To ask your opinion on this #WorldBreastfeedingWeek debate

[Napqueen1234]

Sorry if this sounds childish referred to social media etc but interested to canvas opinions.

A friend of mine shared a post on Instagram re world breastfeeding week about how it’s the best thing for baby and mum, so proud she could do it, perseverance etc. She’s a very zealous breastfeeder generally (and why not!) and was a good person to go to for advice when I was struggling although did say she was ‘disappointed I had given in’ after 2 months. Anyway!

Another friend then shared a post about Fed Is Best (she struggled bf and switched to formula and has always found it difficult seeing bf women, a lot of guilt and sadness that I feel she needs to process somehow) and how WBW is just another stick to beat ‘failed breast feeders’ with and anyone who wants to breastfeed gets loads of support from midwives etc and generally society nowadays so it isn’t needed.

Both have since messaged me about the other stating they are upset (we are a close group of 4, the other doesn’t have DC so I suppose I’m mediator). Friend one feels like this is one week where BF should be celebrated and acknowledged is better. Friend two feels mother’s should be more understanding to the feelings of those that couldn’t breastfeed and not ‘brag’.

I have remained fairly moderate and tried to calm things but who do you think is right?

YABU- it’s world breastfeeding week! It’s best let them have their moment.

YANBU- it can make women feel very sad who didn’t bf or who ‘failed’ so social media posts should be mindful of this.

Personally I would stay neutral to your friends but actually I think breastfeeding should be celebrated and praised because the formula companies use every trick in the book to persuade women to switch. The fact formula and bottles are right next to nappies mean that at their most vulnerable (sleep deprived, difficulty latching, worried about whether baby is feeding enough) it's so easy to think about switching. And there is very little help with breastfeeding. Whatever formula feeding mums want to persuade themselves, breastfeeding is best and experts say 95% of term babies can be breastfed with support. I don't mind what others choose, personal preference is ok, but they need to have a thicker skin.

It's like me saying "I don't play golf but I don't think men should wear cream trappers on the golf course. Just no need".

I wish people would just own their guilt and deal with it rather than perpetuating misogyny

Not sure why you'd say "I don't post pictures of my kids on social media" when you don't even have a social media account. Bit odd.

Not at all odd; factually accurate. I don’t post pics of my kid on SM because I don’t have SM accounts. You just failed to read that bit because you were too busy jumping down my throat for expressing a perfectly reasonably opinion.

*trousers

@GlummyMcGlummerson “guilt”.

DYING LAUGHING.

[quote Piglet89]@GlummyMcGlummerson “guilt”.

DYING LAUGHING.[/quote]
At last, some good news.

@upsidedownwavylegs so clever! Well done you!

Breast, formula, whatever: women should be allowed to get on with it without others having a go at them.

Didn’t take long for the thread to descend into a bitchy, condescending bun fight, I see.

Genuine question. What is the desired result of 'celebrating' or sharing your pride at your 'breastfeeding journey' (aka feeding your baby)? What are you hoping to gain or achieve by doing it? What response do you expect from others when you celebrate it?

Breast, formula, whatever: women should be allowed to get on with it without others having a go at them

Good grief, the irony.

Unless it's about women talking about or celebrating breastfeeding right? Then it's ok to have a go

[quote Piglet89]@upsidedownwavylegs so clever! Well done you!

Breast, formula, whatever: women should be allowed to get on with it without others having a go at them.

Didn’t take long for the thread to descend into a bitchy, condescending bun fight, I see.[/quote]
Thank you worked even better than I had expected!

Fed is not best. Fed is a minimum requirement of having a baby. Breast is best. It's how the human race survived.

Formula is a good back up option to keep your child alive and developing if breast feeding is not physiologically possible.

Our local authority ceased funding breastfeeding support last year.

While women who want to breastfeed can't get free local support when they want and need it, World breastfeeding week is very much needed.

@Piglet89 - oh yes some true colours have definitely been shown and it didn't take long! Claims that mothers who feed their babies formula feel guilt or are jealous or are projecting their guilt, didn't try hard enough, didn't self-sacrifice enough and need to get over it/deal with it themselves. Utterly ghastly. And completely predictable from the types of people who seem to think that breast milk is the magic elixer of eternal life and formula is poison and love to 'share their breastfeeding journeys' and invite others to celebrate it with them because what they've done is just so fucking special. Meanwhile, others just get on with the mundane and tiresome task of just feeding their babies and not expecting everybody to stop and think how perfect they are at feeding their babies.

There seems an annoying trend these days to try and silence anything in case it excludes or upsets others.
The transgender issue is a case in point - trying to stop women referring to breast feeding at all and trying to force us to call it “chest feeding”. Or removing the word “woman” altogether and replacing it with “menstruators” or “cervix havers” , to avoid upsetting transwomen.
Where does this nonsense end? Should we not celebrate birthdays, in case it upsets people who do not have theirs that day? Not give out sports medals in case it excludes and upsets the losers or the non competitors? This whole pernicious doctrine of silencing debate, avoiding triggers, destroying meaning and language in order to be “inclusive” is a dangerous restriction of free speech and will lead to an Orwellian dystopia if not stopped in its tracks.
I had to switch to formula feeding both my DDs, but I’m not such a precious princess that I’d sulk if other mums want to celebrate their milk supply!

