To ask your opinion on this #WorldBreastfeedingWeek debate

[Napqueen1234]

Sorry if this sounds childish referred to social media etc but interested to canvas opinions.

A friend of mine shared a post on Instagram re world breastfeeding week about how it’s the best thing for baby and mum, so proud she could do it, perseverance etc. She’s a very zealous breastfeeder generally (and why not!) and was a good person to go to for advice when I was struggling although did say she was ‘disappointed I had given in’ after 2 months. Anyway!

Another friend then shared a post about Fed Is Best (she struggled bf and switched to formula and has always found it difficult seeing bf women, a lot of guilt and sadness that I feel she needs to process somehow) and how WBW is just another stick to beat ‘failed breast feeders’ with and anyone who wants to breastfeed gets loads of support from midwives etc and generally society nowadays so it isn’t needed.

Both have since messaged me about the other stating they are upset (we are a close group of 4, the other doesn’t have DC so I suppose I’m mediator). Friend one feels like this is one week where BF should be celebrated and acknowledged is better. Friend two feels mother’s should be more understanding to the feelings of those that couldn’t breastfeed and not ‘brag’.

I have remained fairly moderate and tried to calm things but who do you think is right?

YABU- it’s world breastfeeding week! It’s best let them have their moment.

YANBU- it can make women feel very sad who didn’t bf or who ‘failed’ so social media posts should be mindful of this.

@GlummyMcGlummerson honestly.

I can’t speak for @Ohtherewearethen but I definitely do not think BF should only happen in private! Women should be able to feed wherever they choose! But just stop banging on about it all the time!!!!

Also, if BF is so natural and easy, why do so many women seem to have to go on an (often arduous and emotionally difficult) “journey” to be able to do it, and then boast about their ability to achieve it? The two seem very much in conflict!

people gave merely said facebook isnt really the platform for what is essentially a stealth boast about a bodily function

Oh, be careful with that language. We’ve been here before.

Who gives anyone the right to say what’s appropriate for he FB platform?

Also, if BF is so natural and easy, why do so many women seem to have to go on an (often arduous and emotionally difficult) “journey” to be able to do it, and then boast about their ability to achieve it? The two seem very much in conflict!

It's easy after it's established at 6 weeks or so, IME.
Anyway who said journeys had to be hard?
For someone who thinks women should do whatever they like you're very keen to tell them to STFU about it

@Ohtherewearethen

Genuine question. What is the desired result of 'celebrating' or sharing your pride at your 'breastfeeding journey' (aka feeding your baby)? What are you hoping to gain or achieve by doing it? What response do you expect from others when you celebrate it?

I personally got the benefit of loads of other women sharing their experiences when I was struggling with breastfeeding - some from my mum friends, some from women I met at breastfeeding clinics, an awful lot from online. For a long time I desperately wanted to get the benefits of breastfeeding but could only find it something to be endured. I read about what worked for other women who had gone on to breastfeed for long times successfully (like I have now) and I found it practically and emotionally helpful. I also read and heard lots of advice to stop torturing myself and give her a bottle, that their babies thrived on bottles, which I also found really helpful when that was my only option. Now, I share my experiences with my friends of my daughter’s 100% tongue tie or the feeds I cried through and also the ease and convenience of breastfeeding several months in once the issues were ironed out. Sharing experiences and celebrating/commiserating as appropriate together is human nature, it’s how we learn things. Talking about breastfeeding is how any woman who’s ever done it has learned to do it, except maybe Eve or whoever. Similarly now I’m tentatively wondering how and when I might stop bf and I’m reading about it online and asking my friends who have stopped about it, and my friends sometimes commiserate about having stopped but then tell me how they’re generally getting more sleep and having more sex - yes please, sign me up, when I’m ready. I know there’s this view that people share to be ‘smug’ or solely to generate praise but I think thats hardly ever anyone’s intention and usually down to ungenerous interpretation for whatever reason.

Who gives anyone the right to say what’s appropriate for he FB platform?

