. I genuinely do not understand women who don't like their DH's having female close friends. I'd hate to be in a relationship that controlling.

My DH has a very close female friend. She lives a couple of hours away. Last year she had an emotional break up with her ex (DV involved) and she was on her own with a young child. My DH headed straight down there with my blessing to support her for a king weekend.

I have very close Male friends who my DH would never bat an eyelid at me spending time with. I have a couple of weekends away each year with my male friend because we just like to . I get on well with his wife, both my DH and friends wife know that me and Male friends relationship is 100% platonic, we even share a hotel room (twin room!) because it saves money. Never have we found each other attractive.

To say that men and women can't have close platonic relationships is ridiculous.

@Cattiwampus not really. She’s not sad though, just likes being at home!

To all Posters who believe us bereaved women are after your men, do fuck off, thanks! Would you believe the same if your single friends, or does widowhood mean that every man is suddenly a moving target, ripe for picking? 🙄

@ukgift2016 I feel sorry for you being that insecure.

He would rather watch the film another way.

I wouldn't like it. No one can ever be trusted 100% and this would make me feel uncomfortable.
I know my dp wouldn't like it if it was the other way around either.

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

I wouldn't like it. No one can ever be trusted 100% and this would make me feel uncomfortable. I know my dp wouldn't like it if it was the other way around either.

Sad you can't trust your husband

Maybe try marrying someone you can trust 100% as that's kind of the point

I would have been fine about it for most of my life but then I ended up, through things like this, being the other party in an emotional affair. He wasn’t married or living with his girlfriend but still, what happened was completely wrong and the pair of us slept walked into it, swearing blind nothing would happen and, unfortunately it did. And we had been stereotypically “good” decent people. We didn’t ever have sex but we fell in love over time and it all started with little things like this, trips to the cinema, bonding over things he couldn’t share with his girlfriend, shared interests, then in jokes, really enjoying each other’s company, letting our guard down. It was frighteningly, frighteningly easy and totally snuck up on us. And I’m horribly ashamed and sorry for any hurt I may have caused. Since then I’ve ensured it never happens with any other male friends.

So no. I’d absolutely not be ok with it. In all honesty, I’d just suck it up and go see a film my husband wanted to see and I didn’t. I’d also never go to the cinema or really anywhere alone with a man that was in a relationship. Don’t get me wrong, me a few years back would have read this and thought how date someone insinuate I might be that sort of person, I’d never do such a thing but you don’t realise until it happens how easy it is. And looking back it was really inappropriate for us to be each other’s date to things. Respect his wife’s wishes.

I think it all depends on how the parties involved feel. If it didn't bother anyone, there's no problem. If someone is upset about the idea, then out of loyalty to their spouse/partner and respect for their feelings, it shouldn't be done.

We all have things we feel differently than our OH about. The key is being willing to accommodate the other person's feelings when possible (obviously working both ways, I'm not suggesting one person always bend for the other).

I don’t understand the having to tell her beforehand? I wouldn’t tell my partner if I was meeting a friend for lunch, or going shopping etc. Don’t really see why the cinema is any different. It wasn’t pre planned anyway.

Chanjer

Just being honest.

And FWIW, I wouldn't be okay with that situation. I know my DH wouldn't either, in reverse.

I went to some of the marvel films with a man. My DH isn’t into Marvel and would have silently winged throughout.

I didn’t ask for permission. I didn’t hide it and I didn’t explain it. It was a non issue.

It’s the call of the Si-Fi.

I was all ready to say that I would not be happy at all but from what you have described I think she is in the wrong.

I wouldn't have a problem with it.

I don’t understand the having to tell her beforehand?

Clearly he should have known that she would have expected him to.

Much more here than meets the eye.

I admit I would be furious. But I also admit I am very insecure