@GlummyMcGlummerson

You want to think other women feel like guilty sad failures because it makes you feel superior and like you are a better mother. I think if everyone did start breastfeeding to 4, you would be really disappointed because you wouldn't feel so special & unique any more.

@Ohtherewearethen the only actual answer when people ask "why shouldn't women talk about their breastfeeding journeys" is "it makes formula feeders feel bad" - so yes it is about guilt. Or misogyny. Or both. The experiences of formula feeders is nothing to do with breastfeeders. No one thinks it's a magical elixir but sometimes if women have a tough time and come through it it's nice to talk about. Certainly beats a patriarchal viewpoint that women should "just get on with the mundane and tiresome task of just feeding their babies". That's just a fancy way of saying "women should STFU"

[quote Wolfgirrl]@GlummyMcGlummerson

You want to think other women feel like guilty sad failures because it makes you feel superior and like you are a better mother. I think if everyone did start breastfeeding to 4, you would be really disappointed because you wouldn't feel so special & unique any more.[/quote]
I don't give a crap if someone formula feeders. Not my business - but I HAVE been told to keep schtum about the fact i breastfed (along with being called a weirdo, exhibitionist because I fed in public etc) - it begs the question, why is that? Why do you think it is?

I can't agree with either viewpoint, as both are perfectly entitled to their own viewpoint from their individual perspectives.

However, I really hate anyone who can be described as 'zealous' !

Being 'zealous' to me simply means someone who tries to shove their own personal views down other peoples throats, which I hate, no matter whether I agree with their views or not.

No @GlummyMcGlummerson you havent, people gave merely said facebook isnt really the platform for what is essentially a stealth boast about a bodily function. Not one single person has 'demanded you stop talking about breastfeeding'.

As for misogynism, you're the only saying women that dont breastfeed automatically feel some kind of shame and guilt

Honestly you're the worst advert for breastfeeding ever.

@Ohtherewearethen agreed.

I remember being shocked at how feeding your baby, whatever way you choose to do it, is a bit of a ballache.

Thing is; nobody really cares how you feed your baby. Formula definitely isn’t as beneficial for your baby as your own milk, but it isn’t as though you’re filling their bottles up with arsenic.

Feed your baby how you wish and let others get on with it. Were I on social media, I wouldn’t post pictures of me feeding my kid a list of the benefits of FF (and there are definitely some!) The reason I wouldn’t do so is because I know people just don’t care! It’s dull.

Also, for @upsidedownwavylegs to imply they’d be happy I’m dying...I cannot understand why people are so nasty.

Gives women a bad name.

Ha ha @GlummyMcGlummerson I could disagree more with everything you've said! Nobody else actually gives a shit how you fed your baby. Some might smile and nod and feign an interest but in reality nobody else actually really cares. But go ahead with your sharing and celebrating and claims of misogyny from women who aren't interested in hearing how wonderful you are for feeding your child the way nature intended.

No @GlummyMcGlummerson you havent, people gave merely said facebook isnt really the platform for what is essentially a stealth boast about a bodily function. Not one single person has 'demanded you stop talking about breastfeeding'.

Actually I have, and they have, you do realise I've had a life and experiences before this thread began there you go again thinking you're being clever with language - "bodily function" is usually attributed to defecation. Breastfeeding is not "a bodily function" it's a lived experience that matters greatly to the women who do it and silencing them on it because YOU somehow think you're the omnipotent Decider of What's Appropriate For Social Media (despite allegedly having no social media accounts£.

As for misogynism, you're the only saying women that dont breastfeed automatically feel some kind of shame and guilt

Oh how I love it when posters just make things up in place of an actual discussion. Quote please as to when I said guilt is automatic for those who don't breastfeed?

Honestly you're the worst advert for breastfeeding ever.

Maybe to you who thinks the breastfeeding should only happen in privacy and never be discussed

Breastfeeding week should be about calling for proper support for women who want to breastfeed to do so, and for better support postnatally for all women regardless of feeding. Not this ridiculous "debate". Not making anyone feel bad.

Genuine question. What is the desired result of 'celebrating' or sharing your pride at your 'breastfeeding journey' (aka feeding your baby)? What are you hoping to gain or achieve by doing it? What response do you expect from others when you celebrate it?

Same as anything you share on Social Media I presume. To share your positive experiences with others. That’s a normal human instinct.

@Ohtherewearethen

Ha ha *@GlummyMcGlummerson* I could disagree more with everything you've said! Nobody else actually gives a shit how you fed your baby. Some might smile and nod and feign an interest but in reality nobody else actually really cares. But go ahead with your sharing and celebrating and claims of misogyny from women who aren't interested in hearing how wonderful you are for feeding your child the way nature intended.

I don't expect people to care - is exceptionally comfortable with my feeding decisions and don't need validation. But you'd be a bit thick if you think that celebration and exposure of something doesn't lead to its normalisation. Images of women breastfeeding, seeing it in real life, watching peers make the decision to feed and share stories that new mothers can relate to - all help normalise feeding and therefore increase rates. But some of you are so anal about it and claim it's because NobODy wANts To SEe iT. With all due respect, you don't speak for "everybody"