People on this thread apparently

Awaiting to hear what these Gods of Social Media (who don't even have social media accounts apparently 😂) seem is appropriate

@GlummyMcGlummerson - no where have I even hinted that I don't want to see breastfeeding or that I think it should be done dirty secret. I fed mine whenever they needed it, wherever I was as long as it was safe. You really make a lot of judgements about people. Interesting.
I think I'll start messaging you every time I feed my child. Any problems I had, photos of me doing it, any issues I had to overcome, invite you to congratulate me on my wonderful lasagne and how robust and dedicated I must be and what a great mother I am. I guarantee that you will find it tedious before I do.

[quote Ohtherewearethen]@GlummyMcGlummerson - no where have I even hinted that I don't want to see breastfeeding or that I think it should be done dirty secret. I fed mine whenever they needed it, wherever I was as long as it was safe. You really make a lot of judgements about people. Interesting.
I think I'll start messaging you every time I feed my child. Any problems I had, photos of me doing it, any issues I had to overcome, invite you to congratulate me on my wonderful lasagne and how robust and dedicated I must be and what a great mother I am. I guarantee that you will find it tedious before I do.[/quote]
Well yes but messaging a stranger over an anonymous platform is slightly different to a Facebook post to people you know and (presumably) like is your gripe with social media in general or just when women use it to celebrate what they do with their bodies?

I agree with many of your posts, GlummyMcGlummerson. I personally would like to see breastfeeding normalised, and the 'celebratory' pictures and social media posts do have the added advantage of helping to do this. I can sometimes see that certain posts may appear to be smug, but I'm still glad they exist, because rather that, than a society that rarely has any exposure to it at all, which Britain is still in the early days of recovering from. As for some opinions such as Wolfgirrl's, who would rather people kept their achievements quietly to themselves, I think (and hope) that the day will eventually come when this is the case, simply because that may mean that breastfeeding is once again normalised and supported enough for those that want to, to be able to achieve it. Child rearing is such an emotive subject. There is a lot of sense in many of these posts....even those that conflict with one another. They are just being driven from different angles.

It always surprises me how much trouble MNers have with SM platforms, but if you don’t want to see SM posts from people for whatever reason you have lots of options.

Hide/snooze them
Defriend
Come off that platform altogether

It’s not difficult. But it’s not your role to tell people what they should or shouldn’t post within the platform’s guidelines.

Well yes but messaging a stranger over an anonymous platform is slightly different to a Facebook post to people you know and (presumably) like

Hmmmm.

When I was on FB (until fairly recently) literally none of my friends who had babies posted any pictures of themselves breastfeeding.

I would probably have judged them attention-seeking notice-boxers, had they done so.

...but they didn’t. Because they’re not.

I would probably have judged them attention-seeking notice-boxers, had they done so.

What a nice friend you sound like.

Tell me in all honesty, if they posted a picture of them bottle feeding a baby would you feel the same?

@upsidedownwavylegs

Fab. And I can see why stories should be swapped on mumsnet, breastfeeding groups, etc.

But just a general 'arent I wonderful, good for me' facebook post?

@GlummyMcGlummerson I too am comfortable with my breastfeeding (I wont say journey as that is cringe). I will offer tips when asked for; share my experience where appropriate; and in real life, I will never make somebody bfing in public feel uncomfortable, in fact I usually give them an encouraging smile. If someone comes to my house I offer them a comfy seat in another room and a glass of water (used to get the raging thirst). I gave my double electric pump away free of charge to a local woman who was struggling to breastfeed. I gave plenty of support to my sister when she was struggling (and actually cracked what the issue was myself).

That is helping other women and normalising breastfeeding.

Not 'I just feel so proud of myself (but I'm not bragging), it was such a struggle (but don't be put off), it was so easy (but I'm not smug), please I dont want congratulations just leave me be (even though I'm plastering it all over social media), it is so natural and has given me an other worldly bond with my child (but no judgement if you use formula), why should I have to hide myself from the world (even though nobody is asking me to, just saying they dont really care).'

Why would you make a friend go in another room to breastfeed?

Not 'I just feel so proud of myself (but I'm not bragging), it was such a struggle (but don't be put off), it was so easy (but I'm not smug), please I dont want congratulations just leave me be (even though I'm plastering it all over social media), it is so natural and has given me an other worldly bond with my child (but no judgement if you use formula), why should I have to hide myself from the world (even though nobody is asking me to, just saying they dont really care)

It's quite sad really that you have that viewpoint of women, and your friends. That saying "I'm proud I did this" amounts to 'bragging'. Consider this - it's you who feels that way, nothing to do with them. It's for YOU to work on

@GlummyMcGlummerson you don’t know me at all and are in a very weak position to judge what kind of friend I am.

Also - heads up, ladies: while we’re all wasting energy in a pointless BF brawl, the patriarchy’s using its energy to continue to hold the balance of power in the world. Just a thought.

I’m off.

@GlummyMcGlummerson

That is what you took from my answer?

You really are determined to be a victim arent you?

What is the desired result of 'celebrating' or sharing your pride at your 'breastfeeding journey'

When I did (which was pre-facebook, my first parenting groups were on livejournal, no work colleagues or family involved), it was to feel less alone and to talk about it. I was a newly immigrated new young mother with no in-person support or family I could talk to other than my spouse. I just wanted to talk about the pains and victories of parenting, which in those days included breastfeeding, with people who understood and who wouldn't tell me I was probably going to 'fail' soon, how disgusting and unnecessary it is, or make sexual remarks and gestures about it. That was it.

I don't know if anything I posted was ever any use or support to others, it's nice to think it was as all I wanted to do was feel connected and helps others the way I was being helped. To see and talk online to others who were doing it too, having one place other than with my spouse that I got any encouragement and felt allowed to talk freely about it, was a lifeline I needed.

People can call it exhibitionism if they want, it's not the most sexualized comment I've gotten in regards to breastfeeding and sure, maybe it would have been better if I was as strong as some of the others here to do it all by myself without feeling the need, but for me, those posts and pictures made me feel more human and part of a community just as my aunt - who started having kids a few years before me - used to show off her Disney themed bottles to her friends & they talked about new tech that goes with it. I didn't have her network, I barely knew anyone here and the local baby group was jut as bad for the negative comments about my breastfeeding, my age, and where I lived - so I went online.

Well yes but messaging a stranger over an anonymous platform is slightly different to a Facebook post to people you know and presumably like

It's just as tedious and unnecessary though isn't it? The reaction to it would be the same. As in, why on earth is she posting this? You can like someone without having to know or be remotely interested in all the ins and outs of how they choose or are able to feed their children, and not really understand the need for it to be 'celebrated'.

@GlummyMcGlummerson And in my opinion, the fact that you feel the need to brag speaks of some kind of lack of fulfillment in life.

[quote Piglet89]@GlummyMcGlummerson you don’t know me at all and are in a very weak position to judge what kind of friend I am.[/quote]
If you think your friends are show offs because they talk about breastfeeding then I can securely say you're a shitty friend

@Piglet89 I'd really love to know if you think bottle feeders posting pictures are attention seekers?

Also - heads up, ladies: while we’re all wasting energy in a pointless BF brawl, the patriarchy’s using its energy to continue to hold the balance of power in the world. Just a thought.

The irony of someone spouting misogynistic crap about women showing off talking about the patriarchy - ha!

[quote Wolfgirrl]**@GlummyMcGlummerson* And in my opinion, the fact that you feel the need* to brag speaks of some kind of lack of fulfillment in life.[/quote]
I'm not bragging. What are you on about?!

I'm not sure if you're aware that talking about something you did doesn't automatically constitute 'bragging'?

I would say they’re both expressing their feelings about breastfeeding week and are entitled to do so.
Neither should be taking the other’s feelings as a personal slight.